Online dating is so depressing

[ZA Dater]

Are you trying to say mundane? Because arcane makes no sense there...

 

Yes, meant mundane was going to edit my post. You were too quick though.

 

 

I think the OP needs to be find something he is passionate about, take his mind off this all consuming problem.

[NJ123]

First of all, it's $30 a month (a dollar a day), second of all, they have ways you can easily filter out people who are looking for things you aren't, and ways to search for people looking for things you are. Third, many of the OLD sites are free. Fourth -- I don't know, is it worth it? Only you can answer the question. How badly do you want a girl? If it's not at most $30/monthly, or a small bit of your time for a free website, what's the point of all this?

 

Also, I ask you again: what's so great about you that you're expecting women to fall for?

 

The point still stands, I'm not spending money to try to go on dates with women that clearly state their own preferences that everyone can see. That just makes no sense to spend money to message women that don't have me as part of their main preference. How's that make any sense whatsoever?

 

And I consider myself to have a good personality, caring, loyal. But none of that matters if I don't make money it seems. You probably think that's not the case due to my posts here. But I don't act bitter towards anyone in real life. I come here to vent about things.

[NJ123]

Women can't control what our faces look like any more than you can control your height. It's exactly the same thing. Like, literally exactly the same.

 

Once again, it's not your place to decide what other people find attractive so get over it or stay single.

 

So what you're saying is a guy that's considered ugly but is short as well is seen as the scum of the earth by women according to you since not only do they get judged by their looks but their height as well.

Edited September 17, 2016 by NJ123

[ZA Dater]

The point still stands, I'm not spending money to try to go on dates with women that clearly state their own preferences that everyone can see. That just makes no sense to spend money to message women that don't have me as part of their main preference. How's that make any sense whatsoever?

 

And I consider myself to have a good personality, caring, loyal. But none of that matters if I don't make money it seems. You probably think that's not the case due to my posts here. But I don't act bitter towards anyone in real life. I come here to vent about things.

 

You have to be in it to win it. In 10 years I probably spent thousands on dating sites in the hope I would find something I liked...which I didn't but that's not to say you wont.

[NJ123]

Yes, meant mundane was going to edit my post. You were too quick though.

 

 

I think the OP needs to be find something he is passionate about, take his mind off this all consuming problem.

 

It's just not that easy though. Whenever I try to I just always get reminded of it when seeing others together & the cycle starts all over again. Being in a relationship with someone shouldn't be this difficult yet it is. It seems the only way it'll happen at this current time is if I settle for someone I don't want to be with. So basically I'm not seen as good enough to women which sucks but as someone said I can't control what they're looking for. My time is running out though before I get too old where I won't have literally any options at all no matter where I am in my life. No woman realistically is going to want to date a 38 year old guy for instance with no or very little experience. That's just reality.

[NJ123]

You have to be in it to win it. In 10 years I probably spent thousands on dating sites in the hope I would find something I liked...which I didn't but that's not to say you wont.

 

I personally couldn't do that. I just know I'd be wasting my money for sure. Why should I have to spend a huge amount of money to try to find a relationship? As I said it shouldn't be this difficult yet it is. I'd feel like I'm almost trying to buy my own happiness doing it that way.

[ZA Dater]

It's just not that easy though. Whenever I try to I just always get reminded of it when seeing others together & the cycle starts all over again. Being in a relationship with someone shouldn't be this difficult yet it is. It seems the only way it'll happen at this current time is if I settle for someone I don't want to be with. So basically I'm not seen as good enough to women which sucks but as someone said I can't control what they're looking for. My time is running out though before I get too old where I won't have literally any options at all no matter where I am in my life. No woman realistically is going to want to date a 38 year old guy for instance with no or very little experience. That's just reality.

 

Luckily you are younger than me, I am closer to that reality than you are! Make use of your time, sign up to a site, use Tinder, get into the game if you want this so badly. Improve yourself, adopt a positive mind set (I never seem to succeed at this) and get your studies up and going. Direct your energy meaningfully.

 

 

Trust me I relate to your posts more than you can know, I am 5.8, swimmer physique, a director of multiple companies and still I have never had a girlfriend. You need to try, you can either admit defeat but before you do, do your utmost to really try. Admitting defeat before you enter the game is pointless.

 

 

When you have tried everything you can justify to yourself and you either succeed or you don't, if you don't you can find a small compensation in that you know you tried everything realistically possible.

 

 

I don't think I am ever going to meet anyone, its something I live with, it hurts a lot but its the truth, yes I can go and try pander to what I think people want but that isn't me. It doesn't stop me wanting it though, there is someone I would give almost everything up for but its irrelevant I am not what she likes, she prefers someone vastly less successful but more confident and not shy. The point being there is no uniform standard of attractiveness.

 

 

You need to find some confidence in yourself and believe me things will get better in you life overall. Work on yourself, you aren't 38 yet, there will be opportunities but you need to organize your mind to see them. The first thing is to decide what exactly you want and then decide what you need to do to accomplish it.

[NJ123]

Luckily you are younger than me, I am closer to that reality than you are! Make use of your time, sign up to a site, use Tinder, get into the game if you want this so badly. Improve yourself, adopt a positive mind set (I never seem to succeed at this) and get your studies up and going. Direct your energy meaningfully.

 

 

Trust me I relate to your posts more than you can know, I am 5.8, swimmer physique, a director of multiple companies and still I have never had a girlfriend. You need to try, you can either admit defeat but before you do, do your utmost to really try. Admitting defeat before you enter the game is pointless.

 

 

When you have tried everything you can justify to yourself and you either succeed or you don't, if you don't you can find a small compensation in that you know you tried everything realistically possible.

 

 

I don't think I am ever going to meet anyone, its something I live with, it hurts a lot but its the truth, yes I can go and try pander to what I think people want but that isn't me. It doesn't stop me wanting it though, there is someone I would give almost everything up for but its irrelevant I am not what she likes, she prefers someone vastly less successful but more confident and not shy. The point being there is no uniform standard of attractiveness.

 

 

You need to find some confidence in yourself and believe me things will get better in you life overall. Work on yourself, you aren't 38 yet, there will be opportunities but you need to organize your mind to see them. The first thing is to decide what exactly you want and then decide what you need to do to accomplish it.

 

I just don't get why you don't try yourself though? It seems you have what women would like according to the people in here. Where you have a good job, in good shape & not all that short. I don't get why you can't try to go on a dating site & go on dates with everything you've stated?

[ZA Dater]

I just don't get why you don't try yourself though? It seems you have what women would like according to the people in here. Where you have a good job, in good shape & not all that short. I don't get why you can't try to go on a dating site & go on dates with everything you've stated?

 

Been there, done that, got the t shirt.

 

 

I have never found anyone on a dating site who has interested me, those I did go on dates with didn't find me interesting and I attempted to find them interesting.

 

 

Point being is I gave them a chance, yes on multiple valentines days I simply went out with anyone to simply not be alone I was upfront to them about this.

 

 

When you find that magnetic personality, the one which touches you in an intangible way and when you clap eyes on that person the first time and something inside you stirs and you really feel something, that my friend is the winning feeling that take a lot of rejection away but equally its a terrible, terrible feeling when that person isn't into you.

 

 

My advice, work at it, find the good moments and actually BELIEVE you can do it. I totally get where you come from in terms of time, it feels very crappy to watch everyone around getting married, seeing couples, it does hurt but you need strong resolve to deal with those feelings.

 

 

A model could throw herself at me now and I wouldn't be interested unless I felt that same feeling mentioned above but its doubtful, you need to work towards finding that yourself. To win at anything you don't give up. sadly when it comes to dating I am resigned to being a looser.

[ChickiePops]

So what you're saying is a guy that's considered ugly but is short as well is seen as the scum of the earth by women according to you since not only do they get judged by their looks but their height as well.

 

Yup..you caught me. That's exactly what I'm saying.

[ChickiePops]

I'd much rather date an ugly guy than a whiny, self-pitying, hypocritical, judgmental one.

[NJ123]

I'd much rather date an ugly guy than a whiny, self-pitying, hypocritical, judgmental one.

 

Yeah, I'm sure you would ever give an ugly guy a chance, give me a break. And don't you realize most people are judgmental it seems when it comes to dating, especially online dating. And how am I hypocritical? What am I hypocritical about? That I don't want a woman I'm not attracted to? Height has nothing at all to do with a guys looks is the difference yet you completely ignore that fact. There's plenty of short good looking guys that also have good bodies yet it's still not good enough. That's where the difference lies.

[Blanco]

Yeah, I'm sure you would ever give an ugly guy a chance, give me a break. And don't you realize most people are judgmental it seems when it comes to dating, especially online dating. And how am I hypocritical? What am I hypocritical about? That I don't want a woman I'm not attracted to? Height has nothing at all to do with a guys looks is the difference yet you completely ignore that fact. There's plenty of short good looking guys that also have good bodies yet it's still not good enough. That's where the difference lies.

 

Height may not affect someone's face but it absolutely affects their overall appearance.

[Blanco]

May I submit your lack of success with women has less to do with your height and income than it does with your lousy attitude?

 

You act like those two metrics are all a woman considers. If that were true then short guys wouldn't get laid and neither would poor guys. Obviously that isn't the case. And no, it's not just fat ugly women sleeping with these dudes.

[Blanco]

You've been effectively making the same threads for two years.

 

List three substantial things you've done to improve your curb appeal to women.

[ChickiePops]

Yeah, I'm sure you would ever give an ugly guy a chance, give me a break. And don't you realize most people are judgmental it seems when it comes to dating, especially online dating. And how am I hypocritical? What am I hypocritical about? That I don't want a woman I'm not attracted to? Height has nothing at all to do with a guys looks is the difference yet you completely ignore that fact. There's plenty of short good looking guys that also have good bodies yet it's still not good enough. That's where the difference lies.

 

Extremely hypocritical. Why should a woman date you if she's not attracted to you? An unattractive face offers the same drawbacks as lack of height.

 

Everyone has a very different opinions of what makes someone attractive. My fiancé is balding and he has a belly but I find him sexy as hell.

 

Also I am 5'9, so you said yourself that I have your permission to date tall guys.

 

Height is part of your appearance. I'm not sure why you don't understand that..it's bizarre to me that you don't...

[NJ123]

Height may not affect someone's face but it absolutely affects their overall appearance.

 

I have to try to stop worrying about this. I'm just frustrated with my situation & it's making me feel really annoyed & bitter about it. I just feel it's a vicious cycle though where if I don't think about dating or wanting to be with anyone it just always comes back into my mind when I constantly see couples out together. How am I supposed to not worry about any of this?

[Blanco]

I have to try to stop worrying about this. I'm just frustrated with my situation & it's making me feel really annoyed & bitter about it. I just feel it's a vicious cycle though where if I don't think about dating or wanting to be with anyone it just always comes back into my mind when I constantly see couples out together. How am I supposed to not worry about any of this?

 

By accepting that it's not a deal breaker for every woman.

 

I see plenty of good looking women who are as tall or taller than the guy.

[NJ123]

By accepting that it's not a deal breaker for every woman.

 

I see plenty of good looking women who are as tall or taller than the guy.

 

True, I see short guys with good looking women but usually the guy is good looking himself. I'm assuming those guys meet those women when out somewhere somehow than through onlime dating. That might not be accurate but it's a strong possibility. It's just online dating is making me feel annoyed with it all how I'm not viewed as good enough with height being a huge part of that reasoning. As I said I'm almost positive it's not how I look in terms of my face but it's likely to do with my job & height more so than anything else.

[NJ123]

Extremely hypocritical. Why should a woman date you if she's not attracted to you? An unattractive face offers the same drawbacks as lack of height.

 

Everyone has a very different opinions of what makes someone attractive. My fiancé is balding and he has a belly but I find him sexy as hell.

 

Also I am 5'9, so you said yourself that I have your permission to date tall guys.

 

Height is part of your appearance. I'm not sure why you don't understand that..it's bizarre to me that you don't...

 

The only problem is that you're saying a good looking short guy is the equivalent of an ugly woman. Which is a shame. I do feel bad for people that are deemed unattractive but it's pretty sad that even guys that are good looking but are short aren't good enough to a huge percentage of women.

[sooshi]

If online dating is so depressing, then move on to other methods.

 

Want to be more attractive, NJ?

 

Work on your attitude. As Blanco said, it's lousy.

 

It's very off-putting.

[Blanco]

Something else that usually gets mentioned in threads like this: Bad attitude. At least one person points it out and the thread starter, whoever it is, will usually say, "oh I'm not like this in real life. I don't project this attitude to others."

 

And that's quite obviously not true. That person may not be so openly bitter in real life, but humans have a funny way of tipping their hand and projecting what's inside their minds and heart, even if they don't realize it.

[SoulCat]

NJ, you are so ready with the reasons why women don't want to date you; your height, your income, your living circumstances, their gold-digging tendencies, the list goes on and on.

 

Fact is: You are a 30 something living with your folks, you are working a menial job and quite frankly, your personality leaves a lot to be desired.

 

You come across as entitled, bitter, resentful and not particularly respectful of women in general. Personally I am not overly surprised by your dating draught.

Women aren't your problem, your attitude towards them is.

[JustGettingBy]

If you think looking for a decent date online is hard, trying looking for a decent job online.

[normal person]

And I ask you the same thing, to you if I was making let's say 40 grand a year but can live comfortably on my own on that, that's enough for women?

 

I'm not a woman, I can't answer that, but that's still on the low end of the income spectrum, especially if you want to live in a "nicer" area, which a lot of people do. Some women might not care about that, some might. Even if they'd prefer you earned more, it might be enough for them to overlook if they like other things about you (still waiting to hear what these things are, by the way). But also, think about why a woman, who presumably makes more than $40K herself would date you as opposed to a guy who makes 2-3x that, especially since you can't give any concrete reason a woman might want to go out with you to begin with, regardless of income.

 

It just seems there's so many factors to even be given a single chance by someone.

 

- Have an adequate income

- Fulfill your responsibilities

- Lead a life appropriate for your age

- Be reasonably appealing in some way or in some combination of ways, be they something you were born with or something you developed or learned

- Step out of your comfort zone and learn from your mistakes if you're still having trouble.

 

It's not that hard.

 

I really don't know how there's so many couples together when it seems it's so difficult to even be given a chance. It's like it feels things just happen for other people naturally when on the outside looking in.

 

Yeah, because it's a lot easier than you make it seem. See the list above.

 

The point still stands, I'm not spending money to try to go on dates with women that clearly state their own preferences that everyone can see. That just makes no sense to spend money to message women that don't have me as part of their main preference.

 

If they don't like you, they won't go on a date with you. As for subscribing to the site, you didn't address what I said. You can search for people who are looking for criteria you fall into. And not even that, MOST OF THEM ARE FREE.

 

How's that make any sense whatsoever?

You're seriously asking me?

 

And I consider myself to have a good personality, caring, loyal. But none of that matters if I don't make money it seems.

 

No, none of that matters because every faceless schmoe on Earth considers themselves to have a good personality, be caring, and loyal. So basically, with the spotlight on you, your big chance to show how special and great and different from everyone else you are, you say the exact same crap every other person who can't figure it out says. While you thought describing yourself with "good" traits would be beneficial, your inability to see that just makes you look worse. A totally vanilla, run of the mill, average joe with nothing particularly interesting or special about him inspected under the microscope of OLD is probably just as big of a problem as not making any money. All you've done is effectively identified yourself as another guy who can't figure it out. If you can't see why listing general banalities about yourself on a stage where you're supposed to stand out is a surefire way not to succeed, then the reason you can't succeed isn't just money. The reason is that you can't figure out how to adapt to the environment and find a successful niche. You've done the opposite of adapt. And I said earlier, like in all Darwinistic settings like this, you either adapt or die.