Online dating is so depressing

[Nightwriter]

True, I guess if I ever went back on OKCupid it would maybe be a little white lie if I put I'm 5'7" which I'm literally right below it with shoes on. But right now all I have is Tinder & Bumble that I use. I deleted OKCupid yesterday & Plenty of Fish last week. I just don't know if I want to go back on those sites again. And I'm definitely not paying money with the odds completely stacked against me, it would almost be like the equivalent of gambling my money away in Vegas.

Do Tinder and Bumble not ask for height? Don't use those so I don't know.

 

Either way, I would not advise to lie about height. Once you go to a Japanese restaurant and the cowboy boots come off, the jig is up.

[AceCutty]

Do Tinder and Bumble not ask for height? Don't use those so I don't know.

 

Either way, I would not advise to lie about height. Once you go to a Japanese restaurant and the cowboy boots come off, the jig is up.

 

I met some women off of OLD probably about 5 years ago. I fudged my height a few inches and wore lifts (no cowboy boots needed). They didn't seem to notice and were down to hookup.

 

I don't know about Bumble, but Tinder does not ask for height.

[NJ123]

Do Tinder and Bumble not ask for height? Don't use those so I don't know.

 

Either way, I would not advise to lie about height. Once you go to a Japanese restaurant and the cowboy boots come off, the jig is up.

 

Tinder & Bumble don't ask for height which is why my best bet with online dating is those two.

 

And true, is it really actually lying though if I did put the height I am with shoes on though since when we do meet I obviously would be wearing shoes. And I know someone will likely mention women weaing heels but its not the same thing since those literally could put on like 2 to 5 inches of height.

[NJ123]

This thread made me think about a few things, as did the events of yesterday the good and the bad ones.

 

OLD: Yes it actually can work provided one moves away from a specific thing, the more specific the harder it is to find.

 

Dating: I think deep down you need to look hard at yourself, what you are good and what you aren't good at, write down that list. The issue seems to be that abject disappointment had a profound effect on people. My issue is I am chronically lonely and lack a social life so to speak which then sets back my dating ability because intrinsically girls ask why I am such a loner.

 

The thing about life is bad sometimes blinds you to the good. Like the OP I would love to date an ideal at this time its not working but it doesn't mean it wont in the future, instant gratification is really part of dating. For me I am lucky to have a few people in my life I genuinely care about and that's a gift I think, all at various times provide support and many just make my life a richer place, some do this without knowing it.

 

OP, sit back and list ten things you are lucky to have, ten experiences you covet and think really what is important.

 

In my opinion OP, you need to be thankful more before you can ask for more.

 

Humour I don't think is the be all and end all but confidence is, its hugely difficult to muster but you (and I) need to try exhibit more of it.

 

I can tell you categorically if I could post a picture of the girl I like most here, 9/10 guys wouldn't like what they saw, she is average at best, its fine to shoot for the stars looks wise but I have models sitting in front of me who while nice people didn't make me feel like this average person does.

 

You really need to get out of this dark space, height, irrelevant, money, yes you can beat some of the odds with it but I would argue confidence trumps money 9/10 times.

 

Find something you feel good doing, ironically for me its buying nice clothes that's one thing, they make me feel good, I work out, that makes me feel good. Feel better about yourself before you start looking for others, I spent nearly 10 years looking for a date without actually improving myself.

 

The space where you are now isn't a good one, I have been there and believe me NOBODY is going to find you appealing in that space. Perhaps another you can learn, I never did this and I need to, tell people, show some emotion.

 

Its a tough road, I don't have all the answers and you will have down days but you need to find some positive in them. Rejection conditions you to think things of women which aren't true.

 

For years I tried to apply objective thought to dating. The reality is you can, you just be the best you can be.

 

I'm going to try to just take a step back from this whole dating thing & focus on other things but the only thing that sucks is if I literally don't think about it at all than nothing will ever happen for me. It's pretty much a damned if I do & damned if I don't situation to be in.

[AceCutty]

Tinder & Bumble don't ask for height which is why my best bet with online dating is those two.

 

And true, is it really actually lying though if I did put the height I am with shoes on though since when we do meet I obviously would be wearing shoes. And I know someone will likely mention women weaing heels but its not the same thing since those literally could put on like 2 to 5 inches of height.

 

Most OLD sites are really not that great anyway. From what I saw, you'll find the most physically attractive girls on Tinder, while the most serious girls are on Match (though this is also probably the worst site for short guys since it specifically asks for a girl's height preference....and most women are not generous in this regard).

 

POF should be renamed "Single Mom Dating". Okcupid is probably in the middle between POF and Match.

 

Eharmony charges a ton of money and I've read that they will not be able to match short guys. So that's out for multiple reasons.

[NJ123]

Most OLD sites are really not that great anyway. From what I saw, you'll find the most physically attractive girls on Tinder, while the most serious girls are on Match (though this is also probably the worst site for short guys since it specifically asks for a girl's height preference....and most women are not generous in this regard).

 

POF should be renamed "Single Mom Dating". Okcupid is probably in the middle between POF and Match.

 

Eharmony charges a ton of money and I've read that they will not be able to match short guys. So that's out for multiple reasons.

 

We've been through the whole match.com thing in this thread. I signed up for free the other day to see what it was like & the overwhelmingly vast majority want a guy that's at least minimum 5'8" & above.

 

And POF as you said are a whole lot of women with kids.

 

With OKCupid I just kept seeing the same women over & over again on there. And if I switch my mile distance it would show women in another state. I just felt it wasn't worth it. I'll just stick with Tinder & Bumble for now but won't go on it as much as I have been. I need to take a step back a bit or else it's just going to frustrate me.

[Nightwriter]

Tinder & Bumble don't ask for height which is why my best bet with online dating is those two.

 

And true, is it really actually lying though if I did put the height I am with shoes on though since when we do meet I obviously would be wearing shoes. And I know someone will likely mention women weaing heels but its not the same thing since those literally could put on like 2 to 5 inches of height.

If they don't ask for height, then it's about looks and writing well to be able to move forward, right?

[NJ123]

If they don't ask for height, then it's about looks and writing well to be able to move forward, right?

 

Well looks play a huge part in it as well as quality of pictures. But some women still state they want tall guys in their profiles. And a lot of the guys that are tall put their height in their profiles to get more matches that way. I think Tinder is mainly for hooking up though & not much of a relationship app. Bumble I believe is more relationship focused & women have to send the first messages on there after a match. And they only have 24 hours to do so or else the match is gone.

[Nightwriter]

Well looks play a huge part in it as well as quality of pictures. But some women still state they want tall guys in their profiles. And a lot of the guys that are tall put their height in their profiles to get more matches that way. I think Tinder is mainly for hooking up though & not much of a relationship app. Bumble I believe is more relationship focused & women have to send the first messages on there after a match. And they only have 24 hours to do so or else the match is gone.

Alright, well anyway, I think you have it right to get off these Blunder or Timber or whatever ridiculous named sites these are and get into the real world outside. The sun shines bright, the air is fresh, and people don't see you as a profile. Find others who like similar things and join groups for them. I wish you well.

[GemmaUK]

I'm going to try to just take a step back from this whole dating thing & focus on other things

 

Woohoo!

Ywp! Get all your ducks in a row first!

I'm a woman but I never date when my ducks are not lined up.

 

Biggest thing if I was your age is that you live with your parents.

 

Having said that you never did tell us your job - and you have kept saying that's when a woman on OLD stops replying - so what do you do for a living?

[NJ123]

Woohoo!

Ywp! Get all your ducks in a row first!

I'm a woman but I never date when my ducks are not lined up.

 

Biggest thing if I was your age is that you live with your parents.

 

Having said that you never did tell us your job - and you have kept saying that's when a woman on OLD stops replying - so what do you do for a living?

 

Yeah, it's just it's so difficult to not think about it. I had a relapse already & went on both Tinder/Bumble again before. Today at my job I constantly saw so many attractive women & it just upset me a bit especially if they were with another guy. It just makes me feel like an outsider that I can't get what comes so natural to others. And I work in retail.

[JuneJulySeptember]

 

For years I tried to apply objective thought to dating. The reality is you can, you just be the best you can be.

 

That's really how to handle all of life.

 

It doesn't matter one guy has 50 women and you have zero.

 

If another guy is acing chemistry and you are getting a C.

 

If you are floundering at work and another person is doing well effortlessly.

 

At the end of the day, Brad Pitt and his millions of dollars and thousands of worldwide admirers and me and my one admirer are all going to be worm food.

 

Just put in what you consider a good honest effort. If it's not good enough, it's not good enough. Life is short. Enjoy and make life easier for others I say.

[elaine567]

Yeah, it's just it's so difficult to not think about it. I had a relapse already & went on both Tinder/Bumble again before. Today at my job I constantly saw so many attractive women & it just upset me a bit especially if they were with another guy. It just makes me feel like an outsider that I can't get what comes so natural to others. And I work in retail.

 

Is retail not full of young women?

[NJ123]

Is retail not full of young women?

 

Pretty much every single one of my female co-workers has a boyfriend already. All of them I've heard mention their boyfriends or that they're in a relationship. And I wouldn't want to date a co-worker though due to how if something went wrong I'd have to still see her everyday.

[GemmaUK]

Yeah, it's just it's so difficult to not think about it. I had a relapse already & went on both Tinder/Bumble again before. Today at my job I constantly saw so many attractive women & it just upset me a bit especially if they were with another guy. It just makes me feel like an outsider that I can't get what comes so natural to others. And I work in retail.

 

It does not necessarily come naturally.

I threw myself in at 18 with dating just after my Mum passed away when I was 17.

 

I tried to ask you twice before as to why you had not moved out, got a job you love, finished your degree but you ignored my questions and posts.

 

At what point are you going to take responsibility entirely for yourself NJ?

 

You aren't doing that as yet as it's all someone else's fault.

 

No woman is going to be attracted to that attitude no matter what height you are.

[NJ123]

It does not necessarily come naturally.

I threw myself in at 18 with dating just after my Mum passed away when I was 17.

 

I tried to ask you twice before as to why you had not moved out, got a job you love, finished your degree but you ignored my questions and posts.

 

At what point are you going to take responsibility entirely for yourself NJ?

 

You aren't doing that as yet as it's all someone else's fault.

 

No woman is going to be attracted to that attitude no matter what height you are.

 

Pretty much mainly due to health issues I've been dealing with. Not just the jaw/ear problem or whatever it is but depression/anxiety/intrusive thoughts. I feel I've been given a bad hand in many ways where I likely would be in a much better position now if it wasn't due to some of my health problems. Than I developed this jaw/ear issue where it doesn't seem to get better.

 

And whoever said I was blaming anyone else? I just said that it just upsets me when I see other couples together because that's what I'd like to have. I just can't believe I've went this long without ever even having a girlfriend before. Now I've lost out on so many potential options that I could have had now if it wasn't for that since a lot of women would be turned off by that specifically.

[GemmaUK]

Pretty much mainly due to health issues I've been dealing with. Not just the jaw/ear problem or whatever it is but depression/anxiety/intrusive thoughts. I feel I've been given a bad hand in many ways where I likely would be in a much better position now if it wasn't due to some of my health problems. Than I developed this jaw/ear issue where it doesn't seem to get better.

 

And whoever said I was blaming anyone else? I just said that it just upsets me when I see other couples together because that's what I'd like to have. I just can't believe I've went this long without ever even having a girlfriend before. Now I've lost out on so many potential options that I could have had now if it wasn't for that since a lot of women would be turned off by that specifically.

 

And I asked you in your health thread 'what are your doing for yourself?' No reply.

Still no reply to the questions I have asked.

For any dating option on OLD you are serious hard work and I am unsurprised they quit mailing you.

 

In here you are blaming all women and you have done all through this thread.

[NJ123]

And I asked you in your health thread 'what are your doing for yourself?' No reply.

Still no reply to the questions I have asked.

For any dating option on OLD you are serious hard work and I am unsurprised they quit mailing you.

 

In here you are blaming all women and you have done all through this thread.

 

I did reply only just had a chance to respond before. And no I'm not blaming all women. I never said that nor would I ever. And what am I doing? How about going to literally dozens of doctors trying to figure out what's wrong with me? Having infinite tests done to try to figure out how to get better?

[GemmaUK]

Doctor after doctor and you are yet again not taking any responsibility for yourself, investigating and trying things out to help yourself - as with not having moved out, job you love, degree....blah.

 

Sorry, I'm out.

I absolutely cannot stand men who take no responsibility for themselves.

[NJ123]

Doctor after doctor and you are yet again not taking any responsibility for yourself, investigating and trying things out to help yourself - as with not having moved out, job you love, degree....blah.

 

Sorry, I'm out.

I absolutely cannot stand men who take no responsibility for themselves.

 

What are you even talking about? Not taking responsibility for myself? How am I supposed to know what's exactly wrong if doctors can't help? I have to wait until next month to see my primary doctor again to see if he can help me in some way. I have to see if I can get a referral to see a chiropractor possibly.

[GemmaUK]

What are you even talking about? Not taking responsibility for myself? How am I supposed to know what's exactly wrong if doctors can't help? I have to wait until next month to see my primary doctor again to see if he can help me in some way. I have to see if I can get a referral to see a chiropractor possibly.

 

*bangs head against a wall*

 

If you don't understand you never will.

 

My last post in here and your health thread.

 

Good luck!

[Blanco]

Yeah, it's just it's so difficult to not think about it. I had a relapse already & went on both Tinder/Bumble again before. Today at my job I constantly saw so many attractive women & it just upset me a bit especially if they were with another guy. It just makes me feel like an outsider that I can't get what comes so natural to others. And I work in retail.

 

But don't you see how faulty that mentality is? It doesn't come naturally to most people, but those who are finding success have probably been proactive in improving their chances of success in dating. Best I can tell, you've done nothing other than join some online dating sites. Unless you're a remarkable man, that just isn't going to be enough. But, like almost anything else that's been mentioned in this thread, we've been over that again and again.

[NJ123]

But don't you see how faulty that mentality is? It doesn't come naturally to most people, but those who are finding success have probably been proactive in improving their chances of success in dating. Best I can tell, you've done nothing other than join some online dating sites. Unless you're a remarkable man, that just isn't going to be enough. But, like almost anything else that's been mentioned in this thread, we've been over that again and again.

 

Something that's supposed to be a big part of life isn't just something that's going to go away from the human mind unless they already have had a lot of relationships/experience already where they're taking a break from it or if they're obviously already in a relationship or married already. I'm a guy that finds women attractive & never experienced a relationship, so how am I supposed to just not think about it at all? And obviously if there's billions of people in the world & the number is growing it's obviously natural to a whole lot of people to get into relationships. If a lot of people were struggling than the human race wouldn't be growing as each year goes by.

Edited September 24, 2016 by NJ123

[Blanco]

You just don't get it.

 

I've wasted enough time with this ridiculous thread.

 

Bye.

[Aniela]

Something that's supposed to be a big part of life isn't just something that's going to go away from the human mind unless they already have had a lot of relationships/experience already where they're taking a break from it or if they're obviously already in a relationship or married already. I'm a guy that finds women attractive & never experienced a relationship, so how am I supposed to just not think about it at all? And obviously if there's billions of people in the world & the number is growing it's obviously natural to a whole lot of people to get into relationships. If a lot of people were struggling than the human race wouldn't be growing as each year goes by.

 

People don't know what they're doing, just because they're in relationships. There are a whole bunch of unhealthy relationships out there, as well as healthy ones.

 

I do know how you feel, but those people aren't necessarily happier, or better at this than you or me.