Author jjackie Posted October 25, 2016 Author Share Posted October 25, 2016 He told her about me and divorce. He said he doesn't love her anymore. That's why she's upset... And that's why she went to her sister's place. He contacted me today just to ask how I am and how my day is going. I asked him to make sure if he knows what he's doing and he told me he never been more determined. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted October 25, 2016 Share Posted October 25, 2016 You mean he says he told her... Why not ask her? When is he filing for divorce? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ChickiePops Posted October 25, 2016 Share Posted October 25, 2016 This whole thing seems really suspect. I mean...you give him an ultimatum..and a day after that he's not only moved out but he's also asked for a divorce..he is lucky enough to have a spare apartment that he can use (where his cousin lives but is apparently not currently living for some unnamed reason). This is all awfully convenient. I'm not buying it..something is very fishy here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted October 25, 2016 Share Posted October 25, 2016 (edited) If I remember your story correctly- Your meth dealer has an extra apartment and his wife moved in with her sister- who is at their primary residence and where are the kids? There is so many red flags for you-but the most important thing is you mentioned wanting to get clean- how will you do with while dating your meth dealer while he is going through a divorce? Please reconsider- Edited October 25, 2016 by gettingstronger 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ChickiePops Posted October 25, 2016 Share Posted October 25, 2016 If I remember your story correctly- Your meth dealer has an extra apartment and his wife moved in with her sister- who is at their primary residence and where are the kids? There is so many red flags for you-but the most important thing is you mentioned wanting to get clean- how will you do with while dating your meth dealer while he is going through a divorce? Please reconsider- Wait whaaaaaaaa??? What's this about meth??? Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted October 25, 2016 Share Posted October 25, 2016 If I remember your story correctly- Your meth dealer has an extra apartment and his wife moved in with her sister- who is at their primary residence and where are the kids? There is so many red flags for you-but the most important thing is you mentioned wanting to get clean- how will you do with while dating your meth dealer while he is going through a divorce? Please reconsider- Oh no this is not good. It sounds like a very co-dependent relationship if this is the case. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jjackie Posted October 25, 2016 Author Share Posted October 25, 2016 If I remember your story correctly- Your meth dealer has an extra apartment and his wife moved in with her sister- who is at their primary residence and where are the kids? There is so many red flags for you-but the most important thing is you mentioned wanting to get clean- how will you do with while dating your meth dealer while he is going through a divorce? Please reconsider- Am I missing something? Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted October 25, 2016 Share Posted October 25, 2016 This is the meth post? Yeah. Take it really really really slow. Like so slow you stop and get clean first Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 25, 2016 Share Posted October 25, 2016 Wait whaaaaaaaa??? What's this about meth??? I think it is an analogy. Affairs are like taking drugs, great fun until you realise the damage they do, they destroy everything good and leave chaos in their wake. The MM is the drug dealer, so how can you ever get over your addiction if you move in with your drug dealer? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted October 25, 2016 Share Posted October 25, 2016 I think it is an analogy. Affairs are like taking drugs, great fun until you realise the damage they do, they destroy everything good and leave chaos in their wake. The MM is the drug dealer, so how can you ever get over your addiction if you move in with your drug dealer? Ah there it is that makes sense! Link to post Share on other sites
buglet78 Posted October 25, 2016 Share Posted October 25, 2016 Quick update, he's decided to get a divorce. He moved out. I would hold off on the happiness for now. I had to watch my xMM move stuff into my house, only to turn around and move it back out two days later when he went back to his marriage (and there is someone else here who went through a similar situation). I would be insisting on seeing divorce papers before jumping any further. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jjackie Posted October 26, 2016 Author Share Posted October 26, 2016 You mean he says he told her... Why not ask her? What do you mean? When is he filing for divorce? Hmmm, I don't know. Maybe he's waiting for her wife to adjust to the situation. If I was him, I'd give her some time... Link to post Share on other sites
Author jjackie Posted October 26, 2016 Author Share Posted October 26, 2016 Oh, and there's no kids Link to post Share on other sites
Author jjackie Posted October 26, 2016 Author Share Posted October 26, 2016 I mean...you give him an ultimatum..and a day after that he's not only moved out but he's also asked for a divorce. I gave him an ultimatum (me or her), so if he wants me, what was he supposed to do??? Stay with her? I mentioned here that he was considering a divorce before... He didn't fill for it yet. he is lucky enough to have a spare apartment What's the problem here? He works a lot since his 16 birthday to afford 10 apartments if he wants. apartment that he can use (where his cousin lives but is apparently not currently living for some unnamed reason). Aaaaaaaand..... Where did I type it? He lives there STILL (ALL THE TIME). Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 This is the meth post? Yeah. Take it really really really slow. Like so slow you stop and get clean first I must be mistaken, there was a newcomer that disclosed he was also her meth dealer and she was also trying to get clean. My apologies. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
wmacbride Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 OP, you sound really young, and not because of your age. You've pinned every hope you have on this guy, and while you are putting on a good front, every so often, your words show that it is full of cracks. You've head to turn your heart and mind into a pretzel to make what he's done okay and to rationalize his behavior. I suppose it's because you are in the heady days of a relatively new A, but if I was a betting person, I'd put a good chunk of money down on this not working out. The reasons are simple. The first one is the circumstances. From what I understand, he met you at a party, you went out a few times, you thought it was going somewhere, he did not. In the meantime, he either got married or was married when you met him. Either way, that indicates he didn't care that much about you. You met him again, and he realized that you'd be willing to sleep with him and feed his ego, so he starts cheating on his wife. Wonderful story. You see it as all love and romance, two star crossed lovers who have this huge obstacle int he way ( his marriage to his big, bad wife who won;t let him out to play) when the reality is just plain sleazy. He is married man who, a few months after he got married, was already sleeping with you. He can;t even claim the feeble excuse of being married a long time/ I didn't know what she was like/ we drifted apart/ we've both grown and changed as people/all she cares about is the kids and not me, whatever. I fully expect that all this time, he's been telling her he loves her, wants to spend his life with her, etc. , all while he's been seeing you behind her back. What does that say about him? It says that he is either so out of touch with his feelings and jumps in to relationships with little to no thought, or he uses people as a balm for his sense of boredom, with an A being the balm for the boredom he may have been experiencing in his M. What does this mean for you? It means that barring some huge amount of personal work on himself, you will find yourself where she is. I know you don't believe me, but it happens a lot. He's showing you that he will cheat on someone who he says he loves, and his promises and words mean nothing. All it takes is a woman who piques his interest and will have sex with him, and he's off to the races. I highly doubt you are his first ow and I doubt you will be his last. He is showing you, right in your face, his pattern of behavior. Right now it might feel like " he's getting a divorce to be with me...Yippee! We can be together!", but ask yourself this.How long ago was it that his bs was saying " we are going to be married! " and " we just got married and love each other so much",and look at what he did to her. From the sounds of things, he and his wife had a fight and she went away for a little bit to cool down, and thinks that's what he did. He's got a slimy relative who is willing to give him a hiding spot for now. from your point of view, all is good, but ask yourself this. What have his actions shown you about how he treats someone he makes promises and vows to, someone who trusts him?In few years,will same slimy relative be giving him a hiding place for him and his new ow so they cna get away from you? btw, instead of tying your mind up in knots trying to rationalize his behavior, why don' you find out the truth by asking his wife? I'm sure you can find a way to do it. If you don't want her to know who you are, create a new email account and social media account (s) and let her know what's been going on. Ask her if he is really getting divorced, and if so, what she thinks the reasons are.Please don;t use the excuse of 'I don't want to hurt her" from doing this, as you've already hurt her. That ship has sailed. Underneath all the brave words, you sound like someone who is compassionate and who doesn't want to hurt anyone.You think that her being hurt is a fair price to pay for your happiness, but is it really? The cr@p that you through out has a way of coming back to you, either through guilt, sadness, or him treating you they same way he treated her. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jjackie Posted October 26, 2016 Author Share Posted October 26, 2016 I understand you all trying to help me, but I am not being hurt. I am aware of what can happen. I know he can eventually end up cheating on me because that's what he's doing with me right. Honestly, I don't believe he is a serial cheater and he knew that he can fell for me by starting an affair. When we've been out he has never showed any interest in other women, and sometimes I've seen girls staring at him and smiling, he never smiled back. He never actually put me in a position when I'd feel threatened. He was veeeery jelaous of me (but in a sweet way), I liked that because it's showed me he cares and he was genuinely afraid of losing me. I know, I know.... you've been there, too. What I can say is not men is the same. Even if you think he follows a "pattern", it doesn't mean all his words were a lie. You can call me crazy, but I do trust him, I really do. I've met cheaters in my life many, many times and I always knew when they lied. He was always honest with me and on the beginning of our affair he told me it's all about sex. I was ok with it. After some time he told me he is getting attached to me and I knew it's HONEST. I want to mention, that he NEVER, EVER told anything bad about his wife. He wasn't saying all that crap how unhappy he is and how bad she is. I asked him like a million times if he really wants it and that he can find someone else for fun (just to check him tbh ) and I won't be mad, then he tried even harder not to lose me. I mentioned earlier I met his cousin, one day he told me that MM is really into me, he even said MM was talking about me a lot when we first dated in 2013 and that's why he remembers me. So, what I'm saying here is he didn't expect this all coming but he has to make a decision now. I know you guys don't think he's being honest for some reason... When I created this thread I had a moment of doubt, but when he actually moved out, it made me sure he's being serious about me. And they didn't just had an argument because he never left his house. Plus I messaged her on Fb, from my real account. I didn't ask her if he asked for divorce, but I actually had some sort of guiltness... I said she can hate me and that's understandable. I said I didn't have any intention of hurting her, which is true. I just fell in love... We love the same guy. To my surprise, she doesn't hate me, what's more, she's glad it happened now than later... I mean, wow, I expected name calling, hate. I wonder if she was honest with me, but what would be her intention of lying to me, though. I believe she is just a good woman. What I did today was calling my mom and telling her what's happening. Again, I expected yelling, but she was so supportive. Of course, she wasn't happy about it but she's been cheated on and she said that pain will disappear. Her and her ex-husband's family are in a very good relation, though. I think this is very mature thing to do. MM filled for divorce today. He also told his mum about what's happening. She always support his decisions because he always knew what he wanted. That's him, he's always been confident about what he wanted and (I know you think otherwise)he is responsible for his actions. And that's why I love him, he taught me how to take care of my money and how not to make foolish decisions that's why I knew he is serious about me. I really hope that everything will end up positively. Link to post Share on other sites
Cyra Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 I hope it all works out for you Link to post Share on other sites
Author jjackie Posted October 26, 2016 Author Share Posted October 26, 2016 I hope it all works out for you Thank You I hope it all works out for every person involved with the situation! Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 He was veeeery jelaous of me (but in a sweet way), I liked that because it's showed me he cares and he was genuinely afraid of losing me. Whatever is going on here, never believe that a man who is jealous over other guys, is showing he cares for you. Men in general tend to hate the woman they are sleeping with interacting with or seeing other guys, he can be sleeping with the neighbourhood and not care a damn about her, but he still doesn't want other guys going anywhere near her. He needs to be the most important thing in her life, even though she may not be the most important thing in his life. "He is sooo jealous, he must care a lot for me", is a mistake so many women make. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
heartwhole Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 Let me see if I have your story straight . . . Over the course of the last 8 days, you went from knowing he would never leave his wife, to giving him an ultimatum, to him wrapping it all up with his wife and moving out into his conveniently available spare apartment, to him filing for divorce, and to you and the wife bonding over both loving the same man? I just don't find this believable. I find it much more likely that you felt frustrated by the criticism you've received and wanted to prove us all wrong than that all those pieces could have fallen into place so quickly. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
JewelD Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 Let me see if I have your story straight . . . Over the course of the last 8 days, you went from knowing he would never leave his wife, to giving him an ultimatum, to him wrapping it all up with his wife and moving out into his conveniently available spare apartment, to him filing for divorce, and to you and the wife bonding over both loving the same man? I just don't find this believable. I find it much more likely that you felt frustrated by the criticism you've received and wanted to prove us all wrong than that all those pieces could have fallen into place so quickly. Exactly. Even if by some miracle he decided to leave his wife, there's no way everyone in his life and your life would be so supportive. His mother was happy he divorced his wife to get with some chick he's never thought enough of to actually bring home?? Nah. Unless she genuinely doesn't give a crap about her son. And the wife was angry enough to move out of their house (for no reason since he's not living there anyway. He could have simply kicked her out and moved you in, but that makes too much sense) but still grateful it happened now rather than later and that you both TOTALLY love the same guy. I believe you think that's how she should feel in your mind, but it's not reality, it's never going to be reality. Such a nice fantasy though. But I suspect he made his choice, it's not you, and you're still going to continue the affair. And all of this hassle could have been avoid by not asking questions and playing your role. Since leaving him alone and finding a man who is single and wants you is apparently off the table. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jjackie Posted October 26, 2016 Author Share Posted October 26, 2016 heartwhole and JewelD I don't blame you! THIS PART happened quick but the rest will take months... Link to post Share on other sites
Author jjackie Posted October 26, 2016 Author Share Posted October 26, 2016 His mother was happy he divorced his wife Nah, nah, nah, nah..... Don't twist my words. I didn't say she was happy. I am not gonna tell you exactly how their conversation went but OVERALLY she at least tries to understand his situation. Get it?? Maybe you would kick your son's ass but not every person is the same. And the wife was angry enough to move out of their house (for no reason since he's not living there anyway. He could have simply kicked her out and moved you in, but that makes too much sense) but still grateful it happened now rather than later and that you both TOTALLY love the same guy. I believe you think that's how she should feel in your mind, but it's not reality, it's never going to be reality. Yup, that's why I said I was in quite shock that she said what she said. But seriously, why are you trying to put words in my mouth I didn't say. "We both TOTALLY love the same guy" - we just love the same guy I guess, totally? Never said that. Honey, YOUR reality isn't MY reality. Such a nice fantasy though. But I suspect he made his choice, it's not you, and you're still going to continue the affair. Tell me, why, in your opinion, he could not make a decision about getting a divorce?? Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 Let me see if I have your story straight . . . Over the course of the last 8 days, you went from knowing he would never leave his wife, to giving him an ultimatum, to him wrapping it all up with his wife and moving out into his conveniently available spare apartment, to him filing for divorce, and to you and the wife bonding over both loving the same man? I just don't find this believable. I find it much more likely that you felt frustrated by the criticism you've received and wanted to prove us all wrong than that all those pieces could have fallen into place so quickly. ^^^^^ From someone who was prepared to be the lifetime OW to giving an ultimatum and now he's left and divorcing .... it's kinda like Cinderella ending up with Prince Charming after the ball. After he reassured you there'd be days like that, why the ultimatum. You were on cloud 9 when he came over and told you he didn't want another OW to replace you. You said you weren't jealous of his wife, but all of a sudden you issue an ultimatum. Mr. Man with enough dosh for 10 apartments couldn't use his common sense or his resources to find you once you changed your number back then. Then the comment from your mum about getting over the pain!! At this rate his divorce will be through and you'll be married to him in no time. When you get an offer that seems too good to be true ..... it usually is in my experience. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts