No_Go Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 Need help. He took forever to respond to me and it was “ well I’ll be damned lol” is this done? I feel there’s nothing left to say He’s just backfiring I think if he was 100% NOT interested he’d just ignore your message. He’s probably extremely puzzled and having hopes for easy sex if nothing else If only he knew it won’t be easy whatsoever 1 Link to post Share on other sites
olivetree Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 And to CobraX... notice he still finds Cookies mysterious? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fredflint Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 Upend traditional gender roles. You want to be a stay at home dad or something? There are some gender roles that are social constructs, and some that have biological roots. Make sure to identify which is which or you will likely wreck your own life. A great example is passive vs dominant personalities. If you look over into the Affair section of this board you will find 80% of the cheated on husbands are passive types. If you get together with a dominant woman there is a good chance she will get tired of your passivity at some point and begin craving a dominant man like herself. This is biological and there is nothing you can do about it. Chasing is a sign of dominance. I don't feel that most chasing is a sign of dominance. It seems very beta to me. I mean sure, bravely going for what you want in the first instance shows confidence, which can be sexy in the right contexts, but pressing the issue in the face of resistance? (Especially the full court press some guys do). I think that is beta. I find it hard to see any way that can be presented as not needy. Sure some women will lap up the attention and crave it and come back for more, but deep down I don't believe they will respect it. I don't think its as simple as passive/dominant. Just because she comes to you, doesn't mean she is leading. She flirts, then I take that as an invitation to lead. So am I passive or dominant in that situation? Maybe both? Maybe neither. That works for me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cookiesandough Posted January 13, 2018 Author Share Posted January 13, 2018 He’s just backfiring I think if he was 100% NOT interested he’d just ignore your message. He’s probably extremely puzzled and having hopes for easy sex if nothing else If only he knew it won’t be easy whatsoever Thanks !!! I dunno if he is looking for easy sex( unless he changes his motives) because when I came to his house I kissed him first and he never took the opportunity to escalate at all. I also told him jokingly why is he on tinder if he hook up and he said that he doesn’t like to do that until he gets to know the girls better and knows that it will work out and also it makes him feel vulnerable. I respect that if true but he could also just not be that sexually attracted to me, an asexual that likes to kiss, something Gaeta once suggested, idk. Either he is just not that type or he’s not sexually attracted to me 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 Meh, she's putting herself out there. She ran away, it's kinda up to her to ask him out. He's met Cookies in person... I'm sure he's not got the impression she's got too much testosterone. "Thinking of you" is not cringey either. Women say it to friends they haven't talked to in a while all the time. We can agree on one thing. She took the risk and he replied. Kudos to her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Maggie4 Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 I still find Cookie mysterious. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
kakoy Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 Holy hell.... you DID go with the crazy stalker "Thinking of You" statement. Not only that rambled on. Seriously... I was impressed with just the "Ben???" txt because it was mysterious as hell and didn't give any clear signs of intent. You put yourself in a bad position. Now you are chasing him! I would txt him something snarky... something like... "6 months you have been dreaming and hoping I would contact you again... and that's all you have to say? I think you can do better!" Ugh, saying something snarky In this situation is a major turnoff. The above line came off arrogantly me. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
1fish2fish Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 Cookies, that text thread was cringeworthy to me. Sorry. Is it at all possible for you to just text a reply - just one - and wait for his reply? Your panicked assumptions (OK, this was a bad idea...you've obviously moved on with your life...) make you sound a bit desperate, and like someone with low self esteem who needs to offer up excuses as an easy out for the other person. Just. Chill. Please. I say this with love, and as someone at least twice your age. Relax and let things flow as they may. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 two people that are genuinely into each other make time to get together. no one is that busy, even ER Physicians find time to date. I'm sorry but this ship has sailed, move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cookiesandough Posted January 13, 2018 Author Share Posted January 13, 2018 Cookies, that text thread was cringeworthy to me. Sorry. Is it at all possible for you to just text a reply - just one - and wait for his reply? Your panicked assumptions (OK, this was a bad idea...you've obviously moved on with your life...) make you sound a bit desperate, and like someone with low self esteem who needs to offer up excuses as an easy out for the other person. Just. Chill. Please. I say this with love, and as someone at least twice your age. Relax and let things flow as they may. I see. Thank you that makes a lot of sense. Now was that the only part that was cringe worthy. Because I feel like the part I said after was worse. I was trying to stop talking to him because he said he was back to the hotel and I guess he wanted to have a conversation but I am just too panicked at the moment to talk to him. So I told him that I was leaving. I just contacted This guy out of the blue and then when he says he has time to talk I say I am leaving and there was no response. Do you think I have any hope? Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 And to CobraX... notice he still finds Cookies mysterious? That is a positive! Keep that mystery going... and try not to turn it into crazy. I don't feel that most chasing is a sign of dominance. It seems very beta to me. I mean sure, bravely going for what you want in the first instance shows confidence, which can be sexy in the right contexts, but pressing the issue in the face of resistance? (Especially the full court press some guys do). I think that is beta. I find it hard to see any way that can be presented as not needy. Sure some women will lap up the attention and crave it and come back for more, but deep down I don't believe they will respect it. I don't think its as simple as passive/dominant. Just because she comes to you, doesn't mean she is leading. She flirts, then I take that as an invitation to lead. So am I passive or dominant in that situation? Maybe both? Maybe neither. That works for me. The Lion chases the Gazelle. I don't think we would call the lion a beta in this context. In nature chasing is dominance. Also, studies have proven time and again that women respond well to overconfidence. You can't display that trait by sitting behind a bar and waiting for them to come to you... relying exclusively on your looks. Thanks !!! I dunno if he is looking for easy sex( unless he changes his motives) because when I came to his house I kissed him first and he never took the opportunity to escalate at all. I also told him jokingly why is he on tinder if he hook up and he said that he doesn’t like to do that until he gets to know the girls better and knows that it will work out and also it makes him feel vulnerable. I respect that if true but he could also just not be that sexually attracted to me, an asexual that likes to kiss, something Gaeta once suggested, idk. Either he is just not that type or he’s not sexually attracted to me 1. How do you know anything about escalation tactics?? 2. I used to be exactly like this guy when I was young. The more I felt long term potential with a girl the more I made everything go slow and wait. It helps keep you from getting too emotional too quick. Young guys don't have the same emotional control older guys do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cookiesandough Posted January 13, 2018 Author Share Posted January 13, 2018 Cookies, that text thread was cringeworthy to me. Sorry. Is it at all possible for you to just text a reply - just one - and wait for his reply? Your panicked assumptions (OK, this was a bad idea...you've obviously moved on with your life...) make you sound a bit desperate, and like someone with low self esteem who needs to offer up excuses as an easy out for the other person. Just. Chill. Please. I say this with love, and as someone at least twice your age. Relax and let things flow as they may. I also felt like I needed to explain myself because I think I treated him a bit crappy y. I just put myself in the shoes if a guy told me that he wanted to contact me later on if I’m still available A few sentences after I had told him I was getting a littlecrush on him and did the shy emoji.That would really hurt me and I probably would ice the guy. So I didn’t want to come off too cold. I felt like I needed to make up for how cold I had actually been. Maybe I was wrong Link to post Share on other sites
olivetree Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 Cookies, that text thread was cringeworthy to me. Sorry. Is it at all possible for you to just text a reply - just one - and wait for his reply? Your panicked assumptions (OK, this was a bad idea...you've obviously moved on with your life...) make you sound a bit desperate, and like someone with low self esteem who needs to offer up excuses as an easy out for the other person. Just. Chill. Please. I say this with love, and as someone at least twice your age. Relax and let things flow as they may. It's more like a perfect example of what you can get away with when a guy is into you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 That's the thing. More likely than not, the guy will take the bait. After they have set up a date, Cookies is going to find a million reasons to postpone or flake. You don't know her cute personality :laugh: Cookies, that text thread was cringeworthy to me. Sorry. Is it at all possible for you to just text a reply - just one - and wait for his reply? Your panicked assumptions (OK, this was a bad idea...you've obviously moved on with your life...) make you sound a bit desperate, and like someone with low self esteem who needs to offer up excuses as an easy out for the other person. Just. Chill. Please. I say this with love, and as someone at least twice your age. Relax and let things flow as they may. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
fredflint Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 It's more like a perfect example of what you can get away with when a guy is into you. Which is damn nearly everything lol 4 Link to post Share on other sites
No_Go Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 Thanks !!! I dunno if he is looking for easy sex( unless he changes his motives) because when I came to his house I kissed him first and he never took the opportunity to escalate at all. I also told him jokingly why is he on tinder if he hook up and he said that he doesn’t like to do that until he gets to know the girls better and knows that it will work out and also it makes him feel vulnerable. I respect that if true but he could also just not be that sexually attracted to me, an asexual that likes to kiss, something Gaeta once suggested, idk. Either he is just not that type or he’s not sexually attracted to me Ahhhh there is a big difference thinking of easy sex and taking an action. I think depending on the person thought by themselves could be powerful enough. I highly doubt he’s asexual or not attracted to you, I think he’s been confused, scared and not alpha enough to make a move -as he said - sex makes him feel vulnerable and he’s not comfortable with that. Shockingly (fir me) seems like many men are that way...... ie need heavy reassurance (explicit not jokey flirting) to make a real move. This is actually quite depressing 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fredflint Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 I also felt like I needed to explain myself because I think I treated him a bit crappy y. I just put myself in the shoes if a guy told me that he wanted to contact me later on if I’m still available A few sentences after I had told him I was getting a littlecrush on him and did the shy emoji.That would really hurt me and I probably would ice the guy. So I didn’t want to come off too cold. I felt like I needed to make up for how cold I had actually been. Maybe I was wrong You don't' have to explain being unfathomable. Guys know that about women already 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 Ugh, saying something snarky In this situation is a major turnoff. The above line came off arrogantly me. It is a tried and true method. Any guy who can't handle being pushed a little bit isn't the kind of guy you want. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
1fish2fish Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 (edited) I see. Thank you that makes a lot of sense. Now was that the only part that was cringe worthy. Because I feel like the part I said after was worse. I was trying to stop talking to him because he said he was back to the hotel and I guess he wanted to have a conversation but I am just too panicked at the moment to talk to him. So I told him that I was leaving. I just contacted This guy out of the blue and then when he says he has time to talk I say I am leaving and there was no response. Do you think I have any hope? Of course there is hope. The fact that he even responded means the door is open to future communication. But...there's got to be a way for you to learn how to not panic when/if you don't get a response right away. I don't know what that is. Maybe after an initial text exchange ask him, "Is now a good time to text?" OR ask him to call you instead! That way, there's no waiting for a reply and you'd have his complete attention. The whole texting thing is causing you too much anxiety right now and it's causing you to act silly and "jump the gun" (as you stated.) As for the rest of your conversation, it wasn't great, but let it go. Just let all the anxiety and awkwardness roll and focus on keeping your anxiety in check for the next conversation. I'm rooting for you, Cookies! Edited January 13, 2018 by 1fish2fish 4 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 I think he’s been confused, scared and not alpha enough to make a move -as he said - sex makes him feel vulnerable and he’s not comfortable with that. Shockingly (fir me) seems like many men are that way...... ie need heavy reassurance (explicit not jokey flirting) to make a real move. This is actually quite depressing I've never had that problem, luckily 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cookiesandough Posted January 13, 2018 Author Share Posted January 13, 2018 Oooh oneitis is 100% a personality trait, people that don't have it can't even believe it and therefore the confusion. I've shared multiple times if I focus on someone it is not even a matter of choice, my brain straight rejects the idea for others. I have got people very offended because I can't recognize them after few meets, it is not a vision issue I can't even process the visual information if my focus is on another person and this has nothing to do with self-esteem, or for what matters: with love or romance. I guess it has more to do with how our brain processes information and ability to compartmentalize. I'd have been thrilled to study this but hey, in another lifetime I may :/ Thank you for your insight! I would love it if you could study this and share your thoughts with me because I find it fascinating to. Before this guy it was with my ex. And I can date other guys and have fun with them , But I tend to only have strong feelings for one at a time. Well IGuess I found out why I could not find him on tinder. He is in Pennsylvania with his family. I feel like I should maybe let this sit for a few days at least after how strong I came off. I will contact him maybe midweek to say hi? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bachdude Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 I have to admit, this has got to be one of the most entertaining threads I’ve read in a long time! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 I have to admit, this has got to be one of the most entertaining threads I’ve read in a long time! indeed 1 Link to post Share on other sites
igotoverit Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 This post is the place to be. I am about half way thru reading and awe your personality really does seem to be adorable. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 Well, I really do not want to be Debbie Downer, but two things in his replies to you make me a little less than optimistic, despite my name. 1. He said "we can still be friends." 2. He didn't answer your question about seeing someone, unless I missed it. I think he MAY be seeing someone, but definitely still wants to keep you in the back pocket since he now knows you're interested in him after all. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts