Red flags all over??

[SerPundnes]

Just a quick update here.

 

I still have her stuff, I can't drop it off at her place because I can't lock her door if I leave the key inside the appartment.

 

Anyways, she has gotten really desperate now. I have told her about 10 times now that we got nothing to talk about. She called me 5 times in a row on Friday.

 

She has mentioned three times now that she wants to head home earlier from the vacation .. I have just ignored it all.

 

Her last message to me says that she really has to explain this whole situation, and she wants answers from me, and ended it with "tell me if you want me to leave earlier" ..

 

Haven't answered her, I think shes having a hard time atm.

[Imajerk17]

Just a quick update here.

 

I still have her stuff, I can't drop it off at her place because I can't lock her door if I leave the key inside the appartment.

 

Anyways, she has gotten really desperate now. I have told her about 10 times now that we got nothing to talk about. She called me 5 times in a row on Friday.

 

She has mentioned three times now that she wants to head home earlier from the vacation .. I have just ignored it all.

 

Her last message to me says that she really has to explain this whole situation, and she wants answers from me, and ended it with "tell me if you want me to leave earlier" ..

 

Haven't answered her, I think shes having a hard time atm.

 

Drop off her items at baggage service at the airport, text her back to tell her where her stuff is, and then say to her that you are done and there will be no further communication on your end and you are blocking.

 

You really need to get her baggage completely out of your care and your life ASAP (pun intended)

Edited March 11, 2018 by Imajerk17

[Zahara]

Just a quick update here.

 

I still have her stuff, I can't drop it off at her place because I can't lock her door if I leave the key inside the appartment.

 

Anyways, she has gotten really desperate now. I have told her about 10 times now that we got nothing to talk about. She called me 5 times in a row on Friday.

 

She has mentioned three times now that she wants to head home earlier from the vacation .. I have just ignored it all.

 

Her last message to me says that she really has to explain this whole situation, and she wants answers from me, and ended it with "tell me if you want me to leave earlier" ..

 

Haven't answered her, I think shes having a hard time atm.

 

 

You mentioned in one of your posts that dropping her things at her mother’s is an option. Then do that — if it gets her stuff off your hands.

 

If you’re going to end it, then relay it to her clearly and cut the cord. The silent treatment/vagueness is only going to push her to keep communicating with you. It feeds your ego and it does make you feel valuable but when she cuts contact and tires of the silence, you’re going to crash.

[sgrinaldi]

Just a quick update here.

 

Anyways, she has gotten really desperate now. I have told her about 10 times now that we got nothing to talk about. She called me 5 times in a row on Friday.

 

She has mentioned three times now that she wants to head home earlier from the vacation .. I have just ignored it all.

 

Her last message to me says that she really has to explain this whole situation, and she wants answers from me, and ended it with "tell me if you want me to leave earlier" ..

 

Haven't answered her, I think shes having a hard time atm.

 

Well, I'd like to add my 2 cents here after hearing this, because as I suspected (since I'm currently in a similar situation with my own bf), people here have been unfairly judging your gf and really misleading you here.

 

All of this shows that she really cares about you and that almost surely nothing was going on. Isn't that obvious? If she was really cheating on you she wouldn't be acting like this, she'd just let you go. I'm afraid that other people here have been projecting their own experiences into your situation, when in reality they may not apply at all.

 

You said she already planned this vacation before you were with her, so what's the big deal? So they have to sleep in the same bed, so what? That doesn't mean she's cheating on you. I have shared a bed with my guy friend many times after we've been studying together all day, just so he wouldn't have to sleep on the floor, and not once have we ever succumbed to any temptation. And that is because we are both in relationships and respect our partners. Just because someone shares a bed with someone else, out of convenience and mutual respect, that does not mean they are cheating. Not everyone lacks basic self-control to the point that sleeping in the same bed definitely equates to cheating. Perhaps that might apply to the people that are slandering this poor girl here, but it doesn't apply to everyone, I can assure you.

 

Heck, the other day my guy friend and I slept together for like over 4 hours and we even cuddled a bit, but not once did any inappropriate touching ever occur. I respect my bf too much for that, and my friend respects me too much for that, so it was all good. We are just good friends who have known each other for a long time and who have been there for each other many times, that doesn't mean we necessarily have any physical connection. And I suspect your gf has the same kind of relationship with her friend.

 

And it's plain to see by how she is acting now. I'm honestly surprised that anyone would still judge her after your last post.

[fred123]

Well, I'd like to add my 2 cents here after hearing this, because as I suspected (since I'm currently in a similar situation with my own bf), people here have been unfairly judging your gf and really misleading you here.

 

All of this shows that she really cares about you and that almost surely nothing was going on. Isn't that obvious? If she was really cheating on you she wouldn't be acting like this, she'd just let you go. I'm afraid that other people here have been projecting their own experiences into your situation, when in reality they may not apply at all.

 

You said she already planned this vacation before you were with her, so what's the big deal? So they have to sleep in the same bed, so what? That doesn't mean she's cheating on you. I have shared a bed with my guy friend many times after we've been studying together all day, just so he wouldn't have to sleep on the floor, and not once have we ever succumbed to any temptation. And that is because we are both in relationships and respect our partners. Just because someone shares a bed with someone else, out of convenience and mutual respect, that does not mean they are cheating. Not everyone lacks basic self-control to the point that sleeping in the same bed definitely equates to cheating. Perhaps that might apply to the people that are slandering this poor girl here, but it doesn't apply to everyone, I can assure you.

 

Heck, the other day my guy friend and I slept together for like over 4 hours and we even cuddled a bit, but not once did any inappropriate touching ever occur. I respect my bf too much for that, and my friend respects me too much for that, so it was all good. We are just good friends who have known each other for a long time and who have been there for each other many times, that doesn't mean we necessarily have any physical connection. And I suspect your gf has the same kind of relationship with her friend.

 

And it's plain to see by how she is acting now. I'm honestly surprised that anyone would still judge her after your last post.

 

lol ur deluded. you think its appropriate to cuddle your friend when u have a boyfriend haha. wow how women rationalise things. this post is the reason why men are confused

[Imajerk17]

Well, I'd like to add my 2 cents here after hearing this, because as I suspected (since I'm currently in a similar situation with my own bf), people here have been unfairly judging your gf and really misleading you here.

 

All of this shows that she really cares about you and that almost surely nothing was going on. Isn't that obvious? If she was really cheating on you she wouldn't be acting like this, she'd just let you go. I'm afraid that other people here have been projecting their own experiences into your situation, when in reality they may not apply at all.

 

You said she already planned this vacation before you were with her, so what's the big deal? So they have to sleep in the same bed, so what? That doesn't mean she's cheating on you. I have shared a bed with my guy friend many times after we've been studying together all day, just so he wouldn't have to sleep on the floor, and not once have we ever succumbed to any temptation. And that is because we are both in relationships and respect our partners. Just because someone shares a bed with someone else, out of convenience and mutual respect, that does not mean they are cheating. Not everyone lacks basic self-control to the point that sleeping in the same bed definitely equates to cheating. Perhaps that might apply to the people that are slandering this poor girl here, but it doesn't apply to everyone, I can assure you.

 

Heck, the other day my guy friend and I slept together for like over 4 hours and we even cuddled a bit, but not once did any inappropriate touching ever occur. I respect my bf too much for that, and my friend respects me too much for that, so it was all good. We are just good friends who have known each other for a long time and who have been there for each other many times, that doesn't mean we necessarily have any physical connection. And I suspect your gf has the same kind of relationship with her friend.

 

And it's plain to see by how she is acting now. I'm honestly surprised that anyone would still judge her after your last post.

 

Well, sgrinaldi, since you bring it up, your decision-making--where you were asking us for advice in your own situation, has been roundly criticized. Are you sure you are in any position to be offering advice

 

I mean no disrespect, I just see the mess you and your boyfriend are in, and that is what you seem to be advising for the OP. Why would any self-respecting guy possibly put up with that?

 

OP you are doing the right thing by ending this. Get her stuff out of your life ASAP and don't look back.

Edited March 11, 2018 by Imajerk17

[kendahke]

the other day my guy friend and I slept together for like over 4 hours and we even cuddled a bit

 

I'm curious: if your boyfriend was doing this with another chick, would you still be this magnanimous? I highly doubt it.

 

All of that was really bad advice and just ingredients for unnecessary drama and effery.

[lolablue17]

You handled it great! First, you communicate with her, no ultimatumes, you were very patient, you gave her many chances to change her behavior, and than when she continuted and went to this trip, you broke up with her by ignoring but not in a rude way, you did tell her to send someone to get her stuff - loud message, clear and sharp.

 

You kept you dignity and self respect. And you got a bonus - She will always feel bitter about missing the chance with you. SHe will always be sorry about her behavior, and she will always respect you (as long as she can't have you. The minute you take her back, she will stop respecting you in a second.)

Edited March 11, 2018 by lolablue17

[SerPundnes]

Well, I'd like to add my 2 cents here after hearing this, because as I suspected (since I'm currently in a similar situation with my own bf), people here have been unfairly judging your gf and really misleading you here.

 

All of this shows that she really cares about you and that almost surely nothing was going on. Isn't that obvious? If she was really cheating on you she wouldn't be acting like this, she'd just let you go. I'm afraid that other people here have been projecting their own experiences into your situation, when in reality they may not apply at all.

 

You said she already planned this vacation before you were with her, so what's the big deal? So they have to sleep in the same bed, so what? That doesn't mean she's cheating on you. I have shared a bed with my guy friend many times after we've been studying together all day, just so he wouldn't have to sleep on the floor, and not once have we ever succumbed to any temptation. And that is because we are both in relationships and respect our partners. Just because someone shares a bed with someone else, out of convenience and mutual respect, that does not mean they are cheating. Not everyone lacks basic self-control to the point that sleeping in the same bed definitely equates to cheating. Perhaps that might apply to the people that are slandering this poor girl here, but it doesn't apply to everyone, I can assure you.

 

Heck, the other day my guy friend and I slept together for like over 4 hours and we even cuddled a bit, but not once did any inappropriate touching ever occur. I respect my bf too much for that, and my friend respects me too much for that, so it was all good. We are just good friends who have known each other for a long time and who have been there for each other many times, that doesn't mean we necessarily have any physical connection. And I suspect your gf has the same kind of relationship with her friend.

 

And it's plain to see by how she is acting now. I'm honestly surprised that anyone would still judge her after your last post.

 

Well, if my GF got anything close to that kind of relationship you have with your friend, it gives me even more reason to dump her. Thanks for your 2 cents.

[sgrinaldi]

Well, if you want to throw away what appears to be an otherwise good relationship, over this one issue which merely entails having different expectations, that is your prerogative. But I can assure you from my own personal experience that just because you share a bed with someone, that does not mean you're having sex. You are assuming the worst about your gf, all the while ignoring the fact that she obviously loves you, is trying to work it out, and is willing to change, all because you're jealous and can't trust her. It's sad, really.

 

This is simply a case of having different expectations about what is and what is not appropriate in a relationship, and since she's willing to now see things your way, it's now really just a case of you not being able to trust her. And I also think it's a question of respect. She respects you enough to change, but you don't respect her enough to not think she's a slut just because she already planned a vacation with some guy before she met you and there happens to be only one bed. The vacation was already planned, she shouldn't have to cancel just because of your insecurities.

[Exformer]

Well, if you want to throw away what appears to be an otherwise good relationship, over this one issue which merely entails having different expectations, that is your prerogative. But I can assure you from my own personal experience that just because you share a bed with someone, that does not mean you're having sex. You are assuming the worst about your gf, all the while ignoring the fact that she obviously loves you, is trying to work it out, and is willing to change, all because you're jealous and can't trust her. It's sad, really.

 

This is simply a case of having different expectations about what is and what is not appropriate in a relationship, and since she's willing to now see things your way, it's now really just a case of you not being able to trust her. And I also think it's a question of respect. She respects you enough to change, but you don't respect her enough to not think she's a slut just because she already planned a vacation with some guy before she met you and there happens to be only one bed. The vacation was already planned, she shouldn't have to cancel just because of your insecurities.

 

There is no actually evidence that she loves him, that she's willing to work it out or change her behavior. All she said is that she'd come home early. Just because she got called out and is now back-peddling, that doesn't mean she'll actually improve her behavior in the future. Honestly, its more likely that she'll just hide it better instead of throwing it in his face.

 

Speaking of throwing it in his face, it speaks a great deal against her character that it took OP breaking up with her to see things his way. He spoke his concerns before this, but instead of understanding, communication and compromise, he got a photo of the bed she would be sharing with someone else and an "oh well."

[Gaeta]

Well, if you want to throw away what appears to be an otherwise good relationship, over this one issue which merely entails having different expectations, that is your prerogative. But I can assure you from my own personal experience that just because you share a bed with someone, that does not mean you're having sex. You are assuming the worst about your gf, all the while ignoring the fact that she obviously loves you, is trying to work it out, and is willing to change, all because you're jealous and can't trust her. It's sad, really.

 

This is simply a case of having different expectations about what is and what is not appropriate in a relationship, and since she's willing to now see things your way, it's now really just a case of you not being able to trust her. And I also think it's a question of respect. She respects you enough to change, but you don't respect her enough to not think she's a slut just because she already planned a vacation with some guy before she met you and there happens to be only one bed. The vacation was already planned, she shouldn't have to cancel just because of your insecurities.

 

I think you are projecting a lot of your own hope into this.

 

Having different expectations in a relationship is the death of it. When people date they have to date with a common goal and common expectations. If you don't then you are not compatible and it will not work.

 

If you have to change too much of who you are you won't be happy and the relationship isn't meant to be. Just like you should be in a college dorm and partying all your little heart desire and your boyfriend should find himself a woman his age who's done her partying all day long years.

 

And to end this: People don't change.

[wolf123]

red flags on fire, bro. lol

[sgrinaldi]

There is no actually evidence that she loves him, that she's willing to work it out or change her behavior. All she said is that she'd come home early. Just because she got called out and is now back-peddling, that doesn't mean she'll actually improve her behavior in the future. Honestly, its more likely that she'll just hide it better instead of throwing it in his face.

 

Speaking of throwing it in his face, it speaks a great deal against her character that it took OP breaking up with her to see things his way. He spoke his concerns before this, but instead of understanding, communication and compromise, he got a photo of the bed she would be sharing with someone else and an "oh well."

 

She wasn't 'throwing it in his face'. She was simply being honest and letting her bf know what was going on. If she was cheating, she would not have done that. She'd be secretive and shady.

 

It's about just what I said it's about - different expectations. People are raised differently, have different cultures, have different sets of friends, and therefore have different ideas about what is or isn't proper in a relationship. She said 'oh well' because for HER it was no big deal. SHE knows she's not cheating, and her expectations are that her bf should trust her. The OP, however, has a different set of expectations. So they should work it out, and it's obvious that she wants to. Which is further evidence that there was nothing to worry about in the first place.

 

I think you are projecting a lot of your own hope into this.

 

Having different expectations in a relationship is the death of it. When people date they have to date with a common goal and common expectations. If you don't then you are not compatible and it will not work.

 

If you have to change too much of who you are you won't be happy and the relationship isn't meant to be. Just like you should be in a college dorm and partying all your little heart desire and your boyfriend should find himself a woman his age who's done her partying all day long years.

 

And to end this: People don't change.

 

That's ridiculous. People DO change. People compromise, talk, and work things out. In my own situation, my bf has already shown me he can change, so I know it's possible. If you are truly in love, then anything is possible.

 

Changing some of your expectations is not 'changing too much of who you are'. That's crazy. You're simply changing how you think, changing your behavior. You don't have to change the fundamentals of what you are to make a relationship work. You merely have to be willing to change your pov a bit, that's all.

 

And that is how it worked in my own relationship. I don't have to 'project my hope', because in fact my bf and I have worked things out, so I'm just projecting my own actual experience here. It just took a little time and effort to show my bf he could trust me, and for him to LEARN to trust, because some people are just like that - they are naturally suspicious and have to learn HOW to be able to trust in a relationship. And that's when a relationship really clicks on all cylinders, when you both can and do trust each other.

 

Think about it OP, do you really have any ACTUAL grounds to think your gf would cheat on you? Any actual EVIDENCE? It's all conjecture, and I really think you should consider that your gf simply didn't realize that this was such a big deal to you, because from her pov it was no big deal at all. But now she realizes how you feel and is sorry. What more do you want?

 

What you should do is take her back and learn to trust her. If she is ever really cheating on you, it's just a matter of time before you would find out about it, and you can dump her then. But a good bf would give her the benefit of the doubt at this point, since there is absolutely NO evidence of any cheating going on. At worst, what we have here is a girl who was a bit naive about her bf's expectations, which she now is aware of, that's all.

 

It's a shame to see a relationship end based on nothing more than suspicions and different expectations. If there is no actual cheating, then any relationship should be salvageable.

[lolablue17]

It's about just what I said it's about - different expectations.

 

People are different, and with many couples there are "different expectations". So I think, no... it's really not about different expectations.

 

It's about loving and caring. I wish my gf to pay attention to things that bother me, hurt me, and make me feel uncomfortable. According to what the OP says, this girl was ignoring his feelings totally. She was just explaining him over and over again why he shouldn't be bothered. But she didn't change her actions even for a bit.

 

If she loved him and cared about him, she would have trired to make him happy. It doesn't mean she must do everything he says, but she totally ignored his feelings and needs. This is not a loving gf.

Edited March 13, 2018 by lolablue17

[kendahke]

Well, if you want to throw away what appears to be an otherwise good relationship

 

It's not a good relationship TO HIM. That's all that matters here. We're not talking about your relationship.

Edited March 13, 2018 by kendahke

[Gaeta]

Changing some of your expectations is not 'changing too much of who you are'. That's crazy. You're simply changing how you think, changing your behavior. You don't have to change the fundamentals of what you are to make a relationship work. You merely have to be willing to change your pov a bit, that's all.

 

There is just so many wrong in all of your reply to me. I am going to concentrate on this.

 

Our expectations ARE the core of who we are. I expect my BF to not spend his vacations with another female. It's written deep into me and no amount of him debating with me will change my mind that it is not 'wrong'. If my BF laid in a bed next to another female it would be the end of our relationship, that is how that expectation is part of who I am. I will never change how I think on that subject, not even one bit.

 

Other expectations? I expect fidelity, respect, consideration, affection, patience, understanding. Am I ready to change my pov on those? NO. Again those expectations are the 'core' of who I am.

 

People don't change. You will have the proof of it yourself soon. Your boyfriend told you he'd change and after a couple of weeks he got back to his controlling manners. He told you he'd change again a couple of days ago, just give him enough time to prove it to you instead of going around claiming your boyfriend has changed. I expect him to go back to his controlling ways before another month has passed - because people don't change. They can change little things like putting their dirty clothes in the laundry basket and clean up the kitchen counter after messing it but people do not change their 'expectations' because it's deep into them from their childhood and past relationships.

[Exformer]

She wasn't 'throwing it in his face'. She was simply being honest and letting her bf know what was going on. If she was cheating, she would not have done that. She'd be secretive and shady.

"The best lie is wrapped around a core of truth."

 

If you want someone to believe something is what it isn't, you take the truth and repackage it. She's going on a trip with another dude. It's not like she can pretend she's traveling solo and get away with it.

 

It's about just what I said it's about - different expectations. People are raised differently, have different cultures, have different sets of friends, and therefore have different ideas about what is or isn't proper in a relationship. She said 'oh well' because for HER it was no big deal. SHE knows she's not cheating, and her expectations are that her bf should trust her. The OP, however, has a different set of expectations. So they should work it out, and it's obvious that she wants to. Which is further evidence that there was nothing to worry about in the first place.

Sending a photo of a bed she's going to share with another guy for the purpose of showing her boyfriend the bed she's sharing with another guy...is not a casual heads up. If something isn't a big deal, you don't make a point of it...especially when you know it is a big deal to the other person. She already told him that it may happen on that trip. Anything else is unnecessary. The photo was completely disregarding his perspective, or worse, purposely fishing for reaction because of it.

 

Her boyfriend communicated to her his problems. She chose to ignore them, even poking at them, until the consequences got too dire for her. This hasn't been about his feelings the whole time. That's not healthy, no matter what their issues are.

[SerPundnes]

"The best lie is wrapped around a core of truth."

 

If you want someone to believe something is what it isn't, you take the truth and repackage it. She's going on a trip with another dude. It's not like she can pretend she's traveling solo and get away with it.

 

 

Sending a photo of a bed she's going to share with another guy for the purpose of showing her boyfriend the bed she's sharing with another guy...is not a casual heads up. If something isn't a big deal, you don't make a point of it...especially when you know it is a big deal to the other person. She already told him that it may happen on that trip. Anything else is unnecessary. The photo was completely disregarding his perspective, or worse, purposely fishing for reaction because of it.

 

Her boyfriend communicated to her his problems. She chose to ignore them, even poking at them, until the consequences got too dire for her. This hasn't been about his feelings the whole time. That's not healthy, no matter what their issues are.

 

Thanks, I very much agree.

 

My GF is cancelling the rest of her vacation and coming home in 2 days.

I have to go to the airport to deliver her stuff.

Yes, I know it might be a mistake, but I really just want to be done with it now. I am tired and not functioning well these days.

 

She will 100% want to explain and speak with me, and I'll let her speak, but won't get talked into staying. I just feel so disrespected by this all.

 

The thing that bothers me is that it took me to break up with her before she realized what she had done was wrong .. Or I don't know if she realized it was wrong, but she for sure realized it will be consequences.

[S2B]

You do not have to go to the airport!

[Gaeta]

Why did she cancel the rest of her trip?

 

I don't believe you are going to the airport because you want this over with. I think you are hoping she will make everything right. People that are done don't run to airports.

[lolablue17]

My GF is cancelling the rest of her vacation and coming home in 2 days.

I have to go to the airport to deliver her stuff.

 

She's coming back in 2 days, which means she'll travel almost two weeks, maybe 1-2 days shorter than the original plan. If it was very important to her, she would have canceled the trip immediatelly. Apparently it's not.

 

Meeting at the airport creates a sense of emergency. There isn't anything urgent. It's civilized of you to agree to listen to her. But why at the airport and why urgent?

 

If she'd asked my advice, I would have adviced not to explain at all, only to say she's sorry and she made a huge mistake, to ask for forgiveness and to promise she will never ever do anything solely, without agreeing it with you first and consider your feelings as first priority.

Edited March 13, 2018 by lolablue17

[Exformer]

Thanks, I very much agree.

 

My GF is cancelling the rest of her vacation and coming home in 2 days.

I have to go to the airport to deliver her stuff.

Yes, I know it might be a mistake, but I really just want to be done with it now.

 

She will 100% want to explain and speak with me, and I'll let her speak, but won't get talked into staying. I just feel so disrespected by this all.

 

I think this is a bad idea. You aren't going to the airport to end it. You're going because there's a part of you that hopes she'll miraculously be able to explain away her actions or prove she truly is completely remorseful, and is completely crushed she ever hurt you.

 

At best, you're going with the idea you can still end things on your terms while still getting the emotional response you want out of her...but by giving in a little here and a little there and going to the airport for her, she's going to end up finishing things on her terms and flipping this on you. The more you cave in, the more she'll take from you.

 

You don't need to go to the airport...there is zero logical reason for that. You know where she lives. You have a key. She has friends who can pick her stuff up. She has a parent's house you say you could drop stuff off at. When she's home, you can drop it off outside and then text her its by the front door...there are a ton of better actions to take than go to the airport.

 

She makes the tiniest gesture by coming home two days early on a multi-week vacation...days after you've called it off and days after she said she would come home early. Not to speculate, but....okay, speculation...I think if you dug, you'd find other reasons she came home early that don't have anything to do with her guilt in hurting you.

 

Most likely scenario as I see it: You go the airport. You say you want to be done, but [ fill in blank ]. She repeats a bunch of stuff that sounds apologetic, yet deflects blame of any real wrong doing if you look at it more closely than she'll let you, and you keep dating. However, you don't trust her now, and you'll be suspicious of her motives and if she's still in contact with her guy friend. She will keep her guy friend unless he's the reason she's coming home early. The guy friend will use this drama as a reason she should break up with you, and he'll remind her that any time you have a fight...because of course he'll be the one she calls. Occasionally she'll hold it over your head that her friendship isn't as strong (code for they don't share a bed nearly as often), and that you made her leave her vacation early...even though it was only two days on a multi-week vacation, and you didn't tell her to come home; she chose to do it. More red flags and the dead relationship drags on even longer.

 

You're at your weak point right now. It's early break up where you still refer to her as your girlfriend. Now is not the time to cave and have contact.

[kgcolonel]

She's coming back in 2 days, which means she'll travel almost two weeks, maybe 1-2 days shorter than the original plan. If it was very important to her, she would have canceled the trip immediatelly. Apparently it's not.

 

Meeting at the airport creates a sense of emergency. There isn't anything urgent. It's civilized of you to agree to listen to her. But why at the airport and why urgent?

 

If she'd asked my advice, I would have adviced not to explain at all, only to say she's sorry and she made a huge mistake, to ask for forgiveness and to promise she will never ever do anything solely, without agreeing it with you first and consider your feelings as first priority.

 

I am in agreement with Lolablue here...even to a further point, I would ship her the bag to arrive a day after she's scheduled to be back. This way there is no need to interact...she's shown you she's on her own agenda and you, in my opinion, should do the same.

[kendahke]

Some people don't learn the lesson until they see their brains in their lap.