Weird Coincidences?

[Artdeco]

I also believe like somebody else above said that Her husband has a crush on another woman who wants nothing to do with him (romantically). However, the female coworker’s lack of interest is not the point - it’s still hurtful for OP that her H possibly has another “love” interest. I think it just makes her bitter, esp combined with his erratic behavior recently. Bitter is not good, but it’s also quite understandable.

[Jane Deaux]

I also believe like somebody else above said that Her husband has a crush on another woman who wants nothing to do with him (romantically). However, the female coworker’s lack of interest is not the point - it’s still hurtful for OP that her H possibly has another “love” interest. I think it just makes her bitter, esp combined with his erratic behavior recently. Bitter is not good, but it’s also quite understandable.

 

 

It is definitely understandable. I just feel like she needs to handle it with more intention and direction that temper tantrums. And i only say this out of the best for OP. She will only keep being in a hurtful situation if she can't move forward with productive communication.

[ginamistros10]

Something I did not mention that happened yesterday. I’m very good friends with my husbands gay brother. We text often (he has BPD and I offer him support and advice a lot via text). He told me that his Dad was saying that he could kick my a$$ for not “giving him sex”. I’m like- ok? 1) Not true 2) How would he even have this information? I asked my hubby what’s his family’s problem. He defended them and told me not to believe his brother because he’s crazy. His Dad uses that phrase a lot “kick his or her ass” when referring to other people, so I’m pretty sure he said it.

 

Today, I told hubby I am sorry if I said rude things yesterday (go be with your girlfriend), but I feel like he was rude when I was genuinely trying to ask him about his stress and just trying to help.

 

I also told him I would appreciate that he stop leaving stuff open on my computer (ie, soccer ball shopping tabs) because naturally it would make a person want to know what’s up with the sudden soccer interest and then I would get blamed for prying.

 

I called him and he told me if we stay together I was NEVER to discuss any girls at work ever again. He also said it was all my fault our daughter hates him at the moment. I told him it was half my fault and half his. He blew up and said if he were to die in a car crash, she wouldn’t care. I calmly said if I died in a car crash, how would u feel knowing all u have put me through. He gave me an ultimatum about the relationship and I told him it was over. I told him he’s been withholding affection and emotional love from me for a year all the while I’ve been obligated to fulfil his physical needs.

[Normm]

Stop fighting in front of your daughter.

[ginamistros10]

I totally believe it also. Yes it was disappointing to hear that his family thinks this is a lack of sex issue- if they only knew. I have done a lot for them over the years and they show their true colors turning on me like that. Of course I expect they are going to be on the side of their son, but that’s just too much in my opinion and none of their business. As an FYI, his father is 87 years old and still cheating on his mother. To this day. He’s been doing this for 40 years (they’ve been married 60 yrs). My MIL had him followed by a PI about 20 yes ago and got the video tapes of him entering a hotel with a 25 year old (he would’ve been 67). I know I can’t exactly say my hubby will do the same, because that’s an unfair brush to paint him with but my goodness. And if that’s not enough, my MIzl gave my hubby the video tapes to keep in a safe place- our house. So I’ve seen the dirt on my FIL.

[elaine567]

Problem I see here is that you want him to change into a man you can love and respect and that just isn't going to happen.

He is who he is and no amount of heated arguments or "he said she said" circular fighting on and on and on is ever going to change him. Too late for that. Too much water has flowed under that bridge.

You now need to get out of "emotion" mode and start thinking practically about what you are actually going to do about it.

You are at the moment hitting your head up against a brick wall, so stop doing it.

You are obviously a clever woman, so start using your intelligence.

Calm, cool, logical, rational and pragmatic is where you want to be.

You need to do a proper cost benefit analysis of your present relationship and marriage and then decide what you really want to do and just do it.

If that means divorce then divorce, if it means accepting your lot, then accept your lot for now anyway...

Find other things to occupy your life, take your husband out of the centre of it and give yourself some peace. You may then find perspective and the courage to do what is best for YOU and your kids.

[Jane Deaux]

Problem I see here is that you want him to change into a man you can love and respect and that just isn't going to happen.

He is who he is and no amount of heated arguments or "he said she said" circular fighting on and on and on is ever going to change him. Too late for that. Too much water has flowed under that bridge.

You now need to get out of "emotion" mode and start thinking practically about what you are actually going to do about it.

You are at the moment hitting your head up against a brick wall, so stop doing it.

You are obviously a clever woman, so start using your intelligence.

Calm, cool, logical, rational and pragmatic is where you want to be.

You need to do a proper cost benefit analysis of your present relationship and marriage and then decide what you really want to do and just do it.

If that means divorce then divorce, if it means accepting your lot, then accept your lot for now anyway...

Find other things to occupy your life, take your husband out of the centre of it and give yourself some peace. You may then find perspective and the courage to do what is best for YOU and your kids.

 

 

^^^^^ ALL of this!

[ginamistros10]

Why do u feel he has a crush on another woman who wants nothing to do with him? What is making you think she doesn’t want him?

[ginamistros10]

So today, he got up 30 min early and left for work earlier than usual. About an hour later, I see an email come thru my computer showing that he went by Panera bread and ordered 15 bagels - one dozen blueberry untoasted, and then 2 plain toasted and cut in half, and 1 cinnamon toasted and cut in half. This is intriguing! No mention to me about any of this. I haven’t asked-but assume it’s for work meeting? Hope he didn’t use OUR business credit card for it!

 

Next, he texts me after lunch that the lawyer he was suggesting we go see this afternoon is off work the rest of the day. I said- okthen we can try next week. Then I said- u know what, I can just go see my own attorney next week. He said but I want it to be amicable. I said well it can be- doesn’t mean I can’t see my own lawyer. Then he told me he was leaving work 2 he early to come home and nap because he didn’t sleep well last night (guilt must have gotten to him-lol).

 

I meanwhile took our son to pick up a prescription for him. I dropped our son back off at home and got ready to go to the gym. As I backed out of driveway, my hubby was pulling in. I waved and drove off. He immediately calls me to ask where I’m going. I told him to the gym. He then says- that lawyer actually called me back (he had left him a message) and told my hubby that he prefers to work with only one spouse and this and that. I said thanks for the info. He said I’m taking a nap. I want us to be nice and cordial this weekend. I said ok.

[ginamistros10]

Yes he sure seems to come thru for a coworker bday party but he didn’t give me even a card on our anniversary. Our anniversary was in July. He was acting weird that week and distant. Our anniversary was on a Wednesday but he was too tired to go out or exchange gifts. He came home and went to bed at 9pm. He said he wanted to wait until the weekend to celebrate. Weekend rolls around and nothing. Granted we were arguing, but he still could’ve made an effort. We finally exchange gifts 2 week later. He got me a jump rope, a makeup bag, a necklace that I won’t use (I keep telling him I don’t care for this particular jewelry store and he keeps buying things from there). I’m just put out with his attitude.

[ginamistros10]

So let’s discuss the past 2 days. Friday nite, he and I had a heartfelt discussion of what went wrong with us. I told him I wasn’t so necessarily angry about his one-on-one lunch per sey, but I was angry he was willing to get a divorce because I asked him not to go with her alone again. How does one want to divorce his wife because she’s upset u have a private lunch with another woman u have known for 2 months???

 

I told him he kept me hanging for 3 days before he reverted and & promised not to do it again. That next day, he was texting me saying “it won’t happen again until further notice”. Which just got me angry again- the further notice part! Then about 3 days after that was his insistence that he go to a company gym before or after work (even tho we’re already members at another gym). Then I found he called a lawyer. These were all strikes against our marriage- damaging behavior. He told me that I make his life hell. I told him HIS bad decisions did that.

 

We left things on a somewhat cordial tone. I woke up today and he was out picking up his lunch. I was on my way out the door to go to the gym. He wanted to talk. He told me he would take a lie detector test to prove he’s not fooling around but that I would have to do something for him. I asked what would that be. He said you will need to sign a document saying that you will give up your right to any financial claim to my family LLC. His family own several million dollars in apartments. The land was bought by his parents and gifted to him and his older brother. Then the parents required he and his brother form an LLC and get a $1 million loan. The brothers were the required to give his parents the money and the brother’s LLC would carry the loan. They would receive all apartment rental monies to use for the loan payment and the rest of the income was theirs. He only gets about $2k per month from this at the time because they invest the rest back into their LLC. The LLC has had a few loans over the years (they formed the LLC in 1998 when we were first married).

 

Each time they got a loan, I would have to sign the loan along with them even though I am technically not in the LLC. My husband, his brother are 42%/42% owners and the grandkids each have 2% stake. So my a$$ has been on the line many times for these million dollar loans. My husband has always said this would be our retirement income in the future.

 

So my hubby wants me to sign away my rights to all of this should we divorce. I ask where is this coming from??? He says he thinks I am only interested in his money. Um, ok I say. When I met u, I had a job and you were jobless. Nobody told me your parents owned anything until a year after we got together. Even then, I couldn’t care less. As a side note, my father owned a construction company for 35 years and most likely could be worth more than dear hubbys family. So i ask my hubby would he like to sign away his rights to anything I would inherit in the future.

 

He has been unbelievably cold today.

Edited September 30, 2018 by ginamistros10

[ginamistros10]

One more strange thing- my daughters room is right beside his. She got up early this morning to go to the bathroom. She opened her door and he opened his door and said “who’s that?” and closed his door really fast and didn’t speak to her. She though he was acting weird. I asked him what was up and he told me “none of your business”.

[Crazelnut]

Just divorce him and be done with it.

[JuneL]

Absolutely do not sign anything without consulting your attorneys. At this point, you should really talk to a couple of attorneys and start making plans for an amicable divorce.

[FMW]

Sounds like it's time to call time on this marriage. It seems there are just way too many negative and unhealthy things going on. It's not good for anyone, most certainly not your children.

[ginamistros10]

So I’m leaving little signs for him around the house so he will see his own weird behavior.

 

1) Unsigned anniversary card that he bought to give me- still laying in the desk drawer. I put it up n his backpack.

 

2) The watch I gave him for our anniversary. Still in the box. I asked him tonight what’s up- why he never tried it on. He said “I haven’t worn a watch since all of the nerve damage to my hand. (He accidentally stuck himself in the hand with an epipen and he had tingling in his hand around that time one year ago. He went to the dr and they ruled out nerve damage).

 

3) I also inquired about just why he continues to wear a plastic wedding band instead of the one I gave him when we married. He says that he took the metal ring off because he thought it might constrict blood flow to his hand. Now he prefers the plastic one.

[ginamistros10]

Yes the old him would’ve never turned his back on our marriage. I really need to figure out who is influencing him. It would give me great closure. I know I haven’t been perfect. But I think when he chose his lunch buddy over me is when I stopped caring to spend time with him. He has to be pretty sneaky to conduct an affair strictly at work because most nights and weekends he’s home. He’s physically home but seems distracted mentally.

[stillafool]

OP it seems you are just using this thread to vent. You aren't really answering questions that members direct to you. Why is that?

[Mardelis]

I can see why he thinks you might easily be manipulated into signing those documents that give up your financial rights in a divorce.

 

 

He just has to act nice.

[ginamistros10]

So pretend u are me & going to see an attorney. What evidence is the most damning that I should present to the attorney.

[Artdeco]

So pretend u are me & going to see an attorney. What evidence is the most damning that I should present to the attorney.

 

None. You just file for D. The lawyer won’t care why - neither will the judge in most cases. You are the one that needs to have valid reasons, for YOU.

[Mardelis]

What evidence is the most damning that I should present to the attorney.

 

 

You don't need "damning" evidence you simply need to provide your attorney with a list of assets and incomes. In some states, infidelity or bad behavior might make a bit of difference and I think in 1 or 2 remaining states you need a valid reason to end the marriage, but for the most part, the courts don't care about that sort of thing.

[Orokotikki]

Fault (regarding adultery) can figure into divorce in many ways, even in states which do not officially recognize it (which some do).

 

Get your legal advice FROM YOUR LAWYER. Go ahead and bring everything you have, describe your situation and try to provide whatever they ask for.

[Mardelis]

Fault (regarding adultery) can figure into divorce in many ways, even in states which do not officially recognize it (which some do).

 

 

It can but rarely does. It needs to be a) proven using evidence and testimony from witnesses which is expensive, time consuming and impractical and b) presented in one of the few courts that considers it when awarding assets and support

[Artdeco]

Fault (regarding adultery) can figure into divorce in many ways, even in states which do not officially recognize it (which some do).

 

Get your legal advice FROM YOUR LAWYER. Go ahead and bring everything you have, describe your situation and try to provide whatever they ask for.

 

Not true. Unless you can prove that your unfaithful spouse burnt through your 401K to buy jewelry and cars for his mistress, or similar financially scandalous, damaging behavior. Operative word being “prove”.