Mixed signals. Do I come on too strong?

[NuevoYorko]

I have decided to continue to see this guy for 1 more date

 

Mostly for research and to figure out what this his angle is. Plus the date venue sounds fun

 

 

I hope you're ok with men going on a date with you for "research."

[knabe]

I'm not sure what age has to do with anything.

 

She's here looking to better understand herself the same way we all are, at any age.

 

That's a positive and there should be no shame in that.

 

Age matters because when a group of people mistake a 30+ year old for someone barely out of her teens, that speaks to some immaturity. And maybe some maturing and personal growth needs to occur before they need to be dating.

 

Honestly, reading these threads are like listening in on my daughter's friend's conversations when she was in high school. That is not normal for someone who is over 30.

[Cookiesandough]

I agree with Amay, but I am not 32. I was being facetious in a 32 year old woman's thread. Maybe when I'm 32 I'll be better at dating. Probably not. Thanks, all

Edited October 4, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[Cookiesandough]

I hope you're ok with men going on a date with you for "research."

 

They probably have. I'm totally fine with it and would not know the difference. It's only a semantical one, afterall

Edited October 4, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[olivetree]

I know what I want. Please help me. I want a break from him... but I don't want to let him go completely. When he gets back we can continue maybe. I just feel so bad for doing this and I'm afraid he won't like/trust me if I ask for that

 

 

Please can anyone help me???

 

Well the truth would be something like:

 

"I really like you but I need a break from this because to be completely honest, I have a really hard time getting close to people. I'm not actually going away, I lied to put distance between us. I know that's awful and I'm sorry I lied. What I really want is to keep in touch with you and meet up again when I'm ready if you're still interested at that point."

[Gaeta]

What do you want from this guy?

[Cookiesandough]

What do you want from this guy?

 

I don't even know Gaeta.

 

 

 

Well the truth would be something like:

 

"I really like you but I need a break from this because to be completely honest, I have a really hard time getting close to people. I'm not actually going away, I lied to put distance between us. I know that's awful and I'm sorry I lied. What I really want is to keep in touch with you and meet up again when I'm ready if you're still interested at that point."

 

Thanks, olive. Sounds cheesy but it almost brought a tear to my eye because it's so much truth and it's pretty sad I'm like this. I might say this to him tonight.

 

 

 

Thanks you guys

[No_Go]

Olive's suggestion is not cheesy, it is great because it is clear and doens't leave the guy hanging.

 

You two may reconsider seeing each other after he's back.

 

IMO cancel for Monday though, you're not ready right now and will screw things up. {And he's too anxious so it won't work out as a hookup night eaithe}

 

 

I don't even know Gaeta.

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks, olive. Sounds cheesy but it almost brought a tear to my eye because it's so much truth and it's pretty sad I'm like this. I might say this to him tonight.

 

 

 

Thanks you guys

[Gaeta]

I don't even know Gaeta.

 

Then tell him that.

 

Tell him you've been very confused as to what you want lately and the last thing you want is to mislead him. You'd like to cancel Monday and get back in touch after his return and see how you feel from there.

[preraph]

Thank you! This is what I want. Except I don't know if I want to go on Monday or keep in touch. I was thinking we could fall apart and if we're both single down the road things can change

 

But if you're rude to him right before he leaves, can you see how that would hurt his feelings and leave him feeling he shouldn't even try to contact you? Put yourself in his shoes. You should go and say bon voyage.

[amaysngrace]

Age matters because when a group of people mistake a 30+ year old for someone barely out of her teens, that speaks to some immaturity. And maybe some maturing and personal growth needs to occur before they need to be dating.

 

Honestly, reading these threads are like listening in on my daughter's friend's conversations when she was in high school. That is not normal for someone who is over 30.

 

Understood but I don't see the need to put somebody down when they're asking for help since if they're in a position to need help they most likely already feel badly enough.

[Cookiesandough]

No_go

Then tell him that.

 

Tell him you've been very confused as to what you want lately and the last thing you want is to mislead him. You'd like to cancel Monday and get back in touch after his return and see how you feel from there.

 

But if you're rude to him right before he leaves, can you see how that would hurt his feelings and leave him feeling he shouldn't even try to contact you? Put yourself in his shoes. You should go and say bon voyage.

 

Thanks. Sorry for keep talking about this/bumping my thread. It's silly because I shouldn't be hung up over this but I've done some reflection and realized I really connect with this person but. I don't want to be in a relationship with them in the indefinite future or probably ever. I think this person is looking to take things slow, fall in love, then be intimate. Therefore, our goals are not aligned. My goal is to just go on exciting dates and have new and exciting experiences with attractive men. Sounds thotty, but its how I feel.

 

 

I'm still divided if I should go on Monday to say bon voyage or I should end it. Part of me thinks I should go because 1. I offered and 2. We did connect, albeit for a short time. So it would be nicer to say in person. Maybe I should just text goodbye since we weren't intimate?

 

And again, thanks again for putting up with me. I do really appreciate everyone's opinion/perspective/time, even if I completely disagree. I never take personal offense.

[No_Go]

IMO don't meet him now but definitely talk to him and made things very clear.

 

That's basically your only chance to leave this door open and I sense you want that. When will he get back in town?

[Cookiesandough]

IMO don't meet him now but definitely talk to him and made things very clear.

 

That's basically your only chance to leave this door open and I sense you want that. When will he get back in town?

 

Thank you. What would you say, clear and succinct?

 

I think he gets back around xmas and believed he's mentioned it on both our dates I just overlooked it

[No_Go]

Thank you. What would you say, clear and succinct?

 

I think he gets back around xmas and believed he's mentioned it on both our dates I just overlooked it

 

My suggestion is to go with something in lines of the post of Olive.

 

You can suggest to stay in touch as friends in the meanwhile if you want. Otherwise you need to start from scratch next year, which could be ok but is more risky.

[olivetree]

I think this person is looking to take things slow, fall in love, then be intimate. Therefore, our goals are not aligned. My goal is to just go on exciting dates and have new and exciting experiences with attractive men. Sounds thotty, but its how I feel.

 

If you have different goals, then it's best to just let it go for his sake, since he will be the one wanting more.

[TheTraveler]

My goal is to just go on exciting dates and have new and exciting experiences with attractive men. Sounds thotty, but its how I feel.

 

That's what I do.

 

I don't get hung up on first dates with women. I either know or I don't after one date if I want to go out with them again.

 

Thanks for sharing OP. One thing that stood out for me was how passive, unsure the guy was.

[Cookiesandough]

Traveler!!! It's good to see you passing through again

Yeah it's only 2 dates, but if my past experience is any indicator, it is never a clean cut with men, even after one date. They don't even have to be that interested. I don't know if it's a male ego thing or what. It's part of the reason I get very anxious breaking things off even when I know I don't want to ever see them again ..let alone if I wanna keep that door open

 

Hi olive,

You're right but Do you think it would be ok to maybe see each other again way in the future. Maybe next year. I liked this guy and was attracted to him. it's just my mindset right now. I don't want to keep in touch while he's gone , though :/ Maybe a "hey how've you been" midway. It' s not stringing along...just seeing if things align better in the future.

Edited October 4, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[olivetree]

Traveler!!! It's good to see you passing through again

Yeah it's only 2 dates, but if my past experience is any indicator, it is never a clean cut with men, even after one date. They don't even have to be that interested. I don't know if it's a male ego thing or what. It's part of the reason I get very anxious breaking things off even when I know I don't want to ever see them again ..let alone if I wanna keep that door open

 

Hi olive,

You're right but Do you think it would be ok to maybe see each other again way in the future. Maybe next year. I liked this guy and was attracted to him. it's just my mindset right now. I don't want to keep in touch while he's gone , though :/ Maybe a "hey how've you been" midway. It' s not stringing along...just seeing if things align better in the future.

 

If you know he's looking for something serious, you should probably not bother until you're ready for that too before you pop back in his life.

Otherwise you're just keeping him as a back-up and he's going to get frustrated that you're somewhat in his life but still not ready, you know?

 

Anyway, my advice from before likely seems like it conflicts with this, because I didn't realize your goals and that this break would be hella long.

If he's sexy and interesting like you think he is, he won't be single forever.

Edited October 4, 2017 by olivetree

[Cookiesandough]

That was actually smooth. I told him and he was almost dismissive

 

 

Sooooo, don't hate me pls. I have been really confused lately. I think it's my anxiety and pressure, and the last thing I want to do is mislead someone. I think need a break ?I'm going to have to cancel Monday. But I am hoping maybe stay in touch and meet up again and casually hang out in the future if you're around or interested at that point?

 

He said he's glad I didn't force anything(??? What does that mean???)and he understands and this is how these usually go and I do me.

 

I asked him can we try in the future if things align and he said yea sure he liked how i phrased that because the first time we met I said something about the stars aligned.

 

 

I already miss him. I'm crying. I haven't connected with a guy like that since my ex. It's just sad but I'm going back on tinder and torturing myself more because how else do you quell the sad feelings but to feel for someone else.

 

Man, I'm really going to miss him. Maybe he was never interested. But maybe someday we can connect again.

[thefooloftheyear]

 

I asked him can we try in the future if things align and he said yea sure he liked how i phrased that because the first time we met I said something about the stars aligned.

 

 

I already miss him. I'm crying. I haven't connected with a guy like that since my ex. It's just sad but I'm going back on tinder and torturing myself more because how else do you quell the sad feelings but to feel for someone else.

Man, I'm really going to miss him. Maybe he was never interested. But maybe someday we can connect again.

 

 

You don't quell the sad feelings by by throwing yourself back in the Lion's den..You will only look like a wounded fawn....

 

You regroup, spend some time on introspection, take care of yourself physically and emotionally, and allow yourself the time to figure out what and where you really want to be and with whom...

 

You can't get what you want, til you truly know what you want...When you do, then this process isn't all that difficult...

 

Be well...

 

TFY

[Gaeta]

You did a great job!! I'm very impressed with your wording and the consideration you offered him.

 

Now uninstall Tinder and any other dating applications. It's break time! You will be dating yourself for a while.

 

I'm sorry you are sad, it will pass very soon!

 

*hugs*

[Cookiesandough]

You don't quell the sad feelings by by throwing yourself back in the Lion's den..You will only look like a wounded fawn....

 

You regroup, spend some time on introspection, take care of yourself physically and emotionally, and allow yourself the time to figure out what and where you really want to be and with whom...

 

You can't get what you want, til you truly know what you want...When you do, then this process isn't all that difficult...

 

Be well...

 

TFY

 

You did a great job!! I'm very impressed with your wording and the consideration you offered him.

 

Now uninstall Tinder and any other dating applications. It's break time! You will be dating yourself for a while.

 

I'm sorry you are sad, it will pass very soon!

 

*hugs*

 

 

Thanks guys, I hope so. I am not so sure if I worded it correctly. Do you think that I should text him now that I fall really fast and I miss him already? Or do you think that will come off clingy/he's uninterested. Those moments we shared seemed special. It hurts how you only see how much you liked someone and what you want when it's over. I'm so lonely. I'm thinking about unblocking and messaging that guy who isn't over his ex almost because I know he's sad like me. I guess I should stay calm, get a grip, and move forward right.

 

 

Edit: sry never mind that's the dumbest idea ever and just what he wants. It will never happen

Edited October 5, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[Imajerk17]

Thanks guys, I hope so. I am not so sure if I worded it correctly. Do you think that I should text him now that I fall really fast and I miss him already? Or do you think that will come off clingy/he's uninterested. Those moments we shared seemed special. It hurts how you only see how much you liked someone and what you want when it's over. I'm so lonely. I'm thinking about unblocking and messaging that guy who isn't over his ex almost because I know he's sad like me. I guess I should stay calm, get a grip, and move forward right.

 

 

Edit: sry never mind that's the dumbest idea ever and just what he wants. It will never happen

 

But...you and he went on only two dates

 

And this is the 3rd or 4th guy you've been so emotionally invested in, *this month*. [i think it is anyway. Please forgive me if I am wrong, it's really hard to keep track]

 

And if you liked him this much, why did you break up w him again??

Edited October 5, 2017 by Imajerk17

[olivetree]

Cookies, I think that you actually want a relationship with someone but you're really scared of being hurt and you don't know how to maintain a connection once you find it.

 

I think you need to hit rock bottom where you're tired of these brief connections before you will be in touch with your desire for something lasting and are so tired of being lonely that you will be able to force yourself not to run away from someone that you really like and who is worth the discomfort.

 

Anyways, that is my hope for you, because love is a beautiful experience.