Red flags all over??

[S2B]

She's checking to see how much of her crap you're willing to take.

 

Don't take any more.

 

She can do those mean things to someone else.

 

 

You train people how to treat you. By what you allow and what you don't allow. By when you stay and when you leave.

[Gaeta]

Exactly .. I told her I was not comfortable with it and she got mad and asked "What do you want me to do?! Sleep on the floor?" ..

 

I've been in relationships before where I accepted way too much, I really thought I had it this time .. God damnit ..

 

In any hotel you can call the front desk and ask for a folding-bed to be brought to your room.

[Gaeta]

Yes, that is true, I guess it came stronger and stronger as the day they were leaving came .. And when I got the snap of the bed I seriously couldn't sit down ..

 

She is immature. She thinks and acts like a 15 year old. Everything is about her and you are the unfair parent that don't understand cool. I am very flexible when it comes to friends of opposite gender but the friendship has to be handled with respect and class. This 'girl' you're dating is far from being a woman still and doesn't have the mental capacity to understand adult principals. Three months dating is plenty for you to come to the conclusion you are not a match when it comes to morals, respect, consideration, and maturity.

[SerPundnes]

It has nothing to do with being a douchebag but everything to do with preserving your self-respect and enforcing a boundary.

 

Of course she doesn't think she is doing anything inappropriate. Someone that loves/cares about you, prioritizes your feelings and compromises. She doesn't give two hoots about how you feel but feels entitled that you should just shut up and accept.

 

In that aspect, you shouldn't (not sure why you are) be concerned as to what she thinks of you (you/we already know what she thinks of you when she has no issue sending you a picture of the bed!) but concerned about preserving your dignity.

 

Do you think she will get an reaction if I leave her? I'd hate to see her use her specialites and just /ignore me forever .. I would feel I've lost ..

 

We were talking about exes a while back, and she concluded and said out loud "Huh, so you really accept alot from what I hear you telling me now" .. I guess it was a mistake telling her anything ..

[SerPundnes]

She is immature. She thinks and acts like a 15 year old. Everything is about her and you are the unfair parent that don't understand cool. I am very flexible when it comes to friends of opposite gender but the friendship has to be handled with respect and class. This 'girl' you're dating is far from being a woman still and doesn't have the mental capacity to understand adult principals. Three months dating is plenty for you to come to the conclusion you are not a match when it comes to morals, respect, consideration, and maturity.

 

If it matters, she is 24 and I'm 27 ..

 

She should be acting more adult by now, yeah?

[Gaeta]

If it matters, she is 24 and I'm 27 ..

 

She should be acting more adult by now, yeah?

 

Yes she should but some people mentally and emotionally mature much later in life and it doesn't sound like it's about to happen to her. I am sure it can be embarrassing to you at times.

 

It's not a matter of who wins and who loses. This is your life and your precious time. At 27, if you are starting to think of settling down, she is a huge waste of your time. Sure she's nice and fun when you're together, so will be a more mature woman.

[S2B]

Do you think she will get an reaction if I leave her? I'd hate to see her use her specialites and just /ignore me forever .. I would feel I've lost ..

 

We were talking about exes a while back, and she concluded and said out loud "Huh, so you really accept alot from what I hear you telling me now" .. I guess it was a mistake telling her anything ..

 

A reaction? Who cares! She's a jerk.

 

Let her be a jerk to someone else!

 

YOU win just by respecting YOURSELF!

 

You lose by staying and allowing her to think for one more minute she can treat you badly and you stay.

 

 

She's on vacation with another man...sleeping in the same bed! Somehow I don't think you'll miss her behavior which is totally disrespectful to you.

[Zahara]

Do you think she will get an reaction if I leave her? I'd hate to see her use her specialites and just /ignore me forever .. I would feel I've lost ..

 

What would you have lost? A woman that has no boundaries and doesn't have any respect or care for your feelings or what it means to act appropriately in a relationship? That's your scorecard?

 

This kind of mentality will keep you stuck longer than you should. This is about your self-respect. You're more concerned about her reaction than you are your dignity. Who cares what reaction she has -- if you're really bothered by who wins -- you do because she is not relationship material. You should want more and believe you deserve better.

 

We were talking about exes a while back, and she concluded and said out loud "Huh, so you really accept alot from what I hear you telling me now" .. I guess it was a mistake telling her anything ..

 

She thinks you are a doormat. And you are displaying that exact same behavior you did in your past relationships with her. Now she knows you'll tolerate just about everything just to have something.

 

A person that cares and loves you, wouldn't use that against you. The one that uses that against you is the one you get away from.

[kendahke]

I'm pretty sure it would be on block by now, the thing is I got one of her bags with cloths and I got her appartment key .. She came by yesterday with it so she could go directly to me from the airport.

 

Now I have to meet her and deliver this stuff to her.

 

Your signature says it all ..

 

I'd drop that off at one of her friends' place and be done with her.

[ARAMCOMAN]

Dude seriously. Why are you stalling. While this woman that calls herself your GF is on a holiday with another man, sleeping in the same bed & "cuddling" and she tells you that's how it is and your contemplating whether to do something about it.

Just dump her crap inside her apartment, lock the door and drop the keys off in her mail box. You need to ghost her like right after you send her the text saying "Enjoy your holiday we r done, never attempt to contact me again". Then block & delete her number.

 

Then you can find a GF with integrity, morals & just plain common sense.

[rightondude]

Could you tell me a bit about the situation you were in? Really want to hear. PM me if that's better.

 

In college I dated a girl who lived with 3 male "friends." I had my reservations, but didn't want to "act like a dad" about it. We'd all hang out, have keg parties at their place, etc. One night at said party, I saw her in the hall going at it with one of the roommates. They didn't see me, and I didn't make a scene. If I hadn't seen it with my own eyes, I never would have known it had ever happened, because no one ever revealed it or acted like anything had ever happened. I was an idiot back then (and sometimes now) and stayed with her for another month before she broke up with me.

 

After college I hung out with a guy who was a manager at Abercrombie & Fitch. He and the other floor models or whatever they were called were friends and he was friends with their significant others. We all partied a good bit. If there was ever a situation where the girls significant others weren't in attendance, this dude was banging them that night and then hanging out like nothing had happened the next week with said significant other. I asked him once if he was scared of any of them finding out, and he said he wasn't the only one in the group doing such. "Where do you think the significant other was that night?"

 

Oh, and finally, I have been "the best friend" before. I was an neighbor of a girl and we used to fool around in college. I moved after college to the same city she was now in. I called her up, we met up for dinner and kissed a bit. A week or so later she introduced me to her boyfriend, an older guy who raced Porsches on the weekends occasionally, as one of her good friends from college. About a month later, he was gone, we went out to a club and ended up back at his place where we slept together in his bed. They stayed together about 2 years after that. We all hung out probably 5 or 6 times after that incident. Yeah, not my proudest moment. I'm pretty sure he was fooling around on her too.

 

Maybe not apples to apples, but to me, unless you're already a dude with a lot of female friends, you won't be able to have a serious relationship with a woman with a lot of male friends.

Edited March 6, 2018 by rightondude

[SerPundnes]

She sent me an SMS earlier today telling me she finally arrived at the hotel and even started being funny: And I even got my own bathroom! ..

And that she missed me and wanted me to be there.

I haven't responded to that SMS, and don't think I will, I have no idea how to respond to it anyway ..

 

You are all right, and thank you all for helping me with this.

 

Sometimes it's hard to see for myself, and hard listening to people outside the relationship, but I'm pretty sure I know how to handle this now.

[kgcolonel]

Personally, I think radio silence is appropriate now....you need, need, need to preserve your dignity and self worth...hanging in there will do nothing positive for you. I agree with the earlier poster, drop her stuff off at her place, locking the key inside...she'll fully understand when she returns.

[Zahara]

Personally, I think radio silence is appropriate now....you need, need, need to preserve your dignity and self worth...hanging in there will do nothing positive for you. I agree with the earlier poster, drop her stuff off at her place, locking the key inside...she'll fully understand when she returns.

 

Serpundnes, this will be in your best interest. Seeing her will likely cause you to cave if she is given the chance to talk you into staying. You are in a vulnerable position.

 

Self-preservation during this time is important.

[SerPundnes]

Serpundnes, this will be in your best interest. Seeing her will likely cause you to cave if she is given the chance to talk you into staying. You are in a vulnerable position.

 

Self-preservation during this time is important.

 

Yes, I think you are right.

 

I feel so hopeless, because I don't want to send her a text saying I'm done, because then I'm starting to think about her having sex with her friend on their vacation .. Although, she might be doing that already ..

 

I feel so weak, haha ..

 

I really just want to drop all her stuff off at her mothers place and be done with it.

[Zahara]

Y

I really just want to drop all her stuff off at her mothers place and be done with it.

 

Then do that if it helps you cut the tie to her. I think at this point you should be reflecting on your past relationships and you should use that to motivate you to break the cycle of staying with unhealthy partners.

[BluesPower]

Yes, I think you are right.

 

I feel so hopeless, because I don't want to send her a text saying I'm done, because then I'm starting to think about her having sex with her friend on their vacation .. Although, she might be doing that already ..

 

I feel so weak, haha ..

 

I really just want to drop all her stuff off at her mothers place and be done with it.

 

Yes you are being weak...

 

It really is time to man up and dump her, yesterday.

 

And when you dump her, block her, because she will say what is up???

 

Why, I did not sleep with him. And if you believe that you are a fool.

 

She is banging him morning, noon and night. I mean let's be real.

 

Dude, you have to end this and reclaim your self respect...

[gbe2015]

Then do that if it helps you cut the tie to her. I think at this point you should be reflecting on your past relationships and you should use that to motivate you to break the cycle of staying with unhealthy partners.

 

Is it a lot of stuff? If not, ship it & txt her the tracking #, say goodbye & good luck and block her.

[BarbedFenceRider]

Just curious, do you think I'm to blame here aswell? As I didn't mention that I was uncomfortable with it til yesterday.

 

The last few weeks I really haven't thought about it much, but yesterday it all really hit me, espacily when she sent me the snap of the bed they were gonna share ..

 

^^This just sealed the deal. Who in the F*ck takes a picture of the humping bed?! I mean....Seriously!

 

She is on the C*ck carousel and you are the social janitor there to get the clean up duty...Hell no. Bail my friend.

[kendahke]

Yes, I think you are right.

 

I feel so hopeless, because I don't want to send her a text saying I'm done, because then I'm starting to think about her having sex with her friend on their vacation .. Although, she might be doing that already ..

 

I feel so weak, haha ..

 

I really just want to drop all her stuff off at her mothers place and be done with it.

 

Do this.

 

You're not weak. The fact you're here and not sitting around waiting on her next phone call or text says that you're far from weak.

 

Everyone feels unsure of a good decision when they want to take a destructive course because of the familiarity of it, but give it a few months and you'll see that it was the best decision you've ever made in your young life.

 

In the future, you will be able to smell this effery from 500 paces and know how to avoid it.

[BarbedFenceRider]

The second I read "they spoon," was the second I determined this relationship with this "friend" is more than "friend." Let me ask you this, OP. In your life experience and with people you know, how many platonic friends spoon? Do you spoon with any of your platonic friends? Do you spoon with your buds? Do any of your dude friends spoon with each other? Do you spoon with your guy friends if ever you end up sleeping in the same bed? Do you think that if you're taking a trip and you have to share a room and a bed with your guy friend, you'll snuggle up and spoon?

 

That's your answer.

^^I missed this post! Hilarious. The mental movie taking place right now is just killing me. ROFL!!!!

 

"Hey guys, the wife's working late yet again...Wanna come over and watch Law and Order? We can spoon..." Bwhahaahha

[S2B]

Did you drop off her stuff yet?

[heavenonearth]

I went on vacation with my best friend and we slept in the same bed.

Nothing happened. He’s like a brother to me. There is no sexual attraction between us. He has a girlfriend and i have a boyfriend.

My boyfriend likes my best friend and vice versa. I like my best friend’s girlfriend and vice versa. Everyone gets along great.

 

I think you can not generalize these things and have to evaluate these sort of relationships on a case to case basis. But truly some people of the opposite sex really are just friends - and that’s it.

 

She may overshare about her past relationships and that’s a bit weird. But i have in the past done that as well and it speaks more about emotional openness and a bit naïveté rather than “red flag” or instability

 

I really think that if you do not trust your girlfriend then you may not have much of a future. But i would not forbid her to have a best friend or go on the vacation with her best friend - it’s her life.

 

Most people on this forum are very conservative when it comes to same sex friendships opposite. But it depends on each and every individual person.

 

 

Edit: just read the rest of the thread and - wow, i am amazed by the sheer herd mentality. There is literally zero proof that this girl is cheating on him.

I mean yeah - it’s his choice if he wants to be with someone who decides to go on a vacation with a opposite sex friend - but to vilify this woman calling her a liar and cheater without proof - that goes a bit too far.

For what it’s worth, she may just be enjoying her vacation with her friend, truly missing her boyfriend.

Edited March 7, 2018 by heavenonearth

[Exformer]

I went on vacation with my best friend and we slept in the same bed.

Nothing happened. He’s like a brother to me. There is no sexual attraction between us. He has a girlfriend and i have a boyfriend.

My boyfriend likes my best friend and vice versa. I like my best friend’s girlfriend and vice versa. Everyone gets along great.

 

I think you can not generalize these things and have to evaluate these sort of relationships on a case to case basis. But truly some people of the opposite sex really are just friends - and that’s it.

 

She may overshare about her past relationships and that’s a bit weird. But i have in the past done that as well and it speaks more about emotional openness and a bit naïveté rather than “red flag” or instability

 

I really think that if you do not trust your girlfriend then you may not have much of a future. But i would not forbid her to have a best friend or go on the vacation with her best friend - it’s her life.

 

Most people on this forum are very conservative when it comes to same sex friendships opposite. But it depends on each and every individual person.

 

 

Edit: just read the rest of the thread and - wow, i am amazed by the sheer herd mentality. There is literally zero proof that this girl is cheating on him.

I mean yeah - it’s his choice if he wants to be with someone who decides to go on a vacation with a opposite sex friend - but to vilify this woman calling her a liar and cheater without proof - that goes a bit too far.

For what it’s worth, she may just be enjoying her vacation with her friend, truly missing her boyfriend.

 

People are just basing their opinion on their own experiences, much like you are. Sure, you had a friend that you didn't sleep with, even though the two of you went on vacation together. But it seems that most people have experienced the less honest version.

 

Your friend is also in a relationship, which I'm guessing isn't the case here. You also have a relationship dynamic established with your guy's girlfriend. And can you say that no one was ever jealous at any point but just put up with it anyway? What steps did you take to make sure your boyfriend was comfortable with your relationship with your guy?

 

I have a girl who is friend and we went on a couple vacations too...and we hooked up the whole time. We did that off and on as long as we've known each other depending on the serious of other relationships. Guys and girls have been uncomfortable with our relationship...and some of that was founded.

 

This girl has a judging guy friend who is spooning her in bed later tonight. They have made zero effort to establish trust and friendship between the guy friend and the boyfriend. She knows her boyfriend is uncomfortable with it and yet has only poked at his jealousy instead of doing anything reassuring. She makes comments about getting spooned by a guy who is nothing but a stranger to her boyfriend. Red Flag

 

This guy sees the flags and doesn't trust this girl...as he shouldn't, since she's done nothing to build that trust.

[heavenonearth]

People are just basing their opinion on their own experiences, much like you are. Sure, you had a friend that you didn't sleep with, even though the two of you went on vacation together. But it seems that most people have experienced the less honest version.

 

Your friend is also in a relationship, which I'm guessing isn't the case here. You also have a relationship dynamic established with your guy's girlfriend. And can you say that no one was ever jealous at any point but just put up with it anyway? What steps did you take to make sure your boyfriend was comfortable with your relationship with your guy?

 

I have a girl who is friend and we went on a couple vacations too...and we hooked up the whole time. We did that off and on as long as we've known each other depending on the serious of other relationships. Guys and girls have been uncomfortable with our relationship...and some of that was founded.

 

This girl has a judging guy friend who is spooning her in bed later tonight. They have made zero effort to establish trust and friendship between the guy friend and the boyfriend. She knows her boyfriend is uncomfortable with it and yet has only poked at his jealousy instead of doing anything reassuring. She makes comments about getting spooned by a guy who is nothing but a stranger to her boyfriend. Red Flag

 

This guy sees the flags and doesn't trust this girl...as he shouldn't, since she's done nothing to build that trust.

 

 

I am just saying i find this vilification of the girl quite extreme.

Not saying him wanting to end it is not justified - to each their own.

I would be also overwhelmed and dissatisfied were i in his shoes.