This Probably Wouldnt Go Well???

[Dis]

Sounds great, D373. I'm glad this went well despite the long-winded roller-coaster thread, which usually mean little before you've actually spent a night and a date with a guy.

 

Keep us posted, if this morph into a relationship and something meaningful for either of you. Well done, you deserve it.

 

Aww this is so sweet! Thank you Shanex!

[newheart]

So happy to hear this, Dis! I will be watching to get the details on Saturday, lol!

 

I really like the "no analyzing before 3 dates advice" - I will have to remember this, haha.

[BlueRidgeMT]

Just to add a comment about not dating people new to OLD. Geesh..I don't think that is fair. If so I would not get a date ever then. I plan on signing up soon. EVERYONE is a newbie at some time.

 

I wouldn't want someone holding that against me.

[Jj66]

Withholding judgment for a a litrle bit. Lmao. Glad the first date went well.

[GemmaUK]

If I were you Dis I would have completely expected the date to go very well.

 

He had knew all he needed to make it a great date and exactly what to say too. He won't have made dodgy comments and will have been lovely to wait staff.

He'll keep this up for as long as he can.

Don't forget how he reminded you of your love bombing ex though.

 

He 'relaxed' (his words) quickly early on though so it shouldn't take long for him to start relaxing again (3 months maximum I reckon) - time to find out who he really is once he does that.

 

Just don't do the same as you have said you always do and brush little things here and there under the carpet.

If you don't fall for guys quickly and don't get invested quickly you should be OK as I think you'll need to be ready to trust and more importantly act on your instincts and quick when he goes from best behaviour to 'relaxed' again.

 

Enjoy the nice bit but keep your eyes and ears wide open and make sure you have time for yourself between dates to go over them.

Over analysing is one thing but if you have instincts and ignore them then you waste more time with people who are just no good for you.

 

Good luck.

[Dis]

If I were you Dis I would have completely expected the date to go very well.

 

He had knew all he needed to make it a great date and exactly what to say too. He won't have made dodgy comments and will have been lovely to wait staff.

He'll keep this up for as long as he can.

Don't forget how he reminded you of your love bombing ex though.

 

He 'relaxed' (his words) quickly early on though so it shouldn't take long for him to start relaxing again (3 months maximum I reckon) - time to find out who he really is once he does that.

 

Just don't do the same as you have said you always do and brush little things here and there under the carpet.

If you don't fall for guys quickly and don't get invested quickly you should be OK as I think you'll need to be ready to trust and more importantly act on your instincts and quick when he goes from best behaviour to 'relaxed' again.

 

Enjoy the nice bit but keep your eyes and ears wide open and make sure you have time for yourself between dates to go over them.

Over analysing is one thing but if you have instincts and ignore them then you waste more time with people who are just no good for you.

 

Good luck.

 

Instincts. Very important

 

I got a bad feeling from him on the phone....I def did

 

But I got a good feeling from him in person. I can read people well (now) so if he was putting on a show...I wouldve felt that on some type of level. Something wouldve been off on my radar

 

At the end of the day, theres no way of knowing. I've been fooled before and I do agree with some of what you're saying for sure

 

I'm just trying to have fun and go with the flow....but if it turns sour, I've learned way to much to stick around for that

 

I think I went through all those not so great guys for a reason. I know what I want, what I dont want, and whats not ok with me. I'll stand my ground and do whats best for ME

 

Thanks so much for your concern Gemma. I really appreciate you looking out for me

[Imajerk17]

I think it's all good Disillusioned373 . It is clear that you are right now focused on making smarter decisions (as we all should be). You don't want to veer too much though into overthinking though.

 

Enjoy your date w this guy tomorrow!

[chix]

I like this thread. I hope you keep updating it. I find it so hard when people post a new thread for each topic they want to discuss, and I miss the back story, so don't give my best advice, because I wasn't aware of the history.

 

I love that we can read the ups and downs in 1 thread here, and I think that helps everyone to learn together, and think about the significance of something in the context of a bigger picture.

[Dis]

Hey guys!

 

Had another good date last night!

 

I'm trying to take someone's advice here (Weezy, thank you!! ) I'm trying not to over analyze things yet. I'm just having fun and enjoying things

 

One thing that made me question him a little was he said he's scared of marriage (even though thats what he really wants) because some of his married friends are miserable. He was cheated on by his exfiance so...I'm kind of thinking he might be one of those guys that will always be a bachelor despite wanting to settle down...but like someone told me....its to early to tell yet

 

On the positive side of things, we click really well. I can be myself and say what I want to say. He does the same. Hes funny in a weird way...but I like his sense of humor. Hes very sweet, complimetary, polite. He was actually super nice to our waitress which I was relieved about. Our dinner was super expensive, $200!!!! I tried to tell him I was fine with just an entree, but he went ahead and ordered a ton a food and drinks. I offered to pay my half, he said nope, I offered to pay the tip, he said nope. I like the guy to pay at first (I'm old fashioned that way) I was just shocked he'd spend that much money on a second date.

 

He guessed at my religion (I'm Wiccan) which I dont share until I feel comfortable because usually people have the wrong idea about it. He knew someone who shared my religion so he likes the concepts and was interested in knowing more. He doesnt have a religion, he more spiritual than anything. Hes reading a book about channeling so hes open minded. He kept making jokes about spells (which where actually funny) saying I must've did a love spell because he felt so drawn to me. I joked back. It was fun.

 

We felt really comfortable with each other, esp after the second half of the date. He was rubbing my back and we were just relaxing drinking wine. There was a good deal of sexual tension there but I guess you cant fight the way you feel towards someone

 

He kissed me at the end of the date. He was an ok kisser...not great but thats not a deal breaker

 

I'm rambling a little. I trying to study for an upcoming exam and my brain is not having it today lol

 

Just wanted to give you guys an update!

[Shanex]

Well for a $200 date you obviously owed him a nice kiss.

 

Joking.

 

Sounds like it was fun. I am a bit in his shoes because of being 30s something and somehow want to settle down too, yet I'm on my way to be a life-long bachelor.

 

Careful! The third date you guys might get naughty, not like it's wrong eh? Enjoy.

[Popsicle]

Admittedly I haven't been keeping up with this thread, but now you've gone out on a couple of dates with him??? Jeez, why did you even make this thread in the first place then?

[newheart]

Glad you had another nice date, Dis! Just go with the flow and enjoy! (and of course, keep us updated)

 

And good luck with your exam!

[Dis]

Admittedly I haven't been keeping up with this thread, but now you've gone out on a couple of dates with him??? Jeez, why did you even make this thread in the first place then?

 

I changed my mind somewhere along the line

[Dis]

Well for a $200 date you obviously owed him a nice kiss.

 

Joking.

 

Sounds like it was fun. I am a bit in his shoes because of being 30s something and somehow want to settle down too, yet I'm on my way to be a life-long bachelor.

 

Careful! The third date you guys might get naughty, not like it's wrong eh? Enjoy.

 

Hahaha!

 

Nah nothing too naughty will be happening on the third date...it takes awhile for me to get to that point and I let him know that

[Dis]

All of this started coming out today and I just need to get it out....

 

I'm not trying to anazlye anything or make any decisions...just want to type this out

 

I almost feel like hes not safe. As in, it might not be a safe move to invest emotions into him. He doesnt seem, solid....If I can put it that way. He comes on strong, but a part of me thinks he might remove himself with the same force. Hes like a fair weather friend. Good when things are nice and easy but dissapears when things are tough. This is just speculation, I dont know him and I could be projecting past hurts onto him

 

I dont know if I like his vibe. Theres something there that doesnt seem safe/right/good/honest/sincere/stable/worth investing in

 

Hes the really good looking guy that wants perfection, no hassles, wants it his way, intense, confusing and for some reason could turn off like a switch when something doesnt go his way

 

Hes said a few things that are yellow flags, or even red flags. He's alluded to the fact that he likes being single and is scared of marriage because his married friends are miserable. That being in a relationship gets in the way of 'having it his way'. But marriage and kids is what he wants...????

 

And I dont know why but because I dont feel a sense of safety with him, I cant picture us being intimate. It turns me off. That kiss was not good. I need safe, reliable, solid to get turned on. And for some reason I'm so turned off by him now that I'm looking back on things

 

Please keep in mind that I KNOW all I need to do right now is decide if I want to go out on another date with him and thats IT. I know that. But I dont feel good about him. Something is bugging me and it doesnt feel good so the thought of another date doesnt make me excited

 

I swear, this is why he reminded me of my ex...theres something inherently wrong about him that would be dangerous for me to invest in. I cant shake it now

 

This is more of a feeling, and based on some '' things he's said

 

This is just me typing out my thoughts so forgive me if I'm not being clear. I know I went from thinking everything was good and the dates were great....but this feeling now is.... not settling right with me

 

I just needed to get this off my chest more than anything

[Lilyana76]

Always trust your gut.

 

If you have a feeling this man may not be a fit for you, then he probably isn't. Better to break it off sooner than wait until you have some feelings for him and he flees.

 

When your instinct tells you NO, you should listen, no matter what your brain wants to say. I've always went by what my gut was telling me, hasn't failed me yet.

 

Feeling turned off by the thought of physical intimacy is not a good sign either girl... time to bust a move on out! I wouldn't waste another date on him, just tell him you really don't see him as a match for you.

[Dis]

I just wrote something to sort out my thoughts...

 

Running hotter

Running faster

I can feel

But I cant see

You smile like a burning sun

Your fire seeps into me

I keep blinking

But you are a blurr to me

All this fire and all this speed

All this light and all this heat

If I was still soft and pristine

I wouldnt see

That there is ice inside of you

Waiting to get to me

[SevenCity]

All of this started coming out today and I just need to get it out....

 

I'm not trying to anazlye anything or make any decisions...just want to type this out

 

I almost feel like hes not safe. As in, it might not be a safe move to invest emotions into him. He doesnt seem, solid....If I can put it that way. He comes on strong, but a part of me thinks he might remove himself with the same force. Hes like a fair weather friend. Good when things are nice and easy but dissapears when things are tough. This is just speculation, I dont know him and I could be projecting past hurts onto him

 

I dont know if I like his vibe. Theres something there that doesnt seem safe/right/good/honest/sincere/stable/worth investing in

 

Hes the really good looking guy that wants perfection, no hassles, wants it his way, intense, confusing and for some reason could turn off like a switch when something doesnt go his way

 

Hes said a few things that are yellow flags, or even red flags. He's alluded to the fact that he likes being single and is scared of marriage because his married friends are miserable. That being in a relationship gets in the way of 'having it his way'. But marriage and kids is what he wants...????

 

And I dont know why but because I dont feel a sense of safety with him, I cant picture us being intimate. It turns me off. That kiss was not good. I need safe, reliable, solid to get turned on. And for some reason I'm so turned off by him now that I'm looking back on things

 

Please keep in mind that I KNOW all I need to do right now is decide if I want to go out on another date with him and thats IT. I know that. But I dont feel good about him. Something is bugging me and it doesnt feel good so the thought of another date doesnt make me excited

 

I swear, this is why he reminded me of my ex...theres something inherently wrong about him that would be dangerous for me to invest in. I cant shake it now

 

This is more of a feeling, and based on some '' things he's said

 

This is just me typing out my thoughts so forgive me if I'm not being clear. I know I went from thinking everything was good and the dates were great....but this feeling now is.... not settling right with me

 

I just needed to get this off my chest more than anything

 

D - this sounds exactly like a previous post you made before the date.

 

Your gut is screaming at you. Listen to it.

 

Don't try to force something through your bad feelings about him.

 

He sounded controlling when he was yelling at the waiter on your first phone call.

 

Even if this is all in your head (it isn't) do you really see getting past it?

[angel.eyes]

My intuition has never steered me wrong in dating. There were a few times where on the surface it seemed like I was letting someone go for a really silly reason, and I second guessed myself. Thankfully, I stuck with my intuition. I learned down the road that my gut was totally right in those cases.

 

One other comment: I doubt he's 39 as he now claims (or 37 as he initially claimed). If you stick this out (or play with his wallet and check out his driver's license), you'll discover he's much older. The problem is 30-year olds would never consider him at his "real" age, whatever that might be, and that's who he's obviously trying to date. Confessing to being 39 is a way to get you comfortable with his lie(s) and progressive age differences. The truth will trickle in once you're invested.

[CaliforniaGirl]

I just wrote something to sort out my thoughts...

 

Running hotter

Running faster

I can feel

But I cant see

You smile like a burning sun

Your fire seeps into me

I keep blinking

But you are a blurr to me

All this fire and all this speed

All this light and all this heat

If I was still soft and pristine

I wouldnt see

That there is ice inside of you

Waiting to get to me

 

1. This is absolutely beautiful, truly inspired. I don't usually like poetry, but I am moved. Really moved. You should write for a living.

 

2. I hope this isn't about this guy, specifically. If so you are building him up way too much in your head. Don't. You WILL get hurt.

 

3. If this is just in general/a sum of other relationships, keep it. And have it published somewhere. I am serious about this and I know a bit about this subject, as I write for a living (not poetry, but...still).

[CaliforniaGirl]

My intuition has never steered me wrong in dating. There were a few times where on the surface it seemed like I was letting someone go for a really silly reason, and I second guessed myself. Thankfully, I stuck with my intuition. I learned down the road that my gut was totally right in those cases.

 

One other comment: I doubt he's 39 as he now claims (or 37 as he initially claimed). If you stick this out (or play with his wallet and check out his driver's license), you'll discover he's much older. The problem is 30-year olds would never consider him at his "real" age, whatever that might be, and that's who he's obviously trying to date. Confessing to being 39 is a way to get you comfortable with his lie(s) and progressive age differences. The truth will trickle in once you're invested.

 

^ I wondered about this too. This may be cynical but the whole "admission" of 39 thing sounded so very Trickle Truth to me.

[BluesPower]

I just wrote something to sort out my thoughts...

 

Running hotter

Running faster

I can feel

But I cant see

You smile like a burning sun

Your fire seeps into me

I keep blinking

But you are a blurr to me

All this fire and all this speed

All this light and all this heat

If I was still soft and pristine

I wouldnt see

That there is ice inside of you

Waiting to get to me

 

Hey you got any more of this? I can use this in a song if it is OK with you?

 

If you have anymore stuff like this PM me. This is really good...

 

Why in the world a pretty girl like you is have so much trouble finding the right guy. It must be your generation I guess. I think the males your age are frankly kind of ignorant about a lot of things, especially women.

 

My biggest problem is every woman I meet wants to get married, which is not happening ever again.

 

But like everyone said, trust your gut...

[GemmaUK]

I've felt this stuff and ignored it to my own regret.

 

Dis, you HAVE a CHOICE.

You can either see him again or not.

$200 for a date is a massive red flag to me - it may not be to you.

 

The other stuff is a red flag to you.

Go with your OWN gut.

 

Don't get into something to type a story on here.

Get yourself out if you feel you shouldn't be in this.

[Dis]

D - this sounds exactly like a previous post you made before the date.

 

Your gut is screaming at you. Listen to it.

 

Don't try to force something through your bad feelings about him.

 

He sounded controlling when he was yelling at the waiter on your first phone call.

 

Even if this is all in your head (it isn't) do you really see getting past it?

 

No, I can't get past it now

 

My gut was right from the beginning

 

I think I always sensed that...but I didnt want to admit it because I want something to stick so badly!!!

 

But no so badly that I'm willing to settle

 

At least it was only two dates right???

 

Ya.....this sucks

[angel.eyes]

$200 for a date is a massive red flag to me - it may not be to you.

I agree that this guy has lots of red flags--lying, being rude to the wait staff while he's on the phone with Dis, etc. But how much he chooses to spend on a date isn't a red flag IME.

 

All the guys I've been in a relationship with have spent way more than $200 on a date. (That includes first dates with guys I meet via OLD.) The exception of course was when we were students in school, although there were still a few that spent quite a bit when we were in grad school.

 

Dis' date put effort and thought into planning a date he thought she would enjoy. (To me that's a positive.) The huge problem in my book: his character issues leading into the date--dishonesty, lack of integrity, treating others with disrespect, etc. Those are all absolute deal breakers for me. From what I've observed, people like this do not make good relationship partners. Remember, he's putting his best foot forward to get a date. This is the very tip of the iceberg. The women who overlook these flaws, minimize them, and excuse them away invariably seem to regret that choice.