Author Dis Posted March 2, 2017 Author Share Posted March 2, 2017 hopefully that does not happen :/ Ok caught up. THAT would have been the perfect place to stop. Not the extra: "I think you might want a relationship but I dont know that you're in the right place for one..." etc. That was too much info. If you want my advice, I would tell you to block him now. You have already told him it is not going to work. That was your goodbye. Nothing more needs to be said. Thanks blue! He's already blocked! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted March 3, 2017 Share Posted March 3, 2017 I'm shocked that a guy would persist at all after being told it's done. Does it ever work? It's guys like this that give the rest of us a bad name. A lot of girls will just ghost you - he should be happy with the text. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted March 3, 2017 Share Posted March 3, 2017 I'm shocked that a guy would persist at all after being told it's done. Does it ever work? It's guys like this that give the rest of us a bad name. A lot of girls will just ghost you - he should be happy with the text. I think literally "I'm done" is much different from what Dis was doing, which was basically, as far as he could tell (though this probably wasn't her intent), putting up objections which then warrant a rebuttal. In other words, when a person IS done, that person doesn't usually offer specific criticisms in the ways that Dis did. It's very likely he takes all that as "She's so angry with one foot out the door, but she's telling me what the problems are...does she want reassurance?" Because we ALL know done is just, well, done. Done with lots of "if only you were like X instead"-style complaints DOESN'T come off as "done" at all. With that said, Dis, I am obviously on your side with this as far as your negative feelings and your reservations about this guy. It just is not clicking...he's following whatever rules he thinks you're putting down in order to accomplish whatever his aims are (he hinted you're "tight"? Seriously? OH HELL NO) but it's stilted and unnatural and Dis is feeling that and the way she's describing it, I have to agree though obviously neither I nor anyone else here was there at the time. It just sounds like the guy wants to get laid (yeah, I get it, everyone does but I'm talking more like he sounds willing to manipulate emotionally in order to get that) and he's Pavlov's date, reacting in what he assumes is a correct way to various triggers in order to get that biscuit, but Dis feels it's unnatural, it comes off as unnatural and I think she's wise to stay away. More fish in the sea, Dis. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
goldway90 Posted March 3, 2017 Share Posted March 3, 2017 I'm shocked that a guy would persist at all after being told it's done. Does it ever work? It's guys like this that give the rest of us a bad name. A lot of girls will just ghost you - he should be happy with the text. She flipflopped before that's why. You don't tell someone "i have a lot of friends so I dont need another one" then make a date with them after that Dis next time just tell the guy " I'm not interested anymore" and leave it at that, don't write big paragraphs or give explanations. You clearly dodged a bullet with this guy and i'm sure you'll find someone better in the future don't give up 2 Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted March 4, 2017 Share Posted March 4, 2017 Thanks for understanding Imajerk I feel like an absolute failure right now [ Don't. It was a big misstep when you decided to put aside the strong reservations you had at the beginning and see him. The upside is that you have chosen to honor your intuition and not see him again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dis Posted March 5, 2017 Author Share Posted March 5, 2017 I just want to say thanks for all your help and input guys! I love the support and advice that you all give so freely You're all awesome and I appreciate your help He is blocked. I've moved onwards and upwards! Thanks again! 5 Link to post Share on other sites
TheTraveler Posted March 5, 2017 Share Posted March 5, 2017 I sent him a text, "I need to be honest with you, I dont think things will work out between us. I get the sense that we wouldnt mesh well. I think you might want a relationship but I dont know that you're in the right place for one. I'm at a point in life where I need stablity, someone to rely on and vice versa. I'm sorry but I dont see that happening with you." I've received a similar text from a female...I was like huh? Guess what? I didn't respond and moved on. There's no point going forward if a woman thinks like this about me right off the bat. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted March 5, 2017 Share Posted March 5, 2017 (edited) I've met a lot of women who lie about their ages as well as the men do. I don't even look my age when I say my age they think I am lying. So if I say I am less than my age then they believe me. But in all sense I am with a women who had on OLD she was 20 years younger I said oh my! But she was 10 years older than me. But I don't care because we do get along it's been a while now. Sometimes the age thing not a huge problem. I see it does here. I help so many others find the right one and a lot of them got married and send me pictures or invited me to their weddings. Most of them are younger or older. Age shouldn't matter today but it does for the older crowd. Once you reach 25 or higher then it shouldn't matter. If you so concern don't even think twice about a man who has lied about their age. The picture of them should really tell you if they're the right age or not. 37 vs 39 (2 year difference in age) How would you like if that person was 37 OLD but he was really 57 ouch.. Scary or not? Depends women do it and so do men is it right or wrong they do it because they don't want much older so and so contacting them. Edited March 5, 2017 by coolheadal Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted March 5, 2017 Share Posted March 5, 2017 I'm shocked that a guy would persist at all after being told it's done. Does it ever work? It's guys like this that give the rest of us a bad name. A lot of girls will just ghost you - he should be happy with the text. I've never had a guy NOT persist when I said "sorry, I don't think it's gonna work out." Lol I have no idea the mindset of these people. Anyway, sorry it didn't work out, dis. I hope you meet someone awesome soon. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted March 5, 2017 Share Posted March 5, 2017 I've met a lot of women who lie about their ages as well as the men do. I don't even look my age when I say my age they think I am lying. So if I say I am less than my age then they believe me. But in all sense I am with a women who had on OLD she was 20 years younger I said oh my! But she was 10 years older than me. But I don't care because we do get along it's been a while now. Sometimes the age thing not a huge problem. I see it does here. I help so many others find the right one and a lot of them got married and send me pictures or invited me to their weddings. Most of them are younger or older. Age shouldn't matter today but it does for the older crowd. Once you reach 25 or higher then it shouldn't matter. If you so concern don't even think twice about a man who has lied about their age. The picture of them should really tell you if they're the right age or not. 37 vs 39 (2 year difference in age) How would you like if that person was 37 OLD but he was really 57 ouch.. Scary or not? Depends women do it and so do men is it right or wrong they do it because they don't want much older so and so contacting them. But it does matter...I don't care how a guy "looks," if a guy is 20 years older then he has lived 20 years longer than I have. Pretty simple, really. His looks (or how he perceives his looks) notwithstanding, we still grew up in two different generations, have entirely different memory sets culturally and with music and how current events shaped us in our developing years and so on, and are currently in two entirely different phases of life, most likely. In my case, 20 years older is a senior citizen and probably retired. Meanwhile, my youngest child hasn't even entered middle school yet and my thoughts are nowhere near retirement. (For starters on the differences.) Just no. These things won't bother all women but they WILL bother a fair amount (less than 3% of married couples have more than a 15 year age gap, for reference) so obviously it's something you NEED to disclose and give THEM the option of deciding whether they want to date with a huge age difference (male or female, older or younger; BE HONEST). There will always be exceptions and blah blah but saying "it doesn't matter" in some universal way is ridiculous. Yeah. It does matter. For a woman (or man) who won't care about those differences, then you won't have to lie, and for a woman for whom it does matter, she'll figure it out quickly anyway and dump you immediately, and meanwhile, there will be women who would have dated older/youngef but they hate liars so again, you're dumped, so what's the percentage in lying? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
TheTraveler Posted March 5, 2017 Share Posted March 5, 2017 I've never had a guy NOT persist when I said "sorry, I don't think it's gonna work out." Lol I have no idea the mindset of these people. Anyway, sorry it didn't work out, dis. I hope you meet someone awesome soon. For my instance which is bringing flashbacks lol, the woman dropped "maybe and I'm not sure." My entire scenario is different than the OP's. But, from what I received that leaves a lot of interpretation and I could see most guys responding. With the OP's text, I can definitely see men responding to her text. Me? I am not going to bother starting something with a woman when this is her answer/question/thoughts in the preliminary stages of dating. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted March 5, 2017 Share Posted March 5, 2017 (edited) For my instance which is bringing flashbacks lol, the woman dropped "maybe and I'm not sure." My entire scenario is different than the OP's. But, from what I received that leaves a lot of interpretation and I could see most guys responding. With the OP's text, I can definitely see men responding to her text. Me? I am not going to bother starting something with a woman when this is her answer/question/thoughts in the preliminary stages of dating. Sorry! Yea I don't waste time with people who are unsure either. It's a deal breaker for me. I can see how men would respond to D's last text too but I think it's mostly this guy. I don't fault her for being so detailed because she told him pretty cut and dry the first time she wasn't interested. She said something like "sorry but I don't think this is going to work" He responded : Aww really, thats terrible. Is it something I said or did something come up?" And the next day "Good morning" Dis", I just wanted to tell you how disappointed I am that I will not be seeing you. Obviously I said something during our conversation that you really did not appreciate. I honestly think you misinterpreted a few things and perhaps I presented myself poorly in some ways. Anyway, I thought you were so beautiful and seemed like such a nice person. I'm confident things would have gone well if we met in person. Good luck with finishing school and your new nursing career. Take care." OP is just a really kind, sensitive person who has trouble rejecting people and didn't want to encounter this problem again. So she was more comprehensive but that often invites people to challenge it. However, I think this guy has issues letting it go and was frankly just off from the start. Lying about "accidently" putting the wrong age and old pictures and overall fakeness, idk. I think OP's 'intuition' is on point. Edited March 5, 2017 by Cookiesandough 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dis Posted March 5, 2017 Author Share Posted March 5, 2017 Sorry! Yea I don't waste time with people who are unsure either. It's a deal breaker for me. I can see how men would respond to D's last text too but I think it's mostly this guy. I don't fault her for being so detailed because she told him pretty cut and dry the first time she wasn't interested. She said something like "sorry but I don't think this is going to work" He responded : And the next day OP is just a really kind, sensitive person who has trouble rejecting people and didn't want to encounter this problem again. So she was more comprehensive but that often invites people to challenge it. However, I think this guy has issues letting it go and was frankly just off from the start. Lying about "accidently" putting the wrong age and old pictures and overall fakeness, idk. I think OP's 'intuition' is on point. Thanks cookies! This is exactly why I sent him a more involved/detailed text...because the first time I turned him down didnt go so well. I thought if I gave him some insight as to why I didnt want to proceed, he would take it and run with it.... Didnt quite work out that way I also didnt even tell him the whole truth about why I didnt see it working. I couldve given many more details like how I think hes a sleeze and I get a bad feeling from him...but THAT would be wayyyyyy too much Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted March 6, 2017 Share Posted March 6, 2017 For my instance which is bringing flashbacks lol, the woman dropped "maybe and I'm not sure." My entire scenario is different than the OP's. But, from what I received that leaves a lot of interpretation and I could see most guys responding. With the OP's text, I can definitely see men responding to her text. Me? I am not going to bother starting something with a woman when this is her answer/question/thoughts in the preliminary stages of dating. For future reference, anytime a woman says "maybe" or "I'm not sure" it means "No". Women often don't want to hurt your feelings so they will not be direct like a guy. Unfortunately this often causes more hurt due to the lack of clarity. I appreciate when a woman tells me she's not interested. I typically just delete her number or say "thanks for letting me know and good luck!" There is no point in wasting your time on a woman who isn't enthusiastic about seeing you as it is,well, a waste of your time. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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