Guy Friend Wrote Me a Letter and I am

[marky00]

I just wanted to confide my high feelings for you rather than let them rot away into oblivion. I tried to decipher your feelings towards me over the semester, but I should have just asked you myself. I was afraid that I would scare you off by telling you I liked you. You are the first person that I have ever expressed my true feelings to

 

 

He's told you he really likes you.

 

But you friend zoned him.

 

Don't you get it.

 

He' doesn't want to be rejected again.

[natalie2018]

He's told you he really likes you.

 

But you friend zoned him.

 

Don't you get it.

 

He' doesn't want to be rejected again.

 

He rejected me, too. He told one of our friends tonight that he is thinking about joining the Air National Guard. He would rather chase a stupid dream then try and build something real. He said this a few weeks ago and never asked for my opinion on it, so he clearly did not see a future with me. Whatever, he can enjoy his stupid airplanes.

[nospam99]

He rejected me, too. He told one of our friends tonight that he is thinking about joining the Air National Guard. He would rather chase a stupid dream then try and build something real. He said this a few weeks ago and never asked for my opinion on it, so he clearly did not see a future with me. Whatever, he can enjoy his stupid airplanes.

 

BECAUSE you rejected him FIRST. Any coldness you now perceive from him is defensive armor (listen to Simon and Gar****el's I Am a Rock). You're young. There will be other men in your life. Some will be honorable, loyal, and sensitive. It sounds like this guy was one. Others will be playahs who only want to have sex with you (read some threads here at LS for examples) or, worse, abusers (read some more threads). Take this experience as a lesson learned about how to drive away a man who is/was interested in you.

 

I'm a (pretty old) guy. I've turned my back on women who have been a whole lot less cruel to me than you've been to him. At this point I doubt you really want to pursue a relationship with him anyway. If I'm wrong and you do, ask the LS ladies for suggestions.

Edited May 31, 2018 by nospam99

[donotmicrowave]

He rejected me, too. He told one of our friends tonight that he is thinking about joining the Air National Guard. He would rather chase a stupid dream then try and build something real. He said this a few weeks ago and never asked for my opinion on it, so he clearly did not see a future with me. Whatever, he can enjoy his stupid airplanes.

 

You do not want "something real" with him, you made it clear to him with your e-mail and clear to us with your words and action. Let the poor guy go. You called him petty, but now you're pissed because he is "chasing a stupid dream" (how dare you?..) instead of chasing you? You're not a special little snowflake. You do not get to play around with people's emotions.

 

He expressed his feelings for you. You rejected him. Then flirted with him. He showed you his boundaries and is letting go, and you're pissed?

 

It's just your ego that's hurt. Nothing else.

[natalie2018]

He sent me this:

 

Dear N,

 

I'm sorry for my conduct last night. It was not a good night because it was my last night as a student. More importantly, I was upset with myself for giving you that letter and the fact I may have ruined your weekend. I should not have put my unwanted feelings on you and put you in a bad position. I probably do not have the resources for a relationship anyway and the last thing on your mind is a relationship as you want to start your professional career with full focus. I apologize. I had to keep my distance because I agreed to stay as a friend so I must honor that and I did not want to seem like a creep by being too close to you. Thank you for the friendship and it has been an honor to know you as a classmate. You will be marching alongside me and everyone else at graduation in spirit. Hopefully we can talk sometime soon.

 

Take care and Godspeed,

 

J

 

So, I replied like this:

 

Dear J,

 

I know we had a great time in class. Unfortunately, I have always been old-fashioned thus I refrain from cultivating friendships with men out of respect for my future husband. I hope this does not discourage you from sharing yourself with others. May God bless your life.

 

N

Edited May 31, 2018 by natalie2018

[natalie2018]

You do not want "something real" with him, you made it clear to him with your e-mail and clear to us with your words and action. Let the poor guy go. You called him petty, but now you're pissed because he is "chasing a stupid dream" (how dare you?..) instead of chasing you? You're not a special little snowflake. You do not get to play around with people's emotions.

 

He expressed his feelings for you. You rejected him. Then flirted with him. He showed you his boundaries and is letting go, and you're pissed?

 

It's just your ego that's hurt. Nothing else.

 

He is an adult. If he can sign his name on a dotted line to Uncle Sam, then he can tell a woman that he loves her face-to-face. I do not know how much more I could have given him as a hint. I asked him about how many kids he wanted and I even made a wedding board on Pinterest so he could see it.

[JuneL]

He is an adult. If he can sign his name on a dotted line to Uncle Sam, then he can tell a woman that he loves her face-to-face. I do not know how much more I could have given him as a hint. I asked him about how many kids he wanted and I even made a wedding board on Pinterest so he could see it.

 

While I agree that his letter was off putting, you did give him a direct rejection in your reply. This, coupled with your flirty signals both before and after, is telling him that you’re a girl with no healthy boundaries — you’re coming off as one who enjoys flirting with guys whom you’re not interested in romantically just to get their attention.

[JuneL]

“I refrain from cultivating friendships with men out of respect for my future husband”

 

What did this even mean? So now that he’s not receptive to your flirty behavior and you’ve changed your mind and you guys can’t be just friends??

[preraph]

He'd be smart to join the Air National Guard and put you behind him. Can't believe you wrote him a rejection letter and then tried to rub up against him. Just sad. You treated him like your cat toy. He's not passive-aggressive. He's tired of being your cat toy.

[donotmicrowave]

He is an adult. If he can sign his name on a dotted line to Uncle Sam, then he can tell a woman that he loves her face-to-face. I do not know how much more I could have given him as a hint. I asked him about how many kids he wanted and I even made a wedding board on Pinterest so he could see it.

 

But do you realize that adult relationships don’t exactly shine on childish behavior and wedding boards on Pinterest.

 

Leave him alone, forget your hints, you straight up rejected him. Have some respect for a fellow human being.

[natalie2018]

While I agree that his letter was off putting, you did give him a direct rejection in your reply. This, coupled with your flirty signals both before and after, is telling him that you’re a girl with no healthy boundaries — you’re coming off as one who enjoys flirting with guys whom you’re not interested in romantically just to get their attention.

 

My friend said he thought he made it obvious by asking me if I wanted to go to Disneyland the week before, so he told me that he had a crush on me the following week to my face, but he said "crush"...what is he? Four? He could say he loved me. Just sounds like a guy with feelings he cannot handle.Does not sound serious at all.

[natalie2018]

“I refrain from cultivating friendships with men out of respect for my future husband”

 

What did this even mean? So now that he’s not receptive to your flirty behavior and you’ve changed your mind and you guys can’t be just friends??

 

Well, referring to him as a "man" was too nice on my part. I'm looking for a husband...I have enough friends.

[natalie2018]

He sent me this at lunch:

 

Natalie,

 

I thought we were always friends, but I am a little confused now.First, you said you want to be friends and now you say you never make friends with men. I'm detecting some other issues.

 

Well, here comes the rant of all rants, so if you do not want to read it, then just text "no" to save time. I'm already going down in flames, so I might as well add a few fireworks to the inferno.

 

First of all, old fashioned? The main way you communicate with other people is social media, email, and text messaging. I understand your rejection, but even you have to admit sending it to me by email an hour before you will see me in-person is not very old-fashioned, but it is your right.

 

Anyway, what about a date? I know you want to say no, but I bet you are scared. You know why? Maybe I am that guy you think will magically show up on a platter. So, the ball is in your court now. If you take my offer, I promise I will make it worth your time. I told you to your face on Friday that I have always had a crush on you. I asked you if you wanted to go to Disneyland the week before. I gave you that letter to prove that I am not joking. If you do not want it, then no problem. Just give me a firm "no" at the very least so I can go on my way.

 

-J

 

Me: J, the answer is no.

 

J: You got it. Goodbye and good luck. If you can ever tell me why you are so mad at me, then I would be grateful. I'll get off of your social media, not to be manipulative, I just need some time to myself. If you ever need anything, you know my number. I do not make a girl a promise unless I know I can keep it.

[Romantic_Antics]

I'm sorry, Natalie, but you have things so twisted that I'm rooting for this guy. I hope he gets as far away from you as possible. He seems like a genuinely decent person who will have no problem meeting a nice girl who isn't going to stomp all over his heart, play mind games, toy with his emotions, reject him, expect him to still be interested, project her own pettiness and distasteful behavior onto him, insult him, and try to act like she should be the most important thing in his life.

 

I was on your side and tried to do everything I could to help you and give you sound advice, as did others, but you ignored it and have now turned into a petty, petulant, manipulative, emotionally abusive, self-centered narcissist. I am disgusted by your behavior and will tell you that you won't ever have a boyfriend or a husband until you make some serious changes.

 

Sometimes people need a reality check. This is yours.

[preraph]

So I'm assuming one of your little friends talked him into asking you out one more time by telling him that you wanted to go out with him.

 

Boy, he was right when he said he was "detecting some other issues."

[JuneL]

I was going to add that old-fashioned girls don’t rub up against boys randomly.

[nospam99]

He sent me this at lunch:

 

Natalie,

 

I thought we were always friends, but I am a little confused now.First, you said you want to be friends and now you say you never make friends with men. I'm detecting some other issues.

 

Well, here comes the rant of all rants, so if you do not want to read it, then just text "no" to save time. I'm already going down in flames, so I might as well add a few fireworks to the inferno.

 

First of all, old fashioned? The main way you communicate with other people is social media, email, and text messaging. I understand your rejection, but even you have to admit sending it to me by email an hour before you will see me in-person is not very old-fashioned, but it is your right.

 

Anyway, what about a date? I know you want to say no, but I bet you are scared. You know why? Maybe I am that guy you think will magically show up on a platter. So, the ball is in your court now. If you take my offer, I promise I will make it worth your time. I told you to your face on Friday that I have always had a crush on you. I asked you if you wanted to go to Disneyland the week before. I gave you that letter to prove that I am not joking. If you do not want it, then no problem. Just give me a firm "no" at the very least so I can go on my way.

 

-J

 

Me: J, the answer is no.

 

J: You got it. Goodbye and good luck. If you can ever tell me why you are so mad at me, then I would be grateful. I'll get off of your social media, not to be manipulative, I just need some time to myself. If you ever need anything, you know my number. I do not make a girl a promise unless I know I can keep it.

 

 

Just to make sure I grok this:

- Dude caves and finally allows the 'young lady' to manipulate him into explicitly asking for a date

- Having accomplished her goal, she shoots him down in flames

- He loses it sufficiently to (politely) flip her off but remains sufficiently 'whipped' to leave an olive branch.

 

Amiright? If 'yes', dayum she's 'good'.

[preraph]

^ Oh, she's got her little friends coming in behind her rude actions telling him "Don't be mad at her, she really likes you," etc. Soon one of them will decide to date him.

[natalie2018]

I'm sorry, Natalie, but you have things so twisted that I'm rooting for this guy. I hope he gets as far away from you as possible. He seems like a genuinely decent person who will have no problem meeting a nice girl who isn't going to stomp all over his heart, play mind games, toy with his emotions, reject him, expect him to still be interested, project her own pettiness and distasteful behavior onto him, insult him, and try to act like she should be the most important thing in his life.

 

I was on your side and tried to do everything I could to help you and give you sound advice, as did others, but you ignored it and have now turned into a petty, petulant, manipulative, emotionally abusive, self-centered narcissist. I am disgusted by your behavior and will tell you that you won't ever have a boyfriend or a husband until you make some serious changes.

 

Sometimes people need a reality check. This is yours.

 

Good luck with that. He would never touch me and made me feel unwanted physically. Before he even wrote this, I would try and touch him and he would act like he was taking up space and open up room. He said he had to overcome his fears just to initiate a hug. I'm a woman, not the plague. Maybe he will touch that general he was talking to. They can have him. If a man is afraid to give a woman a gentle touch, then I'm sure he will be of great use to our country.

Edited May 31, 2018 by natalie2018

[natalie2018]

Just to make sure I grok this:

- Dude caves and finally allows the 'young lady' to manipulate him into explicitly asking for a date

- Having accomplished her goal, she shoots him down in flames

- He loses it sufficiently to (politely) flip her off but remains sufficiently 'whipped' to leave an olive branch.

 

Amiright? If 'yes', dayum she's 'good'.

 

I am a catch, thank you. My mother told me the other night that if I am not first in his book, then I am last. I am a club leader, I graduated early from high school, and my mother is a former actress and my father is an actor. They both said I could get a handsome and famous young man who would pursue me back there in Puerto Rico. I have proven myself. I am accomplished in my internship and I will get a high paying job when I graduate. I can date an engineer if I want to. My mother said to make them chase or they will catch you and just move on from boredom.

 

His claim to fame? Flies airplanes like a million other people, top graduate in our program of only 40 people, folds paper birds, and he speaks four languages. A glorified bus driver. Not a very glorious future. Just dreams. He should let them go like an adult.

 

 

And my friends would never date him. Why would they? He does not flirt. It's like he thinks he will get a happy ending in his life like in the movies. Wake up. You have to fight for those you love.

Edited May 31, 2018 by natalie2018

[Imajerk17]

I am a catch, thank you. My mother told me the other night that if I am not first in his book, then I am last. I am a club leader, I graduated early from high school, and my mother is a former actress and my father is an actor. They both said I could get a handsome and famous young man who would pursue me back there in Puerto Rico. I have proven myself. I am accomplished in my internship and I will get a high paying job when I graduate. I can date an engineer if I want to. My mother said to make them chase or they will catch you and just move on from boredom.

 

His claim to fame? Flies airplanes like a million other people, top graduate in our program of only 40 people, folds paper birds, and he speaks four languages. A glorified bus driver. Not a very glorious future. Just dreams. He should let them go like an adult.

 

 

And my friends would never date him. Why would they? He does not flirt. It's like he thinks he will get a happy ending in his life like in the movies. Wake up. You have to fight for those you love.

 

Well now. Thanks for clearing that up for us.

 

[] Dude just dodged a SERIOUS bullet. Onward and upward!

Edited June 1, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[JuneL]

Well now. Thanks for clearing that up for us.

[]Dude just dodged a SERIOUS bullet. Onward and upward!

 

This, 100 times!!!

Edited June 1, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Edited quote

[natalie2018]

Well now. Thanks for clearing that up for us.

[]Dude just dodged a SERIOUS bullet. Onward and upward!

 

I'm sorry. It's just that I don't think he has cared about the times that I actually cried about him. I would call him up for help just to hear his voice. I wished he would call just to say hi. My mother knew that I cried about him and she said I deserved better and that I should not have to tell someone how I feel, they should know. Every time he talked to a girl, even of it was about an assignment, I felt like he did not care about me. Do you know how that feels to have someone that is able to hold such a significant part of you and they don't even know it?

Edited June 1, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Edited quote

[Imajerk17]

I'm sorry. It's just that I don't think he has cared about the times that I actually cried about him. I would call him up for help just to hear his voice. I wished he would call just to say hi. My mother knew that I cried about him and she said I deserved better and that I should not have to tell someone how I feel, they should know. Every time he talked to a girl, even of it was about an assignment, I felt like he did not care about me. Do you know how that feels to have someone that is able to hold such a significant part of you and they don't even know it?

 

With all due respect to your Mom, she has given you horrible advice when it comes to dating.

 

Contrary to what you may have been told about our gender, men are not mind-readers. We don't know that you really care, especially if you were the one to reject us first

[natalie2018]

With all due respect to your Mom, she has given you horrible advice when it comes to dating.

 

Contrary to what you may have been told about our gender, men are not mind-readers. We don't know that you really care, especially if you were the one to reject us first

 

I know she is just looking out for me. She was someone where the men chased her and she had her pick. It is hard to love someone and have their mind on other things first. I have never been pursued, so I feel like I am not desirable, but replaceable.

I only tried the jealousy trick to see if he even cared. He just looked and ignored me after.

 

He's never dated either, but I just wonder if he just does not care about that type of thing. You know what it is like gathering all of your energy to talk to someone and they are able to talk back to you with no fear whatsoever? It makes you feel like you are nothing special. As I said, I only had a date for prom because my mother asked some guy's parents and the guy was looking at his watch the whole time. On Valentine's Day, my dad gave me a rose and I walked into class and a guy said "Who would give you a rose?" Pair that with a guy that is afraid to touch me.

Edited June 1, 2018 by natalie2018