Red flags all over??

[SerPundnes]

OP, I learned this the hard way so please listen up.

 

TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS. End of story.

 

You have valid concerns. Something's not adding up. You're on edge about this woman. You smell BS.

 

You've gotta trust that gut feeling, my friend. I would strongly consider leaving this one with her BFF.

 

Yes, I guess you're right. Something tells me to follow my gut feeling (apart from you) ..

[SerPundnes]

According to you, she also said:

For someone who's not gay or not related to her, this is a bit too intrusive.

 

She's running you by his committee. He's in your relationship and he's directing traffic--she says she doesn't listen to him, but what is she doing when she's on the phone with him? Playing drums? How is your name even in his mouth?

 

His observations about you have no weight in your relationship--or they shouldn't have any weight. She should be grown enough to know if you and she can make a go of this or not. She doesn't need him holding her hand or wiping her behind over it. Either you're good enough or you're not.

 

Haha, playing drums, good one. I have no idea what they're talking about, wich is also a bit a problem .. Is she laying out details about me to another guy, that she would normally do with her girl friends? No way to know ..

[SerPundnes]

The second I read "they spoon," was the second I determined this relationship with this "friend" is more than "friend." Let me ask you this, OP. In your life experience and with people you know, how many platonic friends spoon? Do you spoon with any of your platonic friends? Do you spoon with your buds? Do any of your dude friends spoon with each other? Do you spoon with your guy friends if ever you end up sleeping in the same bed? Do you think that if you're taking a trip and you have to share a room and a bed with your guy friend, you'll snuggle up and spoon?

 

That's your answer.

 

You got a good point there.

I like how everyone on this thread is agreeing about my situation, that explains alot.

[SerPundnes]

this would have to be some bomb ass booty for me to even consider spending one more second in this mixed up situation. These dudes hanging around are most certainly either waiting to, have already, or still are, messing around with this woman. You will never have piece of mind in this relationship.

 

You have to be someone who already has a lot of "women friends" prior to getting into a situation like this. Then everyone basically sleazes around the whole time. If you're a novice normal dude (like me, and I have been in your situation and tried rationalizing it the whole time, driving myself crazy) it WILL NOT work out.

 

Could you tell me a bit about the situation you were in? Really want to hear. PM me if that's better.

[d0nnivain]

Thanks for the response!

 

I have not met this guy. They planned the trip like right before she met me, that's why I don't think I have anything to say about it, agreed?

 

She told me a little about this guy, and she said "when you meet him, don't be afraid that he is not talking too much with you, because he is observing you to see if you're a good match for me. He cares about me that way".

 

At this point I'm not holding much hope for this relationship. I think her and my view of what a relationship is is totally different.

 

I think you are right to give up hope. The more you write, the worse this is.

 

This buddy who won't talk to you much is biding his time until your GF wakes up & dates him.

 

She explained that to me so I wouldn't have to worry .. Loads of bull, if you ask me.

 

And about the 2 weeks vacation she told me "we are traveling around, so I don't know if we got seperate rooms or even seperate beds in all places, but that dosen't matter".

 

I feel really uncomfortable about the whole thing, not just the vacation, although that's 90% of it ..

 

Oh hell no. Since she made the travel plans before she met you, you are right that you can't balk much but since she now has a BF you'd think that she would make darn sure she had her own bed, even if they couldn't afford their own rooms.

[Marc878]

Too much drama and baggage. I wouldn't waste my time on this.

[SerPundnes]

I think you are right to give up hope. The more you write, the worse this is.

 

This buddy who won't talk to you much is biding his time until your GF wakes up & dates him.

 

 

 

Oh hell no. Since she made the travel plans before she met you, you are right that you can't balk much but since she now has a BF you'd think that she would make darn sure she had her own bed, even if they couldn't afford their own rooms.

 

Yeah, I've expressed what I felt about her going on this vacation, but she said I didn't have to worry .. I guess I was hoping she would realize how this is feeling for me before she left, buuut just said good bye and shes leaving in 12 hours with her so called best friend ..

 

Really don't feel comfortable and really don't like this situation ..

[SerPundnes]

She is staying at an airport hotel tonight because of early flight tomorrow.

 

And she just sent me a snap of the room with a queen bed where she and her friend will be sleeping, and added "We didn't get seperate beds wich we asked about .. oh well".

 

I have to say I have a hard time relaxing at the moment.

[Eternal Sunshine]

She is staying at an airport hotel tonight because of early flight tomorrow.

 

And she just sent me a snap of the room with a queen bed where she and her friend will be sleeping, and added "We didn't get seperate beds wich we asked about .. oh well".

 

I have to say I have a hard time relaxing at the moment.

 

You gotta be kidding me

[Purrrfect]

This woman doesn’t seem to know boundaries or what’s appropriate.

 

She absolutely should not be going on a vacation with a guy friend or having one move in when she’s dating you. She should have discussed this with you first.

 

Honestly it seems she doesn’t really care or respect your relationship.

[Space Ritual]

She is staying at an airport hotel tonight because of early flight tomorrow.

 

And she just sent me a snap of the room with a queen bed where she and her friend will be sleeping, and added "We didn't get seperate beds wich we asked about .. oh well".

 

I have to say I have a hard time relaxing at the moment.

 

I have to say I have a hard time finding one reason to keep dating her.

 

Bro, look at this thread. You have not been able to come up with ONE SOLID REASON to continue this farce.

 

I just want you to know that your situation is far from unique. Sketchy, Shady

and Shifty people, like your girlfriend, (which she TOTALLY is) have followed the same excuse playbook since it was carved into hieroglyphics.

 

Too much drama for 3 months and this chick is already sleeping around on you. You know this. All of this has been tailored by her to keep you around just a bit longer so she can get a full read on what kind of Shenanigans you'll put up with.

 

Sketchy, Shady and Shifty are great attributes in a woman if you are writing a novel or a screenplay. They are not attribute in women you consider giving your heart to.

 

She is all three.

 

Run screaming into the night...into the wood.....anywhere that she won't be.

[SerPundnes]

You gotta be kidding me

 

Exactly .. Just tried to explain how I felt, but she kept being nasty to me and telling me how I have to trust her and it's totally normal to do this ..

 

She just hung up the phone in the end ..

[SerPundnes]

I have to say I have a hard time finding one reason to keep dating her.

 

Bro, look at this thread. You have not been able to come up with ONE SOLID REASON to continue this farce.

 

I just want you to know that your situation is far from unique. Sketchy, Shady

and Shifty people, like your girlfriend, (which she TOTALLY is) have followed the same excuse playbook since it was carved into hieroglyphics.

 

Too much drama for 3 months and this chick is already sleeping around on you. You know this. All of this has been tailored by her to keep you around just a bit longer so she can get a full read on what kind of Shenanigans you'll put up with.

 

Sketchy, Shady and Shifty are great attributes in a woman if you are writing a novel or a screenplay. They are not attribute in women you consider giving your heart to.

 

She is all three.

 

Run screaming into the night...into the wood.....anywhere that she won't be.

 

Yeah, I know .. I really know I should just call quits. And I prob will when shes back from her vacation with her best friend ..

 

The thing is that everything is good when we are together, it's the 80% we're not together I always worry about ..

 

I'm getting tired and can't really focus, I think shes pulling me down.

 

Why do you think she wants to keep me around if shes dosen't care or respect the relationship? She wants her cake and eat it too?

[kendahke]

She is staying at an airport hotel tonight because of early flight tomorrow.

 

And she just sent me a snap of the room with a queen bed where she and her friend will be sleeping, and added "We didn't get seperate beds wich we asked about .. oh well".

 

I have to say I have a hard time relaxing at the moment.

 

She just hung up the phone in the end ..

 

and her number isn't on block?

 

See my signature line below:

[S2B]

One bed? AND she expects you to just be happy about that?

 

Well now...she's blatantly throwing her bad behavior into your face - and expects you to like it.

 

She's trained you to find unacceptable behavior acceptable.

 

 

Start changing it... end it now...there's not one reason to with one more hour.

[SerPundnes]

and her number isn't on block?

 

See my signature line below:

 

I'm pretty sure it would be on block by now, the thing is I got one of her bags with cloths and I got her appartment key .. She came by yesterday with it so she could go directly to me from the airport.

 

Now I have to meet her and deliver this stuff to her.

 

Your signature says it all ..

[SerPundnes]

One bed? AND she expects you to just be happy about that?

 

Well now...she's blatantly throwing her bad behavior into your face - and expects you to like it.

 

She's trained you to find unacceptable behavior acceptable.

 

 

Start changing it... end it now...there's not one reason to with one more hour.

 

Exactly .. I told her I was not comfortable with it and she got mad and asked "What do you want me to do?! Sleep on the floor?" ..

 

I've been in relationships before where I accepted way too much, I really thought I had it this time .. God damnit ..

[1fish2fish]

I'm pretty sure it would be on block by now, the thing is I got one of her bags with cloths and I got her appartment key .. She came by yesterday with it so she could go directly to me from the airport.

 

Now I have to meet her and deliver this stuff to her.

 

Your signature says it all ..

 

No, you don't.

 

You have her apt. key. Drop her bag off at her apt., lock the door leaving her key inside.

 

Problem solved.

[S2B]

Exactly .. I told her I was not comfortable with it and she got mad and asked "What do you want me to do?! Sleep on the floor?" ..

 

I've been in relationships before where I accepted way too much, I really thought I had it this time .. God damnit ..

 

That's all words with no action to match how you feel/with those words - drop her bag off and text her you're done.

 

Don't allow her to use you any further.

[SerPundnes]

No, you don't.

 

You have her apt. key. Drop her bag off at her apt., lock the door leaving her key inside.

 

Problem solved.

 

Haha, the thing is I don't feel like being a douchebag. She dosen't think anything she does is inappropriate.

 

I got all the reasons in the world to become a douchebag, but in the end I'll be the one shes blaiming, and I don't really want that.

 

She has zero self-knowledge of her own behaviour, I guess I could say ..

[SerPundnes]

Just curious, do you think I'm to blame here aswell? As I didn't mention that I was uncomfortable with it til yesterday.

 

The last few weeks I really haven't thought about it much, but yesterday it all really hit me, espacily when she sent me the snap of the bed they were gonna share ..

[S2B]

Haha, the thing is I don't feel like being a douchebag. She dosen't think anything she does is inappropriate.

 

I got all the reasons in the world to become a douchebag, but in the end I'll be the one shes blaiming, and I don't really want that.

 

She has zero self-knowledge of her own behaviour, I guess I could say ..

 

This is where you are misstepping - you're not being a douchebag by giving her stuff back and stating exactly why. That's authentic - that's real.

 

Keeping her stuff - that is being mean.

 

Give her stuff back and be done. Simple, it's over!

 

Then she has no ability to blatantly disrespect you anymore. She can find someone new to do that to - don't let it be you.

[Zahara]

Haha, the thing is I don't feel like being a douchebag. She dosen't think anything she does is inappropriate.

 

I got all the reasons in the world to become a douchebag, but in the end I'll be the one shes blaiming, and I don't really want that.

 

She has zero self-knowledge of her own behaviour, I guess I could say ..

 

It has nothing to do with being a douchebag but everything to do with preserving your self-respect and enforcing a boundary.

 

Of course she doesn't think she is doing anything inappropriate. Someone that loves/cares about you, prioritizes your feelings and compromises. She doesn't give two hoots about how you feel but feels entitled that you should just shut up and accept.

 

In that aspect, you shouldn't (not sure why you are) be concerned as to what she thinks of you (you/we already know what she thinks of you when she has no issue sending you a picture of the bed!) but concerned about preserving your dignity.

Edited March 5, 2018 by Zahara

[S2B]

But you did have it bothering you before yesterday because you started the thread before that.

[SerPundnes]

But you did have it bothering you before yesterday because you started the thread before that.

 

Yes, that is true, I guess it came stronger and stronger as the day they were leaving came .. And when I got the snap of the bed I seriously couldn't sit down ..