Girlfriend attracted to another guy in front of me

[Mike B.]

OP, you were being tested by your girlfriend. You really failed it miserably but you will better be able to recognize this test in the future.

 

A lot of times, women don't realize that they are testing you but once you have dated long enough, you will begin to see the same test popping up again and again. This is why your girlfriend probably genuinely cried when you became upset over it all.

 

She wanted to see if you would stand up in a manly fashion when she was disrespecting you. You became quiet and sulky which was a bad response. You should have told her immediately that she was being disrespectful and that he behavior was unacceptable. If she kept it up, you should have walked out on her and ignored her from there for some length of time at least. Once you fail a test such as this, you lose some respect from them and become less attractive. The end is usually near after you fail.

 

Women want to see that you will stand up for yourself and not let them walk all over you. I usually make a preemptive strike for the test that you were giving. If I tell a woman early in the dating process that I'm trusting but not stupidly trusting then I will give them an example of being stupidly trusting and it usually involves her being alone with a man in some scenario or similar situation. They will usually get the idea.

 

The hardest part of the test is usually recognizing the test itself. As a default, I recommend never losing your cool with your woman. As long as you remain cool and not get emotional during emotional-inducing situation, you will pass most test well.

[kvb92]

OP, you were being tested by your girlfriend. You really failed it miserably but you will better be able to recognize this test in the future.

 

A lot of times, women don't realize that they are testing you but once you have dated long enough, you will begin to see the same test popping up again and again. This is why your girlfriend probably genuinely cried when you became upset over it all.

 

She wanted to see if you would stand up in a manly fashion when she was disrespecting you. You became quiet and sulky which was a bad response. You should have told her immediately that she was being disrespectful and that he behavior was unacceptable. If she kept it up, you should have walked out on her and ignored her from there for some length of time at least. Once you fail a test such as this, you lose some respect from them and become less attractive. The end is usually near after you fail.

 

Women want to see that you will stand up for yourself and not let them walk all over you. I usually make a preemptive strike for the test that you were giving. If I tell a woman early in the dating process that I'm trusting but not stupidly trusting then I will give them an example of being stupidly trusting and it usually involves her being alone with a man in some scenario or similar situation. They will usually get the idea.

 

The hardest part of the test is usually recognizing the test itself. As a default, I recommend never losing your cool with your woman. As long as you remain cool and not get emotional during emotional-inducing situation, you will pass most test well.

That's a ****ty thing to do to someone you 'love'. I understand a test here or there, but this was a prolonged night long humiliation.

[Mike B.]

That's a ****ty thing to do to someone you 'love'. I understand a test here or there, but this was a prolonged night long humiliation.

 

 

Hey, Like I say, most women do not really realize that they do it but most do it and they do the same tests.

 

Your girlfriend likely didn't sit around designing a test for you. Women just do these sort of things. They want you to show them that you care in certain situations and won't freak out or go crazy in others.

 

I'm in my 40s and I still get tested often. My new girlfriend just tested me a couple of days ago. It's complicated but all I can say is that I recognized the test and why she was doing it. I handled it like a champ and she responded well afterward.

 

I failed a test when I was multi-dating a few weeks ago. I didn't recognize the test until after I responded to it. I kept my cool but I responded to it the wrong way. I should have passed the test since I waited a long time to respond to make sure I didn't give a bad response. Despite waiting a couple of hours to respond to think about my response, I still failed simply because I did not realize it was a test initially because it was sort of a unique test in how it was presented.

 

Again, get used to these tests. They are not going anywhere. Like I said, I am in my 40s and the tests are still very much alive in the 30-50 age group.

[guest569]

She wanted to see if you would stand up in a manly fashion when she was disrespecting you. You became quiet and sulky which was a bad response. You should have told her immediately that she was being disrespectful and that he behavior was unacceptable. If she kept it up, you should have walked out on her and ignored her from there for some length of time at least. Once you fail a test such as this, you lose some respect from them and become less attractive. The end is usually near after you fail.

 

Women want to see that you will stand up for yourself and not let them walk all over you.

 

Well, I think kvb has done just fine in demonstrating that her behaviour is unacceptable hence their relationship is ending over it. Best to just find a woman who won't walk all over you in the first place, be it as a 'test' or otherwise.

[kvb92]

I ended it over the phone tonight (would've ended it in person, but I don't feel like waiting until she's back from vacation and 'ready'). It was less than a minute long conversation and she sounded like she didn't give a ****. I'm meeting with her friend tomorrow.

 

Also the friend is still insistent she was just being friendly with him, but I haven't given my side of the story yet.

[guest569]

I ended it over the phone tonight (would've ended it in person, but I don't feel like waiting until she's back from vacation and 'ready'). It was less than a minute long conversation and she sounded like she didn't give a ****. I'm meeting with her friend tomorrow.

 

Also the friend is still insistent she was just being friendly with him, but I haven't given my side of the story yet.

 

I'm sorry but I think it is a good thing you have ended it now on your terms rather than wait for her to 'think about whether it is worth it' ??

 

I say skip out on the friend. It is her friend, the whole thing is none of her concern really as it is about your relationship, not hers. And she is standing up for her friend's poor behaviour. Good riddance to her too.

[kvb92]

I'm sorry but I think it is a good thing you have ended it now on your terms rather than wait for her to 'think about whether it is worth it' ??

 

I say skip out on the friend. It is her friend, the whole thing is none of her concern really as it is about your relationship, not hers. And she is standing up for her friend's poor behaviour. Good riddance to her too.

To be fair, she may not have been witness to what I saw because she wasn't paying attention. If I see her being dismissive of my perspective, and loyally defending her friend, I will bid her adieu and leave.

 

And thanks mate.

[guest569]

To be fair, she may not have been witness to what I saw because she wasn't paying attention. If I see her being dismissive of my perspective, and loyally defending her friend, I will bid her adieu and leave.

 

And thanks mate.

 

The following concerned me. Look out for yourself and know that you deserve so much better.

 

Sounds like things are as good as over. In a way I feel relieved. The anxiety about everything is gone. Now the depression and emptiness and loneliness are gonna settle in.

[joseb]

I'm sorry but I think it is a good thing you have ended it now on your terms rather than wait for her to 'think about whether it is worth it' ??

 

I say skip out on the friend. It is her friend, the whole thing is none of her concern really as it is about your relationship, not hers. And she is standing up for her friend's poor behaviour. Good riddance to her too.

 

I second this - I can't see much good coming from meeting with her friend.

[kvb92]

Wouldn't it be a bit late to cancel? We already agreed to meet up after I told her that we split up.

 

She sounds like she wants to try to get us back together though so yeah, maybe not a good idea.

[Cobra_X]

Wouldn't it be a bit late to cancel? We already agreed to meet up after I told her that we split up.

She sounds like she wants to try to get us back together though so yeah, maybe not a good idea.

 

Ugh... Don't chicken out. Just meet the girl and see what she has to say. When you lay out what your ex did, how it made you feel, and how she basically didn't give two squirts of piss about how she made you feel... then bounced off to a vacay without even attempting to apologize or reconcile. I believe she is going to strongly sympathize with you.

[LovelyRose]

Wouldn't it be a bit late to cancel? We already agreed to meet up after I told her that we split up.

 

She sounds like she wants to try to get us back together though so yeah, maybe not a good idea.

 

 

 

Good you ended it. Now time to move on.

 

You two already broke up. What's the point of discussing this with her friend. Unless part of you is silently hoping for a slight chance of reconciliation, then I guess go for it. Also if it matters so much to you to give your side of the story to her friend so her friends "might" not think of you as the bad guy, then sure why not.

 

Honestly I find this weird that you have to meet with the friend in person to talk. I don't know I just feel weird about it. It's her friend not yours.

 

Also please, don't consider dating this friend or even keeping her in the "just in case" pile. Seriously, why???

[kvb92]

Yeah I'm leaning towards canceling. I just ****ing hate that she is going to create the impression of our breakup while I get no say in it. The people who I get to air out my side of it to are few and far between.

 

 

Also my ex-gf texted me 5 minutes after the breakup call asking when she come to pick up her stuff. Niiice.

[LovelyRose]

Hey, Like I say, most women do not really realize that they do it but most do it and they do the same tests.

 

Your girlfriend likely didn't sit around designing a test for you. Women just do these sort of things. They want you to show them that you care in certain situations and won't freak out or go crazy in others.

 

I'm in my 40s and I still get tested often. My new girlfriend just tested me a couple of days ago. It's complicated but all I can say is that I recognized the test and why she was doing it. I handled it like a champ and she responded well afterward.

 

I failed a test when I was multi-dating a few weeks ago. I didn't recognize the test until after I responded to it. I kept my cool but I responded to it the wrong way. I should have passed the test since I waited a long time to respond to make sure I didn't give a bad response. Despite waiting a couple of hours to respond to think about my response, I still failed simply because I did not realize it was a test initially because it was sort of a unique test in how it was presented.

 

Again, get used to these tests. They are not going anywhere. Like I said, I am in my 40s and the tests are still very much alive in the 30-50 age group.

 

 

 

Tests..tests..tests...tests..omg reading both your posts gave me a headache. Is this true?????

 

Even when I was young I've never tested my partners. Sounds so stupid and immature to me. Ugh!

[kvb92]

Ugh... Don't chicken out. Just meet the girl and see what she has to say. When you lay out what your ex did, how it made you feel, and how she basically didn't give two squirts of piss about how she made you feel... then bounced off to a vacay without even attempting to apologize or reconcile. I believe she is going to strongly sympathize with you.

 

It's not the chickening out, I don't know. I'm wondering what the point is. She wasn't even entirely comfortable meeting up after I told her we split, I have a hard time seeing us remain friends or even contacts. And I'm not sure I even want to.

 

The getting with her thing is the longest of longshots, and even then, would I even be comfortable with it?

[guest569]

Yeah I'm leaning towards canceling. I just ****ing hate that she is going to create the impression of our breakup while I get no say in it. The people who I get to air out my side of it to are few and far between.

 

 

Also my ex-gf texted me 5 minutes after the breakup call asking when she come to pick up her stuff. Niiice.

 

I 100% agree that you should cancel on meeting her friend. I get that you want them to hear your side, but I think this will do more harm than good.

 

I would suggest dropping off her stuff while she's on holiday an never see her again..

[kvb92]

Tests..tests..tests...tests..omg reading both your posts gave me a headache. Is this true?????

 

Even when I was young I've never tested my partners. Sounds so stupid and immature to me. Ugh!

 

I think women test their men a lot. However there is a clear and discernible difference between testing your man, and simply being more attracted to another man. I find it hard to believe my ex-gf was testing me.

[kvb92]

I 100% agree that you should cancel on meeting her friend. I get that you want them to hear your side, but I think this will do more harm than good.

 

I would suggest dropping off her stuff while she's on holiday an never see her again..

Her roommate is gone too, so I don't know how I'd drop off her stuff. However, I could drop off the stuff at her friends' place this weekend and then make sure she has none of my stuff.

[EthanSPK]

I'm surprised we're still discussing this. Just tell her that you're gonna throw her shyte to the garbage unless someone comes over to pick it up by tomorrow afternoon.

[kvb92]

I just texted her friend. Canceled the meet up tomorrow. Asked her if I could drop the ex-gf's **** off at her friend's house. Asked that the ex-gf drop my **** off at her friend's house so I can swing by and pick it up later.

 

I think that officially closes this chapter of my life. Now for the grieving.

[Cobra_X]

It's not the chickening out, I don't know. I'm wondering what the point is. She wasn't even entirely comfortable meeting up after I told her we split, I have a hard time seeing us remain friends or even contacts. And I'm not sure I even want to.

The getting with her thing is the longest of longshots, and even then, would I even be comfortable with it?

 

Girlfriend stealing isn't as hard as it seems. You underestimate the power of the dark side!!

 

I hope you heal from this ordeal and come out stronger. It's great that you stand up for yourself.

[LovelyRose]

I think women test their men a lot. However there is a clear and discernible difference between testing your man, and simply being more attracted to another man. I find it hard to believe my ex-gf was testing me.

 

I'm a woman and I've never done that crap. I'm always aware that playing games which includes testing could always backfire and hit me in the face.

[LivingWaterPlease]

Wouldn't it be a bit late to cancel? We already agreed to meet up after I told her that we split up.

 

She sounds like she wants to try to get us back together though so yeah, maybe not a good idea.

 

Of course she wants to try to get the two of you back together because your ex gf is dying to get back together with you and has told bff that she is. You can be certain bff and ex have been chatting it up pretty consistently over the past few days since this all went down.

 

The reason bff wants to meet with you is to pave the way for a reconciliation of you with ex.

 

Ex has left for a mountain "vacation" because she wants to appear as if she's not desperate for you and feels that pulling back from you will cause you to come toward her as sometimes happens and that you'll miss her when you don't have access to her over the weekend, get lonely and come running back to her. It's a game and her last desperate attempt to get back with you since she has tried everything else, except transparency, and you're still not chowing down on her dooky sandwich.

 

Imo, you should go ahead and meet with bff but just listen to what she has to say and after she's finished, I personally wouldn't say anything about your ex or her behavior, except maybe for something simple such as, "Because I've cared deeply for ex it's been important for me to share clearly with her how and why her behavior impacted our relationship" Pause, then quietly for emphasis, "So I've done that." Can kind of nod your head here. This is not gamey, it's a way to be a respectful gentleman but also to be clear with bff that you are confident and guilt free in the situation. Then give bff a hug, tell her that you've appreciated her (bff) friendship, wish her well and walk away as a gentleman who hasn't talked behind your ex's back.

 

I would not discuss ex with bff at all or try to defend yourself in any way, especially wouldn't mention whether or not I'd be open to ex in the future (even though you're not) which bff may try to extract from you so that she can go back to ex and tell her the result of your convo. I would just listen to what bff has to say. If she seems to be wanting a response from you such as saying something like, "Ex feels really such and such and thinks you misunderstood such and such," I'd just listen, not try to clarify anything and maybe say, "I really hope for the best for ex." There are a million ways to comment positively about ex in response to bff without defending yourself, discussing what ex did or did not do, or laying out a strategy for the pathway you're going to proceed on.

 

You are a great guy and I encourage you to continue by handling this meeting in the same way you've handled the entire situation, with grace and class.

[LovelyRose]

Yeah I'm leaning towards canceling. I just ****ing hate that she is going to create the impression of our breakup while I get no say in it. The people who I get to air out my side of it to are few and far between.

 

 

Also my ex-gf texted me 5 minutes after the breakup call asking when she come to pick up her stuff. Niiice.

 

 

What was your reply?

 

It should have been:

" it's already outside my door, come and get it before somebody else does"

[LivingWaterPlease]

kvb92, posted #124 before I realized you're probably not going to meet with bff. Guess that ship has sailed?