Is MM playing a game with me?

[BTDT2012]

I told him if I won't be able to carry on, I'm just gonna leave. And I will. That's why I said, let's wait and see. I just can't give up on him so easy. It's not like he treats me bad, he desrespects me or abuse me, he treats me well, he never yelled at me or anything like this, he always make sure I'm fine. I know for sure that he's honest.

However, I will think about all I've read here, overall I am happy. Well, he is an important part of my life because he is the person who always listen to me and give me advice. He always tries to explain everything and that's what I appreciate.

You asked how am I feeling... actually I'm feeling happy, I know this guy is a sweet addition to my life, not everything... I need to chill.

 

This man is lying to his wife. You deserve better than this. Respect yourself.

[jjackie]

I just wanted to pick this out from your opening post.

 

We have been dating for few weeks and since then I have never heard from him again.

 

Does this mean that he just stopped contacting you or did the dating/relationship end?

 

[/b]

 

 

Uhm, our relationship ended, we both weren't ready for it I guess.

I was travelling a lot, too, lived in the US for a year, I wasn't in touch with none of my friend. Then came back to the country and went to Spain. He told me he tried to contact me on my old number, but I obviously wasn't able to respond.

 

I also think, what could've happened if we never broke up... But we can't change the past.

[RecentChange]

It's sad that you don't feel that you deserve more.

 

It's sad that he is a liar, and a sack of S**** cheating on his wife.

 

Well you know what they say. You make your bed and you lie in it.

 

You have CHOOSEN to make yourself a second class citizen, and you have chosen to be blind, to be manipulated and to be happy with the scraps and tidbits.

 

You are like the dog begging at the table, while he sits and waits dinner with his wife. You'll be told you're a good girl if you don't beg too much, you'll get some treats. But stay in your place - under the table where the dog belongs. The fine dinner is for the married couple, but he will be happy to give you some scraps as long as you wag your tail.

[sandylee1]

It's not like he treats me bad, he desrespects me or abuse me, he treats me well, he never yelled at me or anything like this,

 

 

I should think not when he's got sex on tap.

 

It might be an idea to get yourself a hobby that you can fill your days with while he's busy with work and his wife.

 

Another thing is not to loose contact with friends/family or bail out on them last minute because of him. You'll need them during the holidays and for your special celebrations when he's with his wife.

 

So many OW just sit around waiting for MM and ignore their friends, so you find yourself all alone and depressed when it ends. Don't always be available and show that you actually have a life without him. Otherwise he'll just see you as weak and meek.

 

This MM knows you're stuck on him like superglue.

 

For your health and wellbeing and to keep him coming back, bear the following in mind:

 

• You need to be very resilient.

• Be patient and tolerant

• Don't make demands of him

• Moaning about the situation will stop him seeing you as

fun. So be keen and eager to keep him happy

• Accept when you see him and accept when you don't

• Agree to sex when he wants it. Too much refusal and

he'll be gone.

• Know that you aren't his priority

• Expect little and you won't be disappointed

Edited October 19, 2016 by sandylee1
Complete

[sandylee1]

 

You have CHOOSEN to make yourself a second class citizen,

 

You are like the dog begging at the table, while he sits and waits dinner with his wife. You'll be told you're a good girl if you don't beg too much, you'll get some treats. But stay in your place - under the table where the dog belongs. The fine dinner is for the married couple, but he will be happy to give you some scraps as long as you wag your tail.

 

 

 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ This is so right. Couldn't have said it better myself.

[Southern Sun]

So he just called me, we had a conversation... I know he cares for me, I was very upset so he will come to just give me a hug a confort me. I'm feeling better... He actually explained it to me that there's gonna be days like these. And I need to prepare for it. It doesn't happen too often, though. Another thing, he doesn't disappear after we have sex or get intimate. We actually had more sex on the beginning than now. I asked him if he's ready for my moody days and my moanings about such things...I mentioned that he can go and find someone else who won't give him problems. He refused We'll see how it goes... I am a drama queen, I'm shocked he didn't run away. I'm just gonna wait and see because I so care about this man... I'm sorry guys

 

This conversation was designed to reduce your expectations of the relationship. And so that you would be HAPPY with what he DOES offer you. Which is far less than what you would tolerate in a regular, out in the open R. And it WORKED.

 

Eventually you will be so disheartened and desperate that you won't recognize yourself.

[JewelD]

I don't even feel sorry for you. You know what you're doing is wrong but you're so dead set on having any type of contact with a man that you're going to do pretty much anything he asks you to do.

 

You don't respect yourself and he does not respect you. One day, after this guy kicks you to the curb because he will get tired of you very quickly, you'll meet a nice guy and fall in love with him. Maybe even get married. And then he will cheat on you and dog you out for years. And you will have earned that treatment.

[Cyra]

Jjackie, you are in the phase of denial and infatuation. You spent X amount of time waiting for a text/call from him and you felt awful enough to google this forum and post on here, but now you feel elated because His Highness decided to descend from heavens and grace you with a phone call, so everything is ok now and you clearly worried for nothing. Forgetting he did not even say Hi how are you for X length of time. You see him as such a good and considerate guy who is understanding to your feelings. You think he is right (after all he gave you a 'reasonable' explanation for his lack of communication) and you are wrong (you even feel bad for complaining about his behavior and acting like such a needy b*tch to him).

 

These men, they have an intrinsic ability to twist things around, make themselves look like there is nothing wrong with the way they are acting and make you feel wrong, feel like you are overreacting, make you doubt yourself and feel stupid for expressing your dissatisfaction. So you try and suppress those feelings and act like everything is ok next time he is distant or silent, but inside you are in turmoil. Those are your instincts telling you something is seriously wrong here, this guy does not love me or he would not act this way, but you shut them off because you want to believe and so you convince yourself. And you can do that for some time but eventually that disconnect will become too much and you will complain to him more and more, each time placated when he gives you some 'rational' explanation and tells you he loves you and comes to see you and gives you a hug or spends a night with you. You think that is a proof that he cares about you but it is not. The proof that someone cares about you is that they are there for you consistently, they dont go radio silence on you, they dont bail out on you when you are in pain and they PUT YOU FIRST.

 

I know you dont see it this way now. You think what you have is different, special, and none of us know how he really is and how good he makes you feel. I get it, been there done it, my relationship was 'so special' too, until it wasnt.

 

PLEASE do yourself a massive favor and the next time he pulls away and goes silent, come back here and re-read this thread. Take in how you feel at that moment because that feeling is going to slowly replace all the feelings of happiness you feel when you are with him, until there is nothing left, only pain and self-loathing.

 

My greatest regret about the whole thing is that I did not come here sooner and talked to people on here. I would have left much quicker and saved myself a lot of pointless pain.

Edited October 19, 2016 by Cyra

[heartwhole]

I mentioned that he can go and find someone else who won't give him problems. He refused

 

I'm confused that you are excited that a man who is married to someone else, living with someone else, and sleeping with someone else is telling you that he won't go find someone else. He already has someone else, no?

[ChickiePops]

There are some pretty big holidays coming up. What happens then?

 

The most likely scenario is that he will be cuddled up to his wife, happily opening his presents, kissing her, drinking hot cocoa by a warm fire...

 

While you are desperately, miserably waiting for a Merry Xmas text message from him. One little text message.

 

But some people just need to learn by getting smacked around. I suppose you must be one of those people. Prepare yourself...this will not be fun.

[Jemima1234]

Oh Jackie- I read your post and just feel sad. Don't settle for this please. At the very least ask him my questions -

Does he love you

Will he ever leave

Does he love his wife

Does he have sex with her

 

And then take his answers with a pinch of salt!!!! But he may be honest!!

[BuddyX]

To the LS forum. Why are we wasting time on someone who's goal is to be an OW? There are some people who can't be saved. 5 page thread is enough. Let's move on.

[S2B]

YES - he's been playing a game with you!

 

It's called the game of "I will use you as long as you allow me to"!

 

I hope you just end the game altogether. It causes harm to many. You are a participant in harming others. Just don't do it.

 

Focus on dating available men!

[anika99]

So he just called me, we had a conversation... I know he cares for me, I was very upset so he will come to just give me a hug a confort me. I'm feeling better... He actually explained it to me that there's gonna be days like these. And I need to prepare for it. It doesn't happen too often, though. Another thing, he doesn't disappear after we have sex or get intimate. We actually had more sex on the beginning than now. I asked him if he's ready for my moody days and my moanings about such things...I mentioned that he can go and find someone else who won't give him problems. He refused We'll see how it goes... I am a drama queen, I'm shocked he didn't run away. I'm just gonna wait and see because I so care about this man... I'm sorry guys

 

Oh he explained to you that there will be days like this. Well DUH! What a brainiac. You already knew that, that's why you are writing on Loveshack. Also you already told us in your first post that sometimes he comes over for a quickie and then disappears for a couple of days.

 

Man this dude has it made with you. You feel better since you spoke with him why exactly? He basically just said "there there, it's okay. Be a good girl now" and you rolled over for him. There was nothing in that conversation you had with him to dispute anything we have been telling you here. You think he's so honest but actually you know with 100% certainty that he is not an honest person. At the very least he is cheating on his new wife and lying to her as well so we know he is not honest, yet you call him honest. You have lost touch with reality.

 

You went to him with valid concerns and he basically said "suck it up buttercup and I will let you keep being my secret on the side" and you went "oh I'm so lucky he's not going to find someone else!" lol..what? He already has someone else. Not wanting to share a man with another woman is not being a drama queen, it's being a person with esteem and self worth.

 

Clearly you are not ready for the truth and want to stay in your fantasy. It's gonna hurt bad when that bubble burst but Loveshack will be here to help you when it happens. Good luck.

[buglet78]

Unfortunately, the forbidden fruit doesn't always taste sweeter. I would cut and run.

[jjackie]

So, I woke up today with a feeling of huge emptiness, I have thought about everything I've read here and... I've realized I live in the fantasy... I was looking at the situation through rose-colored glasses, I idealized him... I was just so naive, I don't know what to think anymore. I packed all his stuff and I'm looking for the strength to say goodbye.

[BluesPower]

Well Jackie, good for you girl.

 

You are making the right decision. And it may not feel that way now, but I promise that after some time you will realize how good of a thing you have done for yourself.

 

Kudos...

[jjackie]

Well Jackie, good for you girl.

 

You are making the right decision. And it may not feel that way now, but I promise that after some time you will realize how good of a thing you have done for yourself.

 

Kudos...

 

Hopefully....

And thank you.

[happygal1]

You are too young for that. Let him be with his wife and leave him alone. We all make mistakes but I am a lot older than you and believe me,

you are only hurting yourself. Nothing will come of it... EVER. He will have his wife and family and you will be alone.

[jjackie]

Things just got a little complicated. I found that courage today to tell him it's over. I basically send him a message that there's a little surprise waiting for him in my apartment (the box with his belongings) and that I want him to take it. I left because I didn't want to meet him, I seriously wanted to do it as quick as possible. I went to my sister and came back home after 4 hours, he tried to call me but I didn't answer. Well, when I came home I've seen he didn't take the box so I was confused and just wanted to call him when he showed up at my door... He was waiting in the car for me, I let him in and we had a talk. He said he loves me like crazy, doesn't want to lose me and he'll do anything to be with me. It all was a little dramatic, I gave him the ultimatum...me or her. And no sex while making decision. And I said I'm not gonna wait forever. I can see he cares, I was told he was considering a divorce but when he found out how long it takes and how much it cost... It's hard to believe he will choose me, but only time will tell I guess. Maybe he loves us two... I know she's completely different than me, but he married her for a reason... When he was leaving he said he already made a choice and he'll prove it. Why the he'll he married her!!! I'm confused. But obviously, I love him, love him like crazy too, I just can't see myself with anyone else... I don't want anyone else. I feel like we're made for each other, is it even possible... I can't let him go. If you guys knew how much I love him, Jesus... I'm helpless. His wife will kill me, I'm sure. I'm a bad person

[JewelD]

Things just got a little complicated. I found that courage today to tell him it's over. I basically send him a message that there's a little surprise waiting for him in my apartment (the box with his belongings) and that I want him to take it. I left because I didn't want to meet him, I seriously wanted to do it as quick as possible. I went to my sister and came back home after 4 hours, he tried to call me but I didn't answer. Well, when I came home I've seen he didn't take the box so I was confused and just wanted to call him when he showed up at my door... He was waiting in the car for me, I let him in and we had a talk. He said he loves me like crazy, doesn't want to lose me and he'll do anything to be with me. It all was a little dramatic, I gave him the ultimatum...me or her. And no sex while making decision. And I said I'm not gonna wait forever. I can see he cares, I was told he was considering a divorce but when he found out how long it takes and how much it cost... It's hard to believe he will choose me, but only time will tell I guess. Maybe he loves us two... I know she's completely different than me, but he married her for a reason... When he was leaving he said he already made a choice and he'll prove it. Why the he'll he married her!!! I'm confused. But obviously, I love him, love him like crazy too, I just can't see myself with anyone else... I don't want anyone else. I feel like we're made for each other, is it even possible... I can't let him go. If you guys knew how much I love him, Jesus... I'm helpless. His wife will kill me, I'm sure. I'm a bad person

 

If you think you're a bad person, why don't you do something about it? Like stop seeing this man? Admitting your wrongdoing to yourself and us on LS doesn't absolve you of any guilt.

 

OAN, that's a terrible way to try to end a relationship. You don't drop his stuff off at his house or mail it to him, but you leave it in your house, tell him to come inside and get it while you wait at somebody else's house. I mean, how the hell was that supposed to work without you constantly being in communication with him to find out when he's coming to get the stuff and when he's finally left?? Of COURSE you ended up meeting him anyway. Purely by chance right?

 

You're not helpless, you're choosing a man who has not and will not choose you. If you want to torture yourself, go ahead, but don't fool yourself into believing this is anything more than what it is. He does not love you.

 

and stop with this pointless ultimatum. You already said you can't let him go so clearly it's not going to matter whether he stays with her or not. Stop annoying him and creating extra drama. If you want to walk down the path that leads to nowhere, just do it. Don't try to add any stipulations to it because you have ZERO leverage in this situation.

[S2B]

Tell him you will only speak with him or see him when his divorce is FINAL!

 

Anything less and you're just allowing him to continue using you - as usual.

 

MM lie... a LOT! What you witnessed today was just a man standing there lying... in order to keep stringing you along.

 

Do yourself a HUGE favor and start dating single men - lots of them! That way you may find one that makes ONLY you his TOP priority.

 

You deserve way better than the load of crap your MM is serving up. Stop participating with him - he will either get divorced or not whether you're hanging around or not. Best odds are he won't divorce - he's just wasting your time.

 

After this long - you can only blame yourself if you don't walk away knowing he's not gonna divorce her.

[aileD]

What the timeframe of the ultimatum?

 

You need to be NC until he calls you and tells you he has his own apartment.

 

If you don't....he WILL DRAG IT OUT and give you excuse after excuse and they'll sound really good but they will still be excuses

 

NO CONTACT. It's the only way you will know.

 

I'm BS so honestly... I'm rooting for his wife. But...I will say if you do this and he actually follows through then I hope you live happily after after.

 

I don't think he's going to follow thru . He definitely won't if you have contact with him. He maybe will if you remove yourself from his life and give him time to get his affairs (lol) in order at home

[anika99]

So he's made a choice and he's going to prove it. When is he going to prove it? Next week? Next month? When his first born passes the bar exam? What is the timeline? If there isn't one then you have just set yourself up to be endlessly strung along. As I understand from reading your thread he has only been married a couple of years and no children so a divorce isn't going to cost him much at all. Don't fall for that crap. No child support and very little alimony if any. Don't let him stall and buy time. Insist that he tell you what he's going to do and when he's going to do it.

[Poppy47]

Wow, I am so shocked, I don't even know what to say... Is this really so bad?

 

It will become worse than you ever imagined in any nightmare.

 

Just walk away while you can. Whatever are you thinking?

 

Poppy