ChickiePops Posted October 23, 2016 Posted October 23, 2016 I wasted most of my 20's on a loser too. He wasn't married but he showed me time and time again that he was never going to be a good partner. I was in denial as deep as yours. You want to know what you are to him? You're the person who said yes. If it wasn't you, it would be someone else. 2
aileD Posted October 23, 2016 Posted October 23, 2016 I believe deep inside that we are made for each other and his wife will understand Yeah. NO. His wife will not understand, are you serious? She loved this man enough to vow "til death do us part". This is delusional thinking. Wanna hear something funny? My H told his OW in an email which I later read "once she sees that things will not work out with us, and sees how happy I am with you..I think she'll definitely be happy for me and send me off with a smile" **** that. He found out really quickly that is complete bull****. And guess what? A year of limbo later and he's dumped her for good and we are improving. It's been two months. TWO. And he does not feel the same way he felt about the OW for a whole year and a half prior. And he was head over heels for her, souls mates, and all that other bull**** that comes along with fantasy affairs. You don't want to be in limbo. If you do anything for yourself, refuse to be in limbo. And don't delude yourself the this wife will understand. She will not. Not ever. 3
ShatteredLady Posted October 23, 2016 Posted October 23, 2016 Why not tell his wife if "she will understand" true luv? They haven't been together for very long. There's a chance she will dump him for being such a slime. Then you could win your man!!! Spend a few years going insane wondering where he is & what he's doing all the time...maybe even grow some empathy!!!! Why not? 4
Author jjackie Posted October 23, 2016 Author Posted October 23, 2016 Why not tell his wife if "she will understand" true luv? They haven't been together for very long. There's a chance she will dump him for being such a slime. Then you could win your man!!! Spend a few years going insane wondering where he is & what he's doing all the time...maybe even grow some empathy!!!! Why not? No, I am not the jelaous type.
pianomanwoman Posted October 23, 2016 Posted October 23, 2016 I know you said you loved him, and maybe he loves you. Its best to wait until he breaks it off with his wife, because you are going to be sad for a long time waiting for him. Find a new boyfriend, one who is not married. Go out and have a good time with your friends. You can love him, but not sexually and not with a baby from him. If it works out in your favor, great, but if not, oh well. But if you continue with a married man, you are going to find out that he is the one who is sick, and needs a girlfriend on the side to help his insecurity. He is going to pull you down. Everything he says is a lie to you and a lie to his wife, you may even feel that you are the only mistress, but guess what? He already let down someone he made a vow with, so why not you..this is my advice. If you don't take my advice, please do this. Be his mistress, but don't put any demands on him. Have fun..but hire a private detective to follow him. When you find out he is dishonest through and through, you will have the proof you need to move on. Thats his game. I'm calling him out and every "single" man who lied to me about being single. PMW:bunny:
pianomanwoman Posted October 23, 2016 Posted October 23, 2016 SOOOO many women fall for this all the time, just about everyone on here thought at one point that they were "different" and "special", and that he was bound to leave his wife as he told her he would, that is until he doesn't or he leaves only to go back home not long afterwards. Sad but true. So some of the time the MM says "Ill leave my wife" or "I'm in the process of leaving my wife" this is just to string you along. If he says that say "OK leave her right now" and you will call his bluff. He will say no, he needs time etc. If you ask him to be faithful to you, or leave his wife, he will not know what to say. I suggest you use that as a method to say good bye..for now. See how he turned out in 10 years you are still young and pretty, you can be with a man who is deserving of you.
JewelD Posted October 23, 2016 Posted October 23, 2016 No, I am not the jelaous type. Yes, you are, otherwise you wouldn't get upset when he comes to you to get his rocks off and then ignores you for a couple of days. Even if you were to get this man, which you most likely won't, you would be in the position his wife is in right now. He would have a new side chick and you would still be sharing him. But just like his wife will understand your true love for her husband, you will learn to understand his true love for the woman he cheats on you with, and the one after that, and the next one and the next one and the next one... 2
Author jjackie Posted October 24, 2016 Author Posted October 24, 2016 Quick update, he's decided to get a divorce. He moved out.
HeCantBreakMe Posted October 24, 2016 Posted October 24, 2016 Quick update, he's decided to get a divorce. He moved out. Okay, hold your excitement. Don't believe a word he says until you see the divorce papers and you can go see him in his apt. Keep doing you until he gets his S** straight and comes and finds you. 5
Grapesofwrath Posted October 24, 2016 Posted October 24, 2016 JJ: I can't find the thread anymore (perhaps the thread starter can locate it?) but there was a genius thread on here about how & why MM can behave differently than single, available men. A MM can make all the romantic declarations in the world, because he will not be expected to follow through on them. He can show unbridled passion, because he will not be expected to follow through on it. If a single, available man said & did the things that MM did, you would expect him to build a future with you. That's why single men take their time before going to those places...they say them because they mean them and plan to act on them. A MM has no intention of acting on these proclamations of love. They are just words, designed to increase the passion. Because what they seek with you is just passion. Not anything more. Passion is their drug. You are the dealer. 5
aileD Posted October 24, 2016 Posted October 24, 2016 Quick update, he's decided to get a divorce. He moved out. Ok. Don't go crazy yet. This is the time you still need to be strong. It's a good sign for you. But if you do the wrong thing you could get hurt more. Stay no contact with him. There's no way he got an apartment that quick. If he just moved in a with a family member or god forbid YOU...he can still change his mind He could still change his mind. He needs to be alone awhile. Divorce papers can take awhile but legal separation papers can be done pretty quick. He needs to show you physically those signed sealed and delivered This could work but there are many threads on here --one recently-- where MM left his wife and went back a few days later. My H left me for two months and lived with his OW but he came back...you need to give him time alone. You want to make sure he left because he doesn't want the marriage and not because of you. Stay strong.
Author jjackie Posted October 25, 2016 Author Posted October 25, 2016 Ok. Don't go crazy yet. This is the time you still need to be strong. It's a good sign for you. But if you do the wrong thing you could get hurt more. Stay no contact with him. There's no way he got an apartment that quick. If he just moved in a with a family member or god forbid YOU...he can still change his mind He could still change his mind. He needs to be alone awhile. Divorce papers can take awhile but legal separation papers can be done pretty quick. He needs to show you physically those signed sealed and delivered This could work but there are many threads on here --one recently-- where MM left his wife and went back a few days later. My H left me for two months and lived with his OW but he came back...you need to give him time alone. You want to make sure he left because he doesn't want the marriage and not because of you. Stay strong. He's got a spare apartment, so he just moved there. I know he needs time, so do I. We both miss each other but I believe this is what's best for us. We met for a coffee earlier, had a little talk, we discused the situation and he understand my reasoning, however we will stay in touch during the process (not that intense how it was, though). But I can't imagine us not communicating AT ALL. We'll see how it goes. I'm being positive, I'm focused on my career right now, but at the same time I'm 100% sure I wanna be with him and with nobody else. He's pretty determined to get this done.
anika99 Posted October 25, 2016 Posted October 25, 2016 He's got a spare apartment? That he normally just leaves empty and uninhabited? Or does he manage the apartment building he and his wife live in and he's told you he's moved into a vacant apartment in the same building? This is beginning to sound very fishy. How is his wife taking his sudden departure? 5
Author jjackie Posted October 25, 2016 Author Posted October 25, 2016 That another appartment is based pretty far from the center and their work. He lets his cousin to live there, I was in that place and his cousin is the one person from his side who knows about an A. His wife was in shock that he left, she had some suspicions but wasn't sure. From what I know she lives at her sister's place right now and is posses of what is understandable.
aileD Posted October 25, 2016 Posted October 25, 2016 That another appartment is based pretty far from the center and their work. He lets his cousin to live there, I was in that place and his cousin is the one person from his side who knows about an A. His wife was in shock that he left, she had some suspicions but wasn't sure. From what I know she lives at her sister's place right now and is posses of what is understandable. What? I can't decipher this. I'm sorry. So he already kind of had a little love shack/bachelor pad tucked far away from his home base that you have already been to? Okayyyyy. Sounds weird, but I guess if I had to move out and already had an open apartment I'd go there instead of renting another one. The other weird thing is that his wife is not in their home? Why? When my husband moved out of our house, I didn't feel the need to take my kids and go to my sisters house and live there when I had a nice empty home to stay in (and pay for). My first thought is that it's a set up so that when he goes back to his home he can tell you that she's not there anyway, when she is. I know you're happy. But just take everything with a grain of salt ok? He's still a man who lied enough to his wife to enable him to have an affair. And the lies required to do that kind of deception are huge lies. He's capable of that and he could be capable of making some pretty big lies in your direction to keep his cake and eat it too. Don't get complacent and stop demanding real proof like divorce petitions. Also keep in mind.....once you become his Main relationship, you leave a vacancy in the affair partner role which he may well fill with someone else once you two are out of fantasyland. Stay strong 1
Author jjackie Posted October 25, 2016 Author Posted October 25, 2016 Does he work with his wife? No, he doesn't. Why is she at her sisters and not in their home? Because every time they have an argument, or when she's pissed or upset she goes to her sister.
imsosad Posted October 25, 2016 Posted October 25, 2016 Did he tell his wife about you? What is his next step? I speak from experience when I say, take it very,very slow. It is so tempting to jump right ahead and go crazy over one another. Take you time. My AP and I left out marriages months ago, we are not living together,trying to sort everything out before taking the plunge. We have a bunch of kids between us,so we have to go slow. Are there children involved? Let him sort himself out, you both need space and time.
Author jjackie Posted October 25, 2016 Author Posted October 25, 2016 He told her about me and divorce. He said he doesn't love her anymore. That's why she's upset... And that's why she went to her sister's place. He contacted me today just to ask how I am and how my day is going. I asked him to make sure if he knows what he's doing and he told me he never been more determined. 1
ChickiePops Posted October 25, 2016 Posted October 25, 2016 This whole thing seems really suspect. I mean...you give him an ultimatum..and a day after that he's not only moved out but he's also asked for a divorce..he is lucky enough to have a spare apartment that he can use (where his cousin lives but is apparently not currently living for some unnamed reason). This is all awfully convenient. I'm not buying it..something is very fishy here. 1
gettingstronger Posted October 25, 2016 Posted October 25, 2016 (edited) If I remember your story correctly- Your meth dealer has an extra apartment and his wife moved in with her sister- who is at their primary residence and where are the kids? There is so many red flags for you-but the most important thing is you mentioned wanting to get clean- how will you do with while dating your meth dealer while he is going through a divorce? Please reconsider- Edited October 25, 2016 by gettingstronger 1
ChickiePops Posted October 25, 2016 Posted October 25, 2016 If I remember your story correctly- Your meth dealer has an extra apartment and his wife moved in with her sister- who is at their primary residence and where are the kids? There is so many red flags for you-but the most important thing is you mentioned wanting to get clean- how will you do with while dating your meth dealer while he is going through a divorce? Please reconsider- Wait whaaaaaaaa??? What's this about meth???
ladydesigner Posted October 25, 2016 Posted October 25, 2016 If I remember your story correctly- Your meth dealer has an extra apartment and his wife moved in with her sister- who is at their primary residence and where are the kids? There is so many red flags for you-but the most important thing is you mentioned wanting to get clean- how will you do with while dating your meth dealer while he is going through a divorce? Please reconsider- Oh no this is not good. It sounds like a very co-dependent relationship if this is the case.
Author jjackie Posted October 25, 2016 Author Posted October 25, 2016 If I remember your story correctly- Your meth dealer has an extra apartment and his wife moved in with her sister- who is at their primary residence and where are the kids? There is so many red flags for you-but the most important thing is you mentioned wanting to get clean- how will you do with while dating your meth dealer while he is going through a divorce? Please reconsider- Am I missing something?
aileD Posted October 25, 2016 Posted October 25, 2016 This is the meth post? Yeah. Take it really really really slow. Like so slow you stop and get clean first
elaine567 Posted October 25, 2016 Posted October 25, 2016 Wait whaaaaaaaa??? What's this about meth??? I think it is an analogy. Affairs are like taking drugs, great fun until you realise the damage they do, they destroy everything good and leave chaos in their wake. The MM is the drug dealer, so how can you ever get over your addiction if you move in with your drug dealer? 3
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