Mixed signals. Do I come on too strong?

[No_Go]

I think you made a big positive step! Congrats:)

 

Now, do you mind sharing how things with your ex ended (if you have a thread for him)? I guess in your case the best will be to get the ex out of 'ex' status, if you get where I'm heading at;)

 

 

I have questions about everyone I date. People are so weird and confusing. Not really in a bad way.

 

Lorenza, I think you are right. I don't exactly chase. The only guy I've ever chased was my ex(still am kinda) But I think I might be going on dates a little validation and to distract fro my ex

 

Before I went to this date, I had the thought occur to me that I would block him immediately after. That I should just go on first dates with guys, block, and never see them again. Then I wondered how awkward I could be (how much of my 'real self' I could show) and still get a another date(I've never not got another date with a guy if I didn't block before, granted I haven't been on many dates if you count my whole life)

 

This is unhealthy and immoral. It has to stop. I had a date planned with 1 more guy but I canceled and deactivated/deleted my accounts.

[Cookiesandough]

I have decided to continue to see this guy for 1 more date

 

Mostly for research and to figure out what this his angle is. Plus the date venue sounds fun

 

It won't hurt, but now I'll be thinking he has a small dink the whole time... gah. I care nothing about that but the thought WILL make me laugh

 

No_go this thread is a little about my ex. We broke up end of last May. I thought we could at least be friends and I asked him if we could he started ignoring me. I would try to call/text him and he ignored them. He deleted me off all social media shortly after. Pretty sure he blocked me too lol. I messaged him on Instagram and I'm p sure he blocked me. Whatever!

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/614639-my-ex-seeing-new-girl-im-so-upset-lol-update-should-i-contact-my-ex

Edited September 30, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[No_Go]

:lmao: Hopefully he doesn't have a small dink. If you have a good peripheral vision and you make out - you'd know

 

Your ex's thread is super confusing. This was Feb - you said you broke up in May? May 2016 or 2017? If the former, i'm afraid it could be far beyond repair (it kind of sound like it, I'm sorry....)

 

I have decided to continue to see this guy for 1 more date

 

Mostly for research and to figure out what this his angle is. Plus the date venue sounds fun

 

It won't hurt, but now I'll be thinking he has a small dink the whole time... gah. I care nothing about that but the thought WILL make me laugh

 

No_go this thread is a little about my ex. We broke up end of last May. I thought we could at least be friends and I asked him if we could he started ignoring me. I would try to call/text him and he ignored them. He deleted me off all social media shortly after. Pretty sure he blocked me too lol. I messaged him on Instagram and I'm p sure he blocked me. Whatever!

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/614639-my-ex-seeing-new-girl-im-so-upset-lol-update-should-i-contact-my-ex

[introverted1]

No_go this thread is a little about my ex. We broke up end of last May.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/614639-my-ex-seeing-new-girl-im-so-upset-lol-update-should-i-contact-my-ex

 

I am super confused about your timeline. You say you broke up end of last May. Is that May 2017 or May 2016? The link you shared is from Feb 2017 and it says you broke up a year prior to that, which would be Feb 2016.

 

I'm totally baffled by you. I've seen you give really good advice to others, but when it comes to your own dating, you're all over the place. It's like you know what the right thing is to do when it's someone else, but you're incapable of doing it for yourself. That's a big disconnect. Why do you think that is?

[Cookiesandough]

Thanks ...May '17...We broke up and got back together 3x ...you're right it's beyond repair. I am trying to move on. Ty

[No_Go]

Thanks ...May '17...We broke up and got back together 3x ...you're right it's beyond repair. I am trying to move on. Ty

 

Well I said beyond repair because he blocked you and you persevered. I still think you have better chances getting back with him than misleading one of these clueless dudes that you're dating to fix your emotional wounds from the ex.

 

Do you accept PM?

[Cookiesandough]

what's up with this? Did he lose interest??

 

I had second date with this guy. We went on a longgggggggg ass walk. This dude can walk. Christ. We were going to do more walking so he had me follow him in his car but his "phone died" and he couldn't find the new venue. So he asked if I wanted to follow him back to his place. I am thinking this guy is going to put the moves on me now maybe. This is it!!

 

But no...

We get there and we smoke a joint. The guy gets kind of weird. He starts pacing and then playing piano(really, really good) and he's like "sorry kind I got kind of paranoid" I realize this guy can't handle his weed. He told me he smoked but he's clearly not a smoker. He's paranoid!!!

 

He decides we're going to walk his dogs. One of his dogs is freaking insane(the one I get, of course) and drags me everywhere!!! We walk and talk a longgggggg time...

 

On the walk, I stupidly try to jokingly bring up how he's said he does hookups before but told me he doesn't do hookups. He said that basically he got out a relationship a year ago and went through a phase where he did hookups but he decided he's not into them.He said they made him feel guarded and vulnerable. What does this mean????-He said he prefers to get to know the person. I said I can totally understand though I've never done one.

 

 

 

We get back and start drinking gin,,listening to music, talking, and kissing. I make this move to kiss first and it's lots of talking in between kissing. We're still hanging out when his roommates come back. The date lasted like 5 hours. But he's holding my hands and tracing patterns on me so I think he's attracted to me????He tells me I'm pretty. On my side...he's pretty hot. I can't see myself with him long term on anything, but I dig his vibe. I think I am falling for him.

 

I tell him I'm surprised we're on a date because I got mixed signals from him. He said he did too and he felt self conscious about double texting and showing his cards too soon. I said I think he's really cool and would like to buy him dinner (Korean food) because hes never had it!!

 

There's no sign of anything going in the hookup direction. In fact, I can tell he's pacing us so it won't go further than kissing. He freaks out at every little noise and I'm wondering if he's still feeling the weed. But then yells get louder and I think someone is really beating his wife in the house across the street. He calls in a domestic disturbance. ???

 

So with that I take my leave and he says he'll talk about to me about it later. He kisses me again while his roommates were watching (Could this have put him off?? Too thotty? ) and doesn't really say anything but he had fun lets do Korean food sometime...That's it. It's way different than before where he wanted to see me again soon. Do you think he lost interest or am I supposed to plan the date???

 

 

I text him 20 min after I left "I had fun tonight!!!" All he says is "me too!!! You're fun..And bright... And super pretty " That's it. What's next???

Edited October 3, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[clia]

He just seems inexperienced and nervous to me.

 

I'm not sure why you would think -- at this point, immediately after ending the date -- that he's lost interest. Honestly, you seem to thrive off creating drama where there is none.

 

And yes, you asked him out for Korean food, so now you get to plan the next date. Text him today or tomorrow and find out when he is available.

[Cookiesandough]

He just seems inexperienced and nervous to me.

 

I'm not sure why you would think -- at this point, immediately after ending the date -- that he's lost interest. Honestly, you seem to thrive off creating drama where there is none.

 

And yes, you asked him out for Korean food, so now you get to plan the next date. Text him today or tomorrow and find out when he is available.

 

Tysm Clia. I didn't know if it was my turn or not since I suggested that so that helps. The reason I feel he lost interest was because he texted me he wanted to see me again after our first date and this time he did not. He just made that comment about maybe having dinner. Plus, he obviously isn't into me enough by whatever standards he has to sleep with me even though we spent 5 hours bonding

 

 

Anyway, thanks. That clears up things a bit

Edited October 3, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[Gaeta]

He said they made him feel guarded and vulnerable. What does this mean????-He said he prefers to get to know the person.

 

Of course when you have a stranger laugh at your small penis you end up guarded and vulnerable. I stick to my theory. This guy has a secret and he wants to build an emotional connection before showing you his secret.

 

Other than that how old is he? Is he a nerd? Sounds like he doesn't have much gentleman in him: giving you the wilder dog to walk.

 

Yes you are in charge of fixing next date.

[Gaeta]

Cookie: Keep in mind men exaggerate their sexual history and women downplay theirs. I wouldn't be surprised this man never had hook-ups. Maybe a ONS once but a series of hook-ups? Nah, I'd take that with a grain of salt.

[Cookiesandough]

Of course when you have a stranger laugh at your small penis you end up guarded and vulnerable. I stick to my theory. This guy has a secret and he wants to build an emotional connection before showing you his secret.

 

Other than that how old is he? Is he a nerd? Sounds like he doesn't have much gentleman in him: giving you the wilder dog to walk.

 

Yes you are in charge of fixing next date.

 

:lmao: I am dead. You are too funny.

 

He is 28 years old. He told me he kind of has social anxiety and he does seem very nervous but he kisses and can hold conversation. I feel like I relate to him a lot. He also said he's not incredibly experienced outside a couple hookups and ltr. Lol, in his defense he did offer to switch dogs but I told him I accept the challenge. He works with computers or sound engineering or something and a local musician. I don't really know because I'm not incredibly interested in that that but I am attracted to these types online because they have professional and arty profile pics that make them look 'cool'.

 

He just text me a pic of his dog a couple mins ago. I can't take this hot and cold stuff!! I'm soooo confused

 

Thanks. If I decide to push through this, which I'm not sure I will, I'll take initiative.

[No_Go]

I don't see what's confusing: you offered to take him out to a Korean place, obviously he'd wait now you to set when/where.

 

I am with Gaeta though he's sexually inexperienced, maybe virgin. Or just has a small ... indeed

[olivetree]

:lmao: I am dead. You are too funny.

 

He is 28 years old. He told me he kind of has social anxiety and he does seem very nervous but he kisses and can hold conversation. I feel like I relate to him a lot. He also said he's not incredibly experienced outside a couple hookups and ltr. Lol, in his defense he did offer to switch dogs but I told him I accept the challenge. He works with computers or sound engineering or something and a local musician. I don't really know because I'm not incredibly interested in that that but I am attracted to these types online because they have professional and arty profile pics that make them look 'cool'.

 

He just text me a pic of his dog a couple mins ago. I can't take this hot and cold stuff!! I'm soooo confused

 

Thanks. If I decide to push through this, which I'm not sure I will, I'll take initiative.

 

Hey Cookies, I'm not seeing where he is being cold.

He sounds really into you but he doesn't want to scare you away.

I think this might actually be a good match for you because you guys will take it slow, which is exactly what you need.

[bluefeather]

He said, "lol let's walk"

 

Did he seriously say, "lol?" If he did, freaking cringey. If you just worded it that way, you triggered me.

 

I am ready to bet he's bad at sex!!

 

Dang Gaeta, you're savage. Just because a guy doesn't want to have sex doesn't mean he's bad at it.

 

If I can't think of something to say that sounds rational, I'll have to 'ghost'. But it's not really 'ghosting' at this stage, to my understanding.

 

Yeah, it's still ghosting and that's a really shltty thing to do. I thought you were better than ghosting people these days. All you have to say is, "it's not working out." You can attach "sorry, but after thinking about it" at the beginning if you want to be polite. I don't get why you make it seem like there's some mysterious set of words you can't figure out. You could say anything like that anytime instead of ghosting.

[Gaeta]

Hey Cookies, I'm not seeing where he is being cold.

He sounds really into you but he doesn't want to scare you away.

I think this might actually be a good match for you because you guys will take it slow, which is exactly what you need.

 

I agree, I don't see him losing interest.

 

Cookie:

 

• He's awkward enough to poke your interest
  
• You're having a good time with him
  
• He's not suffocating you with too much fluff
  
• You think he's hot
  

I am all for you exploring this further. Keep it light and fun!

[bluefeather]

Ok, finished the whole thread. Here's my verdict: You seem to have a strange attraction to man-babies O_o ... I don't think it's just artsy people. I think it's their level of immaturity that you are subconsciously attracted to. The guy acts like a spaz and you offer to buy him dinner. He takes you on a bad date, over-walking, then takes you to his place, but only gets stoned, and you had to make the first move to kiss him. And after all of that behavior, you conclude that he is "cool."

[olivetree]

I agree, I don't see him losing interest.

 

Cookie:

 

• He's awkward enough to poke your interest
  
• You're having a good time with him
  
• He's not suffocating you with too much fluff
  
• You think he's hot
  

I am all for you exploring this further. Keep it light and fun!

 

My thoughts exactly!

He sounds interesting and good for you.

I love that he doesn't like hookups.

I have never found this to be indicative of packing "light".

[Cookiesandough]

Thank you., all. I really appreciate the insight. I asked him out just now. I really have **** to lose xD but it's not looking good. He's pissed I won't add him to Instagram. I don't want strange from tinder on my Instagram. Excuuuuuuse me.

[Gaeta]

Thank you., all. I really appreciate the insight. I asked him out just now. I really have **** to lose xD but it's not looking good. He's pissed I won't add him to Instagram. I don't want strange from tinder on my Instagram. Excuuuuuuse me.

 

He is pissed or disappointed? How did he express that?

[Cookiesandough]

He is just disappointed. He agreed to a second date, he said he really wanted to, but hes busy all through the weekend, but he's free all of next week. What do you do you guys think? I think he lost interest, so I told him I will not be free for at least a month because I'll be out of town. He's on the backburner at best

Edited October 3, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[Gaeta]

He is just disappointed. He agreed to a second date, he said he really wanted to, but hes busy all through the weekend, but he's free all of next week. What do you do you guys think? I think he lost interest, so I told him I will not be free for at least a month because I'll be out of town. He's on the backburner at best

 

Cookie, you just want to hook-up with the guy so give him a break if he doesn't act like he wants a wedding at the end of the week.

 

I think he's busy this weekend and he would like to see you after the weekend. He offered you an alternative, take it.

 

Are you really out of town or you're being passive agressive?

[Cookiesandough]

I am being extremely passive aggressive Gaeta because there's a lot of guys I could be having fun with and I am putting too much effort in for this one. I have been focusing on this guy too much and I don't even think I'll get any reward out of it,,, it will be like the other guy, just friend zoning me... I'm really not in the mood to put in the mental energy and postpone possible dates when the chance of a return is so small. He said

 

"Are you really going to be out of commission that long?" lol he doesn't even believe me but on the real I do not care

[clia]

I am being extremely passive aggressive Gaeta because there's a lot of guys I could be having fun with and I am putting too much effort in for this one. I have been focusing on this guy too much and I don't even think I'll get any reward out of it,,, it will be like the other guy, just friend zoning me... I'm really not in the mood to put in the mental energy and postpone possible dates when the chance of a return is so small

 

What effort? It's been two dates! Schedule a date with him for next week and then go out with someone else this weekend. You're making this way more complicated than it has to be.

 

(And honestly...the whole thing sounds ridiculous. You ask him out, he tells you he's busy this weekend but available next week, and your response is that you aren't available for a month because you will be travelling? If he has two brain cells to rub together he will figure out that you are just playing games.)

[Gaeta]

He is just disappointed. He agreed to a second date, he said he really wanted to, but hes busy all through the weekend, but he's free all of next week. What do you do you guys think? I think he lost interest, so I told him I will not be free for at least a month because I'll be out of town. He's on the backburner at best

 

When a man is not interested does he:

 

* agree to a second date?

* does he say he really wants to see you?

* does he tell you his entire week is free for you?

 

Now you need to stop looking inward and practice looking outward. The guy said he is busy over the weekend and your ears shut everything else he said. You just concentrated on that little bit that made you feel rejected and from there you ignored the 3 big things that indicated he's into you and wants to see you.

 

Also, what exactly are you looking for with this guy? He said he is not hooking-up, were you listenning when he said that? If you consider he's a waste of time because you were not able to take him to bed the last 2 dates then it's on you. You decided to not listen to him.