Weird Coincidences?

[Mardelis]

how would someone at the storage unit have the first clue what “their” keys looked like? They would depend on what kind of locks each renter bought for their own unit.

 

 

Nice observation Charlie Brown!

 

 

@ginamistros10 please clarify how the Storage Facility would have any clue about a standard key to a regular padlock which is what would be used on a standard storage unit?

[S2B]

Here’s what I found out today. Back in late August, I happened to see in his gps tracker that he was at a storage unit facility one afternoon after work for about 30 min. It was between his office and our house. This bugged me but I never confronted him and was just watching him for more visits. About a week ago I looked for keys on his key ring that look unusual. I found a weird gold key. I removed it from the key ring and hid it. I was waiting to see if he’d mention it. Today, I decided to give the storage unit a call to try to find out what their keys look like. I pretended to be a renter and described the gold key. The manager asked my name and I gave them his name. Come to find out, he’s definitely got a unit there. She told me if I lost the key, there’s another on file there. She verified again what his name is. She said bring a photo id with you.

 

The facility is 24/7 access. It is climate controlled and you can pay with cash. The only visit he made there was on 8/20. About a half hour before he went to the unit, he visited a hardware store for 9 minutes (I’m assuming to get a lock). I’m laying low on this info and watching for more activity. Now I’d like to hear your guesses on what’s in there or what he’s up to.

 

Who cares? at this point he's being sneaky and secretive...

 

There's no foundation in this marriage due to no trust - consider it over already.

[ginamistros10]

The storage facility sells lock/key sets (they are a certain color). Of course you can bring your own lock, which explains his hardware store visit right before. I’m asking you all what u think he has it for. This could possibly prove infidelity and provide me with a better settlement and closure.

[S2B]

Are you in a fault state or no fault state?

 

What is the time you need to be married to gain spousal support?

[Just a Guy]

Hi Folks, I am sorry to say this but it appears that Gina is descending into paranoia. This business of locks and storage units and mystery are becoming a bit too much. I had asked her a simple and straight forward question but she has conveniently ignored it and moved on to other things. It seems to me that there is little positive action that she is taking to either reconcile with her husband or divorce him. She is just beating about the bush. Not much anyone here can help her with.

[Mardelis]

I’m asking you all what u think he has it for. This could possibly prove infidelity and provide me with a better settlement and closure.

 

 

He could be keeping bodies in there for all we know. Like I said, go down there with the key and tell them your husband sent you to pick up some stuff but you need to know which unit is his and see how far you get. What's the worst that can happen?

[Doorstopper]

Hi Folks, I am sorry to say this but it appears that Gina is descending into paranoia. This business of locks and storage units and mystery are becoming a bit too much. I had asked her a simple and straight forward question but she has conveniently ignored it and moved on to other things. It seems to me that there is little positive action that she is taking to either reconcile with her husband or divorce him. She is just beating about the bush. Not much anyone here can help her with.

 

I agree completely. Its not like the storage unit could be full of gold bars ... he didn't even hide the key. I bet he was planning to move out quick, and store his "extra stuff" but then changed his mind. It could be porn related. She spoke of his porn addiction and lots of toys.

 

OP, Has any of that stuff disappeared, or anything else in the house?

 

Honesty though, my recommendation is to get some IC to help you decide what to do, and to get you in a better place.

 

In at least one case (the conversation you posted) your husband admitted he has some issues, said he want's try, you responded by saying "you just decided your not in love and want a divorce" and then later questioned him for not protesting your statement. He put out an olive branch, you put it trough a wood chipper and then complained that he didn't put out another one.

 

When you posted that, you then ignored all the advice and posted another Here's what he did, trying to get us to "understand" that you are the right one. We understand quite well, because we have no vested interest in the relationship. If he had an affair its 100% on him. The marriage, however, is 50% on both of you.

 

I don't know either of you, but you both have things that need to be worked on. Together or separate, you can be in a much better place. But you are in a bad place right now and there is no way that your current actions are working towards any sort of resolution.

[ginamistros10]

So he found out that I know about the unit. I asked what he needed it for. He said to keep some maps in there. I was like what maps? He has maps of some of his family’s land. I said it’s weird you need a climate controlled unit for that. He said it’s a locker size unit. I demanded to go there and have him show me what’s in it. He took me there and our daughter was with us. He opened the unit and there were maps, but also a large box and a big bag. He tried to close the door so I couldn’t see contents. I was persistent and he sat the box down and it had 4 hard drives in it. I picked up one of them and he pushed me and tried to rip it out of my hand. We struggled to the floor because he kept saying “you didn’t need to see those”. I put the drives in my purse and told him I was going to look at them. He says they’re a copy of our work contacts, kids photos, etc. In the bag, he had videotapes of all of our kids christmases, birthdays, the kids ss#s, cash with my daughters name on it. My arm is hurting tonight and I’m deeply upset all this went down. The lawyer will be called Monday.

[Amethyst68]

I'm sorry YOU'RE deeply upset, you mentioned your daughter went with you to the unit. So all this went down in front of her and not a single word about how you or your husband tried to comfort her. This kind of behaviour is never acceptable but to act like this in front of your child is beyond reprehensible, from both of you!

 

All I can see is a toxic relationship and TBH at this point from the evidence you're posting there are no innocent parties at this point. YMMV.

 

As an aside, the contents of the bag almost sounds like an escape plan, you know, everything he needs to get away quickly in one easy location.

 

I agree with getting to the lawyer ASAP, I'm concerned how your behavior is becoming seemingly erratic and escalating quickly.

[ginamistros10]

Wow- take it easy on me here. I posted about an hour after it happened so pardon me if my emotions were heightened. Of course I did not anticipate him to act that way. He was calm and cool going in the rental place. He was polite speaking to the desk attendant. She said “I know who you are”- meaning she’d seen him enough not to ask for his id. He says he has only been there twice. Anyway- he acted crazy up in there. So I can’t control his actions nor should I be blamed for them. By the way he has been quizzing me all day as to the whereabouts of the hard drives he fought me for yesterday. He’s really nervous about them.

[Mardelis]

How are you going to check the hard drives? You could put them inside another computer but that means opening the case and connecting several wires, not a task for the computer illiterates. Less difficult is a USB adapter that allows you to plug the hard drive into a USB port and you can view the files in Windows Explorer (assuming Windows operating system) but you've got to get your hands on one and that's a few days on Ebay, or you can bring it to a computer store but then what? You going to ask them to check the drive for anything suspicious in what could be countless documents and photos?

[Amethyst68]

No sorry you don't get a break from me, a new post and still nothing about your daughter who has just gone through the traumatic experience of seeing her parents physically fighting and rolling around on the floor.

 

 

Did either you or your husband even bother checking to make sure she was ok?

 

 

 

Can you see how your priorities are skewed here?

 

 

You know I've been reading your thread since it started and have been on your side but this is not right. As parents your one of your jobs is to protect your children, IMO BOTH you and your husband failed here today.

 

 

Please move ahead with your lawyer's appointment, I truly think it's for the best.

[MidwestUSA]

You going to ask them to check the drive for anything suspicious in what could be countless documents and photos?

 

If they pop it open in front of witnesses, and it's full of child porn, then what?

 

Asking for a friend.

[ginamistros10]

So we decided to try to work things out. So today, we decided to go to the storage unit to cancel it and clean it out. There was a different building manager working there today- she also knew my husband (the other manager knew him enough to not ask for his id). We cleaned out the unit and I asked him why the chumminess between him and this manager. He told me that he told her about our issues and she felt sorry for him. He told me the day he got the unit he left work an hour early and was distraught. He told her he wanted the unit to keep some stuff in it because he was having problems with his wife. I got a little upset that he did this. It felt awkward because they were smiling at each other and I could tell that she knew about our situation.

[FMW]

If you're going to try to work things out you have to start from today and move forward.

 

He showed bad judgment talking to a stranger about his marriage, and because they had said more to each other then hello they shared a smile. If you really are going to try and work on things you can't go off the rails about something like this. The sooner you start acting like adults with each other the sooner you'll get past these incidences.

 

I don't think you're committed to working things out, I think you just don't want to go through the upheaval and uncertainty of divorce.

[ginamistros10]

I do want it to work. I do love him. I actually did some soul searching last week and saw the issues I caused: neglected him for months, carried things too far, etc. I poured my heart out to him that I love him & want to keep trying. I do think he has fault in this as well. He was also neglecting me and carrying on like my feelings didn’t matter, & had one foot in/one out since starting the job. I do still feel a tiny bit uneasy about what goes on at his office, but have decided to live and enjoy life instead of looking over my shoulder. I did warn him no more game playing. I told him I wasn’t going to continue to play the forgive and forget game either. I established my boundaries and he knows what happens should he cross them. I finally got my name put on the LLC (should’ve been on it long ago). I also plan to continue working on job certifications, etc. to become more self sufficient should a stunt like this come in the future.

[ginamistros10]

Also- he goes out of town 4 days next week for a business trip. It’s a bit soon as we really need a lot of time together to mend things, but out of our control. When he comes back we will begin seeing a counselor. My husband doesn’t want any of these issues brought up to in counseling (lunch thing, storage unit, etc). He thinks we will just argue about these because we both have different perspectives on it. (He thinks since he had no bad intentions & it was an innocent lunch that he didn’t do any wrong). He also sees his storage locker rental as a protective move since I threatened to clean his clock if he was messing around. Yesterday after work, he went by the storage unit for 15 min without my knowledge (I saw on gps history). I got upset he didn’t tell me and asked him why he needed to go by there. He said he accidentally put our sons social security card in there originally and he wanted to bring it back home. So today, I brought to his attention that he was still being secretive. He apologized. So today, he and I went to get everything out and he cancelled the lease. The storage unit contents were paperwork for his family business that he owns with his brother and also old videos of our kids.

[merrmeade]

I do want it to work. I do love him. I actually did some soul searching last week and saw the issues I caused: neglected him for months, carried things too far, etc. I poured my heart out to him that I love him & want to keep trying. I do think he has fault in this as well. He was also neglecting me and carrying on like my feelings didn’t matter, & had one foot in/one out since starting the job. I do still feel a tiny bit uneasy about what goes on at his office, but have decided to live and enjoy life instead of looking over my shoulder. I did warn him no more game playing. I told him I wasn’t going to continue to play the forgive and forget game either. I established my boundaries and he knows what happens should he cross them. I finally got my name put on the LLC (should’ve been on it long ago). I also plan to continue working on job certifications, etc. to become more self sufficient should a stunt like this come in the future.

It is also important you work out your boundaries and why.

 

For example, you felt uncomfortable enough to mention it here that he (a) shared a smile with another woman (the storage unit lady) that conveyed they shared privileged, personal information that excluded you and (b) worse, he explained that he had confided in her about problems between you and him! That's not just a lack of judgment. That's a kind of betrayal of his loyalty to you and the marriage. You must understand that that is why it bothered you. So do you need to articulate to him that this is out of bounds and why?

 

If you're going to do what you say, then why don't you both list what your limits are. Name what is going too far and why. You made want to research this.

[S2B]

I don't see why you're trying to work it out already.

 

You've lost your leverage... and he hasn't really changed a thing.

 

He's still sneaky. He's still lying.

 

You're still living daily with a sneaky liar.

 

But you are choosing it purposely - so best wishes.

 

He's not changing - expect more of the same from him. He's not sorry... he's just bummed you keep finding out.

 

He also has no motivation to change - you already took him back.

 

 

He's lying so much you have no idea what else he's hiding.

[Just a Guy]

Hi S2B, I guess Gina still loves her husband enough to give him a second chance. Let us not discourage her from that. Warm wishes.

[FMW]

I think counseling is a really good idea. But he doesn't get to decide what you discuss. He doesn't get to make a list of topics that are off limits.

 

I wish you the best, I hope counseling helps.

[cdjudd]

I can understand that you are feeling insecure and that is normal because everyone is insecure in one form or another. The thing to ask yourself is, are you being reasonable or just feeling this way out of your insecurity? It is human nature for people to struggle with relinquishing control but it is a must in a relationship, especially with having teenage children. Now, in saying that, he should not be bad-mouthing you to your children, that is common sense and simply not acceptable.

 

 

 

However, when it comes down to it, he is going to do whatever he wants to do. Whether he tells you he will quit these behaviors or he doesn't and defends them, you have no control there. It is a hard reality to face but the fact is we cannot stop people from doing things we do not like, we just have to find the courage and acceptance that we cannot control them and their behavior. Your husband will end up doing what he wants and it has nothing to do with you, it is solely an issue with him when it comes down to engaging in those behaviors. Be the bigger person and show your children what loyalty is in a relationship until he gives you a solid reason that you just aren't willing to work with. I know this isn't ideal but it is life and life just sucks some time. Go out and keep yourself occupied and do things for yourself and your kids. Maybe even do some charitable acts, as those seem to really help build confidence and security within yourself. Best of luck!!

[YoungCandy]

I am seeing this from the opposite of you. I am in a similar situation of your husband and my wife is like yours. Sex has been a big issue for us as I have a much higher drive than her. I complained her being indifferent and lack of desire. She said the exact same lines as you (and I am quoting directly here) "nothing is enough for you", "you will never be satisfied." Our case is much more complicated as we both cheated on each other before, but that's not the point. We're still together trying to work things out and to be honest, more often than not it does feel there is no way out.

 

This is part of the mid-life crisis. Regardless you'd find out he is actually cheating or not, sex addition or not, the issue is much deeper and very common among married couples. There's not enough connection between you two and marriage has become so bored that typically men want to find something to "spices things up" before he feels he is too old to do anything wrong. As silly as it sounds, this is because men have an average mental age of nine. You cannot change his behaviours, but you can change yours. Instead of trying to get to the bottom of this (which would not be very helpful to mend your marriage anyway), I agree with some posters said before that you should go out your own way and do something enjoyable and fulfilling. You have to be able to love yourself before you can love others, or to fall in love with anyone else in general. I think this the best thing you can do. When you are more confident and self-assertive, he should find you attractive and wants to be with you again. In case if he doesn't, someone else will. At that point, it would just be a logical decision to make.

Edited November 26, 2018 by YoungCandy

[Just a Guy]

Hi Gina, it's been sometime since you last posted. Have there been any new developments? Has the counselling helped? Is your husband more attentive to your needs and do the two of you get along better without suspicion on either side of the equation? Would be happy for an update. Somehow, in having read through your posts and reflected on your responses to the posts of others, I get the feeling that it is not all your husband's fault and that you have been equally complicit in bringing things to the pass at which you found yourself last month. It is going to take a concerted joint effort on both your parts to bring things to an even keel. Wish you the best.