Weird Coincidences?

[Mardelis]

Not true. Unless you can prove that your unfaithful spouse burnt through your 401K to buy jewelry and cars for his mistress, or similar financially scandalous, damaging behavior. Operative word being “prove”.

 

 

Even if a court would consider fault, and even if a person was willing to spend the time and money to do the thorough investigation and pay the exorbitant legal fees of bringing such an action, odds are whatever it is that is being fought over won't be worth the time and money invested in the action.

[ginamistros10]

So I’m letting things calm down while I take some time for me and my needs. Trying to emotionally detach because the fact of being in a loveless marriage every day is too heartbreaking. So I’ve been doing my own thing, working, taking care of the kids. He had gotten to where he wasn’t saying goodnight or anything (months ago at least he had the decency to either say it or text me). For the last two nights, he goes up at 9:40 exactly to bed. The kids think it’s weird and ask him why so prompt st 9:30? He says he needs a tub bath before bed. Last night, I was out at 10 and driving from the store. He texted me goodnight and I didn’t reply because driving.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Gina, at this point I have only one question to ask you and I would like you to take the time to reflect on it deeply before answering. The question is "What is your fundamental desire for the outcome of your current situation?" In other words "Do you want a true and holistic reconciliation with your husband or have you reached a stage where you are fully ready to throw in the hat and call it quits on your marriage?" I think the authentic answer to this question will determine your path forward from this point onwards. We do not really know your husband or what his mindset is. Is he ready for divorce as seems to be the case from your projections or is he just confused as to what is happening in his family life and in his marriage? I guess we will never know as he is unlikely to come here and post. We will have to go with what you have told us about him. Do answer my question as authentically as you can. Best wishes.

[Malin889]

Then my daughter and I left the house to go shopping. As we drove down our street, we saw him walking so I rolled down the window to speak. He asked again if I wanted to go pray with him. I told him no thanks- that he needs to go pray that this midlife crisis goes away and he can stop being weird. He was arguing and telling me our marriage could be saved and that we just needed to start spending time together more. I told him it’s too far gone. My daughter was getting agitated at his persistence and told him I could make my own mind up and didn’t need him to tell me what to do. He got snappy with her and told me she was influencing me. She got upset so I stepped out of the car and unloaded on him. I told him all of this crap was caused by him and to not blame our child. I also said “and what is all this soccer crap you left on my computer for me to see?” He looked really embarrassed. He said his office was having a charity soccer game and he was going to participate. I

Didn’t ask any details nor did I care. I told him to enjoy playing soccer with his little girlfriend.

 

Who was taking care of your autistic son while you were both out screaming at each other on the street?!

 

Try not to fight in front of your kids, as hard as it may be.

[ginamistros10]

Our son is age 20. He’s high functioning aspergers. He is can take care of himself except for a few issues. He of course lives at home for now.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Gina, please do answer my question as I think everything from here onwards depends on your answer. Thank you.

[ginamistros10]

Here’s what I found out today. Back in late August, I happened to see in his gps tracker that he was at a storage unit facility one afternoon after work for about 30 min. It was between his office and our house. This bugged me but I never confronted him and was just watching him for more visits. About a week ago I looked for keys on his key ring that look unusual. I found a weird gold key. I removed it from the key ring and hid it. I was waiting to see if he’d mention it. Today, I decided to give the storage unit a call to try to find out what their keys look like. I pretended to be a renter and described the gold key. The manager asked my name and I gave them his name. Come to find out, he’s definitely got a unit there. She told me if I lost the key, there’s another on file there. She verified again what his name is. She said bring a photo id with you.

 

The facility is 24/7 access. It is climate controlled and you can pay with cash. The only visit he made there was on 8/20. About a half hour before he went to the unit, he visited a hardware store for 9 minutes (I’m assuming to get a lock). I’m laying low on this info and watching for more activity. Now I’d like to hear your guesses on what’s in there or what he’s up to.

[Mardelis]

You have the key.

 

 

Did it ever occur to you to go to the storage facility and look at what's inside the unit?

[ginamistros10]

Of course- but tell me exactly how I can do that. Cameras, no key, my name not on the contract, etc.

[Mardelis]

Of course- but tell me exactly how I can do that. Cameras, no key, my name not on the contract, etc.

 

 

You said you already have the key? Now you don't?

 

 

Go down there and tell them your husband gave you the key but you forgot which unit it is.

 

See how far you get

Edited October 6, 2018 by Mardelis

[FMW]

OP I think you are hooked on the drama of all this. From everything you've posted I truly don't get why one of you hasn't filed for divorce already. This all sounds really unhealthy, for you, your husband and your kids.

[JuneL]

You actually used a gps tracker to track your husband? You know what, why don’t you just hire a damn detector to follow him and a lot of your questions can be answered.

 

You have proved on here again and again that your husband is a moron. I hate to break this to you, but it’s also not very pleasant to have a wife like you.

 

Here’s what I found out today. Back in late August, I happened to see in his gps tracker that he was at a storage unit facility one afternoon after work for about 30 min. It was between his office and our house. This bugged me but I never confronted him and was just watching him for more visits. About a week ago I looked for keys on his key ring that look unusual. I found a weird gold key. I removed it from the key ring and hid it. I was waiting to see if he’d mention it. Today, I decided to give the storage unit a call to try to find out what their keys look like. I pretended to be a renter and described the gold key. The manager asked my name and I gave them his name. Come to find out, he’s definitely got a unit there. She told me if I lost the key, there’s another on file there. She verified again what his name is. She said bring a photo id with you.

 

The facility is 24/7 access. It is climate controlled and you can pay with cash. The only visit he made there was on 8/20. About a half hour before he went to the unit, he visited a hardware store for 9 minutes (I’m assuming to get a lock). I’m laying low on this info and watching for more activity. Now I’d like to hear your guesses on what’s in there or what he’s up to.

[Prudence V]

Today, I decided to give the storage unit a call to try to find out what their keys look like. I pretended to be a renter and described the gold key.... <snip>

 

.... About a half hour before he went to the unit, he visited a hardware store for 9 minutes (I’m assuming to get a lock).

 

If he bought the lock at a hardware store, how would someone at the storage unit have the first clue what “their” keys looked like? They would depend on what kind of locks each renter bought for their own unit.

[Mardelis]

how would someone at the storage unit have the first clue what “their” keys looked like? They would depend on what kind of locks each renter bought for their own unit.

 

 

Nice observation Charlie Brown!

 

 

@ginamistros10 please clarify how the Storage Facility would have any clue about a standard key to a regular padlock which is what would be used on a standard storage unit?

[ginamistros10]

The storage facility sells lock/key sets (they are a certain color). Of course you can bring your own lock, which explains his hardware store visit right before. I’m asking you all what u think he has it for. This could possibly prove infidelity and provide me with a better settlement and closure.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Folks, I am sorry to say this but it appears that Gina is descending into paranoia. This business of locks and storage units and mystery are becoming a bit too much. I had asked her a simple and straight forward question but she has conveniently ignored it and moved on to other things. It seems to me that there is little positive action that she is taking to either reconcile with her husband or divorce him. She is just beating about the bush. Not much anyone here can help her with.

[Mardelis]

I’m asking you all what u think he has it for. This could possibly prove infidelity and provide me with a better settlement and closure.

 

 

He could be keeping bodies in there for all we know. Like I said, go down there with the key and tell them your husband sent you to pick up some stuff but you need to know which unit is his and see how far you get. What's the worst that can happen?

[Doorstopper]

Hi Folks, I am sorry to say this but it appears that Gina is descending into paranoia. This business of locks and storage units and mystery are becoming a bit too much. I had asked her a simple and straight forward question but she has conveniently ignored it and moved on to other things. It seems to me that there is little positive action that she is taking to either reconcile with her husband or divorce him. She is just beating about the bush. Not much anyone here can help her with.

 

I agree completely. Its not like the storage unit could be full of gold bars ... he didn't even hide the key. I bet he was planning to move out quick, and store his "extra stuff" but then changed his mind. It could be porn related. She spoke of his porn addiction and lots of toys.

 

OP, Has any of that stuff disappeared, or anything else in the house?

 

Honesty though, my recommendation is to get some IC to help you decide what to do, and to get you in a better place.

 

In at least one case (the conversation you posted) your husband admitted he has some issues, said he want's try, you responded by saying "you just decided your not in love and want a divorce" and then later questioned him for not protesting your statement. He put out an olive branch, you put it trough a wood chipper and then complained that he didn't put out another one.

 

When you posted that, you then ignored all the advice and posted another Here's what he did, trying to get us to "understand" that you are the right one. We understand quite well, because we have no vested interest in the relationship. If he had an affair its 100% on him. The marriage, however, is 50% on both of you.

 

I don't know either of you, but you both have things that need to be worked on. Together or separate, you can be in a much better place. But you are in a bad place right now and there is no way that your current actions are working towards any sort of resolution.

[ginamistros10]

So he found out that I know about the unit. I asked what he needed it for. He said to keep some maps in there. I was like what maps? He has maps of some of his family’s land. I said it’s weird you need a climate controlled unit for that. He said it’s a locker size unit. I demanded to go there and have him show me what’s in it. He took me there and our daughter was with us. He opened the unit and there were maps, but also a large box and a big bag. He tried to close the door so I couldn’t see contents. I was persistent and he sat the box down and it had 4 hard drives in it. I picked up one of them and he pushed me and tried to rip it out of my hand. We struggled to the floor because he kept saying “you didn’t need to see those”. I put the drives in my purse and told him I was going to look at them. He says they’re a copy of our work contacts, kids photos, etc. In the bag, he had videotapes of all of our kids christmases, birthdays, the kids ss#s, cash with my daughters name on it. My arm is hurting tonight and I’m deeply upset all this went down. The lawyer will be called Monday.

[Amethyst68]

I'm sorry YOU'RE deeply upset, you mentioned your daughter went with you to the unit. So all this went down in front of her and not a single word about how you or your husband tried to comfort her. This kind of behaviour is never acceptable but to act like this in front of your child is beyond reprehensible, from both of you!

 

All I can see is a toxic relationship and TBH at this point from the evidence you're posting there are no innocent parties at this point. YMMV.

 

As an aside, the contents of the bag almost sounds like an escape plan, you know, everything he needs to get away quickly in one easy location.

 

I agree with getting to the lawyer ASAP, I'm concerned how your behavior is becoming seemingly erratic and escalating quickly.

[ginamistros10]

Wow- take it easy on me here. I posted about an hour after it happened so pardon me if my emotions were heightened. Of course I did not anticipate him to act that way. He was calm and cool going in the rental place. He was polite speaking to the desk attendant. She said “I know who you are”- meaning she’d seen him enough not to ask for his id. He says he has only been there twice. Anyway- he acted crazy up in there. So I can’t control his actions nor should I be blamed for them. By the way he has been quizzing me all day as to the whereabouts of the hard drives he fought me for yesterday. He’s really nervous about them.

[Mardelis]

How are you going to check the hard drives? You could put them inside another computer but that means opening the case and connecting several wires, not a task for the computer illiterates. Less difficult is a USB adapter that allows you to plug the hard drive into a USB port and you can view the files in Windows Explorer (assuming Windows operating system) but you've got to get your hands on one and that's a few days on Ebay, or you can bring it to a computer store but then what? You going to ask them to check the drive for anything suspicious in what could be countless documents and photos?

[Amethyst68]

No sorry you don't get a break from me, a new post and still nothing about your daughter who has just gone through the traumatic experience of seeing her parents physically fighting and rolling around on the floor.

 

 

Did either you or your husband even bother checking to make sure she was ok?

 

 

 

Can you see how your priorities are skewed here?

 

 

You know I've been reading your thread since it started and have been on your side but this is not right. As parents your one of your jobs is to protect your children, IMO BOTH you and your husband failed here today.

 

 

Please move ahead with your lawyer's appointment, I truly think it's for the best.

[MidwestUSA]

You going to ask them to check the drive for anything suspicious in what could be countless documents and photos?

 

If they pop it open in front of witnesses, and it's full of child porn, then what?

 

Asking for a friend.

[ginamistros10]

So we decided to try to work things out. So today, we decided to go to the storage unit to cancel it and clean it out. There was a different building manager working there today- she also knew my husband (the other manager knew him enough to not ask for his id). We cleaned out the unit and I asked him why the chumminess between him and this manager. He told me that he told her about our issues and she felt sorry for him. He told me the day he got the unit he left work an hour early and was distraught. He told her he wanted the unit to keep some stuff in it because he was having problems with his wife. I got a little upset that he did this. It felt awkward because they were smiling at each other and I could tell that she knew about our situation.