Reading sign from girls.

[HopelessNick]

If she doesn't know I'm interested, why would her friends do the snapchat? They're her friends, not mine.

Edited October 29, 2017 by HopelessNick

[GemmaUK]

I'm 100% sure she won't ask you out so if you have decided the ball is in her court at least we now have an end to this and you can go away on your break, come back and find another crush to watch on FB.

 

Next time you are attracted and seem to be getting along well with a girl just ask the girl out asap.

[GemmaUK]

If she doesn't know I'm interested, why would her friends do the snapchat? They're her friends, not mine.

 

I missed this post.

Do you not remember anything unless it's current day/moment?

 

You were sending late night messages (this sounds like you want to hook up for sex) and then you put your foot in her door (way pushy) which alarmed her. Eyes wide - yes - it scared/alarmed her.

 

She was clearly creeped out so told her friends about what you had been doing so that she would have people looking out for her for safety purposes..

It's quite possible also that your friends saw you watching her moves online - you were watching her on FB - so you said.

 

She may have had some interest initially but due to all of your weird actions starting with the late night messages she got creeped by you, told people for safety purposes and then the wind ups began. Her friends lightened it all so it became amusing and turned into a wind up on you.

 

She won't go on a date if you ask her at this stage and she won't ask you for a date.

 

PLEASE check your own behaviour in close proximity with women you live near to in future.

 

As it is you might be best placed to see if you can move dorms and find some new friends when you return to college.

[HopelessNick]

I missed this post.

Do you not remember anything unless it's current day/moment?

 

You were sending late night messages (this sounds like you want to hook up for sex) and then you put your foot in her door (way pushy) which alarmed her. Eyes wide - yes - it scared/alarmed her.

 

She was clearly creeped out so told her friends about what you had been doing so that she would have people looking out for her for safety purposes..

It's quite possible also that your friends saw you watching her moves online - you were watching her on FB - so you said.

 

She may have had some interest initially but due to all of your weird actions starting with the late night messages she got creeped by you, told people for safety purposes and then the wind ups began. Her friends lightened it all so it became amusing and turned into a wind up on you.

 

She won't go on a date if you ask her at this stage and she won't ask you for a date.

 

PLEASE check your own behaviour in close proximity with women you live near to in future.

 

As it is you might be best placed to see if you can move dorms and find some new friends when you return to college.

 

Ok. Three things.

 

1. Everyone knows I'm pretty much nocturnal and I would be very very surprised if she thought my late night messages meant I wanted to hook up for sex. I'm not that type of person. My friends know that, her friends know that, she should know that.

 

2. If my foot wasn't on the door, it would have closed. So what else was I supposed to do?

 

3. I can almost certainly say that she is not creeped out by me. The more realistically thing to say here is that she is taking advantage of me because she knows and everyone knows that I wouldn't do anything about it if people do bad stuff to me. (Not saying that she is taking advantage of me.) Everyone stands up for me even and if I do something wrong, they say don't worry about it. I have no idea why, but everyone says I'm a great bloke even though I do nothing to show it. And I always hear people say behind my back, "he means well". This was quite a while ago, but I remember her saying, "Before I knew you, people told me to get around Nick. He's a great bloke."

Edited October 29, 2017 by HopelessNick

[staggerlee71]

My head Hurts!!

[GemmaUK]

Ok. Three things.

 

1. Everyone knows I'm pretty much nocturnal and I would be very very surprised if she thought my late night messages meant I wanted to hook up for sex. I'm not that type of person. My friends know that, her friends know that, she should know that.

 

2. If my foot wasn't on the door, it would have closed. So what else was I supposed to do?

 

3. I can almost certainly say that she is not creeped out by me. The more realistically thing to say here is that she is taking advantage of me because she knows and everyone knows that I wouldn't do anything about it if people do bad stuff to me. (Not saying that she is taking advantage of me.) Everyone stands up for me even and if I do something wrong, they say don't worry about it. I have no idea why, but everyone says I'm a great bloke even though I do nothing to show it. And I always hear people say behind my back, "he means well".

 

1. She is a woman you hardly know, not a mind reader.

 

2. You do not ever put your foot in a woman's door to stop it closing. Just NEVER.

 

3. You have been certain about things which ended up being completely wrong.

People tell you 'don't worry' because you are awkward and don't communicate well. They are being polite and hoping you will someday get it and not act awkward/creepy.

I am pretty sure she is in on the wind up simply because you have been so odd around her. She is not taking advantage of you, taking advantage would be leading you on, going out on dates and you paying for anything she wants.

People are teaching you a lesson here and it's come in the form of a wind up.

[HopelessNick]

1. She is a woman you hardly know, not a mind reader.

 

2. You do not ever put your foot in a woman's door to stop it closing. Just NEVER.

 

3. You have been certain about things which ended up being completely wrong.

People tell you 'don't worry' because you are awkward and don't communicate well. They are being polite and hoping you will someday get it and not act awkward/creepy.

I am pretty sure she is in on the wind up simply because you have been so odd around her. She is not taking advantage of you, taking advantage would be leading you on, going out on dates and you paying for anything she wants.

People are teaching you a lesson here and it's come in the form of a wind up.

 

Every time people see me out at pubs for example, they say things like, "Are you alright?" "Do you want a drink?" "Let me know if anyone gives you a hard time."

[HopelessNick]

I also get away with a lot of things for some reason. Most of the time, people say "Oh. It's just Nick."

[GemmaUK]

Every time people see me out at pubs for example, they say things like, "Are you alright?" "Do you want a drink?" "Let me know if anyone gives you a hard time."

 

And?

 

I take it you have wondered why or asked why they do this?

It's not the norm social behaviour wise at age 22.

[HopelessNick]

And?

 

I take it you have wondered why or asked why they do this?

It's not the norm social behaviour wise at age 22.

 

Yeah. Why do they do that? Sometimes I feel like a kid and they're looking after me. Is is bad I like that?

[GemmaUK]

I also get away with a lot of things for some reason. Most of the time, people say "Oh. It's just Nick."

 

Are you somewhere on the asperger's /autistic scale? Have you ever been checked out for either?

 

Did you find it hard to make and keep friends in your younger years?

This might be something very not in your control if you have Asperger's or autism.

[HopelessNick]

Are you somewhere on the asperger's /autistic scale? Have you ever been checked out for either?

 

Did you find it hard to make and keep friends in your younger years?

This might be something very not in your control if you have Asperger's or autism.

 

I don't, but it funny you mention if I find it hard to make friends. Now that I think about it, I have never become friends with anyone. People become friends with me.

 

I guess that's why I have trouble with girls. The only girlfriend I've ever had, they chased me. I didn't have to do anything.

[GemmaUK]

Aw! Nick!

 

Look into getting yourself checked out.

 

I think people around you accommodate because they maybe see it or sense something - this is why people care about you.

Let this all drop with this girl. It's turned into a wind up that isn't nice at all and could get worse for you.

 

A guy I know, he got with a girl and they had a little boy some years back.

The little boy was diagnosed autistic and eventually my friend (his Dad) was diagnosed as Asperger's when he was in his mid 30's.

He now understands himself a lot better - which for him was a massive step.

 

Your behaviour has been awkward Nick but I don't think it's anything you did deliberately.

If you speak to your folks when you go back for the hols and or go see a doc I think you'd be on the way to understanding interactions a bit more.

 

This situation you are in now. Let it go, people are winding you up and it's unkind and unfair.

It's likely that one or two of your friends are real true friends (think of those who ask you out more often than any, who ask are you alright more than any) and have your back in case things progress or get worse. In some way you need to find out which ones are the good ones.

 

If you are on the spectrum then I understand a heck of a lot more your actions, communication, communication on here..the lot.

 

Don't feel worried if you are on this spectrum - the only way is up and you are by no means in a position where life should be difficult - heck - you're a DJ for goodness sake! You wouldn't be on the radio if you didn't have charisma but also that means you have things you can work with.

 

You're still so young too. You have time enough to learn.

Please talk to your folks though and just forget this one girl right now.

This is time for you to learn about you.

[HopelessNick]

I've asked a couple of my mates and they said people do that because I'm a great bloke and that I'm too hard on myself. Not asked, but subtly mentioned it.

[GemmaUK]

I've asked a couple of my mates and they said people do that because I'm a great bloke and that I'm too hard on myself. Not asked, but subtly mentioned it.

 

I think you have a couple of good mates who have your back.

Speak to your folks when you go back home.

If they love you and know you they will support you and won't be phased.

I'm pretty sure the won't be phased.

 

If you are honest with yourself I think you are also aware there is something.

I also think that if you learn about it and are willing to life will be less complex and a lot easier.

I'm an introvert who is able to act as an extrovert (but not feel the best when doing it and when it's expected by everyone next time I meet them).

It took me a long time to realise it and accept it. Once I did - well - it made my life much less complicated.

[HopelessNick]

I think the reason I'm in this situation is that as a kid, I was really quiet, shy and wouldn't talk much. Went to an all boys school as well. I didn't really have a social life because I would always stay home and watch sport. I love watching sport. I'm not used to communicating with people.

 

I've actually been in uni for 4 years now and I'm about to graduate. First 3 years, I would never go out because I would always be watching sport and was scared to go out for some reason. But after 3 years of friends and dorm people encouraging and nagging me to go out, I did and now I like it. The point I'm making is that I think I have trouble communicating is that I'm not used to it as I've always stayed in and watched sport. I think I just need a lot more time and a lot more practice communicating with people to catch up on all the years I missed.

 

I guess I'm scared of graduating now because I know I will go back to my old ways when I go home. I will stay home and watch sport and I won't go because I don't have anyone to go out with. All my mates are from the country and I live in the city and i won't have anyone to go out with.

 

I think the only problem I have is the beginning stages. I need them to start and then I am completely fine. I need the other person to initiate, and the girl isn't and that's why I'm having troubles. I hardly initiate conversation, find it embarrassing to and that's why I've been acting awkwardly. Me liking her doesn't make it any easier.

 

Does that make sense?

Edited October 29, 2017 by HopelessNick

[GemmaUK]

Yes it makes sense!

 

Don't go bac k to your old ways when you graduate.

 

Make yourself a task to go out and socialise.

Join clubs/groups etc or start a course in something.

 

I was painfully shy at age 18 and my Mum passed away just before my 18th.

I set myself a task to go out at weekends for 3 months alone to be less shy.

 

I did it. I can talk to anyone.

Sometimes it's still tough (the bits I hate are dinner dance type nights out where I have to wear a dress I would only wear once per year and shoes that I can't walk in!!) but I know I can do it when I have to.

I also know that I can and have asked a guy out (and still would) because I have the skills I need to do it.

 

What you have just said makes a whole stack of sense Nick.

 

Just roll with things when you graduate. You can do it!

 

This one situation though - step away.

I am not liking how some of these people are being and wind ups are not nice.

Let this one go this time.

 

And above all - stop calling yourself Hopeless Nick.

You're not hopeless, you're Nick.

Nick might be a bit quiet but he isn't hopeless.

[HopelessNick]

You know what Gemma, I know my crush well enough to know that if she knew I was going through this, she would probably say something like what you just said. And that's kinda why I like her. She's been so good and nice to me up until a few weeks ago and I don't blame her at all.

[GemmaUK]

To add to my post above, get learning body language and facial expressions.

 

First good step is an excellent show called Lie to Me which is a drama show on Netflix with Tim Roth.

It's about micro expressions and based on the work of Paul Ekman (google him).

It's a great show and really good if you focus upon fathoming out who did it through their expressions.

[HopelessNick]

Should I apologize for making her uncomfortable?

[GemmaUK]

I think you'd be best to leave it unless you get back to a comfortable chatty level with her again. Give it some time in other words and see how she is around you before you say anything.

If she is on this wind up it could fuel it even more.

 

Tell one of your friends though - the ones who watch out for you.

 

I'm just hoping all this wind up stops.

I hope it all blown over for when you return from your break.

[HopelessNick]

She became FB friends with a couple of my best friends even though she never talks to them. Also, a couple of her friends added me.

[GemmaUK]

There' s nothing to read into this as no one seems to be 'not friends' anyway.

 

All I would suggest if things progress/continue wind up wise you should block her, block her friends. You don't need that kind of behaviour in your life. It's bullying.

But, equally, you also need to stop watching and following her online too - it's stalking and is obsessive.

Plus social media is not a good gauge of anything at all.

[HopelessNick]

One of my friends messaged hi to her when they became friends and she ignored it.

[HopelessNick]

I don't think the friends mean anything bad about it. They're just immature maybe. Earlier this year, my crush was heaps into this guy, but it didn't end up working out. Her friends started teasing her heaps. It was all over FB too. I think a similar situation is happening right now. The only difference here is nothing has happened between my crush and me.

 

Also, one of her friends unfriended me after adding me.

Edited October 31, 2017 by HopelessNick