Author Dis Posted February 27, 2017 Author Share Posted February 27, 2017 I have a knack for attracting narcissists and sociopaths I'm being serious...almost every guy I've dated in the past 1.5 years was one of the above Whats wrong with me??? Why??? And yes, I'm done with this guy Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted February 27, 2017 Share Posted February 27, 2017 I agree that this guy has lots of red flags--lying, being rude to the wait staff while he's on the phone with Dis, etc. But how much he chooses to spend on a date isn't a red flag IME. All the guys I've been in a relationship with have spent way more than $200 on a date. (That includes first dates with guys I meet via OLD.) The exception of course was when we were students in school, although there were still a few that spent quite a bit when we were in grad school. Dis' date put effort and thought into planning a date he thought she would enjoy. (To me that's a positive.) The huge problem in my book: his character issues leading into the date--dishonesty, lack of integrity, treating others with disrespect, etc. Those are all absolute deal breakers for me. From what I've observed, people like this do not make good relationship partners. Remember, he's putting his best foot forward to get a date. This is the very tip of the iceberg. The women who overlook these flaws, minimize them, and excuse them away invariably seem to regret that choice. Wow I would never spend that much on a date unless she was my girlfriend. Guys who spend that much are either rich and would spend it anyway or feel the need to impress you due to them lacking something. The first few dates for me are far under that threshold. I Want the girl to like me for me, not what I'm buying her. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted February 27, 2017 Share Posted February 27, 2017 I have a knack for attracting narcissists and sociopaths I'm being serious...almost every guy I've dated in the past 1.5 years was one of the above Whats wrong with me??? Why??? And yes, I'm done with this guy I don't think it's that you attract them as much as you are attracted to them. You look for the wrong kind of man and overlook the others. That is what it seems like to me. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted February 27, 2017 Share Posted February 27, 2017 I have a knack for attracting narcissists and sociopaths I'm being serious...almost every guy I've dated in the past 1.5 years was one of the above Whats wrong with me??? Why??? And yes, I'm done with this guy There is not neccessarily something wrong with you, but you may be attracted to a certain aspect of men who are narssasstic. I wonder if there is something wrong with me because I seem to be attracting nuts! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dis Posted February 27, 2017 Author Share Posted February 27, 2017 There is not neccessarily something wrong with you, but you may be attracted to a certain aspect of men who are narssasstic. I wonder if there is something wrong with me because I seem to be attracting nuts! I used to be, but now its a turn off Like I cant imagine being intimate with this guy...ughhh So whats my excuse now??? Theres nothing wrong with you Seven It just takes a long time to find the right one...and people hide who they are for awhile..which makes things more difficult Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dis Posted February 27, 2017 Author Share Posted February 27, 2017 I don't think it's that you attract them as much as you are attracted to them. You look for the wrong kind of man and overlook the others. That is what it seems like to me. Nooo thats not true blue! I used to be attracted to them But I'm not now, hence why I'm calling it off with this guy Who am I overlooking??? No one else makes the effort with me...just these types Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted February 27, 2017 Share Posted February 27, 2017 Nooo thats not true blue! I used to be attracted to them But I'm not now, hence why I'm calling it off with this guy Are you saying that you believe this person was a narc? If so, then you were attracted to him, as I said. You said you felt sexual tension on the previous date. That is attraction. Who am I overlooking??? No one else makes the effort with me...just these types I don't think I can respond to that well enough without knowing more about you. I'm just saying that's what it looks like to me from what I have read of you so far. Sorry, Dis :/ 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dis Posted February 27, 2017 Author Share Posted February 27, 2017 Are you saying that you believe this person was a narc? If so, then you were attracted to him, as I said. You said you felt sexual tension on the previous date. That is attraction. I don't think I can respond to that well enough without knowing more about you. I'm just saying that's what it looks like to me from what I have read of you so far. Sorry, Dis :/ I was kind of thinking like a guy when he was rubbing my back...it felt good and there was attraction (probably the 3 glasses of wine) but then we kissed and I didnt like it = zero attraction I went home and tried to imagine being intimate with him and it wasnt giving me a good feeling...it was not a turn on in anyway It still isnt Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dis Posted February 27, 2017 Author Share Posted February 27, 2017 It would be easy to say I'm attracted to them But thats just not true Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 I was kind of thinking like a guy when he was rubbing my back...it felt good and there was attraction (probably the 3 glasses of wine) but then we kissed and I didnt like it = zero attraction I went home and tried to imagine being intimate with him and it wasnt giving me a good feeling...it was not a turn on in anyway It still isnt Sorry I'm kind of... foggy-headed atm? lol. I know there are words here, but I can't get any out right now. Hmm well I'm not sure why you are saying that you attract narcissists and sociopaths with one date of this guy. I'd say first though that the guy seemed like an a-hole. Ok, maybe your first instinct was correct, but you had to follow your higher self to go out with the guy to finally come to some sort of epiphany. Hence you are here saying that you attract... I'm just gonna call them poor suitors. I still think it's more about you following them, though. One reason I say that is because if you say it's that you are attracted to them, it is more responsible, at least in my view. And therefore if you take responsibility, you can change it. I think this is a problem a lot of people have. I used to too, and am still working on it, though have made much progress - tweak your aim. That is my advice. Maybe more will come to me later, but as of right now, yeah that's what I got And glad you have come to the conclusion that this guy was not a good match for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 Another way to look at this: who did you ignore when you looked through profiles on OLD? Why did you ignore them? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dis Posted February 28, 2017 Author Share Posted February 28, 2017 Another way to look at this: who did you ignore when you looked through profiles on OLD? Why did you ignore them? I dont do OLD anymore My soul is too broken for that lol Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dis Posted February 28, 2017 Author Share Posted February 28, 2017 Another way to look at this: who did you ignore when you looked through profiles on OLD? Why did you ignore them? But I'll think about that for future reference...good point Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 How did you meet this guy? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dis Posted February 28, 2017 Author Share Posted February 28, 2017 How did you meet this guy? On match but my profile was hidden and I hadnt been on in months I was bored one night so I checked match (on my laptop) and saw his message Decided to give it a shot Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 Umm, okay. So now match.com isn't OLD? Why did you choose to avoid my question rather than answer it? That says a lot.You need to be honest with yourself if you ever want to make some progress and avoid re-treading the same old paths.. I'll ask again. Please examine why you ignored other guys on Match/OLD but felt compelled to go out on dates with this guy despite all his red flags? What about him was so appealing to you and why weren't other guys? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dis Posted February 28, 2017 Author Share Posted February 28, 2017 Umm, okay. So now match.com isn't OLD? Why did you choose to avoid the question rather than answer it? That says a lot Ohh I'm sorry, I didnt mean to avoid the question, I was just trying to say I had been done with OLD for awhile except for this guy I've been studying for 6 hours today so my brain isnt too ontop of things Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 I was just trying to say I had been done with OLD for awhile except for this guy My point exactly! I'm guessing his wasn't the only message in your inbox? His wasn't the only profile you looked at that night. You ignored everyone else on OLD except for this guy, right? What about him pushed all the right buttons, to the point that you ignored all the flapping neon red flags,overrode your instincts and good judgement, and went out with him twice (so far). That wasn't your reaction with any of the other guys who had their messages sitting in your Inbox. They all got passed over. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 thanks angel.eyes. that's a part of what I was trying to say, but I was all discombobulated. I think I need a nap. lol 2 Link to post Share on other sites
KBob Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 It would be easy to say I'm attracted to them But thats just not true It's your initial attraction that is the problem. I remember you saying in an earlier post (I'm not going to go looking through all of them) that one reason you were attracted to him initially is because he fits the body type you like. I'm putting all of this together from that and what you said about how handsome he was, and I'm guessing he's probably in very good shape. So, a narcissist is one who is in love with their appearance, hence a guy who would work out a lot to have a good body. And if you're attracted to fit bodies, you will likely have to sift through a lot of these types if you won't settle for anything else. I'm not saying you have to settle, but manage your expectations of what you will encounter if you don't. I could be wrong about what I have written above, but that's what I'm decoding from all of this. Link to post Share on other sites
TheTraveler Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 All of this started coming out today and I just need to get it out.... I'm not trying to anazlye anything or make any decisions...just want to type this out I almost feel like hes not safe. As in, it might not be a safe move to invest emotions into him. He doesnt seem, solid....If I can put it that way. He comes on strong, but a part of me thinks he might remove himself with the same force. Hes like a fair weather friend. Good when things are nice and easy but dissapears when things are tough. This is just speculation, I dont know him and I could be projecting past hurts onto him I dont know if I like his vibe. Theres something there that doesnt seem safe/right/good/honest/sincere/stable/worth investing in Hes the really good looking guy that wants perfection, no hassles, wants it his way, intense, confusing and for some reason could turn off like a switch when something doesnt go his way Hes said a few things that are yellow flags, or even red flags. He's alluded to the fact that he likes being single and is scared of marriage because his married friends are miserable. That being in a relationship gets in the way of 'having it his way'. But marriage and kids is what he wants...???? And I dont know why but because I dont feel a sense of safety with him, I cant picture us being intimate. It turns me off. That kiss was not good. I need safe, reliable, solid to get turned on. And for some reason I'm so turned off by him now that I'm looking back on things Please keep in mind that I KNOW all I need to do right now is decide if I want to go out on another date with him and thats IT. I know that. But I dont feel good about him. Something is bugging me and it doesnt feel good so the thought of another date doesnt make me excited I swear, this is why he reminded me of my ex...theres something inherently wrong about him that would be dangerous for me to invest in. I cant shake it now This is more of a feeling, and based on some '' things he's said This is just me typing out my thoughts so forgive me if I'm not being clear. I know I went from thinking everything was good and the dates were great....but this feeling now is.... not settling right with me I just needed to get this off my chest more than anything It's time to end it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 It's your initial attraction that is the problem. I remember you saying in an earlier post...that one reason you were attracted to him initially is because he fits the body type you like. I'm putting all of this together from that and what you said about how handsome he was, and I'm guessing he's probably in very good shape. So, a narcissist is one who is in love with their appearance, hence a guy who would work out a lot to have a good body. And if you're attracted to fit bodies, you will likely have to sift through a lot of these types if you won't settle for anything else. I'm not saying you have to settle, but manage your expectations of what you will encounter if you don't. I could be wrong about what I have written above, but that's what I'm decoding from all of this. Yup! I would actually take it a step further. It's law and order strong types with great bodies. There's the fireman at her accident (married), police officer, the corrections officer she dated who she walked in on in bed with someone else. From her description, he was a poor conversationalist, not a deep thinker, but a great body. They hook her by going on excessively about how beautiful she is. And she hooks them by cooking for them at the outset. Corrections officer got baked ziti. Mr. Fireman was going to get cookies until she realized he was married. From an outsider's perspective, there's a definite dynamic that trips both their buttons and a set dance to get things started. It's like moths heading to a flame. The nice, cute, thoughtful accountant on match.com isn't going to stand a chance. Not pushing the right buttons with his personality type. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 I suggested a book and put a link up a few pages back. Maybe give that a read as a first step. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 I think D was kind of feeling down about being single (February brings that out especially well for some people), found him attractive enough, saw his message was thoughtful,so she really wanted it to give it a shot despite the red flags. Turned out it was too much to ignore. Sorry, D. Hope your studies are going well despite all this! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TheTraveler Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 (edited) Yup! I would actually take it a step further. It's law and order strong types with great bodies. There's the fireman at her accident (married), police officer, the corrections officer she dated who she walked in on in bed with someone else. From her description, he was a poor conversationalist, not a deep thinker, but a great body. They hook her by going on excessively about how beautiful she is. And she hooks them by cooking for them at the outset. Corrections officer got baked ziti. Mr. Fireman was going to get cookies until she realized he was married. From an outsider's perspective, there's a definite dynamic that trips both their buttons and a set dance to get things started. It's like moths heading to a flame. The nice, cute, thoughtful accountant on match.com isn't going to stand a chance. Not pushing the right buttons with his personality type. :lmao: that's funny Good to know and I'll associate the OP with these types of guys when she creates threads in the future EDIT Deep thinker? A cop, corrections officer, and a fireman lolololololol Edited February 28, 2017 by TheTraveler Link to post Share on other sites
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