Guy Friend Wrote Me a Letter and I am

[natalie2018]

I think that would be fine, but would prefer you just did something cheap and you pay for it this first time since you'll be doing the asking. If his offer for movie was recent, then I guess that's fine, but if it's even a few days old, he might not have the money right this minute. Just see if he will go for coffee or ice cream and break the ice. Then you can talk about whatever and say you're open to date him if you want or just see if he can pick up the ball and run with it his own self.

 

I'm just saying g that because he mentioned it in his letter. I can acknowledge I read it and make a date while kinda making it seem like it was his idea.

[natalie2018]

It sounds exactly like a rejection! Stop beating around the bush. You can't tell him he'd be good for "someone." That's saying but not for you. Ask him out.

 

Neither of you seem to be able to just get to the point. Just say, "Let's go have ice cream on Saturday." You need to do something soon because yes, he has by now felt humiliated he hasn't heard back.

 

And no, do NOT try to respond to any of the drivel he wrote in his crazy letter! Just ask him out and do it right now. You have got to stop all this confusing nonsense and just get face to face.

 

I know this will be unpopular, but I am having second thoughts and I want to send him my email that I wrote. I want to give it to him because I feel that while I like him, I do not knowing if I can handle too much shyness. My mother...yes, I know I should not listen, but she says a guy that really likes me would not make this into such a chase. I mean, he is graduating on Saturday, so he should have other things to think about and I will not be at his forefront because of the important life choices he will have to make soon. My mother thinks he is really immature too for doing this by letter. I am only listening to her because I live with her and because my friends are saying it is weird that he wrote a letter.

 

Am I heartless for listening to this? I mean, I think he would always be on eggshells around me. I am confused.

Edited May 30, 2018 by natalie2018

[marky00]

I want to give it to him because I feel that while I like him, I do not knowing if I can handle too much shyness.

 

Am I heartless for listening to this? I mean, I think he would always be on eggshells around me. I am confused.

 

ahh the truth finally comes out. No wonder he wrote the letter and has been on egg shells because your not as into him as you made out.

 

4 page thread to finally tell us the truth

 

Just stop focusing on all these silly things like the letter and stuff. That is what we call "white noise" (stuff that doesn't really matter).

 

What matters here is only one thing. Do you like him? Stop thinking about all the other crap and also stop listening to other people. Don't talk to your mum or anyone about this for a week and then listen to what your heart says.

[natalie2018]

ahh the truth finally comes out. No wonder he wrote the letter and has been on egg shells because your not as into him as you made out.

 

4 page thread to finally tell us the truth

 

Just stop focusing on all these silly things like the letter and stuff. That is what we call "white noise" (stuff that doesn't really matter).

 

What matters here is only one thing. Do you like him? Stop thinking about all the other crap and also stop listening to other people. Don't talk to your mum or anyone about this for a week and then listen to what your heart says.

 

Here is the thing: I initiated flirting with him and all of that, but I did not expect his feelings to be so strong so early. I do want to go out with him, but if I do not want to continue he will resent me for a long time. If I reject it now, then he will feel led on. Either way, it is not a good thing. My ideal thing is to keep it friendly a little longer and hang out as friends to see if it turns into something more. I just do not want to call it a "date" at first. Do you understand where I am at?

 

I think he will say I love you soon. I just want to slow us down a bit, but I do not feel like that is right to him because I have made it seem that I am deeply in love with him. I really like him, but I cannot say love yet either. Call me crazy, but when he said he did want to say "love" because he did not know how I felt, I think he made a good observation and even if his letter was way too long, I know he cares and he is trying to tiptoe a little bit. Is there a good way to communicate a slower way of going about this?

Edited May 30, 2018 by natalie2018

[nospam99]

I know this will be unpopular, but I am having second thoughts and I want to send him my email that I wrote. I want to give it to him because I feel that while I like him, I do not knowing if I can handle too much shyness. My mother...yes, I know I should not listen, but she says a guy that really likes me would not make this into such a chase. I mean, he is graduating on Saturday, so he should have other things to think about and I will not be at his forefront because of the important life choices he will have to make soon. My mother thinks he is really immature too for doing this by letter. I am only listening to her because I live with her and because my friends are saying it is weird that he wrote a letter.

 

Am I heartless for listening to this? I mean, I think he would always be on eggshells around me. I am confused.

 

Just sayin' follows ... Cinderella's glass slipper shatters. He's not having second thoughts but the way you are vacillating, he should. YOU are at his forefront. For a 20-something guy (or a 60-something), romance is the most important life choice. He is graduating on Saturday and is wise enough to understand that if he wants to discover if you will be a part of his life, he must find out now. He is not immature or weird, he is anachronistically serious and genteel.

[natalie2018]

Just sayin' follows ... Cinderella's glass slipper shatters. He's not having second thoughts but the way you are vacillating, he should. YOU are at his forefront. For a 20-something guy (or a 60-something), romance is the most important life choice. He is graduating on Saturday and is wise enough to understand that if he wants to discover if you will be a part of his life, he must find out now. He is not immature or weird, he is anachronistically serious and genteel.

 

I know. Sorry, I'm just stressing out. I just want to slow it down a bit. My mom and friends think I should move on, but I really like him at the same time. I feel weird about saying that I want to go on a date when I think it would be easier and less pressure to go out as friends first so that the expectations are low.

[JuneL]

I think you’re just super stressed out that you can’t live up to the giant pedestal he has put you on. For someone insecure and inexperienced like you, perhaps you need a guy who is more secure and experienced to guide you through. It doesn’t help that this guy is as insecure and inexperienced like you.

[natalie2018]

I think you’re just super stressed out that you can’t live up to the giant pedestal he has put you on. For someone insecure and inexperienced like you, perhaps you need a guy who is more secure and experienced to guide you through. It doesn’t help that this guy is as insecure and inexperienced like you.

 

He is a great guy, but yeah, the pedestal he has me on is huge. I mean, maybe he was just being overly nice? I say that because he is not normally that gushy. Then again, being that inexperienced on his end, I think that is a benefit as there is no baggage from previous loves to deal with and I know he would be loyal. I am just thrown off because he has never gushed like this and is usually very cool and laid back.

[marky00]

My mom and friends think I should move on, but I really like him at the same time.

 

If the reason to listen to them and move on is to end his suffering then I would agree. Your all over the place and must be driving this guy crazy. You've mentioned how he won't step up and walks on egg shells. It's now so clear why he has been doing that. Did it ever occur to you that your behaviour could be the very reason he has been shy and cautious?

 

He wrote the letter so you can figure out what you want to do in response and that way he doesn't need/want to watch you flip and flop while you formulate your response. He probably knew a face-to-face wouldn't achieve what he wanted and he was right because let's face it, if he had come to you face-to-face my guess is you would have been flipping and flopping and continue to confuse him.

[natalie2018]

If the reason to listen to them and move on is to end his suffering then I would agree. Your all over the place and must be driving this guy crazy. You've mentioned how he won't step up and walks on egg shells. It's now so clear why he has been doing that. Did it ever occur to you that your behaviour could be the very reason he has been shy and cautious?

 

He wrote the letter so you can figure out what you want to do in response and that way he doesn't need/want to watch you flip and flop while you formulate your response. He probably knew a face-to-face wouldn't achieve what he wanted and he was right because let's face it, if he had come to you face-to-face my guess is you would have been flipping and flopping and continue to confuse him.

 

He helped me out at 11:00 the night before our finals to fix my homework because my computer broke. I asked him to help correct a paper the next morning and he said this to me face-to-face:

 

Him: "You know, I bet you probably have a million guys chasing you right now."

 

Me: "Haha...I'm glad you seem to think I have my life in order."

 

Him: "Well, at the risk of being beat up by your pursuers, I would like to say that part of the reason I meet up with you early in the mornings is because I love talking with you and I have always had a crush on you. I think I will always have a soft spot for you. You are pretty amazing whether you realize it or not."

 

Me: "Wow..."

 

Him: "Well, I'll just let you think about that. Take care. We can talk later after class if you want."

 

He sat outside the class at a table to talk to me, but one of my friends was talking to him. And then we met at lunch with our other friends so we did not talk one-on-one.

 

I had a bad final and I think that is why he thought I was mad. He handed me the letter and said "I wanted to wait, but maybe I will let you read this."

 

I read it and here I am now.

Edited May 30, 2018 by natalie2018

[bathtub-row]

So much over-thinking! The guy may be incredibly intelligent and simply shy with someone he’s attracted to, or he’s psychotic. Still, if you know this guy and trust him, then just say, “Enjoyed your letter. Let me know if you’d like to go out sometime.” You never know until you go out with him. If you get bad vibes, then thank him for the letter or don’t respond at all.

[preraph]

You crack me up thinking you can somehow slow this down. This is a runaway train. This guy is over the top and sounds obsessed and fearful and, well, inadequate. Writing him that email you wrote is a huge mistake unless you simply want to reject him, and that's fine, and probably wise, but if you do, the better way to do it is simply write "You're nice but I'm sorry I don't feel that way about you."

 

Thing is you seem to not know what you want -- and have apparently rejected dating as a way to find out if you like him or not. Which is what dating is for. A date is not a marriage proposal! It's to see if you get along and find out about a person. You're not supposed to wait until you think you're in love and ready to get married to go out with a person. Because that means you are in love with love and not the person.

 

Your mother's instincts are right that probably the best thing is simply to blow him off. But you can't keep him as a friend. He's too invested. There is no point in stringing this along. The longer you string it out or he does, the more hurt he will be in the end.

 

Do not send him that email. It is just like his letter only shorter and it serves absolutely no purpose and clarifies nothing! It's just confusing. If you think you might like him romantically, then ask him out. If not, don't.

[natalie2018]

You crack me up thinking you can somehow slow this down. This is a runaway train. This guy is over the top and sounds obsessed and fearful and, well, inadequate. Writing him that email you wrote is a huge mistake unless you simply want to reject him, and that's fine, and probably wise, but if you do, the better way to do it is simply write "You're nice but I'm sorry I don't feel that way about you."

 

Thing is you seem to not know what you want -- and have apparently rejected dating as a way to find out if you like him or not. Which is what dating is for. A date is not a marriage proposal! It's to see if you get along and find out about a person. You're not supposed to wait until you think you're in love and ready to get married to go out with a person. Because that means you are in love with love and not the person.

 

Your mother's instincts are right that probably the best thing is simply to blow him off. But you can't keep him as a friend. He's too invested. There is no point in stringing this along. The longer you string it out or he does, the more hurt he will be in the end.

 

Do not send him that email. It is just like his letter only shorter and it serves absolutely no purpose and clarifies nothing! It's just confusing. If you think you might like him romantically, then ask him out. If not, don't.

 

Well, the good news is a mutual friend says that he thought it was a huge mistake writing me that. He said he thought I was further along than him because I talked about getting an apartment together. He got anxious after he talked to me on Friday, so he impulsively gave it to me. We cannot put the cat back in the bag, but I guess he was trying to say if I wanted to date him or not it does not matter because he said he will always be my friend.

 

So, what now?

[Romantic_Antics]

Well, the good news is a mutual friend says that he thought it was a huge mistake writing me that. He said he thought I was further along than him because I talked about getting an apartment together. He got anxious after he talked to me on Friday, so he impulsively gave it to me. We cannot put the cat back in the bag, but I guess he was trying to say if I wanted to date him or not it does not matter because he said he will always be my friend.

 

So, what now?

 

He's saying that now because he didn't get the response he was hoping for. I suspect that you're just getting cold feet about telling this guy how you feel and potentially getting into a relationship with him. Otherwise you're being flakier than a box of Wheaties after spending pages telling us how much you like him, the hints you've tried giving him, the kisses you've tried to get, and even some kind of a future relationship with him.

[natalie2018]

He's saying that now because he didn't get the response he was hoping for. I suspect that you're just getting cold feet about telling this guy how you feel and potentially getting into a relationship with him. Otherwise you're being flakier than a box of Wheaties after spending pages telling us how much you like him, the hints you've tried giving him, the kisses you've tried to get, and even some kind of a future relationship with him.

 

I'm going to send him an email and see how it goes. I'll thank him for the letter and so on and tell him how much he means to me as a friend.

[natalie2018]

I sent him this by IM and he replied pretty fast:

 

 

Hi J,

 

I read your letter and I am very flattered by your words which were elegant and expressed like a gentleman.

 

First, I would like to apologize if I misled you with my attitudes. You are an incredible person who is both smart and respectable. I never intended for it to seem as if I was playing with your emotions. If I ever gave that impression, then I apologize.

 

I hope that even my failures in life can bless those around me. To hear that our time together has inspired you truly makes me smile. I am convinced that you are seeing a reflection in me of what God truly sees in you, so I am not as amazing as you think! I am blessed everyday with God's love, same as you. You only beautiful because I wear a gown made from the blood of Christ. I pray that God will keep forming you into the person he wants you to be and in His time, introduce you to the woman he has made for you. I thank God for being able to meet you and to share Christ with you.

 

Thank you for sharing yourself with me and our friends. I am so excited to see what God will accomplish through you.

 

Wishing you the very best!

 

N

 

P.S. See you tonight!

 

Here sent this back:

 

Dear N,

 

First off, you have absolutely nothing to be sorry for. Whether you liked me or not, our time together as classmates will always be enjoyable to me. Your kindness to others is a true gift and if I misinterpreted that, then that is my issue. I just wanted to confide my high feelings for you rather than let them rot away into oblivion. I tried to decipher your feelings towards me over the semester, but I should have just asked you myself. I was afraid that I would scare you off by telling you I liked you. You are the first person that I have ever expressed my true feelings to and I appreciate your professionalism regarding my letter.

 

That being said, I would enjoy maintaining an ongoing friendship, but I understand that if you are in a relationship or entering one, then that may be an impossibility. You are a good person and I mean it! If you ever need anything from help, to a friendship, or just a shoulder to lean on, or anything else, never hesitate to give me a call!

 

I'll see you later on tonight,

 

J

[preraph]

His email was much more sensible than the first one. Yours was fine too. So now what do you want? You just told him basically just friends. So are you good with that? If so, mission accomplished.

[JuneL]

Is this guy as religious as you are?

[natalie2018]

Is this guy as religious as you are?

 

He is religious, but he says he likes to keep it to himself. He says what he believes is between him and God.

 

As for what comes next, I will see him tonight. Should I act as if things are normal or give him space? I still like him, but I will not chase him. If he wants to talk about it, I'll see where my feelings lead me from there.

[Romantic_Antics]

He is religious, but he says he likes to keep it to himself. He says what he believes is between him and God.

 

As for what comes next, I will see him tonight. Should I act as if things are normal or give him space? I still like him, but I will not chase him. If he wants to talk about it, I'll see where my feelings lead me from there.

 

Well you just rejected him and friend zoned him. He now thinks you don't like him in the way that you told us you do so you need to stop playing games with his head and his heart. If you didn't want to reject him, friend zone him, and make him feel like he'll never be anything more than a friend then you should've listened to us.

 

Good luck.

[preraph]

I give up. You just thoroughly rejected him in writing and made clear you didn't mean to mislead him and didn't like him that way and that it was only friends, and put God's seal on it, and now you expect him to chase you?

[natalie2018]

Well you just rejected him and friend zoned him. He now thinks you don't like him in the way that you told us you do so you need to stop playing games with his head and his heart. If you didn't want to reject him, friend zone him, and make him feel like he'll never be anything more than a friend then you should've listened to us.

 

Good luck.

 

I like him more as a friend at this point. I am not going to seek a relationship or anything. If things change, I will address it then. But I want to just be friends as that is what we were before.

[JDJ]

Otherwise you're being flakier than a box of Wheaties after spending pages telling us how much you like him, the hints you've tried giving him, the kisses you've tried to get, and even some kind of a future relationship with him.

 

I think this is the phrase that most applies to this thread. There are two options

1) You like him, then ask him out [he won't ask because you rejected him]

2) He is friendzoned

 

It is 1 or 2, not "1 and 2", and not "none of the above".

[natalie2018]

I just spent an hour and a half with him. We were staffing a booth. He did not look at me at all. I tried leaning next to him a bit and he just put some space between us. I brushed up against him and he backed away again. He only talked to me when I asked him for the time. I did not need his pettiness, so I wished our friends well, gave them hugs, and left him with no words and a handshake. He is too passive aggressive.

[marky00]

I tried leaning next to him a bit and he just put some space between us. I brushed up against him and he backed away again.

 

You friend zoned him and now your flirting with him?

 

He's not being petty.

 

He's showing you he has boundaries. Nothing wrong with that at all.

 

Why don't you listen to anyone? You just keep going back and doing the same mistakes each time.