Author natalie2018 Posted June 1, 2018 Author Share Posted June 1, 2018 So, I removed him off of my social media sites last night and blocked him so he would not have to do that with me. This morning, my friends said that he lost it. They said that his friends told them that he broke down into tears last night. He said he wanted to know why I "hate" him. I do not hate him. I'm annoyed, but I do not hate him. I understand that I cannot be his priority, but I am exhausted over this. It kinda bothers me that he would say I "hate" him. Link to post Share on other sites
Veronica73 Posted June 1, 2018 Share Posted June 1, 2018 (edited) I feel really bad for this guy. That first letter was way too much, but after that he seemed genuinely decent and gracious, even after you rejected him and then rubbed up against him (??!). And your mom gives terrible dating advice. Men aren’t mind readers. It really came across like you were toying with him, and then he gave it one more shot and straight up asked you on a date, you reject him again. And act callous and annoyed at him. Maybe you need a more authoritarian, macho kind of dude who likes to compete for women all the time and doesn’t mind mindgames and all that and won’t pour his heart out to you. I think this guy’s way of “fighting for you” was sending that enormous letter in the first place, and then asking you out even after you firmly rejected him. Not many men would have given it another shot after that. (Edit) also, if the last time your mom dated was 13+ years ago in Peurto Rico, that experience might not be all that applicable now, in the US. Edited June 1, 2018 by Veronica73 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Veronica73 Posted June 1, 2018 Share Posted June 1, 2018 And it didn’t need to be so exhausting if you had just listened to somebody here, but you didn’t. All you’d had to say was “thank you for the letter. Do you want to get some ice cream on (whatever day). That’s simple, direct, and non-exhausting. So confusing, lol! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author natalie2018 Posted June 1, 2018 Author Share Posted June 1, 2018 I feel really bad for this guy. That first letter was way too much, but after that he seemed genuinely decent and gracious, even after you rejected him and then rubbed up against him (??!). And your mom gives terrible dating advice. Men aren’t mind readers. It really came across like you were toying with him, and then he gave it one more shot and straight up asked you on a date, you reject him again. And act callous and annoyed at him. Maybe you need a more authoritarian, macho kind of dude who likes to compete for women all the time and doesn’t mind mindgames and all that and won’t pour his heart out to you. I think this guy’s way of “fighting for you” was sending that enormous letter in the first place, and then asking you out even after you firmly rejected him. Not many men would have given it another shot after that. (Edit) also, if the last time your mom dated was 13+ years ago in Peurto Rico, that experience might not be all that applicable now, in the US. I understand that. For 4 months I tried getting him to see that I really liked him. I even told him how good we would look together. He even said he liked the movie Pearl Harbor and I said I loved it too. I even sent him the scene where they have the date in New York. I even asked him if we could share our love with others! I can't do all of the work. Link to post Share on other sites
Author natalie2018 Posted June 1, 2018 Author Share Posted June 1, 2018 And it didn’t need to be so exhausting if you had just listened to somebody here, but you didn’t. All you’d had to say was “thank you for the letter. Do you want to get some ice cream on (whatever day). That’s simple, direct, and non-exhausting. So confusing, lol! My problem is that when would it end? If I ended up dating or getting into a relationship, would he just keep things to himself the whole time? Link to post Share on other sites
Veronica73 Posted June 1, 2018 Share Posted June 1, 2018 My problem is that when would it end? If I ended up dating or getting into a relationship, would he just keep things to himself the whole time? Well you don’t know, do you? That’s kind of the whole point of dating. To find out. Maybe once he felt safer/more confident with you he would initiate more. And maybe the guy who did everything at the beginning would turn out being bossy and over-controlling. Link to post Share on other sites
Author natalie2018 Posted June 1, 2018 Author Share Posted June 1, 2018 Well you don’t know, do you? That’s kind of the whole point of dating. To find out. Maybe once he felt safer/more confident with you he would initiate more. And maybe the guy who did everything at the beginning would turn out being bossy and over-controlling. From what I knew is that he is timid. I don't date unless I can see myself marrying the person. I even told him that if I date someone, it is God's choice, not mine. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted June 1, 2018 Share Posted June 1, 2018 I wish we could somehow invite this guy to LS so we could tell him how none of this was his fault at all. He's gotta be so confused. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
nospam99 Posted June 1, 2018 Share Posted June 1, 2018 I wish we could somehow invite this guy to LS so we could tell him how none of this was his fault at all. He's gotta be so confused. Well CO, only the OP knows him to do that. I can't imagine she'd want him to see this cluster f--k. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted June 1, 2018 Share Posted June 1, 2018 Actually, I'm going to take back when I said. I do think this is partly his fault. Both of you are really terrible communicators, despite being so flowery with your words. If you ended up as a couple you'd have nothing but miscommunication between you. You both need a partner who is very direct because both of you are very obscure. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted June 1, 2018 Share Posted June 1, 2018 Moderation removed some personal content which might identify parties and redacted responses thereto. Also, we remind members to focus constructive criticism on actions and behaviors. No name-calling. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Author natalie2018 Posted June 1, 2018 Author Share Posted June 1, 2018 Actually, I'm going to take back when I said. I do think this is partly his fault. Both of you are really terrible communicators, despite being so flowery with your words. If you ended up as a couple you'd have nothing but miscommunication between you. You both need a partner who is very direct because both of you are very obscure. it is mostly his fault. If he would learn to talk like a big boy, then he might not be in this position. Good waste of a two year "friendship." That is why I am not friends with him right now. How do I know if he genuinely wanted a friendship at first? He could have just been my "friend" to get involved with me. How do I explain to a future boyfriend that I had a guy friend that hands around who had feelings for me? As far as I'm concerned, ending it by email was earned by him because he could not muster up the courage to ask me out, make a move, or anything in-person. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted June 1, 2018 Share Posted June 1, 2018 it is mostly his fault. If he would learn to talk like a big boy, then he might not be in this position. Good waste of a two year "friendship." That is why I am not friends with him right now. How do I know if he genuinely wanted a friendship at first? He could have just been my "friend" to get involved with me. How do I explain to a future boyfriend that I had a guy friend that hands around who had feelings for me? As far as I'm concerned, ending it by email was earned by him because he could not muster up the courage to ask me out, make a move, or anything in-person. Honestly, you have a lot of growing up to do before you are ready for a relationship at all. Do you take no blame for how this all went down? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author natalie2018 Posted June 1, 2018 Author Share Posted June 1, 2018 Honestly, you have a lot of growing up to do before you are ready for a relationship at all. Do you take no blame for how this all went down? I take blame for my part. Was playing hard to get stupid? Yeah. However, he could have said what he felt earlier. Acting like he didn't care just made me think he was not interested. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted June 1, 2018 Share Posted June 1, 2018 I take blame for my part. Was playing hard to get stupid? Yeah. However, he could have said what he felt earlier. Acting like he didn't care just made me think he was not interested. When exactly did he act like he didn't care? I think I missed that. Are you talking about when you were manning the booth together? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author natalie2018 Posted June 1, 2018 Author Share Posted June 1, 2018 When exactly did he act like he didn't care? I think I missed that. Are you talking about when you were manning the booth together? Both then and when I flirted with another guy in front of him before his letter. Link to post Share on other sites
donotmicrowave Posted June 1, 2018 Share Posted June 1, 2018 If you respect him at all, don’t ever contact him again. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted June 1, 2018 Share Posted June 1, 2018 Both then and when I flirted with another guy in front of him before his letter. So, because he didn't feed into your game-playing, he was showing he didn't care? You're in for a very frustrating dating life if you keep this behavior up. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author natalie2018 Posted June 1, 2018 Author Share Posted June 1, 2018 If you respect him at all, don’t ever contact him again. That will not be a problem. I had too many nights of feeling alone hoping that he would call me. I already told my friends to stop talking to him. Maybe God will send him someone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author natalie2018 Posted June 1, 2018 Author Share Posted June 1, 2018 So, because he didn't feed into your game-playing, he was showing he didn't care? You're in for a very frustrating dating life if you keep this behavior up. No, he did not try to pursue after that. It was like I was a dime a dozen. It was like he was too proud to show feelings. As I said, maybe he will get lucky one day and God will send him someone. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted June 1, 2018 Share Posted June 1, 2018 (edited) No, he did not try to pursue after that. It was like I was a dime a dozen. It was like he was too proud to show feelings. As I said, maybe he will get lucky one day and God will send him someone. You're making a lot of assumptions. I don't know how you can think he thinks you're a dime a dozen after that letter. Sounds more like you're blame shifting because you know you screwed up. Edited June 1, 2018 by CautiouslyOptimistic 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted June 1, 2018 Share Posted June 1, 2018 Actually, I'm going to take back when I said. I do think this is partly his fault. Both of you are really terrible communicators, despite being so flowery with your words. If you ended up as a couple you'd have nothing but miscommunication between you. You both need a partner who is very direct because both of you are very obscure. I think this has a lot to do with their inexperience in dating and their own insecurity, so they tend to blow things out of proportion whenever they detect even a tiny sign of rejection. I would say the guy is shy and clumsy and awkward and confused, but at least he seems decent and honest, whereas the OP is playing these impossible games. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author natalie2018 Posted June 1, 2018 Author Share Posted June 1, 2018 I think this has a lot to do with their inexperience in dating and their own insecurity, so they tend to blow things out of proportion whenever they detect even a tiny sign of rejection. I would say the guy is shy and clumsy and awkward and confused, but at least he seems decent and honest, whereas the OP is playing these impossible games. I was told by everyone I knew that women are not supposed to pursue men. Now, hard to get I was told is something that most women do. My mother said that, friends said that, and my cousins said that. It seemed fine until that one guy I flirted with said we went out and talked about the future. I made it clear that he was joking. I think God will send him someone one day to help with his low confidence. Link to post Share on other sites
Romantic_Antics Posted June 1, 2018 Share Posted June 1, 2018 No, he did not try to pursue after that. It was like I was a dime a dozen. It was like he was too proud to show feelings. As I said, maybe he will get lucky one day and God will send him someone. You sent him a letter that rejected him and friend zoned him. By doing that (and we all told you not to send it) you essentially told him, "Don't touch me, don't flirt with me, don't make a move on me, don't try to kiss me. You will only ever be a friend and nothing more". Then when he respected that by not touching you, flirting with you, or making a move on you you lashed out at the poor guy, acted like he wasn't willing to chase you (hint: you told him not to), and then resorted to some really deplorable behavior that included insulting him, ridiculing him and his future aspirations, and acting like you should be the center of his universe. I'm typically a pretty chill guy, almost old enough to be your father, but your words and actions have really rubbed all of us the wrong way and it has made it very difficult for us to even want to help you anymore, especially since you have ignored all of our advice and don't seem to care about our disapproval over the way you've treated him and even some of us. I'd really said all I cared to in my previous post to you, but I wanted to address this in hopes that you finally get it. You can't reject somebody and put up a stop sign on them flirting with you and then get mad and act like they did something wrong when they honor it. He's not going to pursue you. You shot him down and rejected him. That's not how you get a boyfriend. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author natalie2018 Posted June 1, 2018 Author Share Posted June 1, 2018 (edited) You sent him a letter that rejected him and friend zoned him. By doing that (and we all told you not to send it) you essentially told him, "Don't touch me, don't flirt with me, don't make a move on me, don't try to kiss me. You will only ever be a friend and nothing more". Then when he respected that by not touching you, flirting with you, or making a move on you you lashed out at the poor guy, acted like he wasn't willing to chase you (hint: you told him not to), and then resorted to some really deplorable behavior that included insulting him, ridiculing him and his future aspirations, and acting like you should be the center of his universe. I'm typically a pretty chill guy, almost old enough to be your father, but your words and actions have really rubbed all of us the wrong way and it has made it very difficult for us to even want to help you anymore, especially since you have ignored all of our advice and don't seem to care about our disapproval over the way you've treated him and even some of us. I'd really said all I cared to in my previous post to you, but I wanted to address this in hopes that you finally get it. You can't reject somebody and put up a stop sign on them flirting with you and then get mad and act like they did something wrong when they honor it. He's not going to pursue you. You shot him down and rejected him. That's not how you get a boyfriend. As far as the "future inspirations" go, I told him, point blank "If you were to join the Air National Guard, I do not think we could be together because you would be gone a lot" and he said "It is only part time and two weekends a month after training." It's the military, it is not so easy. It just told me that I would always be second to the job. That is why I get so mad about his future aspirations. I even challenged him and "Let your dreams go and let Jesus guide you." Edited June 1, 2018 by natalie2018 Link to post Share on other sites
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