Ugh, NC never gets any easier

[nolanola]

Hi Polypocket, sorry to hear you are in a similar situation. Your situation sounds very similar to mine and I can relate to a lot of what you say. My ex was fairly recently divorced when we started dating and I wondered from time to time if he was ready -- clearly he was not, as he was never ready to take things to a more serious level. I hung on for a long time afterwards, hoping he would get ready. I think you were smart to walk away when you did, after one year. I waited around for several years and it has not made it any easier. I try not to be so hard on myself, but I kick myself sometimes for not walking away the first time we had a talk about things and the answer wasn't what I wanted. It would have been painful, but I would have preserved my dignity I think.

 

I'm left feeling kind of used, although I'm not sure how fair that is. In our last conversation (over text!!), I told my ex that I felt like I was his speed bump after his divorce until he found someone he wanted to be with and that it hurt. I think that describes how I feel best. His response was that he couldn't believe I felt that way and that he had never thought of me like that. But, he's had very little interaction with me since then. One lame text at Thanksgiving that didn't even address my feelings. I ignored it and I think I had hoped that would spur him to say more, but it hasn't.

 

I relate to what you said about hoping the other person would realize they miss you and want to be with you. I think if you read enough threads on here, that is a very prevalent theme. In the absence of communication, we can only guess what the other person is thinking or feeling. I guess it does get better, I think? I'm almost 9 weeks NC and feel better some days, although the holidays have been hard. The "what ifs" are hard. My therapist told me she encourages people to go NC for at least 90 days, which for me ends January 17. I don't think I will contact him then (I'm still so hurt by how he acted) but I like the idea of a no-fly zone, so to speak. People talk a lot about 3 months as a point where many of them got better and I'm hoping for that as well.

 

Thanks for posting. It's good to see that I'm not alone in how I feel and the fears that I have.

[PolyPocket]

Hello Nolanola,

 

Thank you for replying. There's so much similarities about our situation, that it somewhat makes me feel better that there's at least 1 person here that understands what I'm going thru. My days have been up and down but sadly there are more down days lately with the holidays being difficult to deal with. I was with him NYE last year, and this year we're not even talking anymore, so my mind have been scattered going back to how things were when we were still dating. Crazy as it seems, I still don't have the urge to contact him even though I miss him terribly. At this point, I can 100% say that the downfall to his relationship was his fault and not mine, so I can stand by my pride when it comes to NC. Had he not pushed me away and opened his heart to me, things wouldn't have ended. I told him I wanted to be committed, but he had doubts, so what was there for me to do? I feel like 1 year was enough, I had to leave.

 

Don't blame yourself for staying with your guy for too long because I can tell you that 1 year in an "almost" relationship was not much easier to deal with than 5 no matter how sooner I walked away. If I had more fight in me to stay, I would, and it would've given me more years to be with him. You and I both chose to stay with our exes because we felt what we felt and figured maybe the red flags we were seeing early on were just obstacles in our relationship we needed to overcome. I don't regret anything I did with my ex. I gave him my heart, I was vulnerable, and he chose to hurt me way deeper in return. But that was the sacrifice I chose to make for a the guy I gave my heart to, and it was hard to take it back. My only regret was that none of it were reciprocated, so when I look at where we are now, I can honestly say that I walked away without any regrets.

 

Like you, what I feel sad about the most is the being unacknowledged. I have never gotten any apologies or explanation for his behavior, and when things ended he just kinda let it all be as if nothing had happened. I didn't hear from him on Christmas or New Year, and I won't be surprise if I find out that he turned around and met someone else the moment we stopped talking. That's how low I feel right now, it's as if everything I did meant nothing to him at all.

 

Anyway, if you are still reading, thank you so much. I am trying to keep it as short as I could, but I have so much in my that wants to come out. Maybe I'll make my own post here one of these days about what happened. Please be strong, and know that your stories are helping heal my heart. I'd love to share you my story too, but maybe in another post. I feel like this one had been too long at this point.

[nolanola]

PolyPocket, I don't mind long posts. Like you said, it helps a lot sometimes when I feel really low to know that I'm not the only one that feels the way I feel. The holidays have been tough for me too. I had been feeling ok for a bit, almost like a relief that it was over. But when he didn't reach out for the holidays, it just drove home the point that it is over.

 

I like what you said about no regrets. I wish I could feel I had NO regrets, but I am glad that I stood up for myself in the end. For so long, I hadn't wanted to rock the boat between us, because I would have rather had some of him than none of him. So I kept quiet when I was dissatisfied with something he did or didn't do. It was almost like a relief to let him know how much he hurt me. I sometimes worry about what his lasting impression of me is, but I was honest and I didn't say anything too mean.

 

I'm reading a book right now in which the main character is a divorced woman whose husband has left her for a younger woman. It's a good book but it's bringing up a lot of emotion for me. In the book, she is constantly thinking about her marriage and reliving certain things -- made me think about some really happy times with my ex. But that only makes me sad and makes me wonder if he is having new wonderful times with someone new now. And of course, in my mind, those times are more wonderful-er than what he had with me.

 

He lives out of town and I know he will likely be here in my city this month, for a work meeting. I am actively stopping myself from looking to see when it is. I know I won't hear from him and it will only make me sad to know he was here and didn't reach out. I worry he hates me now.

 

You and I are pretty close in our NC time. I'll be at 9 weeks tomorrow. I'm still super up and down if that makes you feel any better. And this is with strict NC -- no social media, no texting, no nothing. I know it will get better, but the time seems to be dragging by.

 

Thanks for your posts. There are a few posters that I have come to rely on for good posts, good advice, and to commiserate. Hope your night is going ok and write a long post any time you feel like it.

[xweeverx]

Hey everyone.

 

First let me say that my heart goes out to everyone here who is suffering through a breakup. They truly suck, and can be brutal. This is not my first heartbreak, and I know it will get better, but going through the process can almost seem impossible at times.

 

The main reason I am here is to try to meet others that are going through this, and possibly support each other.

 

I, like so many others, am really having a difficult time with No Contact.

 

The brain can really be mean during these times. Some of you probably know this, but going through a breakup has the same effect on the brain as trying to quit using drugs, especially if you were with that person for longer periods. You are actually going through withdrawals.

 

Some Youtube channels that have helped me:

- Mouth of the Ape

- Noah Elkrief

- 10 Hour Rain Sound by Thomas Hall

 

It's been about 1 month since I got dumped by my GF of 6 years. Right after Thanksgiving, so what a joy it has been to go through Christmas and NYE with a broken heart. On top of that, we were living together in her house, so guess who also had to move-out.....yep, yours truly.

 

I've had heartbreak before, but this time it really hurts because I know it was my fault. I know it's normal to beat yourself up after a breakup, but I'm absolutely positive I caused this by not allowing us to truly get close. It's that old song, "Don't Know What You've Got 'til it's Gone". What's even more heart-shattering is that I feel like she's still "on the fence" about truly letting go, and this is where it's soooo difficult to employ No Contact. It becomes a nuclear war of thoughts for and against contacting them. On one side you feel like you need to remain front and center in their minds, and on the other side you know it could also be best to give them space and time to possibly miss you. The other constant thought is, when do you throw in the towel and give up? There is a statistic out on the web that says for every year of relationship time, you will need 2 months of recovery time. UGH!!!!

 

Again, my heart goes out to all those going through this. Hugs and Love.

[LauraXX]

I have the impression that I'm always just dumping my own frustration here and not really reacting to all your stories & experiences. I'm so sorry about that. I do read everything in this thread and I really feel you. I just can't think of anything smart or helpful to say (other than: I think you’re all extremely brave for being on strict NC).

 

Anyway, I don't blame you if you've had enough of my ramblings here. Especially because I'm not even in NC anymore and actively trying to get back with my ex.

 

When I last posted here I was very frustrated because I had texted him sth. along the lines of "We should hang out again" and he didn't respond for more than 24h. I even had the weirdest nightmare that night. I dreamed that he did finally text me back saying “That’s not a good idea. And here’s an Excel sheet where I listed all the expenses we each had on our dates. You owe me 50$.” I woke up drenched in sweat. And when I looked at my phone he HAD finally replied (“Yes, we definitely should”). So then we kept texting back and forth, but just superficial stuff. And today I asked him: “Btw – any interesting plans for the weekend?”.My hope – OF COURSE – was that he’d say “No plans, want to hang out?”.But he replied: “No plans. Might go hiking. What about you?”

 

How do you interpret that? I thought that I had made it very easy for him to ask me out. But he didn’t. Or does the ‘What about you’ imply that he wants me to suggest coming along on the hike? Like I mentioned before…I really lost my gut feeling after this whole mess.

 

I know that you all think that meeting him again is a very bad idea. And that might be true. But I really, honestly want to. So, if you put yourselves in my shoes… should I ignore the weekend thing and wait until he really asks me out? Or should I reply “No plans either. Let’s do something together.”

 

 

And there’s something else I wanted to tell you. Especially after complaining about my dull dating life in my last post. On NYE I ran into a guy I’ve had a crush on for the past 10 years. Turns out that he and his long time girlfriend split up two weeks ago. My sister (who’s friends with him) even told me before the party: “XY is coming. He and his girlfriend just broke up. But don’t get your hopes up… he’s still under shock and I doubt he’s in a flirty mood.” But… surprise… he WAS in a very flirty mood after all. We chatted the whole evening, held hands, kissed a little. But I couldn’t take him back home with me (believe me, I would have ….) because I had guests staying at my place.

 

Anyway, that was a nice distraction. I doubt that anything more is going to happen. I don’t even have his phone number and that’s fine. But it was nice for my scratched ego (he’s insanely handsome) and realizing that I didn’t think about my “ex” for pretty much the whole evening really gave me hope that maybe this isn’t the end of the world even if getting back with my guy doesn’t work out. So that’s good news, right? I’d still appreciate your input on the weekend-issue, because I do really want to meet him :/

[nolanola]

LauraXX, good to see you again! You're probably not going to like what I'm going to say. Do not ask this man out (your ex). He is not stupid. He knows what you're hinting at. Ask yourself this: why do you think he hasn't asked you to get together after you explicitly said you should hang out? Honestly? Because, to me, I don't think he wants to hang out. I mean, maybe he would if you ask him and he's free. But is that what you want? You seem like you've got some options, with the guy from NYE.

 

(WARNING: Real talk follows) Please do not throw yourself at your ex. You are going to make yourself look desperate and no man ever said "See that desperate woman? She's my dream come true, I've got to make her my girlfriend"

 

I'm not one of those "Rules" devotees and I think women can totally ask a man out. EXCEPT if we're talking about your ex and he did the breaking up. In that case, you should always wait for him to ask you or call/text you. Unless you want to wind up as his "I've got nothing else to do, let me call LauraXX" person. And I know you don't want that.

 

I say, stop texting your ex, and text NYE guy instead. Hang out with him a bit and see where that goes. You said he makes you forget about your ex and I think that's excellent.

[PolyPocket]

I like what you said about no regrets. I wish I could feel I had NO regrets, but I am glad that I stood up for myself in the end. For so long, I hadn't wanted to rock the boat between us, because I would have rather had some of him than none of him. So I kept quiet when I was dissatisfied with something he did or didn't do. It was almost like a relief to let him know how much he hurt me. I sometimes worry about what his lasting impression of me is, but I was honest and I didn't say anything too mean.

 

This part made me feel sad, almost got a bit teary-eyed because it was the same exact thing I went thru with my ex. I didn't want to cause any drama or conflict so I never said anything to him that bothered me. I was afraid that I would spoil our time together by bringing up my frustrations, and eventually it would lead to him leaving and I was afraid of that for so long. Maybe that's why I don't have any regrets with the whole NC thing. It was because I knew I tried my hardest to keep things positive between us, but in the end he still didn't give me the relationship I want. Finally that caused me to walk away. I just got tired of waiting around, and it seemed like I was fighting the impossible.

 

What I'm really sad about is how things ended with me and my ex because it didn't feel final. We were dating causally for 10 months and I broke it off properly telling him I couldn't stay in this situation anymore and pretty much went NC for almost a month. He was the one that contacted me after 2 weeks to try again, and we became exclusive for a good 2 months after. Around that time we realized our lifestyles were very different. He lived an active (gym, hiking, etc) lifestyle and I didn't, and what bothered me about this was that he focused on our differences and made it seemed like it was impossible for things to work out. All the sudden, gym and hiking were more of a priority than me. Every time I initiated a conversation about our relationship, he was very distant. My breaking point was when I invited him to dinner for my birthday and he made an excuse about leaving out of town that weekend, so he wouldn't be able to make it. If you were dating someone you cared about, would you purposely miss that person's birthday? My last respond was "of course you are (not gonna be there)" and I never talked to him since.

 

We just stopped talking to each other all together....more like I gave him the silent treatment and he let me, so I decided to keep the NC all together. Some may call it ghosting, but not entirely because I know he knows that had he made the effort to reach out, I wouldn't ignore him. I thought more than once to reach out one more time, but I knew I was never gonna hear what I wanted and I really didn't need closure from ending a reconciliation he had asked for in the 1st place. It's funny, a big part of me still wishes he would regret everything and would want to try again. I miss him terribly even if he had hurt me. Even if he didn't care about me, my feelings for him still won't go away.

 

Hey everyone.

 

There is a statistic out on the web that says for every year of relationship time, you will need 2 months of recovery time. UGH!!!!

 

Again, my heart goes out to all those going through this. Hugs and Love.

 

Hahaha...I thought about a quote I heard from a movie once that it takes half the time of the relationship to get over the break-up. This means that if you were together for 2 years, you'll take 1 year to get over that person. Ultimately I think it varies how invested you are in the person and the relationship. Funny how we think about quotes and segments of anything that speaks to us while heartbroken.

 

Hugs to all of us who are going thru it. I'm glad I'm not in this mess alone.

Edited January 4, 2019 by PolyPocket

[xweeverx]

Hahaha...I thought about a quote I heard from a movie once that it takes half the time of the relationship to get over the break-up. This means that if you were together for 2 years, you'll take 1 year to get over that person. Ultimately I think it varies how invested you are in the person and the relationship. Funny how we think about quotes and segments of anything that speaks to us while heartbroken.

 

Hugs to all of us who are going thru it. I'm glad I'm not in this mess alone.

 

i just broke the rules again....help

[PolyPocket]

i just broke the rules again....help

 

Did you reach out to her? Did you hear the response you wanted?

Lots of times when I feel desperate to contact my ex I always go back to what I it is I’m truly after. The main reason those of us who wanted to reach out to our exes is because we want to check in if their feelings have changed hoping That enough NC would suddenly make them want us. That’s not always the case. In my heart I know, so I made a promise to myself that I will only talk to him if I hear him say that he misses me, he regrets letting me go, and that he wants me back. That’s my requirement and I know I’ll never get that if I were the one reaching out, so I kept with NC even if it’s killing me. In the end it’s better to hear the silence than to be disappointed.

 

I hope that helps.

[TheBetterPerson]

i just broke the rules again....help

 

What happened?

[TheBetterPerson]

Did you reach out to her? Did you hear the response you wanted?

Lots of times when I feel desperate to contact my ex I always go back to what I it is I’m truly after. The main reason those of us who wanted to reach out to our exes is because we want to check in if their feelings have changed hoping That enough NC would suddenly make them want us. That’s not always the case. In my heart I know, so I made a promise to myself that I will only talk to him if I hear him say that he misses me, he regrets letting me go, and that he wants me back. That’s my requirement and I know I’ll never get that if I were the one reaching out, so I kept with NC even if it’s killing me. In the end it’s better to hear the silence than to be disappointed.

 

I hope that helps.

 

I hear it all the time but i was with my ex for 7 years and a half, i really dont want it to be that long until i am over him! NC is the way forward

[TheBetterPerson]

I was five days in until I cracked last night Reaching out is a bad idea I got the same answers that I got before I started NC but worse she is seeing someone else and admitted to having sex still don’t wanna see me or be bother with me

 

Now I have to start all over again

 

Its tough, i found out my ex is with someone and it broke me!

Stay strong, dont dwell and keep moving forward, you will get over this! you will! it wasnt meant to be sadly, just dont hurt yourself by messaging them!

 

x

[LauraXX]

 

(WARNING: Real talk follows) Please do not throw yourself at your ex. You are going to make yourself look desperate and no man ever said "See that desperate woman? She's my dream come true, I've got to make her my girlfriend"

 

 

 

Thanks - I needed to hear that. Looking desperate is the last thing I want. It's one of my biggest fears actually. And up until now I'm quite sure that I didn't come off as desperate. But as I mentioned before... I'm starting to lose my gut feeling. I honestly don't want to stop texting him (well, as long as we have sth. to talk about and it doesn't feel as if he's just texting back out of politeness). But I definitely don't want to throw myself at him. So I didn't reply to his message yesterday after all and just went to bed after posting here. Today I texted him back (just answering some random questions he had asked me) and in regards to the weekend-plans-question I just said "Going out Friday. No plans for Saturday." So, that was an honest answer but I didn't suggest meeting him. And I promise that I won't bring it up again until he does and specifically asks me out

 

 

 

No, I don't think I'll text the NYE guy. I'll run into him sooner or later because we have the same extended circle of friends. We'll see how that goes then. But it's my birthday in a few days and I'm throwing a party. IF he does reach out to me via social media (we didn't exchange phone numbers but we're friends on Facebook) to say Happy Birthday or anything like that, I'm going to invite him.

[nolanola]

This part made me feel sad, almost got a bit teary-eyed because it was the same exact thing I went thru with my ex. I didn't want to cause any drama or conflict so I never said anything to him that bothered me. I was afraid that I would spoil our time together by bringing up my frustrations, and eventually it would lead to him leaving and I was afraid of that for so long. Maybe that's why I don't have any regrets with the whole NC thing. It was because I knew I tried my hardest to keep things positive between us, but in the end he still didn't give me the relationship I want. Finally that caused me to walk away. I just got tired of waiting around, and it seemed like I was fighting the impossible.<snip>

 

 

I relate to what you say SO much. Very similar to my situation. The ending with my guy felt really open as well, although the longer that we don't speak to each other, the more final it seems. Basically what happened with me is that he and I had been in this weird grey zone for the past 2 years and I had really hoped that he would "get ready" and want to be in a relationship. I felt him start pulling away in the summer, but that had happened from time to time in the past and I thought maybe things were crazy with his work and his kids.

 

Then he became more in contact and I thought things were getting more back to normal. Until I stumbled upon a facebook page of some woman claiming to be his girlfriend. That was it and I lost it and texted him that he wasn't the person I thought he was. He was like "what?" and I said he should have told me that he was seeing someone and that I was so stupid to still be sitting there caring about him. He said he cared about me too and didn't feel stupid about it and that he hadn't had a girlfriend the last time he saw me (about a month before) so there hadn't been anything to tell.

 

Then I said he could have told me anytime since and that I felt like a speed bump he had run over after his divorce until he found someone he wanted to be with and that it hurt. He responded by saying that he couldn't believe that I felt that way, that he never thought that about me. He said he was sorry he had hurt me in any way and then said "I'm a bit curious who you think I'm seeing?". That line haunts me to this day because I can't understand what it means. He closed by saying that he hoped my Dad's health was better and that I was recovering well from a surgery I had. That was it until he sent a text at Thanksgiving saying something about that he hoped I had had a good holiday and that he read an article I wrote and liked it. I ignored that and have heard nothing since.

 

Sorry for the long winded explanation, but I very much relate to that feeling of it not being closed. He and I don't live in the same city, thank goodness, but we travel together once a year for a week. That's in late April, so still a ways off. I'm trying to make closure for myself, by saying that it doesn't matter if he is or is not seeing someone. He has not made any attempt to be with me in a real relationship, so it doesn't really matter. But I hate not knowing. I can't bring myself to look online again because if I saw a picture of them together, I would be heartbroken.

 

I'm at 9 weeks NC as of yesterday. It gets a tiny bit easier with time, but all the unanswered questions are the hardest part.

 

How are you coping today?

Edited January 4, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Truncate quote and add some paragraphs

[nolanola]

i just broke the rules again....help

 

I agree with PolyPocket. Think about what you want and remind yourself of this when you have the urge to contact them. I get very psychological with myself about NC and the things I use for myself might not work for you, but one thing I keep in mind is that I don't want my ex to know that I'm thinking about him. I have spent so many evenings over the past 9 weeks crying, reading things on here, journaling, etc but I do not want him to know that. That gives him the power in knowing that I'm not over him yet. And I don't want to give him that power. I want him to sit there and wonder what happened to me and what I'm doing. Have I forgotten about him? Have I moved on to someone else? He has no idea because he hasn't heard from me.

 

I also agree that asking "will this action get me closer to what I want?" is SO helpful when you want to break NC. Let's say you text your ex and say "Hi, how are you" or something like that and they respond politely. Where are you now? Nowhere closer to getting back together. And actually it's worse, because you don't know if they're replying out of politeness or if they really want to talk to you. And also you're giving them an ego boost.

 

That said, don't beat yourself up. We've all been there. Just look yourself in the mirror and make a promise to yourself that you won't do things that hurt yourself and set you back.

 

Come on here when you want to break NC. Post what you're going to say and we will talk you out of it .

[nolanola]

LauraXX, good for you!! Just out of curiosity, what is your goal with the texting? I'm not one of those people on here that thinks NC is the answer to everything, but I'm just wondering what you're hoping to achieve here. Are you ok just being friends with him? Would you be crushed if you find out that he is seeing someone else on the side? I know I couldn't do that, but a lot of other people are more chill about these things.

 

I envy your options!! There aren't any other men on my horizon to be a distraction and that kind of sucks. But I'm trying to focus on other areas of my life instead. Not that that really works, but I'm trying.

[elaine567]

NC is not just about the physical aspects of contact ie the texts the emails the letters, the social media, the meet ups (deliberate and non-deliberate), it is mainly about freeing your mind.

 

You can block a person everywhere but if you then choose to continually fill your mind up with thoughts of your lost love, then that is never going to work.

[nolanola]

NC is not just about the physical aspects of contact ie the texts the emails the letters, the social media, the meet ups (deliberate and non-deliberate), it is mainly about freeing your mind.

 

You can block a person everywhere but if you then choose to continually fill your mind up with thoughts of your lost love, then that is never going to work.

 

I don't disagree, but I think that part takes time. As you stop talking to the person, stop looking at their posts, their stuff online, etc, other things just naturally start to take up space in your mind. I still think about old exes from years and years ago, but would definitely say I'm over them. I also think as you stay in NC, you start to accept the situation, especially if they don't reach out to you in any way. Acceptance I think is where the real healing starts. But you can't rush it. You accept reality when you're ready to do so. When acceptance is less painful than hanging on.

[Rayce]

It's so hard... especially when you still love them so much... but I know NC is what I need to do. This week I have been dealing with a lot of anger and feeling that way just goes so against who I am.

[Iamyoungjuan]

Yeah I been trying to do NC but she will reach out and I will reply and when ask about Putting our family back together she say no chance

 

She just told me that I can have some sex from her next week but changed her mind because I wasn’t able to get the kids when she asked she also said that she will not bother me anymore so I’m just gonna go no contact for a few weeks and hopefully she miss me if not hopefully I can start moving on and learn to live without her again

[Nukem]

I wasn’t able to get the kids when she asked

 

Are the kids yours? You should try maintain contact with them.

[Iamyoungjuan]

Yes the kids are mine but I wasn’t able to get them at the time but I do have contact with them I bought them phones and pay they phone bill

[xweeverx]

Did you reach out to her? Did you hear the response you wanted?

... I made a promise to myself that I will only talk to him if I hear him say that he misses me, he regrets letting me go, and that he wants me back. That’s my requirement and I know I’ll never get that if I were the one reaching out, so I kept with NC even if it’s killing me. In the end it’s better to hear the silence than to be disappointed.

 

I hope that helps.

 

So YES, I reached out to her, and NO, I didn't really get the response I desired. Your approach of setting requirements for them to meet before YOU allow contact is a great idea! I think I read in one of your posts that your break happened this past Thanksgiving, so you and I are on the same time frame. I got the boot over that same weekend. Thanks Poly!

 

I agree with PolyPocket. Think about what you want and remind yourself of this when you have the urge to contact them...

 

I also agree that asking "will this action get me closer to what I want?" is SO helpful when you want to break NC. Let's say you text your ex and say "Hi, how are you" or something like that and they respond politely. Where are you now? Nowhere closer to getting back together. And actually it's worse, because you don't know if they're replying out of politeness or if they really want to talk to you. And also you're giving them an ego boost.

 

That said, don't beat yourself up. We've all been there. Just look yourself in the mirror and make a promise to yourself that you won't do things that hurt yourself and set you back.

 

Come on here when you want to break NC. Post what you're going to say and we will talk you out of it .

 

Thanks NOLA! Also, very good advice.

[LauraXX]

LauraXX, good for you!! Just out of curiosity, what is your goal with the texting? I'm not one of those people on here that thinks NC is the answer to everything, but I'm just wondering what you're hoping to achieve here. Are you ok just being friends with him? Would you be crushed if you find out that he is seeing someone else on the side? I know I couldn't do that, but a lot of other people are more chill about these things.

 

 

I can’t really say. I don’t know if I mentioned that before, but I’m still friends with most of my ex-boyfriends. Might sound a bit freaky, but I really can’t stand goodbyes. My very best friend is an ex-boyfriend. He’s also the godfather of my kid. It’s just… I fall in love for a reason and when I meet somebody great, I just want to keep that person in my life, even when the romantic aspect of the relationship is long gone. So yes, I’d rather be friends with him than to lose him completely. That being said… right now I’m still very much in love with him and I’d be totally crushed if I found out that he has a new girlfriend. So yep, definitely setting myself up for another disappointment.

 

 

I envy your options!! There aren't any other men on my horizon to be a distraction and that kind of sucks. But I'm trying to focus on other areas of my life instead. Not that that really works, but I'm trying.

 

 

Don't. As I said before...that NYE guy was a pleasant surprise and exception. But guys are not exactly lining up to go out with me. I'm a single mom. I have baggage. My only advantage is that I live in a very big city and there's the illusion of endless possibilities on Tinder (mostly creeps though and the decent ones almost never text you back ).

[nolanola]

Wow, LauraXX, that is great that you have been able to stay friends with exes. I have a few that I think of very fondly, but we aren't "friends" in the sense of talking frequently or hanging out. But I haven't had that many amicable break ups. My two most recent breakups have been pretty rough and I can't even think of being friends with either of them. I guess I could be "friendly" with my most recent. Although the thought of having to be around him makes me want to cry, so I'm probably not ready for that. My other big, earth-shattering break up? I'd run the other way if I saw him coming, but he's not a very nice person.

 

I hope it works out for you. Things seem kind of bleak for me right now, so I'm just trying to focus on my work and getting from one day to the next. I got an email this morning from a colleague/friend and my ex was on the cc list. Things like that always make my stomach lurch and it makes me wonder if he would have noticed my name on there too. I know I ignored him last, but sometimes I feel like he hates me or has forgotten about me. I think I just have the blues today.

 

How is everyone else doing today?