I Keep Cheating, but My Husband Doesn't Want to Divorce

[Adotta]

I honestly think he is a fantastic man. But I'm too broken for him. He for whatever reason won't/can't develop a backbone to stop me from emotionally abusing him. I can't begin to work on myself with him around. SO right now being alone is better. But it's one dilemma after another. I wish, so ****ing wish all of this was just part of some soap opera because some days I think this can't be real. But it is, and I have to deal with it.

 

He can't find the backbone to stop you from abusing him?....

 

Sounds a bit like victim blaming doesn't It? "If only he had the strength to stop me from abusing him, I could love him and stop abusing him....." bah! Poppy cock!

[Striver]

In this case I think OP and her H should try to work it out, if H is willing.

 

Reason being I don't think OP is ever going to be satisfied with any man, nor will she abstain. So the alternative to H is a series of short term relationships with the occasional long termer that she cheats on anyway. H offers a better deal for what now stand to be three children, two very young.

[TheRainbow]

Blah!!! I told him. I told myself I wouldn't keep anymore secrets or lie to him anymore, so I told him. He did ask me if he was the father, which I said he was. He wants to move in with us, but I refused.

[DKT3]

I have to ask, because for some reason I cant shake this notion that getting pregnant wasn't by accident, not totally. Is there a part of you that felt you owed him another child? A part that was guilty for bringing another man's child into your marriage?

[TheRainbow]

I have to ask, because for some reason I cant shake this notion that getting pregnant wasn't by accident, not totally. Is there a part of you that felt you owed him another child? A part that was guilty for bringing another man's child into your marriage?

 

I wasn't wearing protection as was he. So I guess it wasn't totally by mistake. It just happened. He says that at least during the pregnancy we should live together, so he can help me out. I told him no. He is staying with family but has finally talked about looking at places to move too. He has the girls tonight and tomorrow night, so it gives me some time alone. Something I desperately need.

[TheRainbow]

Things have been going all right. I started ignoring my husband's texts because he was texting me daily wanting to get back together. The kids only at this point.

[Lucasv]

I think your husband posted on Surviving Infidelity forums

[JS84]

I think your husband posted on Surviving Infidelity forums

 

Is this really necessary??? Why do people do this..

[Dreamer2017]

I agree with JS85. That post has no positive outcome.

[TheRainbow]

Honestly, good for him. I'm glad he's seeking some advice, he surely needs it.

[BenchCoach]

Maybe he's just content with getting cuckolded. You never know.

[TheRainbow]

Maybe he's just content with getting cuckolded. You never know.

 

He finally asked me for a DNA test on the unborn baby. I'll give it to him.

[JuneL]

He finally asked me for a DNA test on the unborn baby. I'll give it to him.

 

What about your first daughter?

[Dreamer2017]

It's wonderful he's asking for the DNA test. I'm hoping your husband is developing some self-respect which will give him the strength to divorce you!!!

[TheRainbow]

What about your first daughter?

 

What about her?

[JuneL]

What about her?

 

Did your husband ask to DNA your oldest daughter as well?

[TheRainbow]

It's wonderful he's asking for the DNA test. I'm hoping your husband is developing some self-respect which will give him the strength to divorce you!!!

 

The divorce is going to happen. We just have to wait six months at least (or until the baby is born) before it can happen. I already made it clear to him that it's happening. I'm just hoping for him to accept it.

 

Him growing a backbone, slow and sturdy is making him more attractive. I'm continuing to seek counselling and working on myself. I do have a lot of my own **** to deal with.

[TheRainbow]

Did your husband ask to DNA your oldest daughter as well?

 

No. He has zero doubts as far as I know. And how would he explain that to a ten-year-old, when she is almost eleven. I need to DNA test you to make sure you're mine?

[Adotta]

Yes it is an ugly thing to have to do, testing a 10 year old child..... but don't blame him if he does. YOU are the one who instilled that doubt in him and if he needs an answer to that question (I sure as **** would) then he needs to answer that question for himself. Any fallout that lands on your duaghter..... that's on YOU. Who asked you to have children with other men while married? No one.

 

 

 

I hope that doesn't sound to caustic. I just want you to understand passing our DNA down is a big deal for most of us men. I would be very very unhappy to realize I never passed down my genes on my death bed.

 

 

 

You women can never understand the fear and hurt that is not knowing and raising another man's child. You KNOW the child is yours. If you didn't I would recommend not taking psychedelic drugs during child birth and the entirety of your pregnancy.

[TheRainbow]

Yes it is an ugly thing to have to do, testing a 10 year old child..... but don't blame him if he does. YOU are the one who instilled that doubt in him and if he needs an answer to that question (I sure as **** would) then he needs to answer that question for himself. Any fallout that lands on your duaghter..... that's on YOU. Who asked you to have children with other men while married? No one.

 

 

 

I hope that doesn't sound to caustic. I just want you to understand passing our DNA down is a big deal for most of us men. I would be very very unhappy to realize I never passed down my genes on my death bed.

 

 

 

You women can never understand the fear and hurt that is not knowing and raising another man's child. You KNOW the child is yours. If you didn't I would recommend not taking psychedelic drugs during child birth and the entirety of your pregnancy.

 

Luckily he doesn't want too. Besides I know she's his and thus baby too. Our eldest daughter looks a lot his sister and mother. The sad thing is it's only a matter time before his family finds out. His sister I think is questioning the baby, who looks like me but it's becoming more obvious the older she gets.

 

And I'm not on any drugs besides my prenatal medications. I'm not an idiot.

[Striver]

Him growing a backbone, slow and sturdy is making him more attractive. I'm continuing to seek counselling and working on myself. I do have a lot of my own **** to deal with.

 

I would focus less on how attractive he is or isn't, personally. You seem somewhat oversexed. Yes, I think that is possible. Maybe more balance to your life. Maybe you are working on that.

[Adotta]

Luckily he doesn't want too. Besides I know she's his and thus baby too. Our eldest daughter looks a lot his sister and mother. The sad thing is it's only a matter time before his family finds out. His sister I think is questioning the baby, who looks like me but it's becoming more obvious the older she gets.

 

And I'm not on any drugs besides my prenatal medications. I'm not an idiot.

 

 

I was joking about the drugs. What I meant was if a woman questions whether a child is hers , she was either high for 9 months or brain damaged. Not that YOU are on drugs. For guys we can be easily tricked. Without a papa test how can we know for sure? All we have is our woman's word to go on..... And sadly as we all have learned sometimes women lie.... just sometimes.

 

 

 

Honestly your husband is the man for being able to stick around for another man's child and not questioning the paternity for the newest baby. (Probably prefers not knowing). I couldn't do it. I'm not that good a person obviously. It would be hard for me to walk away from a young child I thought of as my own, but even harder than that I believe would be seeing the living embodiment of her betrayal and manipulation every day and having to juggle all of those chaotic feelings. Having to see HIS flesh and hers birthed anew as new life..... I think I would run. As fast as I could. Call me a coward if you will. But if I stayed I would lose my mind.

Edited August 10, 2018 by Adotta

[DKT3]

Yes it is an ugly thing to have to do, testing a 10 year old child..... but don't blame him if he does. YOU are the one who instilled that doubt in him and if he needs an answer to that question (I sure as **** would) then he needs to answer that question for himself. Any fallout that lands on your duaghter..... that's on YOU. Who asked you to have children with other men while married? No one.

 

 

 

I hope that doesn't sound to caustic. I just want you to understand passing our DNA down is a big deal for most of us men. I would be very very unhappy to realize I never passed down my genes on my death bed.

 

 

 

You women can never understand the fear and hurt that is not knowing and raising another man's child. You KNOW the child is yours. If you didn't I would recommend not taking psychedelic drugs during child birth and the entirety of your pregnancy.

 

He has doubts about the oldest, but at this point it doesn't matter biologically, to him from what I gathered.

Edited August 10, 2018 by DKT3

[TheRainbow]

He has doubts about the oldest, but at this point, it doesn't matter biologically, to him from what I gathered.

 

From what he told me he thinks she is his and has no desire to do any DNA test on her. He doesn't see the point. The new baby he wants a DNA test, his reasoning is he doesn't want to get attached to another baby who isn't biologically his. The good news if you can call it that, is that he won't have to worry. This baby is 100% without a doubt his, and I'll prove it and he can at least rest easy there.

[Adotta]

He HAS stated and I believe it IS true that he loves the oldest no matter what......, but he has also somewhat shown that he is not 100 percent confident that the oldest is actually his. He hasn't stated it exactly, but I would say he is 90 percent sure..... That 10 percent is a real bitch to have rattling around in your head though.... So AGAIN please don't blame him if he DOES want a test.

 

 

 

An excuse to your daughter (if that's what you want to do) could be looking up family history or medical stuff. Look it up. There are many excuses. Hell you could just do it in her sleep. Let her stay up late and get dead tired send her to bed and get the cheek swab during her deep sleep hours.

 

 

Honestly your making mistakes(sleeping with him is a big one), but I'm happy to see you improving. Standing firm. Making choices in the open instead of behind your family's back. Finding your whys and working on yourself. Reaching out for help. What I can assume is a whole lot of introspection. All these things are a recipe for success. Keep it up. Rome wasn't built in a day. Even after divorcing your husband keep it up. These steps will allow you to enter new relationships much more "feet on the ground" and clear headed and capable of being a proper mate and partner for someone else. It's a shame your husband will never get to experience that with you and I know he wishes for it, but we don't always get what we want do we?

 

 

I have to admit that I initially saw you as a vapid, narcissistic, and vain person. Im sorry for that. No longer. I see you how i see most people. Damaged and trying to do better. I am rooting for you.