Online dating is so depressing

[LookAtThisPOst]

You're right. You can't tell from an On-line profile whether you'll truly be attracted to someone. Meeting in person is the only way to figure this out.

 

But even then, woah buddy, slow your horses! You were, at that point in the thread, corresponding with this woman for less than 24 hours. Why worry about a relationship so soon?

 

Believe it or not, I've seen a few women admit to putting the cart before the horse and discounting someone via their online dating profile before a quick meet n' greet.

 

It's like they are thinking, "If he isn't Mr. Right before I even meet him, NEXT!"

 

But that's online dating for you. Some even have physical appearance dealbreakers and it sometimes not just obesity either.

[Kamille]

Believe it or not, I've seen a few women admit to putting the cart before the horse and discounting someone via their online dating profile before a quick meet n' greet.

 

It's like they are thinking, "If he isn't Mr. Right before I even meet him, NEXT!"

 

But that's online dating for you. Some even have physical appearance dealbreakers and it sometimes not just obesity either.

 

I believe it. Men and women do it. NJ123 did it in this very thread. It's a mistake. It makes online dating harder.

[GemmaUK]

Believe it or not, I've seen a few women admit to putting the cart before the horse and discounting someone via their online dating profile before a quick meet n' greet.

 

It's like they are thinking, "If he isn't Mr. Right before I even meet him, NEXT!"

 

But that's online dating for you. Some even have physical appearance dealbreakers and it sometimes not just obesity either.

 

Big BIG difference IMO between not having interest in a dating profile and thinking about perhaps meeting them to swapping a few mails and thinking in terms of a relationship - they are worlds apart!!

 

It's totally fair enough to not be interested in a dating profile but if I were chatting with some guy and he was already thinking relationship based on just a few mails that's nuts - totally cart before horse!

[Els]

Don't you think it's a wee bit premature to be worrying about 'gold-diggers' when you haven't even decided what you're going to major in yet??? Even assuming a good amount of effort, a fair wind and a decent timeline for you - graduate in a couple years, immediately get a job paying a reasonable fresh grad salary, get a promotion in a few years... I think it'll be at least a decade before you will be making anywhere NEAR enough to worry about gold-digging. Seriously, that's the least of your worries.

 

"I don't want to improve my career situation because I'm scared of gold diggers" when you're a broke college student is absolute hogwash. The vast majority of women looking for LTRs want a man who can at least support himself without needing his parents to do so, especially if said man is 30 years old. That's not gold-digging, that's just plain common sense.

Edited September 17, 2016 by Elswyth

[normal person]

 

If I'm going to make a lot of money,

You don't even have a bachelors degree yet. Your days of making a lot of money, if they ever come (and assuming what I can from your lack of understanding and judgment on this whole array of issues and extrapolating it to others, I'd bet they don't) are years and years away. It's ridiculous to let that hinder you. It's like saying you can't buy a car because you might get in an accident.

 

I'm not going to let some woman be a part of that while that's a big part of the reason they're with me when I had to work my ass off to get there.

 

You're "not going to" only because you won't have a good paying job or any money with a bachelors degree. Women are not going to be digging for gold unless you make exponentially more than they do, and if you start your career in your 30s, you definitely will not. If anything you'll have a hard time catching up to them. The overwhelming majority don't want to just date a wallet -- they want an ambitious, independent, financially secure, grown adult man who doesn't have to live with his parents or rely on others for help. Someone who can do things himself with relative ease. You're conflating that with "Gold digging" because you can't seem to tell the difference.

 

I'd have more respect for myself than to let someone waltz into my life just because they view me as a good option because I make good money.

 

But you don't and you probably won't for a long time, if ever. Can you get past this now?

 

If I had to rate myself on looks I'd give myself a 7 & been told I'm cute/handsome multiple times by women.

 

A telltale sign of a guy who might be overestimating his looks is when he has absolutely no luck with women but says "I've been told I'm handsome multiple times." That's because there is no benefit to a girl telling a guy he's not handsome. Handsome or cute can also mean "you're not unattractive, but that doesn't sound so nice so I'll just go with this so I don't sound mean." I tell people they're cute all the time, even if I don't mean it, because there's no benefit to hurting someone's feelings for no reason. And like you, the noticeably "not cute" ones who get called cute often then wear that compliment like a feather in their cap like it's never happened before. Easy to spot to the insecurity there.

 

If you're attractive, you've been told by the opposite sex since you were a kid, and they actively want to bang you rather than just make a few passing comments. Otherwise, you're probably not as great as you think you are -- people in general, not you specifically.

 

I get a decent amount of matches on Tinder,

So why don't you go out with them?

 

but that app is based on just looks & hookups way more than relationships.

If that's what you think, why do you use the ap?

 

So you're so concerned women will dismiss you for your height or your job, what exactly are you expecting them to like about you? What do you bring to the table? What are they overlooking?

Edited September 17, 2016 by normal person

[NewLeaf512]

Also perhaps the gold digging is far fetched as exemplified by the fact that you haven't even made the expenditure to actually join the dating site so that you can contact women. You are just waiting for someone to contact you who is a paying member. This could be perceived as you being the gold digger. This is all too ridiculous, so OP I wish you well but I have no advice.

[NJ123]

I'm not 100% up to date on the thread, but a few comments from the first few pages. I realize the woman you were chatting with has moved on. Still:

 

 

 

 

You're right. You can't tell from an On-line profile whether you'll truly be attracted to someone. Meeting in person is the only way to figure this out.

 

But even then, woah buddy, slow your horses! You were, at that point in the thread, corresponding with this woman for less than 24 hours. Why worry about a relationship so soon? You were getting way ahead of yourself. Your job, in the first few weeks of dating, is getting to know someone, staying open to what they have to offer and having fun with it. IN PERSON. You never know. Someone might surprise you once you meet. Which brings me to my next comment:

 

 

 

 

Did you ask her out at any point? My guess is she realized you weren't interested enough to ask her out so she moved on to other pastures.

 

I usually stop chatting with guys if they don't take a hint and ask me out. I'm not looking for pen pals. There's only so much attraction you can build through text. The magic (or lack thereof) happens in person. So... Did you ask her out? If not, all your bellyaching about being destined to be forever alone is pure conjecture.

 

No, she moved on after she asked what my plan was for my future. And I mentioned wanting to go back to school to get a career job. Than it seemed she totally got turned off. I remember she went to look at my profile again than I never heard from her again & she hid her profile from being seen in my matches too.

[NJ123]

You don't even have a bachelors degree yet. Your days of making a lot of money, if they ever come (and assuming what I can from your lack of understanding and judgment on this whole array of issues and extrapolating it to others, I'd bet they don't) are years and years away. It's ridiculous to let that hinder you. It's like saying you can't buy a car because you might get in an accident.

 

 

 

You're "not going to" only because you won't have a good paying job or any money with a bachelors degree. Women are not going to be digging for gold unless you make exponentially more than they do, and if you start your career in your 30s, you definitely will not. If anything you'll have a hard time catching up to them. The overwhelming majority don't want to just date a wallet -- they want an ambitious, independent, financially secure, grown adult man who doesn't have to live with his parents or rely on others for help. Someone who can do things himself with relative ease. You're conflating that with "Gold digging" because you can't seem to tell the difference.

 

 

 

But you don't and you probably won't for a long time, if ever. Can you get past this now?

 

 

 

A telltale sign of a guy who might be overestimating his looks is when he has absolutely no luck with women but says "I've been told I'm handsome multiple times." That's because there is no benefit to a girl telling a guy he's not handsome. Handsome or cute can also mean "you're not unattractive, but that doesn't sound so nice so I'll just go with this so I don't sound mean." I tell people they're cute all the time, even if I don't mean it, because there's no benefit to hurting someone's feelings for no reason. And like you, the noticeably "not cute" ones who get called cute often then wear that compliment like a feather in their cap like it's never happened before. Easy to spot to the insecurity there.

 

If you're attractive, you've been told by the opposite sex since you were a kid, and they actively want to bang you rather than just make a few passing comments. Otherwise, you're probably not as great as you think you are -- people in general, not you specifically.

 

 

So why don't you go out with them?

 

 

If that's what you think, why do you use the ap?

 

So you're so concerned women will dismiss you for your height or your job, what exactly are you expecting them to like about you? What do you bring to the table? What are they overlooking?

 

Well I guess I have to prove you wrong. But as I said I'd never do things to win over a woman but I'd do it for myself.

 

And I think I said some of the things I said out of frustration yesterday after seeing how the vast majority of women on match want a guy that's tall or making good money. So how can that not annoy me or make me feel like a lot of women wouldn't like me? But I'd still want a woman to be with me specifically because she genuinely likes me & not due to any other reason is all I ask.

 

And no, I'm not overestimating my looks. Unless you want to discount my height from me being considered above average than I have above average facial aesthetics at the least. I know for sure it's not my looks holding me back but other things like my job, height & my health issues that everyone always seems to think is nowhere as bad as it is. Also being introverted doesn't help.

[ZA Dater]

You just gave us a good demonstration of "How to not get girls". You don't understand why can't you get dates, but the answer is in your own attitude.

 

You say you don't want a girl that you are not attracted to. Fair enough. But you judge attraction by photos? Is this a fetish of yours to be attracted to inanimate objects? A woman is not a photo. A woman's sex appeal is her complexities. Her smile, her heart, her body language, her emotional intelligence, her wisdom...

 

In order to know if a woman attracts you, you must meet her in person. And may I add, you may want to meet her more than once, because sometimes people are frozen and stressed in the first 1-2 dates.

 

I'm an expert in photos. I can advice a woman how to look 10 times better in photos. And I know for a fact that many women look much better in reality. So for few days you talk in this thread about how hard it is to have dates while you judge them only by photos?

 

A lot of girls\women in my life i wasn't attracted to in the beginning, and became attracted to them only after knowing them for quite a while (at work for example).

 

Do you want dates? adopt a hobby that women like, and go to seminars and activities around that hobby. OLD is not for you.

 

I have read many things but few I disagree with as much as the above post.

 

 

1: Its fine for ladies to judge guys on looks but the reverse isn't fine?

2: Its fine for ladies to dump guys on the trash after one date but the reverse isn't true and the guy must go for 3 or 4 dates to determine if the person is attractive?

3: Really her attractiveness is her complexities, strange I haven't met too many women who have ever given me the chance and I doubt the OP has but he must do so for others?

4: Its ok for the women to be shy and stressed on the first date but the not the guy?

5: All these women you became attracted to, how many found you attractive and granted you the leeway you are telling the OP to give?

6: Great go out and do something you don't like but women like in order to meet women, seems obtuse to me to do something you don't enjoy and pretend to enjoy it because women like doing it? What happened to being ones own person?

[NJ123]

Big BIG difference IMO between not having interest in a dating profile and thinking about perhaps meeting them to swapping a few mails and thinking in terms of a relationship - they are worlds apart!!

 

It's totally fair enough to not be interested in a dating profile but if I were chatting with some guy and he was already thinking relationship based on just a few mails that's nuts - totally cart before horse!

 

Of course I wasn't think a relationship with her before meeting. My post was taken out of context. I just meant in general that I'd need someone I'm really attracted to & not unsure about. So I said I'd have to meet her to see how really attracted to her I was since I couldn't tell with her by her photos. Also, obviously would have had to see how we get along in person among other things.

[Blanco]

I have read many things but few I disagree with as much as the above post.

 

 

1: Its fine for ladies to judge guys on looks but the reverse isn't fine?

2: Its fine for ladies to dump guys on the trash after one date but the reverse isn't true and the guy must go for 3 or 4 dates to determine if the person is attractive?

3: Really her attractiveness is her complexities, strange I haven't met too many women who have ever given me the chance and I doubt the OP has but he must do so for others?

4: Its ok for the women to be shy and stressed on the first date but the not the guy?

5: All these women you became attracted to, how many found you attractive and granted you the leeway you are telling the OP to give?

6: Great go out and do something you don't like but women like in order to meet women, seems obtuse to me to do something you don't enjoy and pretend to enjoy it because women like doing it? What happened to being ones own person?

 

What a delightful misinterpretation of the points he was trying to make.

[NJ123]

Also perhaps the gold digging is far fetched as exemplified by the fact that you haven't even made the expenditure to actually join the dating site so that you can contact women. You are just waiting for someone to contact you who is a paying member. This could be perceived as you being the gold digger. This is all too ridiculous, so OP I wish you well but I have no advice.

 

Why would I pay $50 a month on a site where 3/4ths of the women strictly have it in their profile requirements they want a guy that's taller than me and/or make good money. I'd literally be throwing my money away on there to do that.

[ZA Dater]

 

A telltale sign of a guy who might be overestimating his looks is when he has absolutely no luck with women but says "I've been told I'm handsome multiple times." That's because there is no benefit to a girl telling a guy he's not handsome. Handsome or cute can also mean "you're not unattractive, but that doesn't sound so nice so I'll just go with this so I don't sound mean." I tell people they're cute all the time, even if I don't mean it, because there's no benefit to hurting someone's feelings for no reason. And like you, the noticeably "not cute" ones who get called cute often then wear that compliment like a feather in their cap like it's never happened before. Easy to spot to the insecurity there.

 

If you're attractive, you've been told by the opposite sex since you were a kid, and they actively want to bang you rather than just make a few passing comments. Otherwise, you're probably not as great as you think you are -- people in general, not you specifically.

 

 

So why don't you go out with them?

 

 

If that's what you think, why do you use the ap?

 

So you're so concerned women will dismiss you for your height or your job, what exactly are you expecting them to like about you? What do you bring to the table? What are they overlooking?

 

I think looks are subjective in the extreme, I have no idea what people find attractive, what I find attractive other guys think is ugly what most ladies find attractive I have NO idea at all.

 

 

The second bold point is important and an interesting question to ask oneself. I asked myself that question and actually couldn't think of anything to be truthful. OP I suggest you ask yourself the same question.

 

 

Women dismiss guys for anything really, more so if you don't have a discernible record and yet more so if you don't fit in with that they think a guy should be.

 

 

OP I implore you to take a break, spend some time, be it a day, be it an hour and look at yourself through the eyes of others, believe me you will find some peace doing this, yes, you will find faults but you will also find some peace, of that I am fairly certain.

 

 

Trying to get dates is the most demoralising thing on earth, for me at least and when I decided to simply stop I felt better, hence me saying take a temp break from it, do something, refocus and them decide your next move, a day or two isn't 10 years, re evaluate your life which can be tough but again you could feel better.

[ZA Dater]

What a delightful misinterpretation of the points he was trying to make.

 

Not at all, the points he was trying to revolve around this

 

 

"Guys must bend over backwards and give any and ever lady irrespective of physical appearance 3 or more dates to prove themselves and perhaps you will find them attractive"

 

 

That would be all good and well if ladies afforded guys the same courtesy, which never happens and there are many thread on here proving that very point.

 

 

OLD is consumerism, nothing more nothing, less, throw what you don't like back into the trash can. Guys chase sex and ladies know that so there are many more options for ladies on OLD than guys, for the most part guys simply need to just go out with whoever is interested and their ability to choose is massively impaired/non existent.

[ZA Dater]

Of course I wasn't think a relationship with her before meeting. My post was taken out of context. I just meant in general that I'd need someone I'm really attracted to & not unsure about. So I said I'd have to meet her to see how really attracted to her I was since I couldn't tell with her by her photos. Also, obviously would have had to see how we get along in person among other things.

 

The most attractive person I know is one who walks the line of being massively attractive by personality and moderately attractive by looks, believe me when I say this you NEVER want to meet this combination because finding attractive looks is MASSIVELY easier than finding a MASSIVELY attractive personality which speaks right to your soul.

 

 

I hope you find someone you like physically equally to intellectually because the abovementioned is awful because once you found it finding it again is massively difficult and once you have found the above its ALL you are ever going to want.

[NJ123]

I think looks are subjective in the extreme, I have no idea what people find attractive, what I find attractive other guys think is ugly what most ladies find attractive I have NO idea at all.

 

 

The second bold point is important and an interesting question to ask oneself. I asked myself that question and actually couldn't think of anything to be truthful. OP I suggest you ask yourself the same question.

 

 

Women dismiss guys for anything really, more so if you don't have a discernible record and yet more so if you don't fit in with that they think a guy should be.

 

 

OP I implore you to take a break, spend some time, be it a day, be it an hour and look at yourself through the eyes of others, believe me you will find some peace doing this, yes, you will find faults but you will also find some peace, of that I am fairly certain.

 

 

Trying to get dates is the most demoralising thing on earth, for me at least and when I decided to simply stop I felt better, hence me saying take a temp break from it, do something, refocus and them decide your next move, a day or two isn't 10 years, re evaluate your life which can be tough but again you could feel better.

 

The thing is everytime I take a break from it than it's constantly on my mind since it's constantly thrown in my face of seeing other couples together constantly. It's like no matter where I go I can't not think about it when I always see others together. It really sucks to have that feeling. I can't afford to wait years at this point which is the problem. If I'm a guy in his late 30s/early 40s with no or hardly any experience than my options will drop like 90% more than whatever options I'd have now which doesn't seem like a lot. It's now or never for me I feel.

[Blanco]

1: Its fine for ladies to judge guys on looks but the reverse isn't fine?

 

Nowhere in his post does he say this. He says it's not the best idea to judge someone strictly on how they look in their pictures. And I totally get that. I'm a pretty good looking guy and I almost always dislike how I look in pictures. Not all attractive people photograph well.

 

2: Its fine for ladies to dump guys on the trash after one date but the reverse isn't true and the guy must go for 3 or 4 dates to determine if the person is attractive?

 

Again, he didn't say that. He suggested that the OP *might* want to meet the person more than once, just because not everyone is at ease the first or even second time they meet someone. I know I tend to do much better with people the second or third time I meet them.

 

3: Really her attractiveness is her complexities, strange I haven't met too many women who have ever given me the chance and I doubt the OP has but he must do so for others?

 

You're missing his point. Pictures are static. They convey traditional beauty and maybe some personality, but it's only when we're sitting across from flesh and bone that we can pick up on the nuances of a person.

 

I had a girlfriend who I had met through a mutual friend. I'd seen pictures over the years, but had never actually met her. I always thought she was striking in the pictures, but meeting her only added to that because of the little details that couldn't possibly come across in photos. For instance, she had a dry sense of humor and wasn't the kind to laugh at her own jokes. BUT, when she'd say something kind of absurd, she would often tilt her head a bit and flash this sly grin. It sounds stupid, but man, I loved that. That wasn't something I was going to pick up from photos.

 

4: Its ok for the women to be shy and stressed on the first date but the not the guy?

 

I almost feel like you maybe quoted the wrong post, because again, he didn't say this was OK.

[ZA Dater]

Nowhere in his post does he say this. He says it's not the best idea to judge someone strictly on how they look in their pictures. And I totally get that. I'm a pretty good looking guy and I almost always dislike how I look in pictures. Not all attractive people photograph well.

 

 

 

Again, he didn't say that. He suggested that the OP *might* want to meet the person more than once, just because not everyone is at ease the first or even second time they meet someone. I know I tend to do much better with people the second or third time I meet them.

 

 

 

You're missing his point. Pictures are static. They convey traditional beauty and maybe some personality, but it's only when we're sitting across from flesh and bone that we can pick up on the nuances of a person.

 

I had a girlfriend who I had met through a mutual friend. I'd seen pictures over the years, but had never actually met her. I always thought she was striking in the pictures, but meeting her only added to that because of the little details that couldn't possibly come across in photos. For instance, she had a dry sense of humor and wasn't the kind to laugh at her own jokes. BUT, when she'd say something kind of absurd, she would often tilt her head a bit and flash this sly grin. It sounds stupid, but man, I loved that. That wasn't something I was going to pick up from photos.

 

 

 

I almost feel like you maybe quoted the wrong post, because again, he didn't say this was OK.

 

Its my interpretation of his post which is different to yours.

 

 

I agree with what you say about meeting people to determine definitive attractiveness, 1000% agree with that. I don't find 34dd attractive, nor do I find skinny models attractive, nor do I find obese people attractive. BUT and its a big BUT, OLD is based purely on looks, nothing else, ladies wont look at you unless you are HOT, whatever HOT is. (at 32 I have figured that one out yet)

 

 

He is being judged on his dating profile so to expect him not to judge others by pictures reeks of double standards in my opinion.

 

 

I'll say it again the most awesome and most terrible thing is to fall for a personality, awesome because that person speaks to your soul, terrible because if you get rejected nobody else will ever match up to that person.

[ZA Dater]

The thing is everytime I take a break from it than it's constantly on my mind since it's constantly thrown in my face of seeing other couples together constantly. It's like no matter where I go I can't not think about it when I always see others together. It really sucks to have that feeling. I can't afford to wait years at this point which is the problem. If I'm a guy in his late 30s/early 40s with no or hardly any experience than my options will drop like 90% more than whatever options I'd have now which doesn't seem like a lot. It's now or never for me I feel.

 

I don't think a week break will be so bad. I can relate to the bold point extremely well. What I did was just be me, do what I want to do, so what I sit on my own on a Sat night, sure I'd love someone but I can either go out and be rejected or spend my time doing something else. Yes, I agree we want people but where you are now is a dark place, its a horrid place because the sense of irritation is huge, the sense of hopelessness even more so.

 

 

Pour your energy into something. It will help, don't give up but redirect that negative energy into something else. I have had amazing experiences and truthfully I'd give them all up to be with the person I find so attractive by virtue of her personality, I wont find someone like her again, she doesn't want me. Believe me if you are going to chase then do it with the mind set of it might not work but may as well try.

 

 

Expectations are the root of most rejection.

[normal person]

Well I guess I have to prove you wrong. But as I said I'd never do things to win over a woman but I'd do it for myself.

 

If so, good for you. But if you're not willing to compromise things to get the things you want (ex: compromising some aspect of your comfort, or career, or education to get what you desire, which is women), then you can't really complain anymore. You know what you have to do to give yourself the best odds, you just refuse to do it. You want to have the satisfying, comfortable path but you also want the women too. Some people can have both, but you're likely not one of them.

 

And I think I said some of the things I said out of frustration yesterday after seeing how the vast majority of women on match want a guy that's tall or making good money. So how can that not annoy me or make me feel like a lot of women wouldn't like me?

 

No one's saying it doesn't annoy you. But it annoying you, or you complaining about it isn't going to change anything. You complain that women don't like you because you don't make enough money, but you're also terrified that women won't like you for "you" if and when you do make a lot. You've created a scenario that's impossible to win.

 

I'm telling you again: Most women don't view men as a walking wallet. They just want a guy who can take care of himself and his family, has financial independence and security, and isn't an ineffectual child. It's like a man saying his wife doesn't have to be a supermodel, but she shouldn't be overweight and should make a good effort to stay in shape.

 

That's not "gold digging," and it's not superficiality. It's a basic lifestyle expectation that's very, very reasonable. That is just a primal urge much higher on the hierarchy of needs than having a partner with whom there's an emotional connection. Women won't care if you get along well and have a great connection if you're totally useless at getting through school, holding a job, supporting yourself, etc. You won't even pass the basic pre-requisite test of adulthood, no way will she even consider you a man.

 

You have to survive and live in comfort before you can have the luxury of an enjoyable relationship.

 

But I'd still want a woman to be with me specifically because she genuinely likes me & not due to any other reason is all I ask.

 

The problem is she needs to know you can actually provide for yourself and your family, and take care of things like a grown adult before, and often in order to "genuinely like" you. Aside from that, you haven't given any reason why a women would like you. It's been asked several times and you're yet to answer. So here's your chance, despite your lack of education and job, what is about you that you're expecting the women to go crazy for?

 

And no, I'm not overestimating my looks. Unless you want to discount my height from me being considered above average than I have above average facial aesthetics at the least. I know for sure it's not my looks holding me back but other things like my job, height & my health issues that everyone always seems to think is nowhere as bad as it is. Also being introverted doesn't help.

 

Ok, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt on "looks," especially considering plenty of women aren't incredibly picky about that. But considering height is often as important a trait as any, I don't see why you should disregard it in this arena. Also, you're right, being introverted won't help. But saying "this is just the way I am" won't do gain you any "attraction sympathy;" no one is going to like you because they feel bad for you. You can't control your height, but you can control your introversion. If you think it's a problem, do something about it.

[Blanco]

I know plenty of women who are either in a LTR or married to guys who make as much, if not less than they do.

 

normal person is right in that the vast majority of women just want to know that the guy is able to financially support himself and would potentially be able to do his fair share to financially support a family. That doesn't mean they're a gold-digger. It means they want to have peace of mind that they can build a life with someone who isn't going to be a detriment to attain pretty basic standards of living.

[NJ123]

If so, good for you. But if you're not willing to compromise things to get the things you want (ex: compromising some aspect of your comfort, or career, or education to get what you desire, which is women), then you can't really complain anymore. You know what you have to do to give yourself the best odds, you just refuse to do it. You want to have the satisfying, comfortable path but you also want the women too. Some people can have both, but you're likely not one of them.

 

 

 

No one's saying it doesn't annoy you. But it annoying you, or you complaining about it isn't going to change anything. You complain that women don't like you because you don't make enough money, but you're also terrified that women won't like you for "you" if and when you do make a lot. You've created a scenario that's impossible to win.

 

I'm telling you again: Most women don't view men as a walking wallet. They just want a guy who can take care of himself and his family, has financial independence and security, and isn't an ineffectual child. It's like a man saying his wife doesn't have to be a supermodel, but she shouldn't be overweight and should make a good effort to stay in shape.

 

That's not "gold digging," and it's not superficiality. It's a basic lifestyle expectation that's very, very reasonable. That is just a primal urge much higher on the hierarchy of needs than having a partner with whom there's an emotional connection. Women won't care if you get along well and have a great connection if you're totally useless at getting through school, holding a job, supporting yourself, etc. You won't even pass the basic pre-requisite test of adulthood, no way will she even consider you a man.

 

You have to survive and live in comfort before you can have the luxury of an enjoyable relationship.

 

 

 

The problem is she needs to know you can actually provide for yourself and your family, and take care of things like a grown adult before, and often in order to "genuinely like" you. Aside from that, you haven't given any reason why a women would like you. It's been asked several times and you're yet to answer. So here's your chance, despite your lack of education and job, what is about you that you're expecting the women to go crazy for?

 

 

 

Ok, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt on "looks," especially considering plenty of women aren't incredibly picky about that. But considering height is often as important a trait as any, I don't see why you should disregard it in this arena. Also, you're right, being introverted won't help. But saying "this is just the way I am" won't do gain you any "attraction sympathy;" no one is going to like you because they feel bad for you. You can't control your height, but you can control your introversion. If you think it's a problem, do something about it.

 

I guess I just don't like the idea in general of how money more than anything else plays a part in whether you can get a girlfriend or not. It's like everything about you as a person can be perfect yet if you don't meet their standards in terms of money you're not seen as good enough. That's why I keep saying if I made good money, than all of a sudden my options would skyrocket compared to my options now. It would just leave me feeling a bit of unease since if I for instance changed my online profile & put that I'm a dentist or something than all of a sudden magically I'm good enough just like that to way more women.

 

And I know complaining doesn't do anything but it's just depressing to see how due to something I have no control over disqualifies me from so many women right off the bat. It's almost like women don't want me to be comfortable in my own skin if they view me as beneath them due to literally something I can't change no matter what I do.

 

And I suppose so, but if a woman is asking for a guy to make good money & whatever else than she should be making good money herself in my opinion. If a woman making 30 grand a year wants a guy that's making 6 figures or more is where the problem mainly lies. If she makes good money herself than that's fair enough.

 

And I guess you're implying I can't be considered above average in looks due to my height which I have no control over. That's what so many women feel which is ridiculous & makes it hard not to be annoyed & frustrated about it.

[Imajerk17]

So the OP's rant basically comes to this:

 

"Hey everyone, I'm a Below-Average Male looking for an above-average woman. I think it's fine for me to be judging women on how physically attractive I find them but I think it sucks that I'm gonna be judged for not having the gumption to NOT be living with my parents or not having a better job. Or even being willing to drive more than a few miles to see her. "

 

NJ123 you struggle because you're lazy and whine too much. Get your life together and improve your personality and you'll have more success.

[Blanco]

I guess I just don't like the idea in general of how money more than anything else plays a part in whether you can get a girlfriend or not.

 

It doesn't! Just because you keep repeating that doesn't make it any more factual. Stop speaking in such sweeping generalities.

 

One of the prettiest girls I've ever personally known was with a guy for three years whose only source of income was selling plasma a couple times a week. He wasn't a model, either. She just was totally into him, mostly because she gave him a chance and didn't dismiss him right away for superficial reasons.

 

That's an extreme example, but I can say with strong confidence that I could list a couple dozen relationships/couples I've witnessed in my life that were definitely not fueled by the guy's money.

[Blanco]

So the OP's rant basically comes to this:

 

"Hey everyone, I'm a Below-Average Male looking for an above-average woman. I think it's fine for me to be judging women on how physically attractive I find them but I think it sucks that I'm gonna be judged for not having the gumption to NOT be living with my parents or not having a better job. Or even being willing to drive more than a few miles to see her. "

 

NJ123 you struggle because you're lazy and whine too much. Get your life together and improve your personality and you'll have more success.

 

I've been on this forum for a year and I would say that the above applies to the bulk of the "I can't get a girlfriend" threads I've seen.