Losing interest or is she just comfortable with me? Bad gut feeling!

[Assassino]

Wait, are you the same person who bought another girl a Harry Potter keychain or is this a common thing now? I remember reading another member doing that.

 

I'm new to the forums so probably not, but every girl I've dated seems to have an obsession with it. Just thought a keyring of it was something simple without it being too much for a 4th date.

[Assassino]

A little bit more positive today, her replies were lengthier once I added length to mine. She started off slow 45 mins to an hour to reply but got quicker towards the end of the conversation. (I'll paste the conversation here later).

 

She's back with her flatmates after being away at her mums and she brought up that they were spending the day together watching movies and ordering food as one of them got dumped over the phone by their boyfriend, so I figured that explained the response time.

 

Couple of things I'm concerned about that I might be overthinking again.. I mentioned meeting at 7 on Saturday (our tickets are for 9) but she mentioned she was getting her hair done at the hairdressers who takes a long time because they're laid back and that she might be running late for 7. I had a gut feeling she might've used it as an excuse to spend less time with me.

 

The second thing was she mentioned she has a cold sore coming through, which indirectly says to me there isn't going to be kissing or the possibility of me staying over at hers.

 

Possibility of her spending less time with me (probably enough to just watch the show), her having a cold sore which possibly rules out kissing or sex, plus her not initiating texts recently, my gut sensing her texting tone has changed, etc.

 

Do you think she's doing this so she doesn't feel guilty for me spending £50 on these tickets and that really she doesn't want to go/get my hopes up due to lack of romantic interest? She has her excuse for not kissing/spending extra time with me and her going means she doesn't feel guilty for wasting the tickets.

 

Maybe I'm overthinking and all this is just coincidental! But it feels like it adds up to her possibly being disinterested. Do you think this adds up or am I adding 2+2 to make 5?

 

I guess I'll be able to judge things on the date, but most of all whether she accepts date #5. We'll see, but not hopeful. I'll enjoy it whilst it lasts.

Edited January 3, 2018 by Assassino

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

A little bit more positive today, her replies were lengthier once I added length to mine. She started off slow 45 mins to an hour to reply but got quicker towards the end of the conversation. (I'll paste the conversation here later).

 

She's back with her flatmates after being away at her mums and she brought up that they were spending the day together watching movies and ordering food as one of them got dumped over the phone by their boyfriend, so I figured that explained the response time.

 

Couple of things I'm concerned about that I might be overthinking again.. I mentioned meeting at 7 on Saturday (our tickets are for 9) but she mentioned she was getting her hair done at the hairdressers who takes a long time because they're laid back and that she might be running late for 7. I had a gut feeling she might've used it as an excuse to spend less time with me.

 

The second thing was she mentioned she has a cold sore coming through, which indirectly says to me there isn't going to be kissing or the possibility of me staying over at hers.

 

Possibility of her spending less time with me (probably enough to just watch the show), her having a cold sore which possibly rules out kissing or sex, plus her not initiating texts recently, my gut sensing her texting tone has changed, etc.

 

Do you think she's doing this so she doesn't feel guilty for me spending £50 on these tickets and that really she doesn't want to go/get my hopes up due to lack of romantic interest? She has her excuse for not kissing/spending extra time with me and her going means she doesn't feel guilty for wasting the tickets.

 

Maybe I'm overthinking and all this is just coincidental! But it feels like it adds up to her possibly being disinterested. Do you think this adds up or am I adding 2+2 to make 5?

 

I guess I'll be able to judge things on the date, but most of all whether she accepts date #5. We'll see, but not hopeful. I'll enjoy it whilst it lasts.

 

Not everything is about YOU. She probably mentioned the cold sore because she's feeling very insecure about it! At least she didn't cancel on you which is what some girls would do.

 

RELAX!!!!!

[Assassino]

Not everything is about YOU. She probably mentioned the cold sore because she's feeling very insecure about it! At least she didn't cancel on you which is what some girls would do.

 

RELAX!!!!!

 

Yeah true, I mean now was the time to cancel when I brought up logistics and it would've given me enough time to take a friend, but she didn't.

 

Maybe she's giving it one last chance, but I can't force her to like me if she doesn't so guess I shouldn't worry.

 

I wish I stopped overthinking, it's so draining It's not something I can turn off just like that either.

[MidwestUSA]

Oh dear!

 

She's GETTING HER HAIR DONE for your date! She's warning you about a cold sore 1) so you won't be shocked if it's in full bloom when you see her, or 2) so you can bail on HER if you're inclined to be embarrassed about being seen with such a hideous thing.

 

Your text exchanges with her have been really cute. I'm thinking there's something to what cookie says about self fulfilling prophecies. You need to slow down your overthinking, and enjoy the moments as they come. Chill out!

[heavenonearth]

You need to think more positively.

 

I totally get where you are coming from! I am just like you in these instances. I get super anxious and worry and think of the worst things to happen, but in the end, everything is always fine.

 

It's all wasted energy! You should be enjoying yourself and her company.

 

I also think you should wait with the keyring for date 6 or 7!

 

x

[Assassino]

You need to think more positively.

 

I totally get where you are coming from! I am just like you in these instances. I get super anxious and worry and think of the worst things to happen, but in the end, everything is always fine.

 

It's all wasted energy! You should be enjoying yourself and her company.

 

I also think you should wait with the keyring for date 6 or 7!

 

x

 

Okay so not keyring at all until 3 or so dates later? It's her birthday 3 hours after the show starts, so I figured it would be a nice gesture, but then I don't want to come on too strong with a gift.

[Cookiesandough]

I agree with Heaven...last time someone here gave a girl a harry potter keyring within the first 4 dates...it didn't work out.

[Assassino]

Oh dear!

 

She's GETTING HER HAIR DONE for your date! She's warning you about a cold sore 1) so you won't be shocked if it's in full bloom when you see her, or 2) so you can bail on HER if you're inclined to be embarrassed about being seen with such a hideous thing.

 

Your text exchanges with her have been really cute. I'm thinking there's something to what cookie says about self fulfilling prophecies. You need to slow down your overthinking, and enjoy the moments as they come. Chill out!

 

When I mentioned she'd still look stunning if she didn't go, she told me it was a "birthday treat" so I don't think she's doing it for just our date, she'd have had it done regardless, but I suppose it helps to look nice. I know I like to get my hair cut before a date. She also rejected the compliment and was like "Urghh, I look awful", etc.

 

Nah a cold sore isn't a problem, it doesn't change my perspective of someone. My only problem is kissing her. I've had a cold sore before so I know I have the virus and research suggests 85% of people have it anyway.

 

Thanks for your advice! At least you think the conversations are nice, so that's promising

[fmfan08]

I agree with Heaven...last time someone here gave a girl a harry potter keyring within the first 4 dates...it didn't work out.

 

Funny you say that, I'm 100% this was me I asked in one of my threads about 9-10 months ago about whether I should get the girl one. I never got around to giving it to her by the way. We had a couple of dates and I bought it in preparation for the third date, but she flaked and stopped things. She had no idea I was giving her this keyring, so OP might be okay.

 

It's whether you, as a female, think something as small as a keyring would be too much, too soon. I think it's safer to not gift her anything, but if it's her birthday then surely an ocassion like that warrants a little something.. If it was any other time (aside from Christmas) then I'd say no!

[heavenonearth]

Okay so not keyring at all until 3 or so dates later? It's her birthday 3 hours after the show starts, so I figured it would be a nice gesture, but then I don't want to come on too strong with a gift.

 

I know, but you are already taking her out and paying for everything, that's sweet enough. You are still almost strangers!!

 

If things work out and you continue to date, you can still give her the keychain a few dates down the line! Just to be safe, tho, I wouldn't overdo it this time.

[Assassino]

I'll avoid it for now and listen to Heaven. If it gets to date 6 or 7 I'll give it her as a little gift but for now considering the situation of doubt of her interest level in me, it might make me appear a bit keen or look like I'm chasing. Maybe when I'm certain/confident in her interest I will.

[preraph]

It may be too soon for extravagant gifts. Gifts you are not ready to reciprocate make you feel uncomfortable type of obligation you don't want.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I don't really have an opinion about a Harry Potter keychain per se since I've never read the books/seen the movies, but I really don't think it's overstepping or too soon to give her a little gift like this....on her birthday. I think it would be nice, actually. It's not a tennis bracelet!

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

It may be too soon for extravagant gifts. Gifts you are not ready to reciprocate make you feel uncomfortable type of obligation you don't want.

 

Is a Harry Potter keychain an extravagant gift??

[heavenonearth]

I don't really have an opinion about a Harry Potter keychain per se since I've never read the books/seen the movies, but I really don't think it's overstepping or too soon to give her a little gift like this....on her birthday. I think it would be nice, actually. It's not a tennis bracelet!

 

 

The only reason I suggested he should not give her the key chain yet, is because he seemed a bit hesitant in the first place, and thought maybe he is already a bit more 'in it' than she is. In this case, stepping back a bit and let her make a move would maybe be the better option.

 

And again, since they are almost strangers (they met twice so far!), I don't think she will be 'mad' if he does not give her a materialistic gift for her birthday. Also, if all goes well, he can still change his mind at the very end of the date.

 

Either way, I have this idea that giving presents only works if you give it to a total stranger or to someone you already have established some sort of relationship with. If you are just meeting someone and in bewteen, sort of getting to know each other very early on, a present can be too intimidating, create expectations on either side, etc...

 

x

[Assassino]

I don't really have an opinion about a Harry Potter keychain per se since I've never read the books/seen the movies, but I really don't think it's overstepping or too soon to give her a little gift like this....on her birthday. I think it would be nice, actually. It's not a tennis bracelet!

 

This is the keyring I planned to get her

 

I wouldn't have done this on any other date or with any other girl, but considering her birthday is 3 hours after the show starts I figured it'd be a nice gesture. Plus if anything was to happen, like we stopped seeing each other, it'd be a nice reminder of the good things we did like our dates/conversations, should she keep it.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

The only reason I suggested he should not give her the key chain yet, is because he seemed a bit hesitant in the first place, and thought maybe he is already a bit more 'in it' than she is. In this case, stepping back a bit and let her make a move would maybe be the better option.

 

And again, since they are almost strangers (they met twice so far!), I don't think she will be 'mad' if he does not give her a materialistic gift for her birthday. Also, if all goes well, he can still change his mind at the very end of the date.

 

Either way, I have this idea that giving presents only works if you give it to a total stranger or to someone you already have established some sort of relationship with. If you are just meeting someone and in bewteen, sort of getting to know each other very early on, a present can be too intimidating, create expectations on either side, etc...

 

x

 

Hmm, well I'm happy and unoffended to agree to disagree on this .

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

This is the keyring I planned to get her

 

I wouldn't have done this on any other date or with any other girl, but considering her birthday is 3 hours after the show starts I figured it'd be a nice gesture. Plus if anything was to happen, like we stopped seeing each other, it'd be a nice reminder of the good things we did like our dates/conversations, should she keep it.

 

Can't see the link, but my opinion stands that I think it's cute and doesn't scream, "WE ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP NOW!"

[Assassino]

The only reason I suggested he should not give her the key chain yet, is because he seemed a bit hesitant in the first place, and thought maybe he is already a bit more 'in it' than she is. In this case, stepping back a bit and let her make a move would maybe be the better option.

 

And again, since they are almost strangers (they met twice so far!), I don't think she will be 'mad' if he does not give her a materialistic gift for her birthday. Also, if all goes well, he can still change his mind at the very end of the date.

 

Either way, I have this idea that giving presents only works if you give it to a total stranger or to someone you already have established some sort of relationship with. If you are just meeting someone and in bewteen, sort of getting to know each other very early on, a present can be too intimidating, create expectations on either side, etc...

 

x

 

I was very confident last week about the idea of giving her this keyring, but now I'm a little 50/50 considering that I feel something has changed, whether it's something in her life or she's losing interest.

 

Maybe I could just buy it and keep it handy, so if she gives me good indicators of interest which make me feel confident then I will. If not, then I wouldn't mind keeping it myself.. So not a waste of money.

 

We've met three times so far. This Saturday will be our 4th date, whether that changes anything.

 

I'll have a think about it. I'll buy it and keep it on my keyring for now. Best I wait until Saturday to judge it.

[Assassino]

Can't see the link, but my opinion stands that I think it's cute and doesn't scream, "WE ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP NOW!"

 

https://i.gyazo.com/44a88154158f4d7955953622f036bb96.png

 

Yeah, I mean it's her birthday and she was willing to spend Saturday night with me leading into Sunday (her birthday).

 

She suggested Saturday, not me. She also suggested 9pm for the show, instead of the other option of 7pm. She was quite insistant on 9pm, so maybe wanted to see the night through with me for her birthday.

 

I'm sure a keyring wouldn't ruin it. I gave one to my ex on date 2/3 and she loved it (related to what she loved) and we saw each other for three months until it ended.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I was very confident last week about the idea of giving her this keyring, but now I'm a little 50/50 considering that I feel something has changed, whether it's something in her life or she's losing interest.

 

Maybe I could just buy it and keep it handy, so if she gives me good indicators of interest which make me feel confident then I will. If not, then I wouldn't mind keeping it myself.. So not a waste of money.

 

We've met three times so far. This Saturday will be our 4th date, whether that changes anything.

 

I'll have a think about it. I'll buy it and keep it on my keyring for now. Best I wait until Saturday to judge it.

 

You can also keep the receipt and return it if you aren't feelin' it.

[MidwestUSA]

https://i.gyazo.com/44a88154158f4d7955953622f036bb96.png

 

Yeah, I mean it's her birthday and she was willing to spend Saturday night with me leading into Sunday (her birthday).

 

She suggested Saturday, not me. She also suggested 9pm for the show, instead of the other option of 7pm. She was quite insistant on 9pm, so maybe wanted to see the night through with me for her birthday.

 

I'm sure a keyring wouldn't ruin it. I gave one to my ex on date 2/3 and she loved it (related to what she loved) and we saw each other for three months until it ended.

 

 

Saturdays are prime date nights. She insisted? Good sign.

 

9pm = sexier than 7pm. Good sign.

 

Getting hair done. Good sign.

 

Sharing news of mundane curses like a cold sore. Good sign. Next it'll be periods.

 

She's interested!

 

Unless that keyring costs more than 20% of the ticket for the show, give it to her!

[todreaminblue]

I mean it's only been ONE day of no contact from each other, I shouldn't be concerned. I'm just concerned at the fact that if she doesn't hear from me all day, she always reached out, yet today she hadn't.

 

Her texts might not be essay like now, but they do seem to be "short and sweet". She uses the red cheek smiley face a lot and still asks me questions.. Even when I said I'd be paying for both of our tickets for this Saturday for her birthday, I was testing her reaction to see how keen she was to "go halves", but she was very accepting and said "Thank you very much :)". Past experiences with my ex and other dates have told me a girl will be VERY adamant in splitting the cost if they're not interested romantically.

 

Here was the exact part of that conversation: https://imgur.com/a/fGS3G

 

not all women are the same as your exes or dates just like not all men are the same.... some women prefer to pay half when dating and can be adamant about that in fact i am one of the adamant ones and it doesnt mean i am not interested its how i show interest i want to pay for that person ...she wasnt adamant with you ...she offered then you declined the money and she said how sweet of you...considering it was a birthday thing or being expressly tol di want to pay for it...i would do the same....but pay for treats on the night.....its my investment into the date without it being physical payment....sounds unreal that guys might expect sex or a grope after paying for a meal or a movie i have found it to happen though BUT i dont feel all men who want to pay are this way.....and because i want to pay doesnt make me uninterested ...no rmake men who pay gropers....or mullet as i like to call gropers....

 

 

she sounds interested in you her replies may be shorter....she may be busy tired who knows...but to me....she is interested so chillax ...its ok...and dont judge her on your exes and previous experience and all will be peachy .she is unique to her and how she is...just as you are not her exes or previous relationships...i wish you well.......deb

[kassy]

I would say the change in texting is probably that she is feeling a little vulnerable. She asked you to spend Saturday night with her before her birthday and to stay over, and is probably just hoping you like her as much as she does and is stepping back a little as she has already put quite a lot out there.

 

Also hair being done... Yeah that's for you, to look great on your date on her birthday. (Day before but you know what I mean).

 

I'm sure the cold sore isn't making her feel to sexy either. If you haven't already mentioned it when it came up at some point before or during your date if it comes up again mention that you've had cold sores before. It'll make her feel less gross.

 

I think the keyring is sweet. It's not too much but cute and something she will like. I say take it and if it's going well give it to her before you go home with her.

 

Don't worry, have fun!