This Probably Wouldnt Go Well???

[Jj66]

I never understood people that lie about their age on OLD. Why lie only to have to eventually tell someone you lied?

 

Haven't read the whole thread yet.

 

I know of people who do it to get past the filters so they show up I your search list. Most of them have it written on their profiles though. For example the text on the profile says I'm actually 51. Not 49. They told the system they were 49 in order to squeak under the magic 50 cutoff in searches.

 

Personally, I would not be TOO concerned about the age thing since he was up front about it before you invested a lot of time in him. Although it is still eyebrow raising and a red flag.

 

The real problem are the other things. The fact that you didn't feel he was listening to you. The comment about women your age would be enough for me to send him packing if I were in your shoes.

[Dis]

He texted me this morning:

 

"Good morning *my name*, I just wanted to tell you how disappointed I am that I will not be seeing you. Obviously I said something during our conversation that you really did not appreciate. I honestly think you misinterpreted a few things and perhaps I presented myself poorly in some ways. Anyway, I thought you were so beautiful and seemed like such a nice person. I'm confident things would have gone well if we met in person. Good luck with finishing school and your new nursing career. Take care."

 

I feel really bad for the guy and am starting second guess my decision.....I hope I did the right thing...I dont know what I'm doing anymore

[goldway90]

He texted me this morning:

 

"Good morning *my name*, I just wanted to tell you how disappointed I am that I will not be seeing you. Obviously I said something during our conversation that you really did not appreciate. I honestly think you misinterpreted a few things and perhaps I presented myself poorly in some ways. Anyway, I thought you were so beautiful and seemed like such a nice person. I'm confident things would have gone well if we met in person. Good luck with finishing school and your new nursing career. Take care."

 

I feel really bad for the guy and am starting second guess my decision.....I hope I did the right thing...I dont know what I'm doing anymore

 

Don't reply and delete his message. He's trying to guilt-trip you and make feel sorry for him. You did what's best for you, there's no need to second guess yourself.

[Jj66]

He texted me this morning:

 

"Good morning *my name*, I just wanted to tell you how disappointed I am that I will not be seeing you. Obviously I said something during our conversation that you really did not appreciate. I honestly think you misinterpreted a few things and perhaps I presented myself poorly in some ways. Anyway, I thought you were so beautiful and seemed like such a nice person. I'm confident things would have gone well if we met in person. Good luck with finishing school and your new nursing career. Take care."

 

I feel really bad for the guy and am starting second guess my decision.....I hope I did the right thing...I dont know what I'm doing anymore

 

Let's see:

 

This is the same guy who had a pic with another woman on his profile?

 

My assessment: he is charming yet condescending. He is ok with bending the truth to get what he wants. Inwardly he is a tormented ball of insecurities. He is unable to accept the narcissistic injury of your rejection without reaching out to tell you that you are wrong and he knows better how it would have turned out. He already admitted lying about his age. Even if he doesn't know the other reasons you might pull the plug he should be amply aware that this would be possible grounds for most people not to continue. He appears to have no sense that this exposes him as potentially shady and could very well have consequences.

 

Darling, I believe you have found yourself a narcissist.

 

If you respond you play into his hands. Don't feed the beast.

Edited February 18, 2017 by Jj66

[Imajerk17]

He texted me this morning:

 

"Good morning *my name*, I just wanted to tell you how disappointed I am that I will not be seeing you. Obviously I said something during our conversation that you really did not appreciate. I honestly think you misinterpreted a few things and perhaps I presented myself poorly in some ways. Anyway, I thought you were so beautiful and seemed like such a nice person. I'm confident things would have gone well if we met in person. Good luck with finishing school and your new nursing career. Take care."

 

I feel really bad for the guy and am starting second guess my decision.....I hope I did the right thing...I dont know what I'm doing anymore

 

So, *why* did you write this guy off again? Going by what you wrote, I actually think you were hasty to do so.

 

I understand you are really intensely screening out jerks and players. That said, it is quite possible that, instead of being a jerk or a player, he was just trying a bit too hard to make a good impression with you. You have no idea (although the "hormones" comment on his part was dumb but we all say stupid things). That said, you are only meeting for a *date*, not making a commitment. You can reevaluate (and should be reevaluating) after the first date, second date (if it gets to that point), third date, and so on.

Edited February 18, 2017 by Imajerk17

[Dis]

Let's see:

 

This is the same guy who had a pic with another woman on his profile?

 

My assessment: he is charming yet condescending. He is ok with bending the truth to get what he wants. Inwardly he is a tormented ball of insecurities. He is unable to accept the narcissistic injury of your rejection without reaching out to tell you that you are wrong and he knows better how it would have turned out. He already admitted lying about his age. Even if he doesn't know the other reasons you might pull the plug he should be amply aware that this would be possible grounds for most people not to continue. He appears to have no sense that this exposes him as potentially shady and could very well have consequences.

 

Darling, I believe you have found yourself a narcissist.

 

If you respond you play into his hands. Don't feed the beast.

 

Omg Jj, you just made such a good point. Thank you!

 

I was saying that he reminded me of my ex, he loved bombed me and discarded me. He changed his mind a few days later and told me he wants me back. But by that point I had snapped out of his game realized how sick he really was. I never spoke to him again

 

When I spoke to this new guy on the phone it was like he was the spitting image of my ex... He was charming, lots of compliments, but I could tell he didnt value my opinion. He monopolized the conversation. He mirrored the things I said, like I said some people who are new to OLD have the 'I can do better mentality' he went on to tell stories that proved he doesnt operate that way....but it all sounded so disingenuous. He didnt really listen to me either, he just kind of said, 'uh huh' to what I said but expected me to listen vehemently to him. I told him how nothing has panned out for me with OLD and the way he reacted to that was bizzare. He kept saying, 'You're going to be fine, you're so beautiful and smart, dont worry about it, you'll be fine' He would say that over and over. Like he was trying to soothe my worries or make himself seem like a saint even though I wasnt making a big deal out of it. He alluded to the fact that he got a lot of attention on OLD in the past. When we were speaking he was at a resteraunt and he was super rude to the wait staff. I could hear it. They didnt have the one dish he wanted and when they told him that he acted like a spoiled kid having a temper tantrum

 

He was the spitting image of my ex....narcissism to the nth degree

 

I'm glad I'm not meeting him....it would only end in disaster

[Dis]

So, *why* did you write this guy off again? Going by what you wrote, I actually think you were hasty to do so.

 

I understand you are really intensely screening out jerks and players. That said, it is quite possible that, instead of being a jerk or a player, he was just trying a bit too hard to make a good impression with you. You have no idea (although the "hormones" comment on his part was dumb but we all say stupid things). That said, you are only meeting for a *date*, not making a commitment. You can reevaluate (and should be reevaluating) after the first date, second date (if it gets to that point), third date, and so on.

 

I think Jj just made me realize something about this guy so I dont regret calling the date off

 

I wrote him off him off for many reasons such as lying to me about his age, to be honest is very important as I've had bfs lie to me in the past. Lying right out of the gate isnt ok in my book

 

But overall, I just got this weird vibe from him. Something about him was really rubbing me the wrong way. I cant really explain it. I know I'm sounding vague but I got a bad feeling from him. Then Jj pointed out that he sounded like a narcissist and thats when the light bulb in my head went off! Thats the reason why I got such a bad vibe from him. I've already dated a narcissist and never want to do it again

 

I always appreciate your input imajerk, you give me reality checks that I'm in desperate need of at times. But here I feel I did the right thing. I cant really put it into words...all I can say is my gut didnt like him

[Shanex]

Imajerk told you things I also wanted to tell you. Anyway. I think this case is closed from your point of view.

 

Sorry, this wasn't exactly a great week for you.

[Sweetfish]

He texted me this morning:

 

"Good morning *my name*, I just wanted to tell you how disappointed I am that I will not be seeing you. Obviously I said something during our conversation that you really did not appreciate. I honestly think you misinterpreted a few things and perhaps I presented myself poorly in some ways. Anyway, I thought you were so beautiful and seemed like such a nice person. I'm confident things would have gone well if we met in person. Good luck with finishing school and your new nursing career. Take care."

 

I feel really bad for the guy and am starting second guess my decision.....I hope I did the right thing...I dont know what I'm doing anymore

 

HHmmmm.... this seems too scripted... too perfect.

 

Like it has a perfect dash of sweet and spice in his reply.

 

That last line though...it was almost unnecessary. Like it was added pressure...

 

My rational mind says avoid.

[TheTraveler]

"I know women around your age are feeling a lot of pressure to settle down, hormones and everything." Really? I'm 30, dude

 

I NEED to use this line with a smirk and say it in person..maybe tonight!

[bluefeather]

I wouldn't call the guy a narcissist that soon, but who knows? Either way, the guy was dishonest and that's enough to cut him out. I think you did well and nothing else needs to be said to him. Any response would just re-open communication, and that is not necessary.

[TheTraveler]

Don't reply and delete his message. He's trying to guilt-trip you and make feel sorry for him. You did what's best for you, there's no need to second guess yourself.

 

Or maybe he was excited to go on a date Saturday night and find out it being cancelled one day before.

 

I personally wouldn't have written anything, but I can definitely see people writing a nice message and moving on

[Dis]

I'm flip flopping in a huge way (as usual)...I know...my mind is a jubbled mess

 

My gf knows all about this guy (she didnt like him too much) but once she saw his last text she thought it sounded honest and genuine and thought I should try to give him a chance. She said I should at least speak to him about my concerns

 

So I texted him and told him, thanks so for the text but I have some concerns

 

He said, thanks for the reply, do you think we can talk about it?

 

So I just sent him a text explaining why I'm trepidatious about dating him

 

I dont know what I'm doing anymore with dating and I'm sure its frustrating to read this thread because I was so dead set on passing on him. I'm still not sure about him in anyway but I trust my gf's advice....and I dont trust my judgment at all...so I'm going with what she suggested

 

This is no way means I've changed my mind about him...I guess I'm just trying to be more open minded...but I still want to be cautious...just not overly so

[goldway90]

Why do you want to explain yourself to him? seriously it brings nothing but false hope to the guy. I'm sure you want to be nice and have good intentions still there's no need to give him an explanation.

[Dis]

Why do you want to explain yourself to him? seriously it brings nothing but false hope to the guy. I'm sure you want to be nice and have good intentions still there's no need to give him an explanation.

 

I'm not giving him an explaination. I'm voicing my concerns to try to learn about him and to see if he really isnt the type of guy I should be dating

 

I'm not giving false hope. I'm reevaluting things

[goldway90]

I'm not giving him an explaination. I'm voicing my concerns to try to learn about him and to see if he really isnt the type of guy I should be dating

 

I'm not giving false hope. I'm reevaluting things

 

Fair enough, i'm not huge fan of the approach but i hope it works for you.

 

Keep us posted

Edited February 18, 2017 by goldway90
typo

[Dis]

Fair enough, i'm not huge fan of the approach but i hope it works for you.

 

Keeps up posted

 

Hahaha

 

Eh, I dont know what I'm doing anymore so it is what it is

[Dis]

I expressed all my concerns with him in an assertive way. I'm kind of surprised at how I really stuck to my guns about it. I'm not trying to sound concieted but I deserve the best based on what I have to offer so I'm not settling for less. I'm so happy I've finally gotten to this point....the point of knowing my worth! Took me awhile to get here

 

He sent me back a really long message that I actually really liked,

 

"My name, I totally understand and feel pretty stupid about the age thing and the other comment I made as well. My age is something I'm self-conscious about and I didnt want to get excluded because of it. I feel really horrible about not being honest and its a terrible way to start any new type of relationship. I'm very sorry for not being truthful. Regarding the comment about women being a certain age, that was also totally uncalled for and not appropriate for the conversation. I think I'm letting my own personal experiences lead me to make that blanket statement that are not even true. I sincerely aplogize for that as well, that was an awful thing to say. I may be new to OLD but I'm certainly not new to dating in general. I'm not looking for the next best thing. I'm truly trying to find the right person. I only want to be with one woman. I havent even been on the site since you gave me your number.

 

Well I certainly appreciate you explaining this to me. I actually totally understand. I get why you would be put off and have some concerns, I would say that maybe we can be friends at some point. I would hate to just say, "have a nice life" whe it doesnt have to be that way. If you ever want to grab a drink or a coffee, I would certainly want to be a friend if you have room in your life right now. Thank you for hitting me back. That was very mature of you and I appreciate it. Again, I'm very sorry for not being completly honest with you from the beginning."

 

I said,

 

"Thanks, I really appreicate that. That makes me feel better about things. I do understand why some people lie about their age on OLD so I'm not condeming you for it. I would just expect honest going forward. I have a lot of friends so I dont need another one. I dont think you just want to be friends with me anyway."

 

He said,

 

"Of course I want to be more than friends but I'll take friendship over not knowing you at all. I can promise you that honest is very important to me as well. Its impossible to have any kind of relationship without it. I would say let me know what you're comfortable with and I will be in total agreement. So how has your Saturday been? Did you have any work to do?

 

 

I'm really surprised by him....not too shabby huh???

[elaine567]

He texted me a couple of hours ago...

"Hey, Happy Friday! I hope your week has gone well. I'll see you tomorrow, looking forward to it."

 

I liked this, but maybe I am just too trusting...

I hope it all goes well for you.

[Jj66]

I was kind of on the dude's side until that message that your gf liked. It's very subtle, but it pinged the narcissist bell in my head very loud. It was just the right combination of charm, blame, and arrogance to spell narcissist to me.

 

However, I would trust the advice of a friend who is closer to the situation over an anonymous internet poster like me.

 

But you also need to trust your gut, too.

 

You've mentioned numerous red flags in this and the other thread.

 

He must have considerable charm to still be on your radar.

 

Be very careful.

[goldway90]

I have a lot of friends so I dont need another one.

 

http://www.reactiongifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/friday-damn.gif

 

I'm so happy I've finally gotten to this point....the point of knowing my worth!

 

Even though i wasn't a fan of that approach looks like it worked for you. Make sure to never settle for less from now on.

[Imajerk17]

This is now just getting silly. All this back-and-forth analysing texts, phone calls, ect to this degree is crazy. I mean, you supposedly passed and you are still spending more energy thinking about this. You don't have time for this.

 

Save yourself some time. Just meet up w the guy for coffee to see what he is like in person, in a public, well-lit place. Either way it will be ok.

Edited February 18, 2017 by Imajerk17

[Dis]

This is now just getting silly. All this back-and-forth analysing texts, phone calls, ect to this degree is crazy. You don't have time for this.

 

Just meet up w the guy to see what he is like in person, in a public, well-lit place. Either way it will be ok.

 

We're meeting up on Wednesday. We have a set location and time

[Dis]

http://www.reactiongifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/friday-damn.gif

 

 

 

Even though i wasn't a fan of that approach looks like it worked for you. Make sure to never settle for less from now on.

 

Omggg I lmaooo at that gif!!!

 

Fierce!!!

 

And thank you gold!!

[Dis]

I was kind of on the dude's side until that message that your gf liked. It's very subtle, but it pinged the narcissist bell in my head very loud. It was just the right combination of charm, blame, and arrogance to spell narcissist to me.

 

However, I would trust the advice of a friend who is closer to the situation over an anonymous internet poster like me.

 

But you also need to trust your gut, too.

 

You've mentioned numerous red flags in this and the other thread.

 

He must have considerable charm to still be on your radar.

 

Be very careful.

 

I hope you're wrong Jj. But I know that theres a chance you're not

 

I dont know what my gut is telling me...I'm too far gone for that hahaha