nospam99 Posted June 2, 2018 Share Posted June 2, 2018 Disclaimer: Religiously, I am a non-denominational non-believer. I respect believers' right to their beliefs and envy the psychological and emotional peace their faith provides them. However I apply what I see as reason to my evaluation of the situations I and other people encounter as we go through life. I've watched this now 176 deep thread and even contributed my opinions a few times. What I am now curious about is the formal authority of the pastor whose advice and influence is now being presented as paramount in the OP's explanation of her actions. I will point out that the clergy I know personally, who are by and large the most thoughtful and caring of people, have studied for years at seminary and been formally ordained by recognized denominations. None of them have ever expressed the opinions (to me) that the OP is attributing to her pastor. So ... - The OP has been asked several times and only answered with 'born-again' .... OP, exactly what denomination of religious faith do you and your pastor adhere to. 'Born-again' is a perspective, not a denomination. - What are your pastor's credentials? Did he study at seminary? For how long? Was he ordained? By what denomination? What is his current standing within the authority of whatever faith credentialed him? Of the OP's denomination? I am asking this because the OP says she is acting on the advice of a 'pastor' who is coming across in her descriptions as self-righteous. I am very curious if he is also self-appointed. She does have every right to take the advice of anyone she chooses. But I, as a non-believer, wonder how she or anyone reaches the belief that a particular clergyman speaks with the voice of Christ. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted June 2, 2018 Share Posted June 2, 2018 Our minister says it is up to the man to pursue. The woman will not have to pursue a Godly man. Veronica already said everything I had in mind, much more eloquently than I could say it myself (#148 above). Good luck! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author natalie2018 Posted June 2, 2018 Author Share Posted June 2, 2018 (edited) Disclaimer: Religiously, I am a non-denominational non-believer. I respect believers' right to their beliefs and envy the psychological and emotional peace their faith provides them. However I apply what I see as reason to my evaluation of the situations I and other people encounter as we go through life. I've watched this now 176 deep thread and even contributed my opinions a few times. What I am now curious about is the formal authority of the pastor whose advice and influence is now being presented as paramount in the OP's explanation of her actions. I will point out that the clergy I know personally, who are by and large the most thoughtful and caring of people, have studied for years at seminary and been formally ordained by recognized denominations. None of them have ever expressed the opinions (to me) that the OP is attributing to her pastor. So ... - The OP has been asked several times and only answered with 'born-again' .... OP, exactly what denomination of religious faith do you and your pastor adhere to. 'Born-again' is a perspective, not a denomination. - What are your pastor's credentials? Did he study at seminary? For how long? Was he ordained? By what denomination? What is his current standing within the authority of whatever faith credentialed him? Of the OP's denomination? I am asking this because the OP says she is acting on the advice of a 'pastor' who is coming across in her descriptions as self-righteous. I am very curious if he is also self-appointed. She does have every right to take the advice of anyone she chooses. But I, as a non-believer, wonder how she or anyone reaches the belief that a particular clergyman speaks with the voice of Christ. We are a nondenominational evangelical protestant Christian fellowship. I am trying not to give too much away. Yes, the pastor has all of the credentials and so on. He went to school and has led other churches. I am not trying to make it sound like a cult so I seriously apologize. I came to my pastor with this for advice. I used to be a part of an organized Christian denomination that is very large and I will leave it at that. My pastor just did what my dad probably would have done. Now, J says he is nondenominational as he does not go to a single church. That is his use as nondenominational. I am asking the one poster because he said he's a reverend. I just wanted to see if this was a preached principle in other churches or just more of a suggestion based on experience. The reason I trust the pastor with this is the fact that I used church to turn myself around. I was very selfish coming out of high school and I tried to change myself around. It has treated me well. Yes, I know I do not sound real at times. J even said that. Now, my pastor never said "Do this or or you willl go to a bad place." He just said that is what he would tell his daughter. He did tell my parents, but he was concerned about my safety. That was it. The comments about J and materialism and so on, I think might've been more at me because I mentioned those things as highlights in regard to his family's wealth and his desires in life. So, that was mainly because of how I framed things. I do feel bad for how I ended things. I've known J for two years and he has done a lot for me and I terminated our affiliations by IM. I would be upset if that happened to me, but my family and pastor even said it did not warrant a face to face or phone call. Again, I think they thought safety and they did not know that J and I knew each other for almost two years. Yes, I did give J the wrong idea. I thought he was the one at one point. That changed.The morning he told me his feelings, I was planning on inviting him to a family party. I see where you are all coming from and I am so sorry. I am not trying to hide behind God or anything. Do I feel.cowardly? Yes. It is hard doing what I did to a person I knew very well, but I was caught off-guard. The glorify God comments by my pastor seemed to be more of a way to just cushion the blow. I do want a man that puts God first. That is my preference. My pastor led a seminar on Christian courtship, so that is why I reference him a lot. I am not a big fan of modern dating. Edited June 2, 2018 by natalie2018 Link to post Share on other sites
Author natalie2018 Posted June 2, 2018 Author Share Posted June 2, 2018 Hey Natalie... I should admit this too... I didn’t read his ENTIRE letter. I couldn’t get through it. I read most of it and skimmed the rest. It mostly seemed liked over-the-top admiration of you and putting you on a pedestal, which can certainly be concerning. Like I said, it was too much. But in your subsequent interactions he seemed okay. I just wanted to let you know that so you don’t put too much value on what I said. It's okay. I will admit he came on strong and shocked me. I did come on strong to him at one point. I asked him his opinions on marriage very early on and where he saw us in five years. I asked him about children and so on. I was serious. My impression from the letter is that while he adored.me, I think he had a feeling he was getting played or.thought I was toying with him. In some ways, I did, but I really saw a future with him at one point. The morning of, I was asking his parents names and all of that and I could tell he was frustrated. What he did was odd. However, I will credit him for being bold. He never invaded my personal space before, during, or after. That is what leads me back to my original question. Was he asking for something or just getting this off of his chest? He waited until the last day of school right before graduation to tell me. Even then, he said he wanted to wait to give me the letter he wrote a while back. Link to post Share on other sites
nospam99 Posted June 2, 2018 Share Posted June 2, 2018 We are a nondenominational evangelical protestant Christian fellowship. I am trying not to give too much away. Yes, the pastor has all of the credentials and so on. He went to school and has led other churches. I am not trying to make it sound like a cult so I seriously apologize. I came to my pastor with this for advice. I used to be a part of an organized Christian denomination that is very large and I will leave it at that. My pastor just did what my dad probably would have done. OP, you are under no obligation to have provided direct answers to my questions. Nevertheless, you did not provide direct answers. So to third parties on LS, like me, it sounds like a cult. From what little detail you have shared and from the advice you have attributed to him, I, for one, would be less surprised if this 'pastor' is a self-appointed, Jim-Jones-nutcase than if he was as legit as the ministers and rabbis who have lived (parsonages for the ministers) in my Leave-it-to-Beaver upper suburban neighborhood over the years. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted June 2, 2018 Share Posted June 2, 2018 If you’re trying to get more objective advice from your paster (assuming he’s qualified), it’s only fair to point him to this thread. Or at the very least, tell him that you were rubbing up against him after that letter, and that you were flirting with another guy to get a reaction from him before that. Some of us also found the letter a bit crazy at first. But as the story unfolded, we gradually changed our mind and thought he was not the crazy one after all. Now we are left to speculate what manipulated him to write that letter to begin with. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author natalie2018 Posted June 2, 2018 Author Share Posted June 2, 2018 OP, you are under no obligation to have provided direct answers to my questions. Nevertheless, you did not provide direct answers. So to third parties on LS, like me, it sounds like a cult. From what little detail you have shared and from the advice you have attributed to him, I, for one, would be less surprised if this 'pastor' is a self-appointed, Jim-Jones-nutcase than if he was as legit as the ministers and rabbis who have lived (parsonages for the ministers) in my Leave-it-to-Beaver upper suburban neighborhood over the years. I understand that and I am not trying to be too direct in terms of religion and other things just in case someone I know skims this website. An acquaintance mentioned this place to me in the first place. I see where you get that impression and I apologize because I am making it sound that way and that is my error. I appreciate the viewpoints of you and everyone on LS. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author natalie2018 Posted June 2, 2018 Author Share Posted June 2, 2018 If you’re trying to get more objective advice from your paster (assuming he’s qualified), it’s only fair to point him to this thread. Or at the very least, tell him that you were rubbing up against him after that letter, and that you were flirting with another guy to get a reaction from him before that. Some of us also found the letter a bit crazy at first. But as the story unfolded, we gradually changed our mind and thought he was not the crazy one after all. Now we are left to speculate what manipulated him to write that letter to begin with. I originally went to my pastor to ask what he thought of the letter. He nevertheless became concerned when I said it was a guy at school. His harshness may have been his way of thinking J was not stable and to get me tonwalk away. As recently as last week, I was going to buy a dress to wear for J at graduation and I was going to surprise him there. I am not kidding, I thought he was the man I am going to marry. Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted June 2, 2018 Share Posted June 2, 2018 Oh good (non-denominational) heavens! :confused::confused: I pray to (Non-Denominational) God the poor guy recovers from this traumatic experience soon. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted June 2, 2018 Share Posted June 2, 2018 I originally went to my pastor to ask what he thought of the letter. He nevertheless became concerned when I said it was a guy at school. His harshness may have been his way of thinking J was not stable and to get me tonwalk away. As recently as last week, I was going to buy a dress to wear for J at graduation and I was going to surprise him there. I am not kidding, I thought he was the man I am going to marry. Perhaps your pastor thinks you should only date someone from your church/cult? Link to post Share on other sites
Author natalie2018 Posted June 2, 2018 Author Share Posted June 2, 2018 Perhaps your pastor thinks you should only date someone from your church/cult? You'll laugh, but his wife is not Christian. Another religion entirely. That said, maybe he wants me to date his son that has crushed on me for four years? No thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author natalie2018 Posted June 2, 2018 Author Share Posted June 2, 2018 I pray to (Non-Denominational) God the poor guy recovers from this traumatic experience soon. I know I have done a lot of damage. I look back a few pages and I was in rage. The fact that I ended two years of friendship by IM before graduation does not make me feel any better. I do feel like a coward for that. Link to post Share on other sites
Tristian Posted June 2, 2018 Share Posted June 2, 2018 As it appears this one has reached a conclusion, I'll go ahead and close up shop. Thanks to everyone for their participation. ~T Link to post Share on other sites
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