Losing interest or is she just comfortable with me? Bad gut feeling!

[Assassino]

You definitely strike me as a "take home to mama" type of guy. Mothers would probably love you for their daughters. Don't give up.....you just need to find a girl who appreciates this <3.

 

So there's girls out there who like that? I feel like that throws me into the unattractive "nice guy" category though, not sexy and attractive. Although I don't have stereotypically nice guy traits, like agreeing on a girls opinion just to please her. If I have a different opinion, I'll mention that and have my own views on something.

 

Btw, when I posted this thread and noticed something was up, that was after we had our third date during the day. We'd met at 2pm to get a coffee, museum and then a movie. That hardly strikes any romantic vibes, except for cuddling in the cinema. Do you think dates during the day like that should be avoided so you avoid giving off the friend vibe? I always hear it's best to keep dates to the evening so it gives a romantic setting.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

So there's girls out there who like that? I feel like that throws me into the unattractive "nice guy" category though, not sexy and attractive. Although I don't have stereotypically nice guy traits, like agreeing on a girls opinion just to please her. If I have a different opinion, I'll mention that and have my own views on something.

 

Btw, when I posted this thread and noticed something was up, that was after we had our third date during the day. We'd met at 2pm to get a coffee, museum and then a movie. That hardly strikes any romantic vibes, except for cuddling in the cinema. Do you think dates during the day like that should be avoided so you avoid giving off the friend vibe? I always hear it's best to keep dates to the evening so it gives a romantic setting.

 

No, I do not think that about daytime dates. You're overanalyzing details like this too much. This was more of a personality/vibe/presence sort of thing, not what you did nor not do logistically.

 

And it doesn't seem at all like you're not a handsome man. Do you have sex appeal? I don't know, but maybe that's it. The two are very different.

[Assassino]

No, I do not think that about daytime dates. You're overanalyzing details like this too much. This was more of a personality/vibe/presence sort of thing, not what you did nor not do logistically.

 

And it doesn't seem at all like you're not a handsome man. Do you have sex appeal? I don't know, but maybe that's it. The two are very different.

 

I've been told I'm good looking, even had a girl add me on Facebook as she works in our other store to tell me she added me because she thought I was good looking. I don't feel I have a problem getting a date, just the vibe I give off. I always get the "no connection" or "friendships, not dating" but I am touchy feely in appropriate ways with girls I date making a lot of physical contact, I go for the hand holding, I go for the kiss on the first date. I even flirt so I feel like I do give a "more than friends" vibe. Maybe I don't make sexual jokes or whatever, something seems to be missing.

 

Maybe I don't have sex appeal, I don't say anything in a suggestive way. BUT if a girl was to take me to her place, then I'd say I would. I'd be touching her in ways I wouldn't do so in public, just I do not get chance to do this as we're always going on public dates. I still live with parents so I can't exactly invite a girl around on the second or third date either to spur something on.

 

This is why I feel like in the space of a month of seeing her, all it takes is for a guy to take her out on a second or third date and take her back to his place and they have sex. That already puts the guy ahead of me and maybe that's what happened. If she had sex with a guy who beat me to the chase, maybe emotionally she's more attached to them.

Edited January 8, 2018 by Assassino

[Cookiesandough]

Some people don't like multi dating, but they don't have to know I am. I'm not going to tell the girl I'm dating that I'm also dating others, would feel like bad ettiquite. It will help my "fear of loss" with a girl though and will stop me over analysing actions if the other girl I'm talking to is showing me all the right signs.

 

Yeah I have a problem keeping a girl interested and I wish I knew why. It's obviously a problem with me or it wouldn't happen with every girl I meet.

 

With my response time, I have a justifyable reason as I work a lot so that makes sense why I can take a while to reply.

 

I should've text her yesterday and put in the effort to reach out. I was going to wait until evening today to do that but guess I waited too long to not seem eager. It's been known to be interested in what you can't have.

 

I still think even if I could go back in time a day and sent that text, she'd have still come out with the same rejection. Possibly given me a 5th date, but if I recall the signs on the 4th date, I think her mind was made up a week ago when she "unhid" her profile and edited her description.

 

Ooooh I meant that you may personally not like multidating. Some people just can't do it. They get tunnel vision once they like someone and forget about others. If you can and it works for you, by all means. And yea it's probably a bad idea to tell anyone youre dating youre doing it lol. You could be very right that she had made up her mind when she unhid her profile. I maintain my assessment that it's your analytical aspect. You get too worried that the girl will lose interest. It's not just the trying to not come off eager actually looking eager and calculated. The texts you said seemed carefully worded and calculated too. JMO. A lot of women like laid back confidence as Vyliss said. But I think it should be easy for you change that and maybe as you said the multidating will help. Best of luck to you! )

[Assassino]

Ooooh I meant that you may personally not like multidating. Some people just can't do it. They get tunnel vision once they like someone and forget about others. If you can and it works for you, by all means. And yea it's probably a bad idea to tell anyone youre dating youre doing it lol. You could be very right that she had made up her mind when she unhid her profile. I maintain my assessment that it's your analytical aspect. You get too worried that the girl will lose interest. It's not just the trying to not come off eager actually looking eager and calculated. The texts you said seemed carefully worded and calculated too. JMO. A lot of women like laid back confidence as Vyliss said. But I think it should be easy for you change that and maybe as you said the multidating will help. Best of luck to you! )

 

With this girl and another, I did try it and got fixated to this girl so I understand what you mean. What I didn't do was get meeting another girl so I was constantly dating two, I just stuck with this one. From now on I'll try and fixate on two, but it's hard, I get ya. I worry that I'll get confused remembering information of each girl.

 

So do you feel my texts seemed unnatural? She could've been thinking that. I can take 5-10 minutes just to think of a reply, making sure I won't say things I don't regret, etc. I think from now on I'll just write what comes into my head, to a certain extent.

 

Thanks I'm sure I'll find someone one day, but for now I'm going to treat myself to something. Been meaning to upgrade my phone so it gives me some fresh excitement.

[Assassino]

I do feel like whilst we had a lot in common, maybe my personality was too different. She mentioned on her profile she has an outgoing personality, whereas I don't have that. I remember asking her the most daring thing she's ever done and she told me she had sex outside. She seems like she wants someone who's more adventurous whereas I am reserved, guess we just wasn't a good match if that's the case.

 

I always meet a better quality girl each time and never thought I'd come across this one after my last failed dating experience!

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I've been told I'm good looking, even had a girl add me on Facebook as she works in our other store to tell me she added me because she thought I was good looking. I don't feel I have a problem getting a date, just the vibe I give off. I always get the "no connection" or "friendships, not dating" but I am touchy feely in appropriate ways with girls I date making a lot of physical contact, I go for the hand holding, I go for the kiss on the first date. I even flirt so I feel like I do give a "more than friends" vibe. Maybe I don't make sexual jokes or whatever, something seems to be missing.

 

Maybe I don't have sex appeal, I don't say anything in a suggestive way. BUT if a girl was to take me to her place, then I'd say I would. I'd be touching her in ways I wouldn't do so in public, just I do not get chance to do this as we're always going on public dates. I still live with parents so I can't exactly invite a girl around on the second or third date either to spur something on.

 

This is why I feel like in the space of a month of seeing her, all it takes is for a guy to take her out on a second or third date and take her back to his place and they have sex. That already puts the guy ahead of me and maybe that's what happened. If she had sex with a guy who beat me to the chase, maybe emotionally she's more attached to them.

 

This is something. I forget, how old are you? Is there a plan to get your own place, even with a roommate?

 

This can be a turn-off for sure to a woman who is already independent.

 

As far as sex appeal, I don't think you can "create it." It's not about making sexual jokes or touching a woman more in public. And the definition varies for everyone. Two of my neighbors (on each side) are super nice men. Their wives are head over heels in love with them. To me, they have zero sex appeal. Obviously to the wives they do since they have five kids between them!

[Assassino]

This is something. I forget, how old are you? Is there a plan to get your own place, even with a roommate?

 

This can be a turn-off for sure to a woman who is already independent.

 

As far as sex appeal, I don't think you can "create it." It's not about making sexual jokes or touching a woman more in public. And the definition varies for everyone. Two of my neighbors (on each side) are super nice men. Their wives are head over heels in love with them. To me, they have zero sex appeal. Obviously to the wives they do since they have five kids between them!

 

I'm 25. She lives with 3 other roommates in their own place. I do plan to but I want to get my career sorted so I know I can afford it.

 

I guess still living with parents, not owning a car and working in retail (run my own store) must've been a put off for her.. But why take a whole month and 4 dates to realise this? She knew all that from date one. Again I want someone who is going to be patient on me whilst I get things sorted and someone who likes me for me and not materialistic.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I'm 25. She lives with 3 other roommates in their own place. I do plan to but I want to get my career sorted so I know I can afford it.

 

I guess still living with parents, not owning a car and working in retail (run my own store) must've been a put off for her.. But why take a whole month and 4 dates to realise this? She knew all that from date one. Again I want someone who is going to be patient on me whilst I get things sorted and someone who likes me for me and not materialistic.

 

I'm guessing this is because of your physical appearance.

[Assassino]

Just for some closure, when she text me saying she had a great night loving the show, meal and keyring, etc, and feeling horrendous that was at 1:05am, but I noticed searching her on Facebook, she uploaded a picture of her in the same outfit she had on the date at 1am. She was posing for a selfie and made it her profile picture, she definitely didn't look "ill" or "horrendous". I didn't call her out for that though.

 

Just wondering when she text at 1am Sunday morning and I replied.. If I'd have reached out later Sunday evening or Monday morning do you think that would've changed anything or would she still have sent that rejection text? I just have a feeling that because I didn't reach out and she had to again, maybe it's what spurred the rejection text from her. I know what's done is done, just wanted to know if that was a deciding factor or do you think her decision was made before then.

[newyorker11356]

What happened wasn't that you weren't compatible or you're not a good guy.. what happened was your lack of confidence made her lose all attraction for you.

 

Dating is 20% about compatibility and 80% about attraction. If you don't make her feel attracted, excited, nervous and all giddy around you.. you will always lose her to someone else.

 

Here's 3 tips on dating girls.

 

1. You have to lead.

Waiting for her to initiate all that texting, not arranging her a ride home, waiting for her to setup dates... all just a big turn off at the end of the day.

 

You have to be confident and LEAD. Initiate 80% of the time, plan the dates, make the physical moves (don't ask), look for opportunities to protect her during your dates eg. Offer a jacket if she's cold, make her walk on the inside of the curb, walk in FRONT of her, arrange a ride for her, and honestly, you should have asked her to let YOU know if she got home safe.. all protective behaviours women love. She probably felt like she was being the man in this relationship and you the woman - not attractive at all.

 

2. Never give gifts when you're dating.

It's another sign of submissive behaviour. If anything, she should be giving YOU gifts. Gifts are great when you're in an exclusive relationship with someone you love. But when you are just dating it spells insecurity - as if your mere presence isn't enough you need to suck up with extras.

 

3. Don't be too predictable.

She knew she was in control of this from the beginning. And it was not fun for her. You were predictable along every turn. And that was partially because you didn't do the initiating and you didn't lead. When you start leading a girl and she likes you, when you stop or change routines, she's going to be the one freaking out. And that's a good thing because you want her anxiously waiting by the phone hoping you'd text or call. A girl likes to be with a man she feels safe with and is also excited by. When she can't predict what he will do or what he's thinking, it will only make her fall for him more.

 

I don't see things improving unless you man up and gain some confidence. All women want a confident guy.

 

Nah, sometimes, it's just a matter of lack of compatibility.

 

Those 3 things didn't really play much of a factor, if any. I've done all those things before, and the woman still ends up telling me that she's not interested in me anymore.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Just for some closure, when she text me saying she had a great night loving the show, meal and keyring, etc, and feeling horrendous that was at 1:05am, but I noticed searching her on Facebook, she uploaded a picture of her in the same outfit she had on the date at 1am. She was posing for a selfie and made it her profile picture, she definitely didn't look "ill" or "horrendous". I didn't call her out for that though.

 

Just wondering when she text at 1am Sunday morning and I replied.. If I'd have reached out later Sunday evening or Monday morning do you think that would've changed anything or would she still have sent that rejection text? I just have a feeling that because I didn't reach out and she had to again, maybe it's what spurred the rejection text from her. I know what's done is done, just wanted to know if that was a deciding factor or do you think her decision was made before then.

 

No. It would not have mattered at all. I don't think she was even sick. I think it was an excuse, sadly . I'm sorry.

[Assassino]

No. It would not have mattered at all. I don't think she was even sick. I think it was an excuse, sadly . I'm sorry.

 

She definitely wasn’t sick. She uploaded a facebook profile picture of her smiling, five minutes before texting me she was feeling horrendous in bed. She looked very much well! I don’t want someone so dishonest like that, nor someone who feels the need to check out guys when they’re with me on a date.

 

Kind of confirms what I was feeling last week then. I remember preparing a text in my “notes” section of my phone about cancelling our date as I didn’t want to take someone who seemed like they didn’t want to go. Probably why I pulled back for the following 5-6 days and I let her initiate so I’d be sure of her interest. Heck, I was even googling “signs of a pity date” so I was spot on about this. I had a feeling she was just being polite and she knew I was excited for it. Obviously she knew I couldn’t cancel the tickets but would’ve taken someone else. Shockingly that was the time I created this thread too, think I’ll always trust my gut now!

Edited January 9, 2018 by Assassino

[Eternal Sunshine]

We women are often told to give guys a chance even if we are not really feeling that spark. I have in the past given guys up to 4 dates to see if I will grow to be attracted but it's never happened. It's either there from the start for me or it's not, nothing a guy can do.

 

It's hard to put the finger on what's missing. Sometimes it's purely physical attraction that's not there, other times it's a sense of personality. For example I am very introverted but adventurous at the same time. I love to travel. If a guy has never been outside of his country and doesn't seem to have a desire to, it won't work for me. Also, if he is very reversed and risk averse, I easily get bored. On the other side of the coin, I am not into heavy drinking and drugs and most adventurous guys seem to be (which is also a deal breaker).

 

It's hard to pinpoint but 4 dates are more than enough to get a sense of overall chemistry and compatibility.

[Zippy2000]

I guess still living with parents, not owning a car and working in retail (run my own store) must've been a put off for her.. But why take a whole month and 4 dates to realise this? She knew all that from date one. Again I want someone who is going to be patient on me whilst I get things sorted and someone who likes me for me and not materialistic.

 

 

 

I don't think you should analyse anything about where you are in life. Women will date you even if you had no money, no car or job. She gave you a chance. Maybe she was trying to get to know you.

 

 

I'm in a similar situation. I had 6 dates with a girl before she changed her mind. She didn't feel the spark but she gave me a chance. Well never know whey people change their minds unless they tell you. It could be she just wasn't feeling it in the end.

 

 

However that said. If it was Pof you met her from. The problem with online dating is that its addictive. People think youre replacable. The grass is greener on the other side syndrome. I wont be surprised if shes back on Pof.

Edited January 9, 2018 by Zippy2000

[Zippy2000]

Well, my gut instinct was correct..

 

Early this afternoon she text me saying:

 

Hi (my name),

 

I’ve been thinking about us and where we are headed and I don’t think this is going to work. I think you’re absolutely lovely but I think we are too different. I just want to thank you for everything we have done, I enjoyed the time we spent together but I think we are looking for different things.

 

I hope we are able to stay friends if you wish and there are no hard feelings between us. X

 

I was expecting it as I did think something changed, not as flirty in texts, length, etc. I felt like the cold sore was an excuse as earlier in the week she said she caught it from a child at a place she works at, then days later she said it had got worse and was hurting yet in person she looked like she never had one. And I was right to believe her feeling ill was an excuse. She seemed distracted by her phone at times and spent a lot of time looking around the room in the restaurant.

 

One downside is she’d look at other guys too. In the theatre I noticed she made a couple of glances to a guy sat there and there were glances made back. Anyone’s free to look, but on a date you shouldn’t.

 

I don’t know if it’s because she was sat on a bench in the cold waiting for me for 15 minutes, but I kept texting her to keep her updated. Maybe it was when the bill came, she offered to go half and I accepted, rather then paying it fully myself.

 

Or maybe she felt she was initiating contact too much and I wasn’t?

 

She initiated contact last Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday morning and today whereas I initiated the three days before that. The ratio of initiating contact was she’d initiate 5ish times a week and I would only reach out a couple of times. She’d respond back within 5-10 minutes and I would take 30 mins to an hour as I was busy. Could this have been a factor?

 

I also feel when she said “where we are headed” that it has something to do with my job, as I’m a manager of a retail store with no car whereas she is an assistant psychologist with a car. At the age of 25/26 is that a huge deciding factor to end things, even if there is chemistry?

 

 

 

 

I have 4 women I previousily dated use the "friends" line and don't go through with it.

 

 

I d ask you not to worry about materialistic things like a car or a job. If theres chemistry or a spark this would over ride any of this. I ve seen some girls who have dated guys with no job, car and they still get on.

[Zippy2000]

OP,

 

After reading this exhausting thread I can tell you that she was into you at first but you seemed to put more undue pressure on her and yourself with each post you wrote.

 

 

 

"Exhausting thread"!? If it was exhausting to you. You don't have to read it. A bit more sensitivity to the OP who opened his heart, soul and the energy to put himself out there to get help from the LS community.

[Zippy2000]

She definitely wasn’t sick. She uploaded a facebook profile picture of her smiling, five minutes before texting me she was feeling horrendous in bed. She looked very much well!

 

 

I dated a girl who dressed up for my date and used it as her FB profile pic. However the pic was taken during the day and wasn't during or after our date.

 

 

How can you be sure she uploaded it after your date at 1.05am? The pic she took could have been before your date.

[act00]

I dated a girl who dressed up for my date and used it as her FB profile pic. However the pic was taken during the day and wasn't during or after our date.

 

 

How can you be sure she uploaded it after your date at 1.05am? The pic she took could have been before your date.

 

That's exactly what I was thinking. She took the picture before the date when she was newly done up with the hair, the makeup, the dress, but didn't post it until later when she was home, presumably sick in bed, but regardless of her state of health, it seems reasonable that this was a picture taken earlier, before heading out and posted later.

 

I totally buy the cold sore excuse since it's contagious, and planning the "sleepover" on a night when kissing is likely out of the question, possibly painful, I'd pull back on that one too. Giving her the benefit of the doubt on this illness and cold sore, it would be a set of unfortunate circumstances. In her case, yes, I do think there was a level of pulling back as well.

 

It's this lackadaisical approach to some of your communication that bothers me. You supposedly had a great time, but chose the following day after this wonderful date to completely drop off the planet. You couldn't even extend a text asking her how her day is going...on her birthday, which is the perfect excuse. Going radio silent the day after a date is a sure sign of noninterest or that the date didn't go well.

 

I have to admit, when I'm the one who has to initiate contact first a majority of the time, and especially if a date isn't forthcoming and I have to ask, repeatedly, if we're going to see each other, it's a sure sign of noninterest, and I will drop the rope. Always text the next day if you had a great time and text the night of, when you get home, even if it's a, "had a great time, sweet dreams," quickie. You can't lose that momentum, and I would also say that if she wasn't feeling the best, there would be some anxiety about if "he's still interested" if the night didn't go quite as well as expected, and a followup text the next day would have gone a long way.

 

I don't want or expect all-day texts, and I'm not a big phone talker, and I can go with a missed day or two, particularly when the relationship is more solid, but the following day is important in my book, and a higher level of contact in the beginning is important too.

[Assassino]

I dated a girl who dressed up for my date and used it as her FB profile pic. However the pic was taken during the day and wasn't during or after our date.

 

 

How can you be sure she uploaded it after your date at 1.05am? The pic she took could have been before your date.

 

You can see the timecode on the pic when hovering over the date and it said 1am. That was when it was uploaded so it could’ve been taken before the date, just uploaded when she was in bed. Either way I definitely feel that her being ill was an excuse anyway.

 

I just hope her waiting for 15 minutes in the cold in her dress wasn’t a major factor. I kept her updated that I was on my way and when I got into the city and how long I’d be walking up. Then again she made me wait the same amount on date 3.

[Assassino]

That's exactly what I was thinking. She took the picture before the date when she was newly done up with the hair, the makeup, the dress, but didn't post it until later when she was home, presumably sick in bed, but regardless of her state of health, it seems reasonable that this was a picture taken earlier, before heading out and posted later.

 

I totally buy the cold sore excuse since it's contagious, and planning the "sleepover" on a night when kissing is likely out of the question, possibly painful, I'd pull back on that one too. Giving her the benefit of the doubt on this illness and cold sore, it would be a set of unfortunate circumstances. In her case, yes, I do think there was a level of pulling back as well.

 

It's this lackadaisical approach to some of your communication that bothers me. You supposedly had a great time, but chose the following day after this wonderful date to completely drop off the planet. You couldn't even extend a text asking her how her day is going...on her birthday, which is the perfect excuse. Going radio silent the day after a date is a sure sign of noninterest or that the date didn't go well.

 

I have to admit, when I'm the one who has to initiate contact first a majority of the time, and especially if a date isn't forthcoming and I have to ask, repeatedly, if we're going to see each other, it's a sure sign of noninterest, and I will drop the rope. Always text the next day if you had a great time and text the night of, when you get home, even if it's a, "had a great time, sweet dreams," quickie. You can't lose that momentum, and I would also say that if she wasn't feeling the best, there would be some anxiety about if "he's still interested" if the night didn't go quite as well as expected, and a followup text the next day would have gone a long way.

 

I don't want or expect all-day texts, and I'm not a big phone talker, and I can go with a missed day or two, particularly when the relationship is more solid, but the following day is important in my book, and a higher level of contact in the beginning is important too.

 

We did text the night of. She reached out Sunday 1am when she got back home and I replied at 1:45am when I got home and put my phone on charge! I told her I had a nice evening too and glad she enjoyed her birthday etc!

 

I knew she was busy all day on her birthday with friends at the cinema etc so I wanted to leave her to it and not disturb her.

 

When we were on our date and it turned midnight (her birthday) I sang her happy birthday so it seemed a little pointless sending it as a text after it had all been said in person.

 

I’m also the one always arranging the dates too. Our last interactions in the last 9 days were 3 initiated in a row by me then 6 from her.

 

However I do wish I reached out that evening or Monday morning, but that wouldn’t have changed anything if she felt no connection. Her decision was made either a few days before the date or on the date. Reaching out later that day wouldn’t have done anything.

 

Plus, if she was ready to drop me because I don’t text as much or not reaching out as much then it’s not worth it because I want someone who’s a bit more secure with themselves. I know she’s never had a father figure, so maybe having a male that’s in constant contact with her everyday is what she needs, but I’m NOT the type to talk over text everyday. I like my space and having a days break now and then, just to recoup myself.

 

In addition, we was lining up for the box office and the couple in front of us were all over each other. He was leaning her back, kissing her and they were both laughing. I then pulled this girl by her waist towards me. I’d have gone for the kiss with her if it wasn’t for the “cold sore” but I don’t know if she thought that when I pulled her to me, it was because the other couple was all over each other in front.

Edited January 9, 2018 by Assassino

[Assassino]

I also think my problem is when I get a sense of a girl pulling back, I also pull back in fear of hurting myself. If I sense she’s not putting as much effort in as she used to then I end up not doing either.

 

She knows I work a busy job where my phone isn’t available either so by the time I finish in the afternoon from working very early morning, she’s already initated contact. I was also working on her birthday, but we’d text at 1am so I thought by the time I finished it’d be too late to have a conversation of any kind.

 

When it turned midnight it was her birthday so I sang her happy birthday, I also wished her happy birthday when I got home too at 2am. Fair enough I didn’t reach out for the rest of the day/later on her birthday or asked how her birthday was but I did text it and sang it her at the very start. I think her decision was already made regardless of what I did. She couldn’t back out because I booked the tickets hence the cold sore excuse. And she did say there was no connection too and was more friends than dating.

Edited January 9, 2018 by Assassino

[Vyliss]

1) I initiated about 20-25% of it during any given week. Whenever I've been the one to reach out, it's always put the girl off because I was acting needy.

 

Okay, I didn't arrange her a ride home, fair enough.. But she came on tram, so I guessed she had a return ticket to go back.

 

I was ALWAYS the one who arranged dates, so I'll disagree with you there. Every time we had a date, our next interaction I'd always be asking her when is she free or if she's free on Wednesday to meet at 7 to play mini golf, etc. She suggested meeting Saturday for our 4th date, but I suggested the comedy club and she agreed and I told her I bought the tickets, that we'll meet at 7 if she's able to get there that early. I was always direct in my plan.

 

2) I was 50/50 about a gift, but it was only a keyring. When I asked on here, people said it was fine and was a thoughtful thing to do.

 

3) She didn't totally initiate conversations, I still reached out on days. Heck, even when we'd be out on a date I'd grab her hand and be direct about it. I even randomly pulled her in to kiss me.

 

You're acting like I was replying five minutes after her text. Some times I'd take 10 minutes, other times I'd take two hours because I was busy. There were even times where she worried if she'd put me off after doing something.

 

I don't want to play games by "making her wait" or "feel anxious". I just wanted to be myself but I guess she wanted someone who was more needy, as she said. I used to be but after bad experiences I stopped doing that.

 

I was nothing but confident in person with her, hence why I'm a little shocked.. I was always assertive with my actions, kissing her, putting arm around her and always led her to the places we were going.

 

1). Initiating too much is not the problem. Women like a guy who pursues them. The fact that you had bad experiences in the past shouldn't have deterred you. It just meant those particular girls didn't like you or wasn't feeling the vibe. Well that's a good thing because you knew from the beginning not to waste time on those girls.

 

If a girl likes a guy, she wants him to initiate regularly and consistently. It doesn't mean he's "desperate" unless he acts desperate during the conversation.

 

The fact you overanalyzed and spent so much time thinking about her responses and actions showed a LACK of confidence - which I'm sure she picked up on. If you were truly confident you wouldn't care or notice those little things, you would naturally just ASSUME she liked you - actually you would be more worried about whether you liked her.

 

2). As for the dates - from your post she suggested Date #2 and Date #4. It's good that she suggested them but perhaps you could have teased her a bit or built up some tension with her to imply SHE'S the needy/desperate one. I mean a girl who initiates that much and suggesting dates that often kind of implies a bit of neediness.

 

Nothing wrong with that - but two needy people tend to kill the sexual tension a bit because there is no mystery or resistance.

 

When she said: "You can stay over at mine on Saturday night, if you want.. Seeing as the show will be finishing late."

You could have seen this as a great opportunity to tease the hell out of her, saying something like "Oh I see what you're doing - trying to get me in bed as soon as possible huh?" Instead of just "Yes ok." lol which just implies she's the one leading and you're following her like a puppy.

 

Women like a bit of playful teasing.

 

3). You say you don't want to "play games" and just be yourself. Yet at the same time you're overanalysing everything and spending hours on a forum asking strangers what is going on. Which means you probably wanted advice and how to "counter" to save this situation.

 

Dating is a game whether you like it or not. It's all about understanding social dynamics, what works, what doesn't, and putting yourself in the best light to be most attractive - therefore giving yourself the best chance at the girl seeing and falling in love with the REAL you. Because in reality, people are quick to judge and will make snap judgments based on small things that people in love wouldn't care about.

 

The fact your current method is not working says you should try something different to just "being yourself". With girls (especially in their early 20s), they care more about excitement, passion and attraction than compatibility. I mean that's why so many young guys are "just friends" with girls they want to date.

[newyorker11356]

1). Initiating too much is not the problem. Women like a guy who pursues them. The fact that you had bad experiences in the past shouldn't have deterred you. It just meant those particular girls didn't like you or wasn't feeling the vibe. Well that's a good thing because you knew from the beginning not to waste time on those girls.

 

If a girl likes a guy, she wants him to initiate regularly and consistently. It doesn't mean he's "desperate" unless he acts desperate during the conversation.

 

The fact you overanalyzed and spent so much time thinking about her responses and actions showed a LACK of confidence - which I'm sure she picked up on. If you were truly confident you wouldn't care or notice those little things, you would naturally just ASSUME she liked you - actually you would be more worried about whether you liked her.

 

2). As for the dates - from your post she suggested Date #2 and Date #4. It's good that she suggested them but perhaps you could have teased her a bit or built up some tension with her to imply SHE'S the needy/desperate one. I mean a girl who initiates that much and suggesting dates that often kind of implies a bit of neediness.

 

Nothing wrong with that - but two needy people tend to kill the sexual tension a bit because there is no mystery or resistance.

 

When she said: "You can stay over at mine on Saturday night, if you want.. Seeing as the show will be finishing late."

You could have seen this as a great opportunity to tease the hell out of her, saying something like "Oh I see what you're doing - trying to get me in bed as soon as possible huh?" Instead of just "Yes ok." lol which just implies she's the one leading and you're following her like a puppy.

 

Women like a bit of playful teasing.

 

3). You say you don't want to "play games" and just be yourself. Yet at the same time you're overanalysing everything and spending hours on a forum asking strangers what is going on. Which means you probably wanted advice and how to "counter" to save this situation.

 

Dating is a game whether you like it or not. It's all about understanding social dynamics, what works, what doesn't, and putting yourself in the best light to be most attractive - therefore giving yourself the best chance at the girl seeing and falling in love with the REAL you. Because in reality, people are quick to judge and will make snap judgments based on small things that people in love wouldn't care about.

 

The fact your current method is not working says you should try something different to just "being yourself". With girls (especially in their early 20s), they care more about excitement, passion and attraction than compatibility. I mean that's why so many young guys are "just friends" with girls they want to date.

 

While you aren't necessarily wrong. At the end of the day, if someone likes you, then it really doesn't matter what you do or say. That's something I learned a long time ago.

[Assassino]

There’s a little update, but I find it odd.

 

After her last response on Monday about “friendship rather than dating” I decided to reply Tuesday evening to “round things off”

 

I told her not to worry about it and that I sensed she was distant last week which is why I backed off and even if I had communicated better, if she wasn’t feeling it then it wouldn’t work, but I couldn’t be friends” I then hoped she had a good birthday and that I would’ve text her happy birthday but she got the super exclusive singing edition instead. I then said I didn’t want to drag this on any longer and wished her the best with her career ending it with one kiss.

 

5 days later, Saturday night at 23:58 she texts me (through imessage now I’ve enabled it) and sends me:

 

“No problem I understand, shame we can’t be friends! Wish you all the best in the future whatever you do [her name] xxx”

 

It seems really odd she sent it 5 days later and used multiple kisses too. I’d spent the last few days getting over it but now it’s got me thinking again..

 

Why send that 5 days later? Surely it would’ve been best to send it right after I sent mine, not 5 days on? Was better to just keep quiet..

Edited January 14, 2018 by Assassino