So many clichés, so obvious... how come I cant stop it?

[Amethyst68]

I wouldn't be surprised if your wife stands up and objects!

 

OP, congratulations on gaslighting your wife, one of the cruelest things you can do. IMO she does not suspect, she KNOWS!

[lolita888]

 

What do you think on her? Is she version 1 or version 2? What do you anticipate is the next chapter of this tragicomedy?

Not sure if I still should answer this since it seems that you already came up with an answer and a decision but I will also go for Version 2.

 

 

Like I said, she looks like someone who's acting like how a MM usually acts (You'll probably know what I mean if you read enough threads from OW on here).

 

 

 

You are still experiencing withdrawals and she seems to still trying to make sure that you are still hers (just like what most MM do after A ends).

 

 

 

She must be really good - to keep the A from her bf and still make him want to marry her despite all the problems.

 

 

I still wonder how some people were able to do that. Look at their lovers/H/W, kiss them, make love with them, spend time with them, look them in the eyes and tell them they love them knowing fully well that they are cheating. Scary how they can lie like that.

 

 

Anyways, if I were on your position. I will make an excuse on why I can't attend the wedding (go on vacation with my family etc. Who cares what she will feel or think, she doesn't care about mine why would I be worried about what she or other people will say)

 

 

I wonder she will do next tho.

Is she fine leaving the company now because she has a backdoor where her soon to be H is living?

Will she stay and keep the A.

Or will she cause drama for you, your wife and your business?

Edited March 29, 2019 by lolita888

[mark clemson]

Think the trick for you will be to find a way to pave the way with gold for her to leave without your partner catching on. That would be a neat trick - quite difficult, but maybe you will think of something while on your vacation.

 

(Side commentary - this seems to me like one for the red pill annals. This OW is showing hypergamy with the boss while apparently marrying a "beta buck". Cliches are usually cliches for a reason. Think the mistake is when people think they apply to everyone. )

[mark clemson]

She went on to cheat on him left, right and centre. She even used one of their houses as a sort of "love nest" for her and some guy she was seeing on the side. It took my brother finding a message she had sent to some guy she was shagging about how terribly he had been treating her ( obviously untrue, he hadn't even been in the same country at the time), but she played the "poor widdle me" card to the hilt.

 

 

Amazing. I know a few women who I could see doing something like this if they had the wherewithal. Believe with men it's even more likely due to sex drive.

 

OP, as other have been pointing out your OW almost certainly must have some sociopathic traits to be able to do what she's doing. Maybe not full fledged but... Maybe you already recognize this.

[pepperbird]

op,

it sounds to me like your affair is winding down to an end, and form what you say, that's what you want.

 

If that's true, besides the employment side, what plans have to made to cut off cotcat with your ex-ow?

 

 

You will need to make sure you:

 

 

-delete her contact info from your phone, computer what have you. If you contacted her on a computer and it's saved the info so it can automatically connected, go into your browsers settings and delete the tracking cookies and saved logins/passwords ( it's in the security tab)

 

 

-have a pat response ready so that you can respond without thinking if she tries to reach out

 

 

 

- prepare a letter that CLEARLY states ( no i love yous, no flowery language, no apologies) you do not wish to have any further contact with her. Be polite, and also indicate a consequence should she not respect your wishes. Also let her know she is not to contact your wife or your children. ( believe me, that happens)

 

 

- speak to a lawyer about the affair and how it ended. this will cover your rear as you worked with your ow

 

 

- find a fun activity to do with your wife. I don't care what it is, but the goal is to find another "adrenaline rush". You indicate it was part of the attraction of the affair, and if you don't find a "non-cheating " way of replacing it, you may well be tempted to cheat again to get that same rush.

 

 

-Really give a lot of thought to your marriage, where it's going and what you want. Have you considered coming clean? It sounds like she's already suspicious, and that is a terrible place for a husband or wife to be. Her gut is (accurately) telling her something is up. She ignores it and gets angry with herself and feels guilty for not trusting you.

 

At any rate, you sound like a methodical, goal oriented, practical kind of guy. Use that to your advantage now. You also sound like a bit of an adrenaline junkie. Use that to bond with your wife.

[georgia girl]

Manmar,

 

Have you ever read the story, “The Secret Life of Walter Mitty”? You affair sounds like Walter Mityy. Basically, he’s a guy with a good life but a mundane life. So, he creates this fantasy life - basically in his own mind - where he is the hero of the story. He lives all of the drama and all of the excitement he’s missing in his real life through his fantasy life.

 

IMHO, you are addicted to this fantasy life. All of the drama, all of the romance, all of the excitement of the highs and lows. It’s blinding you to reality and it’s allowed you to skew your own value system to the point that you are taking very unwise professional and personal risks. Have you ever just sat alone and asked yourself, “Who do I want to be? What do I value? What characteristics do I want to think of when I think of myself? Am I living authentically to who I want to be?”

 

I would also strongly recommend counseling. You need to figure out why a guy with a wife who is a saint and a successful business decided to single-handedly attempt to destroy those things. It wasn’t an accident. You are not some victim of fate. I would argue that you were bored with everything you had achieved and wanted the thrill of risking it all. That it was a new challenge and the ultimate fantasy.

 

Finally, I would strongly argue that neither one of you love the other. You may be highly sexually attracted, et. But real love endures. It is honest and authentic. It cares for the other person more than for yourself. It is generous and righteous. It is patient and comforting. It is about providing for another human being. Instead, you and this woman get together and tell each other all about your own feelings. No one is trying to care for the other person. Instead, you are each focused on getting your individual needs met. That’s a clear definition of selfishness to me and that is the one thing that love is not.

 

I think you need to make some tough calls. Not about this woman but about if you are willing to face who you have become, begin living in reality again and become authentic again. It will be an absolutely hellacious Road. The rewards could be tremendous but it’s going to take everything you have and a lot of self- denial to get there.

[Timshel]

I think he should go, and when they reach the point int he ceremony where they ask if anyone objects, he could pull a stunt like the one in "The Graduate".

 

Seriously, I think he should attend. I couldn't care less about how the ow feels, but it might help him see her for what she truly is.

 

 

Dustin Hoffman looks like Tom Cruise minus a stunt double in that scene, haha. I googled what DH is up to these days.... Oh well.

 

 

 

We'll agree to disagree about the wedding, I hope ManMar runs out of gas, lol.

[ManMar]

Manmar,

 

Have you ever read the story, “The Secret Life of Walter Mitty”? You affair sounds like Walter Mityy.

 

 

Hi GG, interesting comment.

 

You have talked about the possible reasons, described the situation itself and provided some advice as to how to handle it going forward.

 

I have to admit that I have been blinded by trying to understand what is going on, surviving the drama and on acting on a course of action, whatever that might be. I have not thought too much what brought me here. There were some previous posts, and this of yours, that have made me reconsider.

 

It is not the case that I think of myself as the hero of anything, like the guy in that movie. All the opposite, I believe my behavior has been quite awful. Also, even though there is a lot of fantasy on this story, in the sense that much of it is just in my head and that of the OW, there is also a lot of reality on it. Maybe not transcendent reality, but real life nevertheless.

 

As to the causes of how I got into all this. I think much of it has to do with the different faces of selfishness: ego, vanity, confidence reinforcement, hedonism, middle life crises, a sense of being in control, narcissism and a few other ugly adjectives. It also has to do with an escape from a tragedy that happened in my life a few months before meeting this OW. I am not justifying, I am just thinking on potential reasons.

 

Now, I think you are right: we are both using this A a means to feed our need for intensity in our lives. From different angles, given the age difference between the OW and me, but I do think both of us are passion junkies. We have become addicted to each other because we provide that level of ultra intensity we both need. I think she enjoys my level of obsession, my constant push, the intensity of what I tell her and make her experience. I myself enjoy her reactions, her responses to challenge, her internal fight and the continues coming backs for more. Sex is an aspect of all this, but it is not the center of our relationship.

 

It is precisely for this reason that it is so difficult for us to renounce to seeing each other, to the point that we recognize that we are seriously damaging our mental and physical health, and we are stupidly risking the most important aspects of our lives. We know that, but we keep prolonging it. I think it is very hard for both of us to think on the alternative, which is to go back to our regular lives, comfortable but with no real passion in them. I dont like this analysis, but I think there is truth into it.

 

Whether what we have between us can be called love or not, I just dont know. I agree that a lot of our attraction is self-centered, but I would not say that we dont care for each other. I objectively see many red flags in her; I have crossed a line where I have to think that maybe she is just using me, but I only paint her that color to protect myself from a misjudgment, from being too naif. I may use that as protection, but I still think she is confused, too impetuous and selfish like me, but I dont think she has an agenda for using or abusing people.

 

With regards to sex, I have already mentioned that it is not our focus. We do spend many hours when we are together, but it is, at least to me, more about the physical connection than pure lust. Yes, I like being in bed with her, but my sexual desire is more about the psychology around it than the looks of a beautiful young body.

 

Anyway, I think this analysis is useful. As someone else suggested in another post, I believe we both need to find an alternative source of passion, outside this toxic game, otherwise we are going to come back to each other, and we are going to destroy ourselves.

 

In her case, getting married is not going to sort anything out, but having a baby will; her career somewhere else may also provide a new challenge. In my case, I am not motivated by my profession anymore, I have surpassed all my aspirations. My wife is aware of this lack of motivation and she always tells me that stopping thinking on myself and helping other people is going to provide this satisfaction and purpose in life. She is a very generous person.

 

In any case, I feel embarrassed by describing this sort of problems, when just surviving and fighting adversities is what most people have to face everyday. I am super lucky and privileged, all this artificial problems are shameful the moment you provide a proper context. I am aware of that.

 

Many thanks for the time

Edited March 31, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Amethyst68]

You've been lying to your wife for years and she is now suspicious, I suspect she knows.

 

When you are on vacation do some thinking about how you would feel if that was the last time you got to do it, to be there with your wife. Consider what your life would be like without your wife beside you, in your corner. Not the fantasy land future with your AP but the very real life you are close to losing.

[assertives]

In my case, I am not motivated by my profession anymore, I have surpassed all my aspirations. My wife is aware of this lack of motivation and she always tells me that stopping thinking on myself and helping other people is going to provide this satisfaction and purpose in life. She is a very generous person.

 

Your wife is right. If you have indeed surpassed all your aspirations and is feeling a lack of motivation now, it is time to set new aspirations be it helping others or otherwise. You obviously have the money, and perhaps even the time and the talent to do this, so I strongly urge you to consider what your wife suggested. You will find endless satisfaction and purpose in life that is way healthier and better than an affair.

[pepperbird]

op,

you do sound lie a nice guy. A confused guy, but you have a good heart.

 

 

You do know that all this time spent with your ow, talking with your ow and thinking about her, your affair and its ups and downs is stealing time from your wife and children.

I know a lot of WS think their spouse doesn't know, and maybe they don't, but if you ask a BS, there is a good chance they will tell you they knew something was wrong, but they didn't know what.

That's a horrible place to be. Please don't ask your wife to remain there. If you can't end the affair, please consider being honest with your wife...or is the secrecy and lying part of what drives the excitement of the affair? I'm not trying to be sarcastic. It's really common.

[ManMar]

Hello, update

 

- Vacation week with my family. Beautiful place. Kept my mind somewhat busy. Enjoyed my family and had time to speak to my wife.

 

- However the OW always inside my head. We barely texted until yesterday, when we even talked on the phone, we both in different countries. We had a fight.

 

Several fronts:

 

- MY WIFE: she assumes that I am in a big crises, for several reasons, among them middle life crises, but not only. She thinks I clearly have lost my north, and that at some point I will leave her. All this discussed in a soft tone. Her intuition tells her that I have something very personal going on with the OW, that she is much more than a business partner. She asked me directly, are you in love? I denied. She tells me: she is in your mind. I see how you speak about her and how she is able to disturb your emotional state. I see you perfectly capable of anything. I cant barely recognize you, I have never seen you before like this, this woman can do whatever she wants with you, and you dont realize.

 

It is amazing how clearly my wife knows how to read me, and how she is able to put together little pieces of the puzzle.

 

I told my wife the truth in regards of my intentions with her: I see my future with you. If I ever leave you it will be the biggest mistake in my life; but I am lost now, I just cant find motivation inside me when I look at us as a couple. We are just not fun anymore. I clearly make you unhappy, you dont deserve it, you are a superwoman. My wife was upset about this, but she told me: I am now so much above all that, that if you want to leave, cut the rhetorical crap and just go.

 

We had this talk in three separate moments. Surprisingly, not in a fight mood, we have enjoyed the trip with our kid. It is a weird situation. I think my wife is really above me. She is super secure about her priorities. She tells me I have them all messed up.

 

- MYSELF: personality traits that have helped me so much in my life are now strongly playing against me. I have an obsessive mind, and very strong endurance and determination. I am able to get hit, and come back and fight, as many times as necessary. I can focus on something and dedicate my mind to it as if nothing else existed. I can keep the focus for a very long time. This obsessive mind has proved helpful when applied productively: I was very successful academically, I received several merit scholarships and I was able to go to the best colleges. I was then successful in the business world, after trying several times as entrepreneur, despite several attempts that were failures. I tried again and again, risking a lot, until I made it. All this is something to be proud of, I know, but this is the past, I am now getting it all wrong.

I am now obsessed with this girl, it takes all my mind. I have the endurance to withstand the bad times and all negative impact that this relationship is causing in my life. I somehow find the determination to make it continue. All this, even being aware that it is absolutely stupid and self-destructive.

I am having thoughts again of a future together, when she is marrying in weeks and I was in a different mindset. It all has come back. This is absurd, but I have them. I don't know, maybe the challenge in itself is fueling my determination in a twisted way.

 

- THE OW: she is in a much better shape than me. She is broken inside but focused on her wedding. She also shows signs of addiction, as the relationship is clearly harmful in her life and she is not able to end it for good. However, she is not 24/7 into it as I am; she is able to run a somewhat normal life, despite our now continuous fights. She is telling me that she just cannot take more fights anymore, that our relationship is now all about the drama, that she wants us to forget each other. But this seems just words, as we continue texting each other.

 

- THE CURRENT SITUATION: I was supposed to go with the OW for a business trip this week. We have not seen each other for three weeks now. It was another example of contradictory behavior: we had a big fight just a week ago, we broke up but we didnot cancel the trip. I told my wife that I was going with her, but that there is really nothing between the two of us. She looked at me and told me: I just dont believe you, I dont know what you have with her, but you are dying to go. If you do, it is going to be bitter and painful for me, do what you have to do. I called off the trip, I have to admit that it was difficult but I cancelled it.

I told the OW that I though it was not a good idea to go together in a trip now. She understood it and told me she also had mixed feelings. I got upset she was not dying to see me the way I was dying to see her, and we ended having a big fight, again. This was yesterday.

Today, I have proposed her to go NC for two weeks, other than business reasons. That we should spend the time putting our act together, specially me. In two weeks time I will need to visit her office, the plan is to speak then. That will be the week just before her wedding.

The OW is visibly upset, she is under a lot of stress, but the reality is that despite the breaking outs and the I cant take this anymore, we continue talking and we are planning to see each other after these two weeks of NC. I think that now she is two steps ahead of me on breaking up for real. I make up my mind but then I come back. I think the wedding is now occupying her head, and this is a tumour that needs to be surgically removed.

[FMW]

Your wife appears to be waiting out the crisis she sees you in, waiting on you to determine the future of your marriage. Is that an accurate assessment?

 

I find your analysis of yourself and the situation fascinating, you have an interesting mind.

 

I am thoroughly confused by your OW's motivations. I can't for the life of me imagine why she is continuing with their marriage plans unless he's wealthy, socially well-placed, or presenting some other unique benefit.

[mark clemson]

Hello, update...

 

I got upset she was not dying to see me the way I was dying to see her, and we ended having a big fight, again. This was yesterday. ...

 

 

I think the wedding is now occupying her head, and this is a tumour that needs to be surgically removed.

 

 

Nothing hugely shocking in what you wrote (to an outside observer). It seems like your personal life didn't quite blow up, which is very much to your wife's credit, and possibly a little bit to yours if she loves you enough to put up with "something". The final outcome is very much still TBD however.

 

To the quoted points specifically:

 

Think you need to control yourself more with OW. You need to train yourself to not have arguments with her as it isn't productive. Really, none of this can go "your way," esp. since you are in fact conflicted. She's going to get married and IMO you NEED to separate from her and discontinue the affair. I think that in reality the emotional choice (her) that part of you would like to make isn't a real option.

 

Not sure what you mean about surgically removing a tumor, but I very strongly believe you can't shut off limerence unfortunately. You have to wait it out and it's quite painful. This I know from personal experience.

 

In a way it's too bad that your dream became a nightmare. But let's face it, it was founded on dishonesty from the start. There was never any hope of long continuance. And now the piper must be paid.

[georgia girl]

Man Mar,

 

So, here is my interpretation on your interpretation:

 

YOUR WIFE: If she threw a fit and kicked you out, you would be all over her and completely regretting the affair. You love the chase and the unattainable.

 

YOU: This isn’t about perserverence and determination. It’s about drama and you love it. We often attach our noble skills to our innoble efforts. Rarely is that the case.

 

THE OW: I think your wife sees her clearly and this woman is using you. I sincerely hope your immune from a wrongful termination case as you have stated. Because once she can’t use you anymore, it’s gonna get ugly.

 

Sorry for being so plainspoken, but this is genuinely how I see it.

[Naivewomen]

Manmar, I know you realize how much you are hurting your wife. You can see the pain in her eyes and you do want to spend the rest of your life with her. I absolutely understand the pain you are going through because your feelings for the OW are so intense and so powerful. But the feelings are no reciprocated. Dont you feel like OW doesnt deserve your love. What more do you need to know. She is willingly get married in a week or so followed up by her honeymoon with her husband. A new life that she is going to want to begin and celebrate. You will be further crushed when you realize that you are not the chosen one and recovery in your marriage will feel hopeless. You already feel like your connection with your wife is severed. It's going to have to take a lot more introspection on your part. Your going to have a breakdown especially with your obsessive thinking. Take it from someone trying to recover from the breakdown.

[ManMar]

Your wife appears to be waiting out the crisis she sees you in, waiting on you to determine the future of your marriage. Is that an accurate assessment?

 

I find your analysis of yourself and the situation fascinating, you have an interesting mind.

 

I am thoroughly confused by your OW's motivations. I can't for the life of me imagine why she is continuing with their marriage plans unless he's wealthy, socially well-placed, or presenting some other unique benefit.

 

I think my wife would not wait for a resolution if it was not for our kid. She feels he needs both of us and makes stability a priority. She used to be very dependent on me, now she sees herself as much more capable of being on her own. I think she is more than capable: she is fun, pretty and a good person. She has many friends that appreciate her. I think she would do way better than me after a separation. I am a much more difficult person.

 

As to myself, I have this analytical mind and I am able to look at this situation from the outside. That does not mean that have all sorted out, evidence speaks by itself.

 

As to the OW motivations, a big part of why I am not an option is the age difference and the root of our love story. Not for herself, but the potential impact on her mum, she believes it would destroy their relationship. It was me who always insisted that I am not real option for her future. As to why she marries her BF, he is a nice guy, that loves her and a safe traditional bet, he is not unique, but is unique for her at this point in time. She insists she would call off the wedding if that didnot have an impact, I dont buy it, I think she wants to go ahead.

 

As to why is he still around with me, I guess there is a combination of two aspects: some level of addiction, as we do really have this super strong chemistry between us. Also, the fact that she does not have an alternative for her job yet, it is a disruption that I think she prefers to postpone as much as possible.

[Amethyst68]

You know your wife is aware of the situation so why keep denying it? By doing so you're deepening and inflicting more pain, more heartbreak.

 

 

If you really want your marriage do not see the OW in 2 weeks. There is no need, you can send a NC email or text. As for work, get your partner to deal with the OW. I would bet you've not been very circumspect in your behavior at work so they are probably aware of what's been going on.

[ManMar]

Nothing hugely shocking in what you wrote (to an outside observer). It seems like your personal life didn't quite blow up, which is very much to your wife's credit, and possibly a little bit to yours if she loves you enough to put up with "something". The final outcome is very much still TBD however.

 

To the quoted points specifically:

 

Think you need to control yourself more with OW. You need to train yourself to not have arguments with her as it isn't productive. Really, none of this can go "your way," esp. since you are in fact conflicted. She's going to get married and IMO you NEED to separate from her and discontinue the affair. I think that in reality the emotional choice (her) that part of you would like to make isn't a real option.

 

Not sure what you mean about surgically removing a tumor, but I very strongly believe you can't shut off limerence unfortunately. You have to wait it out and it's quite painful. This I know from personal experience.

 

In a way it's too bad that your dream became a nightmare. But let's face it, it was founded on dishonesty from the start. There was never any hope of long continuance. And now the piper must be paid.

 

True, this A impact has not blown out my personal life yet. That is probably a reason I still play with it.

 

Yes; I still deceive myself thinking on us with a future together, when reality is pointing on a different direction. I should forget about the OW only for this reason, as a double life is not really something I am interested in.

 

You cant switch off limerence, but you can remove the source of an obsession to facilitate healing.

 

As to the ed of he dream, that is true. Now, I dont share your karma argument though. It started as a game and developed into a full fledged romance, that is the basis of the relationship, not the deception piece. It has not been possible for a number of reasons, all purely practical. Finally, yes, I am suffering the withdrawal pain of an addiction.

[ManMar]

Man Mar,

 

So, here is my interpretation on your interpretation:

 

YOUR WIFE: If she threw a fit and kicked you out, you would be all over her and completely regretting the affair. You love the chase and the unattainable.

 

YOU: This isn’t about perserverence and determination. It’s about drama and you love it. We often attach our noble skills to our innoble efforts. Rarely is that the case.

 

THE OW: I think your wife sees her clearly and this woman is using you. I sincerely hope your immune from a wrongful termination case as you have stated. Because once she can’t use you anymore, it’s gonna get ugly.

 

Sorry for being so plainspoken, but this is genuinely how I see it.

 

I agree.

 

I dont think that obsession and determination are noble skills by themselves. It depends on the object of both, as I pointed out in my comment. Those traits are really a curse in this situation. I think obsession is particularly toxic.

I agree that the excitement of the drama fuels the addiction and increases my interest, this situation is many things, but it is also interesting and challenging because of the drama, which make it addictive to some extent.

[ManMar]

Man Mar,

 

So, here is my interpretation on your interpretation:

 

YOUR WIFE: If she threw a fit and kicked you out, you would be all over her and completely regretting the affair. You love the chase and the unattainable.

 

YOU: This isn’t about perserverence and determination. It’s about drama and you love it. We often attach our noble skills to our innoble efforts. Rarely is that the case.

 

THE OW: I think your wife sees her clearly and this woman is using you. I sincerely hope your immune from a wrongful termination case as you have stated. Because once she can’t use you anymore, it’s gonna get ugly.

 

Sorry for being so plainspoken, but this is genuinely how I see it.

 

I sometimes try painting the OW as a sociopath that is using all this purely to her interest. I think a portion of that is true. But I also like to think there is (was?) something else going on, not just self interest.

 

Now, it is true that the balance of power is now against me. I am on the weakest emotional position and she knows that. She is using it to her advantage. I have to put my act together and reduce the emotional impact. This two week NC period is very important to make some steps in the right direction.

[ManMar]

Manmar, I know you realize how much you are hurting your wife. You can see the pain in her eyes and you do want to spend the rest of your life with her. I absolutely understand the pain you are going through because your feelings for the OW are so intense and so powerful. But the feelings are no reciprocated. Dont you feel like OW doesnt deserve your love. What more do you need to know. She is willingly get married in a week or so followed up by her honeymoon with her husband. A new life that she is going to want to begin and celebrate. You will be further crushed when you realize that you are not the chosen one and recovery in your marriage will feel hopeless. You already feel like your connection with your wife is severed. It's going to have to take a lot more introspection on your part. Your going to have a breakdown especially with your obsessive thinking. Take it from someone trying to recover from the breakdown.

 

I totally agree with you, but I am not sure how to do with this assessment. I should just forget about her. I need to change my mindset, from today, no excuse. I specially detest the idea of the wedding, I dont know how I will be able to cope with it. Most likely it will make me sick, literally.

 

I should be tough and tell her not to come back to the office after her trip. This is what I should do. Play it rough and do the surgery.

 

One way to make sure I do this is to confess to my wife I have strong feelings to the OW. My wife reaction will be to ask me to kick her out from our life, immediately. She would not leave room for excuses.

 

I can do something like that, but transferring the responsibility to my wife only to force my willpower is the very last option. I should be able to figure this myself.

[ManMar]

You know your wife is aware of the situation so why keep denying it? By doing so you're deepening and inflicting more pain, more heartbreak.

 

 

If you really want your marriage do not see the OW in 2 weeks. There is no need, you can send a NC email or text. As for work, get your partner to deal with the OW. I would bet you've not been very circumspect in your behavior at work so they are probably aware of what's been going on.

 

I disagree. My wife has the intuition of something going on, not the confirmation of total romance that has being going on under her nose. That would hurt her really deep.

 

I should not see her in two weeks. I know. I should handle everything on the phone, the closing of the relationship and her leaving from the company. With respect to my partner, he is in another country. I dont think he would be totally surprised if he learnt about this, but it is not in his mind. I dont hink it is in the mind of other team members, but who knows.

[FMW]

I understand being obsessed with and addicted to someone. Complete NC is the only hope you have of getting over it. My weekly contact with the object of my obsession/addiction makes it really difficult on me, I'm in a constant pattern of two steps forward one step back. Yes, I intentionally altered the standard phrase, because I AM making progress, just very slowly and with great difficulty.

 

Hopefully your OW will find an alternate work situation, and soon.

[Amethyst68]

You think your actions are not hurting your wife. Be realistic, she flat out told you shean plainly see your desperation to see the OW. Go to an infidelity site and read some BS stories, the one here is not that active, gain some insight into their hell when their instincts are denied. Most state the relief and validation they felt at not being crazy.