Oneitis for guy. Need cure

[No_Go]

He's gonna write back "Cookies!!!"

 

This will be mean Then she needs to move to 2 words reply to amp it up

[No_Go]

It's a good message. But I doubt she actually wants things to move with this guy. {Sorry for speaking fro your name cookies - I could be 100% wrong - it is just fun to strategize such a scenario}

 

It is one of these situations where the experiment ends negatively after response - regardless of what the response will be But this is good because it will close a page and cure the oneitis

 

Check this out Cookies: The Fearful/Anxious-Avoidant Attachment Style - The Love Compass

 

I do think you like this guy, but you're afraid of getting what you want.

 

I don't think it's a huge deal if he swiped left.

Probably just an ego thing.

 

You've literally got nothing to lose by shooting him a message.

I think a mix of what's been suggested before would be good.

Something like

 

"Hey (HOT GUY OF MY DREAMS' NAME) it's Cookies. We went out a couple times in November. I said I'd contact you this year once I sorted myself out. I've been thinking about you and would like to see you again."

 

If he's single, I think there is a good chance he will say yes.

[fredflint]

I am dealing with EXTREME infatuation/oneitis for a guy I met on a dating app last year. We only had 2 dates and he didn't seem that interested, but I feel like I screwed things up anyway. To sum it up, I asked him out 20 minutes after our 2nd date, and he said he is very busy rest of the week, but free the entire following week. I told him I wouldn't be available the following week. He told me he had a little crush on me, so screw a busy schedule, and he could make time on Friday. I said only Monday works. He said okay Monday then. Then I told him that things were moving too fast and I would contact him next year (this year) and he said "yea sure"

 

I am wondering if I should just move on or if I should contact him because I really like him? On one hand, contacting him would put to rest this obsession because if he's not interested or taken, I could get closure and move on with my life. On the other hand, it's totally creepy and I will most likely be rejected. I'm sure rejection will be ok. It's part of life. I'm mostly worried about coming off creepy and making *him* uncomfortable by contacting him out of the blue after so long and I don't know what I'd even say. Knowing me, I'd probably go the joke route which may come off irreverent and annoying to him

 

I could also try to forget about him first by trying to dating other guys. Kind of the female equivalent of "go sleep with 10 women" that guys have.Just to give an idea of the scope of my infatuation, I just scrolled through over 6,000 matches cuz my large city in the last 3 days trying to find him on there. So most likely any correspondence I try to have with him WILL be creepy. Maybe it might be best to try to move on and just try to date others and not reach out to him?

 

 

Please any advice ...I will do whatever LS thinks is best.. I keep getting told reach out but when I ask if it's creepy: radio silence

 

He's not going to find it creepy at all if you just text him once a few months later. He doesn't know you've been scrolling all the matches. I don't think you need to worry about contacting him. It only really becomes creepy if you continue to show interest after he's made it clear he isn't interested. Him saying "yea sure" was just his disappointed reaction to you taking such a risk with the relationship by saying it was moving too fast. A guy wants a woman who's not willing to risk losing him. Taking any action that shows you're willing to risk losing him is a big turn off as far as commitment. It might not be a turn off though from a guy's perspective if they are interested in casual. If you do that kind of thing too much, you're going to drive away a lot of great husband-material guys and be left with only the ones who want to have sex with you.

[Cookiesandough]

Need help. He took forever to respond to me and it was “ well I’ll be damned lol” is this done? I feel there’s nothing left to say

[fredflint]

Need help. He took forever to respond to me and it was “ well I’ll be damned lol” is this done? I feel there’s nothing left to say

 

Its far from done. Just wait a few hours and see if he adds anything, if not, just say something casual like, "hi how are you?" He'll at least be curious what you want, probably

[healing light]

Stop being lame. You rejected him and told him you might be coming back around. Now you are.

 

Tell him that you'd love to see him sometime if he's free. It doesn't have to be any more complicated than that.

[healing light]

Wasn't trying to be harsh with that first sentence, I just don't know why you torture yourself overthinking everything when a simple, direct statement will likely get you to where you want to be. Either you can start to move on, or you can start to see each other. Since you rejected him, the onus is on you to initiate.

[Cookiesandough]

Its far from done. Just wait a few hours and see if he adds anything, if not, just say something casual like, "hi how are you?" He'll at least be curious what you want, probably

 

Well I wrote this I wrote “Ben???”

 

And then I realized I had the wrong person. So I found the right one and I wrote this(olives suggestion plus a mincing of stuff I said “ben? This is cookies from Tinder. We went out a couple times last year. We were both leaving and I was startIng school so we stopped hanging out don’t know if you’re still around or available!! I’ve thought of you! If you’re ever up for hanging out again plz let me know. I completely understand if not. Happy 2018 !!!!!

 

And that was his response. It sounds passive aggressive and disinterested to me. What do you think?

[fredflint]

Well I wrote this I wrote “Ben???”

 

And then I realized I had the wrong person. So I found the right one and I wrote this(olives suggestion plus a mincing of stuff I said “ben? This is cookies from Tinder. We went out a couple times last year. We were both leaving and I was startIng school so we stopped hanging out don’t know if you’re still around or available!! I’ve thought of you! If you’re ever up for hanging out again plz let me know. I completely understand if not. Happy 2018 !!!!!

 

And that was his response. It sounds passive aggressive and disinterested to me. What do you think?

 

Not necessarily. It just sounds surprised and like you gave him a compliment to me, which of course, you did. So congrats on that. I can't yet read into it whether he wants to see you though. He might be seeing someone else by now.

[Cookiesandough]

Stop being lame. You rejected him and told him you might be coming back around. Now you are.

 

Tell him that you'd love to see him sometime if he's free. It doesn't have to be any more complicated than that.

 

I did, healing light. see above

[healing light]

He said "well I'll be damned, lol," right?

 

Sounds to me that he thought you would never come back around. I don't think it's passive aggressive, I think it's funny, like he's pleasantly surprised. Continue the conversation and see where it goes.

[Cookiesandough]

Not necessarily. It just sounds surprised and like you gave him a compliment to me, which of course, you did. So congrats on that. I can't yet read into it whether he wants to see you though. He might be seeing someone else by now.

 

True. So what should I say next? If anything. Thank you!

[fredflint]

True. So what should I say next? If anything. Thank you!

 

Give him time to think about it. At least a few hours. Maybe then text him (just one more time at most) something like "so, what do you think?". But if you get less than positive response to that, or ambivalent, I'd just let him go. Once he knows you're interested, the balls' then in his court really. And if you don't pursue him hard or needy after that he might well come back to you a few weeks/months later if/when he's available.

[JuneL]

I don't think Cookies wants to date the guy per se, but she tends to enjoy this type of cute games. She's a very pretty young woman, so she can afford to keep enjoying such games

[Cobra_X]

Well I wrote this I wrote “Ben???”

And then I realized I had the wrong person. So I found the right one and I wrote this(olives suggestion plus a mincing of stuff I said “ben? This is cookies from Tinder. We went out a couple times last year. We were both leaving and I was startIng school so we stopped hanging out don’t know if you’re still around or available!! I’ve thought of you! If you’re ever up for hanging out again plz let me know. I completely understand if not. Happy 2018 !!!!!

And that was his response. It sounds passive aggressive and disinterested to me. What do you think?

 

Holy hell.... you DID go with the crazy stalker "Thinking of You" statement. Not only that rambled on.

 

Seriously... I was impressed with just the "Ben???" txt because it was mysterious as hell and didn't give any clear signs of intent.

 

True. So what should I say next? If anything. Thank you!

 

You put yourself in a bad position. Now you are chasing him!

 

I would txt him something snarky... something like...

 

"6 months you have been dreaming and hoping I would contact you again... and that's all you have to say? I think you can do better!"

[fredflint]

Holy hell.... you DID go with the crazy stalker "Thinking of You" statement. Not only that rambled on.

 

Seriously... I was impressed with just the "Ben???" txt because it was mysterious as hell and didn't give any clear signs of intent.

 

 

 

You put yourself in a bad position. Now you are chasing him!

 

I would txt him something snarky... something like...

 

"6 months you have been dreaming and hoping I would contact you again... and that's all you have to say? I think you can do better!"

 

I much prefer women who chase me. I give them priority and they also have my respect for showing a willingness to upend traditional gender roles.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

True. So what should I say next? If anything. Thank you!

 

"How's 2018 treating you so far?"

 

I think his response to you was a positive one, but like someone else said, keep in mind he may be dating someone now.

[1fish2fish]

"I said I'd reach out after the new year, and it's 2018. Would you like to catch up over a cup of coffee next week?"

[olivetree]

Holy hell.... you DID go with the crazy stalker "Thinking of You" statement. Not only that rambled on.

 

Seriously... I was impressed with just the "Ben???" txt because it was mysterious as hell and didn't give any clear signs of intent.

 

 

 

You put yourself in a bad position. Now you are chasing him!

 

I would txt him something snarky... something like...

 

"6 months you have been dreaming and hoping I would contact you again... and that's all you have to say? I think you can do better!"

 

Couldn't disagree with this advice more!

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

What's that tell you guys?

 

That you wasted $7.95 because who knows if it works!

 

(Disclaimer: I know nothing about Tinder)

[Cobra_X]

I much prefer women who chase me. I give them priority and they also have my respect for showing a willingness to upend traditional gender roles.

 

Upend traditional gender roles. You want to be a stay at home dad or something?

 

There are some gender roles that are social constructs, and some that have biological roots. Make sure to identify which is which or you will likely wreck your own life.

 

A great example is passive vs dominant personalities. If you look over into the Affair section of this board you will find 80% of the cheated on husbands are passive types. If you get together with a dominant woman there is a good chance she will get tired of your passivity at some point and begin craving a dominant man like herself. This is biological and there is nothing you can do about it.

 

Chasing is a sign of dominance.

[Cobra_X]

Couldn't disagree with this advice more!

 

Please explain.

[olivetree]

Upend traditional gender roles. You want to be a stay at home dad or something?

 

There are some gender roles that are social constructs, and some that have biological roots. Make sure to identify which is which or you will likely wreck your own life.

 

A great example is passive vs dominant personalities. If you look over into the Affair section of this board you will find 80% of the cheated on husbands are passive types. If you get together with a dominant woman there is a good chance she will get tired of your passivity at some point and begin craving a dominant man like herself. This is biological and there is nothing you can do about it.

 

Chasing is a sign of dominance.

 

Please explain.

 

Meh, she's putting herself out there.

She ran away, it's kinda up to her to ask him out.

He's met Cookies in person... I'm sure he's not got the impression she's got too much testosterone.

 

"Thinking of you" is not cringey either.

Women say it to friends they haven't talked to in a while all the time.

[Cookiesandough]

Is this a good sign?

 

I actually didn’t read Healing light’s perfect succinct response in time, So I had to rely on myself and in a panic I jump the gun like I typically do blowing up his phone and scaring the daylights out of him Like I do most men.but I want to know if this is somewhat promising. Here is what was said:

 

Me: I told you I would. Are you back in Indy? What’s been going on? I searched for you on Tinder. Are you no longer on there or did you left swipe me ?

 

Me: I’m sorry for cutting off like that. It just didn’t seem feasible with your work and my travel/school...Plus I got the feeling you weren’t that into me lol. But I’d still like to be friends?

 

Me: Or not I mean you probably have enough friends that you don’t need to be friends with a Rando on tinder. I guess it was just wishful thinking

 

It’s been like 15 minutes since first message at this point so I’m starting to sweat a bit.

 

I say: Okay I guess this was a bad idea lol. I’m sorry. You’ve rightfully moved on with your life by now, but it was worth the shot. I wish you the best. (Match me on Tinder if you’re on there)

 

I give up hope. But about 10 minutes later I get this from

 

Him: Lol no no I'm glad you hit me up. I just figured you wouldn't. You're super mysterious, Xxxxx. I just got into Pennsylvania and I'm trying to navigate where I am so my phone has been tucked away.

 

Me: O ok jeez plz be careful

 

Him: Im back at the hotel now lol. How have you been? How was your semester.

 

Me: Thanks I’m glad you’re glad. ?whew.

 

Me: You’re not srsly seeing someone atm right ........

 

Me: Oh ok well I’m about to in a few but we can talk later? It was okay, I start again in a few days. I want to head about about what you’ve been up to too !!!

 

Him: Ha ha ok. Sleep tight. Look forward to hearing from you

 

Me: I’m not going to sleep it’s 8pm lol I meant to say leave

 

Me: you too ?

 

 

He never responded but that’s not horrible right?

[olivetree]

Is this a good sign?

 

I actually didn’t read Healing light’s perfect succinct response in time, So I had to rely on myself and in a panic I jump the gun like I typically do blowing up his phone and scaring the daylights out of him Like I do most men.but I want to know if this is somewhat promising. Here is what was said:

 

Me: I told you I would. Are you back in Indy? What’s been going on? I searched for you on Tinder. Are you no longer on there or did you left swipe me ?

 

Me: I’m sorry for cutting off like that. It just didn’t seem feasible with your work and my travel/school...Plus I got the feeling you weren’t that into me lol. But I’d still like to be friends?

 

Me: Or not I mean you probably have enough friends that you don’t need to be friends with a Rando on tinder. I guess it was just wishful thinking

 

It’s been like 15 minutes since first message at this point so I’m starting to sweat a bit.

 

I say: Okay I guess this was a bad idea lol. I’m sorry. You’ve rightfully moved on with your life by now, but it was worth the shot. I wish you the best. (Match me on Tinder if you’re on there)

 

I give up hope. But about 10 minutes later I get this from

 

Him: Lol no no I'm glad you hit me up. I just figured you wouldn't. You're super mysterious, Xxxxx. I just got into Pennsylvania and I'm trying to navigate where I am so my phone has been tucked away.

 

Me: O ok jeez plz be careful

 

Him: Im back at the hotel now lol. How have you been? How was your semester.

 

Me: Thanks I’m glad you’re glad. ?whew.

 

Me: You’re not srsly seeing someone atm right ........

 

Me: Oh ok well I’m about to in a few but we can talk later? It was okay, I start again in a few days. I want to head about about what you’ve been up to too !!!

 

Him: Ha ha ok. Sleep tight. Look forward to hearing from you

 

Me: I’m not going to sleep it’s 8pm lol I meant to say leave

 

Me: you too ?

 

 

He never responded but that’s not horrible right?

 

All sounds positive!