Weird Coincidences?

[ginamistros10]

Yes the old him would’ve never turned his back on our marriage☺️. I really need to figure out who is influencing him. It would give me great closure. I know I haven’t been perfect. But I think when he chose his lunch buddy over me is when I stopped caring to spend time with him. He has to be pretty sneaky to conduct an affair strictly at work because most nights and weekends he’s home. He’s physically home but seems distracted mentally.

[stillafool]

OP it seems you are just using this thread to vent. You aren't really answering questions that members direct to you. Why is that?

[Mardelis]

I can see why he thinks you might easily be manipulated into signing those documents that give up your financial rights in a divorce.

 

 

He just has to act nice.

[S2B]

Yes the old him would’ve never turned his back on our marriage☺️. I really need to figure out who is influencing him. It would give me great closure. I know I haven’t been perfect. But I think when he chose his lunch buddy over me is when I stopped caring to spend time with him. He has to be pretty sneaky to conduct an affair strictly at work because most nights and weekends he’s home. He’s physically home but seems distracted mentally.

 

Men who cheat at work don't really need to be sneaky. It's easy - they are at work 8-9-12 hours at a time during the day = plenty of time to do whatever they want.

 

Plus he was bargaining for MORE time with the gym excuse.

 

It's all there... you just keep choosing to not believe what he's been laying at your feet.

 

If he wants out - fine... but don't sign away any financial advantage you may have.

[ginamistros10]

So pretend u are me & going to see an attorney. What evidence is the most damning that I should present to the attorney.

[Artdeco]

So pretend u are me & going to see an attorney. What evidence is the most damning that I should present to the attorney.

 

None. You just file for D. The lawyer won’t care why - neither will the judge in most cases. You are the one that needs to have valid reasons, for YOU.

[S2B]

When anyone wants to divorce - they file.

 

 

You either want to file or not - which is it?

[Mardelis]

What evidence is the most damning that I should present to the attorney.

 

 

You don't need "damning" evidence you simply need to provide your attorney with a list of assets and incomes. In some states, infidelity or bad behavior might make a bit of difference and I think in 1 or 2 remaining states you need a valid reason to end the marriage, but for the most part, the courts don't care about that sort of thing.

[Orokotikki]

Fault (regarding adultery) can figure into divorce in many ways, even in states which do not officially recognize it (which some do).

 

Get your legal advice FROM YOUR LAWYER. Go ahead and bring everything you have, describe your situation and try to provide whatever they ask for.

[Mardelis]

Fault (regarding adultery) can figure into divorce in many ways, even in states which do not officially recognize it (which some do).

 

 

It can but rarely does. It needs to be a) proven using evidence and testimony from witnesses which is expensive, time consuming and impractical and b) presented in one of the few courts that considers it when awarding assets and support

[Artdeco]

Fault (regarding adultery) can figure into divorce in many ways, even in states which do not officially recognize it (which some do).

 

Get your legal advice FROM YOUR LAWYER. Go ahead and bring everything you have, describe your situation and try to provide whatever they ask for.

 

Not true. Unless you can prove that your unfaithful spouse burnt through your 401K to buy jewelry and cars for his mistress, or similar financially scandalous, damaging behavior. Operative word being “prove”.

[Mardelis]

Not true. Unless you can prove that your unfaithful spouse burnt through your 401K to buy jewelry and cars for his mistress, or similar financially scandalous, damaging behavior. Operative word being “prove”.

 

 

Even if a court would consider fault, and even if a person was willing to spend the time and money to do the thorough investigation and pay the exorbitant legal fees of bringing such an action, odds are whatever it is that is being fought over won't be worth the time and money invested in the action.

[ginamistros10]

So I’m letting things calm down while I take some time for me and my needs. Trying to emotionally detach because the fact of being in a loveless marriage every day is too heartbreaking. So I’ve been doing my own thing, working, taking care of the kids. He had gotten to where he wasn’t saying goodnight or anything (months ago at least he had the decency to either say it or text me). For the last two nights, he goes up at 9:40 exactly to bed. The kids think it’s weird and ask him why so prompt st 9:30? He says he needs a tub bath before bed. Last night, I was out at 10 and driving from the store. He texted me goodnight and I didn’t reply because driving.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Gina, at this point I have only one question to ask you and I would like you to take the time to reflect on it deeply before answering. The question is "What is your fundamental desire for the outcome of your current situation?" In other words "Do you want a true and holistic reconciliation with your husband or have you reached a stage where you are fully ready to throw in the hat and call it quits on your marriage?" I think the authentic answer to this question will determine your path forward from this point onwards. We do not really know your husband or what his mindset is. Is he ready for divorce as seems to be the case from your projections or is he just confused as to what is happening in his family life and in his marriage? I guess we will never know as he is unlikely to come here and post. We will have to go with what you have told us about him. Do answer my question as authentically as you can. Best wishes.

[Malin889]

Then my daughter and I left the house to go shopping. As we drove down our street, we saw him walking so I rolled down the window to speak. He asked again if I wanted to go pray with him. I told him no thanks- that he needs to go pray that this midlife crisis goes away and he can stop being weird. He was arguing and telling me our marriage could be saved and that we just needed to start spending time together more. I told him it’s too far gone. My daughter was getting agitated at his persistence and told him I could make my own mind up and didn’t need him to tell me what to do. He got snappy with her and told me she was influencing me. She got upset so I stepped out of the car and unloaded on him. I told him all of this crap was caused by him and to not blame our child. I also said “and what is all this soccer crap you left on my computer for me to see?” He looked really embarrassed. He said his office was having a charity soccer game and he was going to participate. I

Didn’t ask any details nor did I care. I told him to enjoy playing soccer with his little girlfriend.

 

Who was taking care of your autistic son while you were both out screaming at each other on the street?!

 

Try not to fight in front of your kids, as hard as it may be.

[ginamistros10]

Our son is age 20. He’s high functioning aspergers. He is can take care of himself except for a few issues. He of course lives at home for now.

[S2B]

So I’m letting things calm down while I take some time for me and my needs. Trying to emotionally detach because the fact of being in a loveless marriage every day is too heartbreaking. So I’ve been doing my own thing, working, taking care of the kids. He had gotten to where he wasn’t saying goodnight or anything (months ago at least he had the decency to either say it or text me). For the last two nights, he goes up at 9:40 exactly to bed. The kids think it’s weird and ask him why so prompt st 9:30? He says he needs a tub bath before bed. Last night, I was out at 10 and driving from the store. He texted me goodnight and I didn’t reply because driving.

 

You're still not doing anything to change things - so it will stay the same as this for as long as you are complacent.

 

Could be decades...

[Just a Guy]

Hi Gina, please do answer my question as I think everything from here onwards depends on your answer. Thank you.

[ginamistros10]

Here’s what I found out today. Back in late August, I happened to see in his gps tracker that he was at a storage unit facility one afternoon after work for about 30 min. It was between his office and our house. This bugged me but I never confronted him and was just watching him for more visits. About a week ago I looked for keys on his key ring that look unusual. I found a weird gold key. I removed it from the key ring and hid it. I was waiting to see if he’d mention it. Today, I decided to give the storage unit a call to try to find out what their keys look like. I pretended to be a renter and described the gold key. The manager asked my name and I gave them his name. Come to find out, he’s definitely got a unit there. She told me if I lost the key, there’s another on file there. She verified again what his name is. She said bring a photo id with you.

 

The facility is 24/7 access. It is climate controlled and you can pay with cash. The only visit he made there was on 8/20. About a half hour before he went to the unit, he visited a hardware store for 9 minutes (I’m assuming to get a lock). I’m laying low on this info and watching for more activity. Now I’d like to hear your guesses on what’s in there or what he’s up to.

[Mardelis]

You have the key.

 

 

Did it ever occur to you to go to the storage facility and look at what's inside the unit?

[ginamistros10]

Of course- but tell me exactly how I can do that. Cameras, no key, my name not on the contract, etc.

[Mardelis]

Of course- but tell me exactly how I can do that. Cameras, no key, my name not on the contract, etc.

 

 

You said you already have the key? Now you don't?

 

 

Go down there and tell them your husband gave you the key but you forgot which unit it is.

 

See how far you get

Edited October 6, 2018 by Mardelis

[FMW]

OP I think you are hooked on the drama of all this. From everything you've posted I truly don't get why one of you hasn't filed for divorce already. This all sounds really unhealthy, for you, your husband and your kids.

[JuneL]

You actually used a gps tracker to track your husband? You know what, why don’t you just hire a damn detector to follow him and a lot of your questions can be answered.

 

You have proved on here again and again that your husband is a moron. I hate to break this to you, but it’s also not very pleasant to have a wife like you.

 

Here’s what I found out today. Back in late August, I happened to see in his gps tracker that he was at a storage unit facility one afternoon after work for about 30 min. It was between his office and our house. This bugged me but I never confronted him and was just watching him for more visits. About a week ago I looked for keys on his key ring that look unusual. I found a weird gold key. I removed it from the key ring and hid it. I was waiting to see if he’d mention it. Today, I decided to give the storage unit a call to try to find out what their keys look like. I pretended to be a renter and described the gold key. The manager asked my name and I gave them his name. Come to find out, he’s definitely got a unit there. She told me if I lost the key, there’s another on file there. She verified again what his name is. She said bring a photo id with you.

 

The facility is 24/7 access. It is climate controlled and you can pay with cash. The only visit he made there was on 8/20. About a half hour before he went to the unit, he visited a hardware store for 9 minutes (I’m assuming to get a lock). I’m laying low on this info and watching for more activity. Now I’d like to hear your guesses on what’s in there or what he’s up to.

[Prudence V]

Today, I decided to give the storage unit a call to try to find out what their keys look like. I pretended to be a renter and described the gold key.... <snip>

 

.... About a half hour before he went to the unit, he visited a hardware store for 9 minutes (I’m assuming to get a lock).

 

If he bought the lock at a hardware store, how would someone at the storage unit have the first clue what “their” keys looked like? They would depend on what kind of locks each renter bought for their own unit.