The Home Date

[Chilli]

l love it , not movies though, how you gonna talk with an effg movie on. Besides l like my movies full bore haha.

To me it'd be kinda bullsgyt sitting there with a total starnger pretending to watch a movie, then what 2 hours later ya haven't even talked to each other yet, dunno how people work that.

One cooked me Chinese, she was chinese and we ate and talked 1/2 the night, another one l ended up staying over 3 days and we just roamed around her city when we felt like it then we'd go back to her unit had fun and talked and stuff.

She was 4hours away that's why l wound up stayin.

 

The one l've been seeing for a little while we just walked along the beech 3, 4 hours first day we met, talked and cuddled and walked , it was beautiful. She's cooks other times at home, she's like me doesn't do the date bullshyt just wants to spend real time together.

 

lf that's what you'd prefer , go for it l say and to hell with the fake bs.

[Chilli]

Although yeah understandably too a girl would have to be careful of that sort of a sitch straight up too l know.

Anytime with mine we'd been talking a week or two first so we were already pretty comfortable with each other anyway before that so.

[MidwestUSA]

I always take the advice. Just sometimes it doesn't get to me in time or it's conflicting. Kbob, Kimber, Lemming, and a few others say it should be ok do to a home date as long as I set firm boundaries. And since I already have.

 

It's interesting because people often say on here when some likes you they'll move mountains and stop at nothing. Well, that's exactly what this guy did. And I can't help but admire his diligence and be intrigued. Plus he has a bunch of intagram babes on his jock. I just want to see what all the fuss is about. This will probably be the last time I see him, so I don't see what the big deal is with a stay in date and a little more making out?

 

This was a somewhat general question as well and I have learned the majority believe it is pretty much an invitation for sex. So CA is right. I never knew that before. I appreciate it.

 

 

What?

 

So, it looks like you're going to lead him on further.

 

Why?

[Art_Critic]

BTW, Netflix and Chill means go home and have sex...

 

If you are talking about a date at home.. all I have is my past experiences to fall back on..

All of them ended with sex... but only one was a first date and the others were setup as the home date as the time had come to have sex in the relationship.

 

If he is saying Netflix and Chill then he wants sex..

If you are telling him Netflix and Chill then he thinks he is going to get sex..

 

It's up to you to at this point to define what a home date is and if I were you I would make it clear to him what your intentions are with it.

[Imajerk17]

I always take the advice. Just sometimes it doesn't get to me in time or it's conflicting. Kbob, Kimber, Lemming, and a few others say it should be ok do to a home date as long as I set firm boundaries. And since I already have.

 

It's interesting because people often say on here when some likes you they'll move mountains and stop at nothing. Well, that's exactly what this guy did. And I can't help but admire his diligence and be intrigued. Plus he has a bunch of intagram babes on his jock. I just want to see what all the fuss is about. This will probably be the last time I see him, so I don't see what the big deal is with a stay in date and a little more making out?

 

This was a somewhat general question as well and I have learned the majority believe it is pretty much an invitation for sex. So CA is right. I never knew that before. I appreciate it.

 

Now that's just not true. What happens instead is you ask a question and then act i.e., impulsively cut-n-run, before there was any time for people to advise you differently.

 

I'm not trying to be mean here OP but you need to be honest w yourself.

 

Meanwhile getting back to this thread, someone texting you 30 begging texts after one date is not love, it's creepy and alarming, you were told this before already, that was in fact the prevailing advice on your other thread.

[act00]

I like home dates. Cheap, easy, snuggle, make out. But yes, they can be about sex and they can be about going further than comfortable or intended, and you need to know the guy, trust him. It doesn't have to be about sex, and things can stop when someone says to stop. I really haven't run into any issues with the home date, but there are creepers out there, so proceed with caution.

[preraph]

I don't feel I l-bomb. What if you get to know them and you fall in love, come over, and you find out they have the grodiest toilet you've ever seen? How much would that break your heart. I don't know.I'm still so divided. Especially with what Kbob said. Thanks, guys. I will think on it

 

It won't break your heart. You will be too disgusted to feel the heartbreak. And yes, this happens, so while you should wait until you know more about him, try not to fall in love until you've scoped out what a pigsty his house is. Because ain't no one got time for that. Still. I wouldn't have any problem falling out of love if that happened, and I doubt you would either. Yuck.

[preraph]

I'm in Dallas, and we've had police alerts the last couple of weeks because people are being lured to places on Tinder and then mugged. So everyone needs to be very careful.

[No_Go]

Well I shared a story last summer: with the guy that was home for 4th date, cooked, stayed for 6 hours and we didn’t even kiss. I count myself unlucky but still enjoyed the date.

 

I think people are very paranoid when it comes sharing their private space (hone). Sure there are some people with bad intentions but not all. And hell sex does NOT need to be part of home dates: if you make out heavily etc -yes - it is dick teasing but you don’t have to do this.

 

It's the same guy. The cut me up and put me in pickle jars guy. I decided to give it another try.

 

Can't he tell I'm awkward and not DTF?? I can change that perception though if I try hard enough.

 

Poney, no I am not lonely, my reasons are that if we went to dinner and arcade bar, it would be fun, but I could do that stuff with my friends. I think it's more emotionally intimate to get to know someone at their home. Plus last time I went was really fun. I felt less self conscious without a lot of people watching. It was just us. I was able to be more myself and I had a lot fun dancing around.

Also we played fighter games and kicked his @zz (or he let me win)

 

The arcade bar is paying to play games when we can do just as fun ones at home.

 

Another member here had a date with a guy at her home and she cooked him dinner. She never even kissed him

[salparadise]

Does anyone still believe in literally Netflix and chilling? The reason I ask is because a guy asked me to dinner for our 2nd date and I am thinking of bouncing back the idea of coming to hang at his place again and getting take out instead.

 

I say go for it. I am so tired of restaurants. I've been on a lot of 1st and 2nd dates over the past year, and I can't wait to get past the obligatory restaurant meals the first few dates. I have several reasons... either the seating or food is usually not quite right, expensive, repetitive, impersonal, noisy, crowded, driving & parking, driving after having had a few drinks. I'm just tired of it all.

 

My previous gf and I rarely went out after the first three dates. We had a pretty set routine... drinks, dinner (I cooked), movie, sex. Sometimes we'd skip the movie. Once we got into the routine neither of us cared much for going out just for the heck of it.

 

I think "netflix and chill" is code for sex, so if I were you I'd phrase it differently and drop a hint that this does not mean you're DTF on the second date. But I don't think there's anything at all wrong with staying in. I'd love it if a woman suggested that to me.

[Zippy2000]

"You can come to my place. Dont worry. Nothing will happen"!........Said Ted Bundy

[No_Go]

I have the same sentiment. I think down the road occasional restaurant dinner is good, but I much rather have peace and quiet time getting to know the new person. And heck what’s wrong with sex:D? It doesn’t need to happen on the 2nd date, but if it does and both enjoy it - great.

 

The biggest epiphany that I’ve had when it comes to dating is that the best dates are the simplest ones. Sans the agenda and formalities, there is much better chance to focus on the actual reason to be on the date: spending quality time with the person I’m dating.

 

I say go for it. I am so tired of restaurants. I've been on a lot of 1st and 2nd dates over the past year, and I can't wait to get past the obligatory restaurant meals the first few dates. I have several reasons... either the seating or food is usually not quite right, expensive, repetitive, impersonal, noisy, crowded, driving & parking, driving after having had a few drinks. I'm just tired of it all.

 

My previous gf and I rarely went out after the first three dates. We had a pretty set routine... drinks, dinner (I cooked), movie, sex. Sometimes we'd skip the movie. Once we got into the routine neither of us cared much for going out just for the heck of it.

 

I think "netflix and chill" is code for sex, so if I were you I'd phrase it differently and drop a hint that this does not mean you're DTF on the second date. But I don't think there's anything at all wrong with staying in. I'd love it if a woman suggested that to me.

[BaileyB]

I don't feel I l-bomb. What if you get to know them and you fall in love, come over, and you find out they have the grodiest toilet you've ever seen? How much would that break your heart!

 

All good things will be revealed in good time...

 

Why the rush? This is the fun part of dating - going out together, sharing experiences, getting to know each other... no need to rush anything. You will get there, all in good time.

[BaileyB]

I'm in Dallas, and we've had police alerts the last couple of weeks because people are being lured to places on Tinder and then mugged. So everyone needs to be very careful.

 

This just happened in my city... a woman lured a MAN and her "friends" beat the crap out of him when he arrived for their "date." You can never be too careful.

[Highndry]

This just happened in my city... a woman lured a MAN and her "friends" beat the crap out of him when he arrived for their "date." You can never be too careful.

 

This is usually how it goes. They use an attractive woman as the bait, then mug the guy and beat him to a pulp, or worse.

[Highndry]

I don't feel I l-bomb. What if you get to know them and you fall in love, come over, and you find out they have the grodiest toilet you've ever seen? How much would that break your heart...

 

Ehhh, it's only a toilet. As long as he's got good personal hygiene and grooming habits, you shouldn't have a freakout over that. It's an easy fix.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

 

Plus he has a bunch of intagram babes on his jock. I just want to see what all the fuss is about. This will probably be the last time I see him, so I don't see what the big deal is with a stay in date and a little more making out?

 

 

What?! What? Wait, what? Are you seeing him again, seriously, just because he seems desirable to a lot of other women? And is HE aware he's being used like this and it will be the last time you see him?

 

You seem like such an intelligent person. I'm so confused about why you want to spend your time this way.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

This just happened in my city... a woman lured a MAN and her "friends" beat the crap out of him when he arrived for their "date." You can never be too careful.

 

I can't believe this ISN'T what happened when my ex-H solicited sex and found it (with a nameless/photoless stranger) on Craiglist. She actually had sex with him and nobody beat him up.

[todreaminblue]

Plus he has a bunch of instagram babes on his jock. I just want to see what all the fuss is about.

 

 

this turns me off guys......i don't want to know what the fuss is about..i check out the guys who friend request me and if i see no common friends nor interests or groups and heaps of chicks ....i dont normally add them.......i dont understand why they would want me to...its off putting.....

 

 

what does"on his jock" mean in oz jocks means undies............

i dont think you should decide to date him on the abundance of hot chicks on his friends list....deb

[Cookiesandough]

Ty no I think I came off wrong, it's not just because of that. He's not pickling me in jars either. I'm just teasing. Not funny...sorry.

 

He's a decent guy and I find him attractive is the main thing. I am curious why he is so desperate, but it's really an afterthought. A man's conquest drive can be very strong. I know that.

 

I won't lead him on. As a matter of fact, a few days ago he messaged asking if we could casually date as our schedules allow. It's casual, NSA, can leave at any time. I do like him I just don't think I want to see him after this. Which is normal. We have been on one date! We text tonight and would you believe he asked me for my last name. I told him I'm not ready for that because of previous experiences.

 

Thank you

[Cookiesandough]

Well I shared a story last summer: with the guy that was home for 4th date, cooked, stayed for 6 hours and we didn’t even kiss. I count myself unlucky but still enjoyed the date.

 

I think people are very paranoid when it comes sharing their private space (hone). Sure there are some people with bad intentions but not all. And hell sex does NOT need to be part of home dates: if you make out heavily etc -yes - it is dick teasing but you don’t have to do this.

 

Yes, you were exactly who I was referring to. You had a long date with a guy at his home and there was absolutely 0 intimate contact (same with me on one of my dates with guy who bbq'd for us)

 

I don't know if that was your intentions when you invited him over, but a lot of people just see a home date as a cozy place. They don't have sex at the front of their mind 24/7. Yes, even men. It's probably at the back of their mind, but I'm glad to see more people are down with the home date. No I wouldn't phrase it to them as 'Netflix and Chill'.xD I understand.

 

The thing is when a guy says "We can just kiss. I just want to be next to you, hug you, and kiss you. We don't have to do anything" whether that is BS or not, when he says that, I think he is asking for it. He is bringing the D tease upon himself? Not my fault

[Highndry]

Ty no I think I came off wrong, it's not just because of that. He's not pickling me in jars either. I'm just teasing. Not funny...sorry.

 

He's a decent guy and I find him attractive is the main thing. I am curious why he is so desperate, but it's really an afterthought. A man's conquest drive can be very strong. I know that.

 

I won't lead him on. As a matter of fact, a few days ago he messaged asking if we could casually date as our schedules allow. It's casual, NSA, can leave at any time.

I do like him I just don't think I want to see him after this. Which is normal.

We have been on one date! We text tonight and would you believe he asked me for my last name. I told him I'm not ready for that because of previous experiences.

 

Thank you

 

Can you explain "normal?" Because, I don't really understand this statement and it doesn't seem normal to me. Do you think maybe you analyze all of this stuff a little too much in the beginning, like maybe you could relax a little and just take stuff as it comes and not place such huge emphasis on what sometimes amounts to "small potatoes" as they say?

 

As many have mentioned, you're intelligent and obviously attractive as you've posted your pic here, but it seems you are sabotaging yourself and your prospective relationships in a way. I only say this as a casual observer, and I mean no harm or disrespect whatsoever.

 

I think the "back and forth" routine like the one with this guy, but with any new guy, is going to turn them off. It's not going to build any sort of confidence for them, or trust, in a relationship with you. A lot of us guys will see it as wishy washy and cut bait immediately. Even if you're not a flake, you will appear that way.

[justwhoiam]

I'd like to offer a different perspective here. To me, the odd thing is not that you enjoy staying at home with a guy, rather that you can't find anything exciting to do outside the home. Like you have no drive to get out with him anywhere. When you feel that way, I wonder what's the point in having dates in the first place. Sure, you can play along, hinting you're interested, but (almost) no guy wants a girl who just wants to stay home in the long run. Life is made of so many more things than just staying home. And it'd start being a problem.

 

What if you get to know them and you fall in love, come over, and you find out they have the grodiest toilet you've ever seen? How much would that break your heart.

If you base your judgment on how you find the toilet seat, I say: get real! A decent guy would clean up before you get there. That doesn't mean that what you see is the real state of things. Maybe the rest of the week, the house was a mess.

 

it should be ok do to a home date as long as I set firm boundaries.

What boundaries?

Look: you had sex with him in his home on your first date. So asking if by inviting you over a second time he'd want sex is quite silly. The answer is: YES.

1) He had it on a first date, why not on the second date?

2) He made it clear to you he wants NSA with you, so he just wants you over for the sex. No misunderstanding there.

 

That said, I hope you really protect yourself, because - as you pointed out - he's into casual dating and sees a lot of girls/women. That puts him at a very high risk of STDs.

STDs might stay with you for the rest of your life, and some are anything but innocuous. So that would be worth some of your time: making sure you don't expose yourself to high risks health-wise.

 

It's interesting because people often say on here when some likes you they'll move mountains and stop at nothing. Well, that's exactly what this guy did.

Many guys can move mountains to get what they want. What they want can often be sex. They are in extreme good luck, when they find the girl who goes full-sex on a first encounter.

 

And I can't help but admire his diligence and be intrigued. Plus he has a bunch of intagram babes on his jock.

Ok, this is a known fact among many men. If women see a guy surrounded by other women, they perceive him as pleasant/desirable and start wanting him too. I personally find this dynamic pure BS, but it happens, and you're the living proof. As someone else stated in a previous post, it would turn me off.

 

I just want to see what all the fuss is about.

So, since you had a chance to try out the product, what was all the fuss about? Was he worth the sex?

Would you be able to lead your life with NSA sex only?

 

This will probably be the last time I see him, so I don't see what the big deal is with a stay in date and a little more making out?

He was clear to you. Why can't you be clear to him too? You tell him: I can come and stay at your place, but I don't want to have sex with you and this is the last time we will meet. If he will see that as a waste of time, there's a high chance he will cancel the "date" and invite another "chick" instead. So be brave, and face reality.

[Cookiesandough]

Can you explain "normal?" Because, I don't really understand this statement and it doesn't seem normal to me. Do you think maybe you analyze all of this stuff a little too much in the beginning, like maybe you could relax a little and just take stuff as it comes and not place such huge emphasis on what sometimes amounts to "small potatoes" as they say?

 

As many have mentioned, you're intelligent and obviously attractive as you've posted your pic here, but it seems you are sabotaging yourself and your prospective relationships in a way. I only say this as a casual observer, and I mean no harm or disrespect whatsoever.

 

I think the "back and forth" routine like the one with this guy, but with any new guy, is going to turn them off. It's not going to build any sort of confidence for them, or trust, in a relationship with you. A lot of us guys will see it as wishy washy and cut bait immediately. Even if you're not a flake, you will appear that way.

 

Thanks, That's all very true. But I am certain I do not want a relationship with this guy. 100% certain. I may want a serious relationship somewhere deep down. But not with him. I do like him though as a person. By "normal" I mean typical. It's typical for people stop seeing each other after the first couple dates. You are right though I probably ruining everything for me.

 

 

 

 

I'd like to offer a different perspective here. To me, the odd thing is not that you enjoy staying at home with a guy, rather that you can't find anything exciting to do outside the home. Like you have no drive to get out with him anywhere. When you feel that way, I wonder what's the point in having dates in the first place. Sure, you can play along, hinting you're interested, but (almost) no guy wants a girl who just wants to stay home in the long run. Life is made of so many more things than just staying home. And it'd start being a problem.

Wow, thank you for the thoughful reply. I think I have dates to get to know people, learn about them, pass time, just get out of my head. And most of my dates I go outside with them/do things outside the house. It's just this particular guy, you have to understand the background story with him to fully understand why I prefer to be at home with him.

If you base your judgment on how you find the toilet seat, I say: get real! A decent guy would clean up before you get there. That doesn't mean that what you see is the real state of things. Maybe the rest of the week, the house was a mess.

I have not been to a guy's house who had a dirty toilet but I have seen a huge insect in one of their bathrooms

 

What boundaries?

Look: you had sex with him in his home on your first date. So asking if by inviting you over a second time he'd want sex is quite silly. The answer is: YES.

1) He had it on a first date, why not on the second date?

2) He made it clear to you he wants NSA with you, so he just wants you over for the sex. No misunderstanding there.

I havent had sex with him, but we did make out if that counts for anything

That said, I hope you really protect yourself, because - as you pointed out - he's into casual dating and sees a lot of girls/women. That puts him at a very high risk of STDs.

STDs might stay with you for the rest of your life, and some are anything but innocuous. So that would be worth some of your time: making sure you don't expose yourself to high risks health-wise.

That's very true.

Many guys can move mountains to get what they want. What they want can often be sex. They are in extreme good luck, when they find the girl who goes full-sex on a first encounter.

Well, maybe I'm tired of being the good girl all the time? Maybe I want to get lucky sometimes to. I've had virtually no sex experience and pretty much 0 experiences at all. How can anyone blame me for wanting to try casual when just about every other person on Earth has had a ONS or FWB. But I am just an anxious mess, will never be able to do it?

Ok, this is a known fact among many men. If women see a guy surrounded by other women, they perceive him as pleasant/desirable and start wanting him too. I personally find this dynamic pure BS, but it happens, and you're the living proof. As someone else stated in a previous post, it would turn me off.

True. Tht probably played a least a tiny part in rekindling my interest. Along with him being quiet for a couple weeks.

So, since you had a chance to try out the product, what was all the fuss about? Was he worth the sex?

Would you be able to lead your life with NSA sex only?

I never got to try at out the product. :[ I'm not 100% set I want to...but I will admit this: a little part of me is glad I have the option to if I wanted. Everyone thinks it's so easy for women to get casual sex. Not if you're a woman who is very selective and only finds guys she is into once in a blue moon. So maybe I will. Then again maybe I won't, maybe I just want to make out with him one last time. Would that be so bad?

 

He was clear to you. Why can't you be clear to him too? You tell him: I can come and stay at your place, but I don't want to have sex with you and this is the last time we will meet. If he will see that as a waste of time, there's a high chance he will cancel the "date" and invite another "chick" instead. So be brave, and face reality.

 

You mean tell him before I come over? I guess I could do that. But the reason I haven't is because it seems redundant since he keeps saying he is fine with no sex, he just wants to "be next to me". I don't want to beat a dead horse

 

********Also, in the future do you suggest I say this to guys before I come over? It feels presumptuous and weird***********

Edited February 4, 2018 by Cookiesandough

[guest569]

It would be very unwise to go to this lunatic’s house or give him your address.