angel.eyes Posted March 1, 2017 Share Posted March 1, 2017 He works for a company that sells medical equipment to the hospital where I have my clinicals. Okay. Then, it's cute and endearing that he's trying to bump into you and see more of you. (Not that it negates all the red flags you've raised....) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dis Posted March 1, 2017 Author Share Posted March 1, 2017 I sent him a text, "I need to be honest with you, I dont think things will work out between us. I get the sense that we wouldnt mesh well. I think you might want a relationship but I dont know that you're in the right place for one. I'm at a point in life where I need stablity, someone to rely on and vice versa. I'm sorry but I dont see that happening with you." He said, "Okay, that seems a little surprising, I thought we had a lot of fun together. I'm not sure what else is supposed to happen on a first or second date besides having fun. I have been out of the game for awhile but are people supposed to fall totally in love after a few dates??? I feel like your putting me in a category I dont belong in without nearly enough information. I'm not sure what I could have done differently. I was totally into you all night and treated you with nothing but kindess and respect. I dont understand where you're coming from. This is very frustrating and disappointing. Sometimes you need to give things a chance to develop." WTF???? That doesnt even make sense to me....thats not what I was saying. I'm confused??? I dont know if I should respond to that Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted March 1, 2017 Share Posted March 1, 2017 I sent him a text, "I need to be honest with you, I dont think things will work out between us. I get the sense that we wouldnt mesh well. I think you might want a relationship but I dont know that you're in the right place for one. I'm at a point in life where I need stablity, someone to rely on and vice versa. I'm sorry but I dont see that happening with you." He said, "Okay, that seems a little surprising, I thought we had a lot of fun together. I'm not sure what else is supposed to happen on a first or second date besides having fun. I have been out of the game for awhile but are people supposed to fall totally in love after a few dates??? I feel like your putting me in a category I dont belong in without nearly enough information. I'm not sure what I could have done differently. I was totally into you all night and treated you with nothing but kindess and respect. I dont understand where you're coming from. This is very frustrating and disappointing. Sometimes you need to give things a chance to develop." WTF???? That doesnt even make sense to me....thats not what I was saying. I'm confused??? I dont know if I should respond to that Don't answer. Just let this go. Stop letting him dig for "more information" (with which to try to pull off another "good" date that nevertheless somehow leaves you very afraid and uncertain). No more info. No more talk. Just move on. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
xUnknown Posted March 1, 2017 Share Posted March 1, 2017 (edited) I sent him a text, "I need to be honest with you, I dont think things will work out between us. I get the sense that we wouldnt mesh well. I think you might want a relationship but I dont know that you're in the right place for one. I'm at a point in life where I need stablity, someone to rely on and vice versa. I'm sorry but I dont see that happening with you." He said, "Okay, that seems a little surprising, I thought we had a lot of fun together. I'm not sure what else is supposed to happen on a first or second date besides having fun. I have been out of the game for awhile but are people supposed to fall totally in love after a few dates??? I feel like your putting me in a category I dont belong in without nearly enough information. I'm not sure what I could have done differently. I was totally into you all night and treated you with nothing but kindess and respect. I dont understand where you're coming from. This is very frustrating and disappointing. Sometimes you need to give things a chance to develop." WTF???? That doesnt even make sense to me....thats not what I was saying. I'm confused??? I dont know if I should respond to that I skimmed the thread. Read the first 2 pages, then the last and scrolled through to find info on the dates. Date 1 and 2 went well in your opinion, he said he felt the same - why are you trying to self destruct this? He seems like a good guy from what I've read, and after reading your posts about how well the dates went, I'm just as surprised as he is. The 26th you said you had a good time, date went well, and a day later you say he's not a good fit, bad kisser, can't be intimate? I think you're trying to read into your "ideal guy" and what guys you attract that you aren't just going with the flow. Its been two dates, how well do either of you know each other at that point. You seem very hot and cold about him/the dates. I'm on his side. I would apologies and ask to see him and talk about WHY you said he isn't a good fit in person. Air things out. Or don't, and end it. But make sure your honest with yourself about WHY you're ending it. Edited March 1, 2017 by xUnknown Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dis Posted March 1, 2017 Author Share Posted March 1, 2017 Date 1 and 2 went well in your opinion, he said he felt the same - why are you trying to self destruct this? He seems like a good guy from what I've read, and after reading your posts about how well the dates went, I'm just as surprised as he is. I'm on his side. I would apologies and ask to see him and talk about WHY you said he isn't a good fit in person. Air things out. Like I said before, my gut didn't like him from the start but I tried to put that feeling aside and give it a try. After realizing he was throwing up red flags I decided it wouldn't be wise to proceed Hes acting awfully over the top about this. It was 2 dates. He's twisting me words now and blaming me. Its no ones fault it just wasnt going to work out Hes the one who said being in relationships prevent him from doing his own thing and that hes scared of marriage I said nothing about love so the fact that he saying I expected a love connection after two dates is so off base its scary Judging from that text alone, my gut was right Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dis Posted March 1, 2017 Author Share Posted March 1, 2017 I wouldve been more honest and say he gave me a bad gut feeling but I thought that wouldn't be appropriate The dates went well as in, we got along but that doesn't negate the fact he has red flags all over him Link to post Share on other sites
xUnknown Posted March 1, 2017 Share Posted March 1, 2017 Hes acting awfully over the top about this. It was 2 dates. He's twisting me words now and blaming me. Its no ones fault it just wasnt going to work out I mean, from my point of view, I kind of thing its the opposite. From that text, I get the same impression he does. Again, that's just me. Follow your gut, but try to understand WHY your gut was saying those things to you. What red flags exactly? I saw the $200 dinner bill, him saying he's afraid of marriage (really though, who isn't)... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dis Posted March 1, 2017 Author Share Posted March 1, 2017 I mean, from my point of view, I kind of thing its the opposite. From that text, I get the same impression he does. Again, that's just me. Follow your gut, but try to understand WHY your gut was saying those things to you. What red flags exactly? I saw the $200 dinner bill, him saying he's afraid of marriage (really though, who isn't)... I cant describe it but I just get a bad feeling from him....like, run!!! Red flags... He lied about his age, he was rude to the waiters, he made that comment about women my age as if I'm 40???...I'm 30, he said hes made some really bad mistakes in realtionships and has hurt quite a few women (he talked about them like he just ran right through them but was justified in doing so because his ex cheated on him) I told him I've been cheated on many times but that doesnt give me a hall pass to hurt people, many times he talked about how he likes to do his own thing, relationships are kind of a nussance... I've delt with those types of guys before and I can tell you they are not relationship material, he was just disengenious too, about a lot of things...like he was reading from a script. A ton of compliments and affection too. I like that but not when its over the top. Like when I would get back from using the restroom he would get up and give me a long hug????? He was rubbing my back at dinner and he said, "Omg your back is really tight, is the rest of your body that tight???" Wtf???? I know I was happy about the dates but thats because I want something to work so badly that I shut my brain off and ignore anything that rubs me the wrong way My bad for flip flopping, my usual style. I dont know how to even my mind out 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Weezy1973 Posted March 1, 2017 Share Posted March 1, 2017 Your text to him was way too involved for two dates (reflects your over analyzing)...next time something like this: I enjoyed meeting you but don't feel we're a match. Good luck in your search. That's it. 10 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dis Posted March 1, 2017 Author Share Posted March 1, 2017 Your text to him was way too involved for two dates (reflects your over analyzing)...next time something like this: I enjoyed meeting you but don't feel we're a match. Good luck in your search. That's it. I totally agree but last time I turned him down he wanted answers so I thought he I gave him some then he'd let it go Link to post Share on other sites
selinaluv Posted March 1, 2017 Share Posted March 1, 2017 You don't owe him anything. You gave him the initial explanation and that was the right thing to do. It may have been a bit too much information to give him after two dates, but it's okay. His response is also too much after two dates. If I recall he also pulled something like that over the phone. No need to respond and go back and forth. Leave it be. My only concern is you may run into him at the hospital. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
selinaluv Posted March 1, 2017 Share Posted March 1, 2017 I totally agree but last time I turned him down he wanted answers so I thought he I gave him some then he'd let it go You barely know him. He doesn't need answers. We have all been on both sides of this after one or two dates. Many don't even say anything. I appreciate the ones that do, but never ask for an explanation. I think he thinks he can convince you otherwise like the first time. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted March 1, 2017 Share Posted March 1, 2017 Just don't reply. Any kind of reply is a reply he can work with/around - so don't reply. Don't waste your time. I've been there time and again and no reply works eventually - except for when you need to get the police involved - but that was 4 years of no replies...he was a one off nutcase though. Lol! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dis Posted March 1, 2017 Author Share Posted March 1, 2017 Just don't reply. Any kind of reply is a reply he can work with/around - so don't reply. Don't waste your time. I've been there time and again and no reply works eventually - except for when you need to get the police involved - but that was 4 years of no replies...he was a one off nutcase though. Lol! Ya I tried to simply it and just said, "I dont expect a love connection, I just saw some things I didnt like. Its that simple." Then he said, "Such as what? Please humor me with a little bit of detail" I'm cutting it off right there. He's starting up again. Its done. *crickets* on my end 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted March 1, 2017 Share Posted March 1, 2017 I like crickets. Do not doubt crickets - they never give up and never doubt themselves. He is trying to work you around - don't play with him - it'll elongate the hassle for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted March 1, 2017 Share Posted March 1, 2017 I cant describe it but I just get a bad feeling from him....like, run!!! Red flags... He lied about his age, he was rude to the waiters, he made that comment about women my age as if I'm 40???...I'm 30, he said hes made some really bad mistakes in realtionships and has hurt quite a few women (he talked about them like he just ran right through them but was justified in doing so because his ex cheated on him) I told him I've been cheated on many times but that doesnt give me a hall pass to hurt people, many times he talked about how he likes to do his own thing, relationships are kind of a nussance... I've delt with those types of guys before and I can tell you they are not relationship material, he was just disengenious too, about a lot of things...like he was reading from a script. A ton of compliments and affection too. I like that but not when its over the top. Like when I would get back from using the restroom he would get up and give me a long hug????? He was rubbing my back at dinner and he said, "Omg your back is really tight, is the rest of your body that tight???" Wtf???? I know I was happy about the dates but thats because I want something to work so badly that I shut my brain off and ignore anything that rubs me the wrong way My bad for flip flopping, my usual style. I dont know how to even my mind out Well, but you just DID describe why you got a bad feeling, and it's absolutely no wonder why. All of what you wrote above (and I bolded) is quite bad, the long hug after the bathroom thing is just ... bizarre though. (And I was the one who was advising you to meet up w him on a date. That said, there is a difference between saying a regretable thing on a phone call, versus all of the bolded above.) Looks to me that your gut is serving you quite well here. You were right to end it. I'd even go easy on yourself for flip-flopping in this case, it might have all seemed ok on the date but after thinking about it some more those ARE things to make you reconsider moving things forward. But next time, keep the text messages you send in those regards to be shorter, lest you draw yourself into an argument that you'd be better off staying away from. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dis Posted March 1, 2017 Author Share Posted March 1, 2017 Well, but you just DID describe why you got a bad feeling, and it's absolutely no wonder why. All of what you wrote above (and I bolded) is quite bad, the long hug after the bathroom thing is just ... bizarre though. (And I was the one who was advising you to meet up w him on a date. That said, there is a difference between saying a regretable thing on a phone call, versus all of the bolded above.) Looks to me that your gut is serving you quite well here. You were right to end it. I'd even go easy on yourself for flip-flopping in this case, it might have all seemed ok on the date but after thinking about it some more those ARE things to make you reconsider moving things forward. But next time, keep the text messages you send in those regards to be shorter, lest you draw yourself into an argument that you'd be better off staying away from. Thanks for understanding Imajerk I feel like an absolute failure right now Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted March 1, 2017 Share Posted March 1, 2017 Your text to him was way too involved for two dates (reflects your over analyzing)...next time something like this: I enjoyed meeting you but don't feel we're a match. Good luck in your search. That's it. Exactly. Less is more, Dis. When you send someone a lengthy text about why you are bowing out (after only two dates) AND you make it about the other person rather than about you, you are just inviting him to argue with you about it so that you now have to defend your decision. Who cares what he wants at this point? You've had two dates. All you have to say (politely) is that you're not feeling it and wish him all the best. Then move on and don't look back. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted March 1, 2017 Share Posted March 1, 2017 Agreed. His text is to be expected. Giving him reasons why he is wrong for you is simply inviting him to defend himself and argue that your assessment of him is wrong. Since this was more involved than a single date, I usually say something like: Thanks for taking the time to meet me. It was fun getting to know you a little bit. While you seem like a wonderful person, we aren't a match. All the best in your search. (Everyone has some wonderful qualities, even guys who are wrong for you, so that's not a lie.) Your other choice is to make the reason you don't want to continue about you--going back to an ex, too soon after a breakup, not ready to date, too much going on in your life to focus properly on dating, working through personal issues, etc. The problem with all those excuses, is they are all time-limited. Your status will change after a time. So guys have a tendency to pop back up after a few months to a year to check in and see if things have changed. "Not a match" is not a match forever. You're being clear that it's a no-go period. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted March 2, 2017 Share Posted March 2, 2017 Good grief girl... If you are not feeling it you are not feeling it. You don't have to explain it to him or anyone else. I have had to pass on a bunch of girls, for different reasons, and that is just the way that it is. If you don't feel right in the gut you have to cut it off. You are not a failure in any way. You just have not met the right guy. You will, and when you do you will know it instantly... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted March 2, 2017 Share Posted March 2, 2017 what happened? did you start doubting yourself again? the energy in this thread has shifted O_o Link to post Share on other sites
KBob Posted March 2, 2017 Share Posted March 2, 2017 I sent him a text, "I need to be honest with you, I dont think things will work out between us. I get the sense that we wouldnt mesh well. I think you might want a relationship but I dont know that you're in the right place for one. I'm at a point in life where I need stablity, someone to rely on and vice versa. I'm sorry but I dont see that happening with you." He said, "Okay, that seems a little surprising, I thought we had a lot of fun together. I'm not sure what else is supposed to happen on a first or second date besides having fun. I have been out of the game for awhile but are people supposed to fall totally in love after a few dates??? I feel like your putting me in a category I dont belong in without nearly enough information. I'm not sure what I could have done differently. I was totally into you all night and treated you with nothing but kindess and respect. I dont understand where you're coming from. This is very frustrating and disappointing. Sometimes you need to give things a chance to develop." You gave too much detail for a second date breakup text. Skip the relationship stuff next time. Like people said, you don't owe him an explanation at that point. Your first two sentences were perfect; that's all that needed to be said. Honestly if a woman texted me the rest of your paragraph I would instantly feel like she's overthinking and over analysing. I probably wouldn't inquire or get upset, but I would be thinking it. All in all, you trusted your gut and did the right thing for you, so you can walk away being successful. Touch up on the breakup texts and you're game will be solid for the next encounter. I'll be cheering for your next one not to need a breakup text! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted March 2, 2017 Share Posted March 2, 2017 Just caught up on the thread. I'd say that he's not a good match for you, but I have a feeling this will not be the last time you two talk. Why? Because you're lonely and he's persistent. Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted March 2, 2017 Share Posted March 2, 2017 Just caught up on the thread. I'd say that he's not a good match for you, but I have a feeling this will not be the last time you two talk. Why? Because you're lonely and he's persistent. hopefully that does not happen :/ Ok caught up. I sent him a text, "I need to be honest with you, I dont think things will work out between us. I get the sense that we wouldnt mesh well. THAT would have been the perfect place to stop. Not the extra: "I think you might want a relationship but I dont know that you're in the right place for one..." etc. That was too much info. If you want my advice, I would tell you to block him now. You have already told him it is not going to work. That was your goodbye. Nothing more needs to be said. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dis Posted March 2, 2017 Author Share Posted March 2, 2017 Just caught up on the thread. I'd say that he's not a good match for you, but I have a feeling this will not be the last time you two talk. Why? Because you're lonely and he's persistent. The bold is inaccurate and not like me at all....you must not be familiar with how I roll with dating If you read my other threads, its clear once I'm done with someone, I'm done I dont flip flop on that Just because I can get lonely at times (as many people can) doesnt mean I'm willing to compromise my standards. I've never dont that and never will I actually blocked him so....its done Link to post Share on other sites
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