Aniela Posted September 23, 2016 Share Posted September 23, 2016 True, I apologize. Thank you. .. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJ123 Posted September 23, 2016 Author Share Posted September 23, 2016 I have told you in this discussion, and others have told you in this discussion, that a short guy with a sense of humor, who is kind, and has a personality that makes people feel good to be around them will attract women. A tall guy, who is unkind and uninteresting, will not be as attractive to women. Given, OLD makes it difficult for people to show interest in someone based on more than superficial things like height. Which is why, people have told you to go out into the real world and meet real women. You want to show women that you are a wonderful guy who knows how to make a woman feel good about spending time with you... Please STOP generalizing about what women want in a man - every woman is different! If a woman is going to discount dating you because you are short - to be really honest, she's probably not a woman you want to date anyway! You want someone who sees you for the good person that you are - not just how tall you stand at the DMV. You could be the tallest and most handsome man in town, but if I went out with you and you started in with all these generalizations and negative talk, I'd be hard pressed to finish my coffee. Just saying - positivity, kindness, and a sense of humor are very attractive to women. Stop analyzing and coming up with reasons why women do or do not date men on OLD. Go out into the world and find a woman - become her friend, develop a relationship, and see what happens from thre. I've honestly never heard about this whole short/tall thing until I've seen it for myself on online dating apps as well as forums about relationships. The only issue is that so many single people these days use some form of online dating. So let's say if these women have their own set of preferences online, would they change them in person on what they're looking for compared to online? Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted September 23, 2016 Share Posted September 23, 2016 STOP LOOKING ONLINE. It feels like joked latched onto this height thing as a catch-all excuse for your failures with attracting women. At this point, it feels like you're just asking the same questions over and over. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Nightwriter Posted September 23, 2016 Share Posted September 23, 2016 True. And I don't consider myself bad looking it's just I likely will have to work a lot harder to be given a chance than a guy that's taller which is the thing that sucks. You can't control your height, at least not in the 21st century, so control what you can control. I don't know how short you are but I've known guys 5'5" who have some nice wives. They probably didn't find them online but through real world interactions. So join groups of things you are interested in. You might be surprised how easily it is to talk to women who have the same interests. Unless you come off as Quasimodo, they'll be friendly too. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted September 23, 2016 Share Posted September 23, 2016 (edited) Online preferences are a "wish list." It is not real. Sure, I would love to find a guy who is 6-2, slim and trim, does triathalons, drives a sports car, owns his own company, travels the world, and loves romantic comedies. But, I'm dating a guy who has a little extra weight around the middle, a bit of a double chin, slowly receding hairline, has a good job, and a crazy ex wife... But he is kind and thoughtful, he makes me laugh and I love spending time with him, and we have so much in common that we have such fun together. Yes, it's possible if I would have seen him on OLD that I may have passed him by if I had just seen a picture. I'd like to think that once I read a profile and/or exchanged messages with him, I would have wanted to meet him. But, the truth is... If I hadn't, it would have been my loss. He has been sending me the sweetest texts the whole time I've been posting tonight - planning a fun evening tomorrow night and teasing/flirting the whole time. I have a smile on my face and I could not be happier than I feel in this moment! When you date, you date real people, not profiles! A real person will have qualities you like and others you don't like. And they will make you FEEL something - good or bad. It's not about a wish list of qualities you want in a partner - it's about forming a real relationship with a real person. OLD can't help, based on the very nature of the venue, to promote people making fantasy "wish lists" and making judgments about who they want to date based on superficial qualities. You have to expect that women will pass you over all the time - because you are either too short, or you have brown hair, or you don't make enough money, or you don't like to knit... Men do the exact same thing! It is the way it goes with OLD. It's just what it is. You need to accept this for what it is and adapt. and if you can't, get off OLD and meet a woman in the real world where she will have more information on which to decide if you are someone she wants to get to know than your height and what your favorite color is... Edited September 23, 2016 by BaileyB 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted September 23, 2016 Share Posted September 23, 2016 I've honestly never heard about this whole short/tall thing until I've seen it for myself on online dating apps as well as forums about relationships. The only issue is that so many single people these days use some form of online dating. So let's say if these women have their own set of preferences online, would they change them in person on what they're looking for compared to online? All those filters are just so that the app doesn't have to tell you that you have 535,967 people that match what you are looking for, as well as the 435,690 matches yesterday. What would you do with that? A woman in real life may have many loose filters, as most do not really know what they are looking for, only that once they find it they know. But online those loose filters have to be firmed up, so she has to say she prefers blondes or Christians,or guys who work in the military or >6' tall guys or guys that look like [insert celebrity crush of choice], instead of just speaking to a man IRL and thinking he is great, despite the fact he is 5'6, dark haired, a pacifist and an atheist with a big nose and crooked teeth... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJ123 Posted September 23, 2016 Author Share Posted September 23, 2016 Online preferences are a "wish list." It is not real. Sure, I would love to find a guy who is 6-2, slim and trim, does triathalons, drives a sports car, owns his own company, travels the world, and loves romantic comedies. But, I'm dating a guy who has a little extra weight around the middle, a bit of a double chin, slowly receding hairline, has a good job, and a crazy ex wife... But he is kind and thoughtful, he makes me laugh and I love spending time with him, and we have so much in common that we have such fun together. Yes, it's possible if I would have seen him on OLD that I may have passed him by if I had just seen a picture. I'd like to think that once I read a profile and/or exchanged messages with him, I would have wanted to meet him. But, the truth is... If I hadn't, it would have been my loss. He has been sending me the sweetest texts the whole time I've been posting tonight - planning a fun evening tomorrow night and teasing/flirting the whole time. I have a smile on my face and I could not be happier than I feel in this moment! When you date, you date real people, not profiles! A real person will have qualities you like and others you don't like. And they will make you FEEL something - good or bad. It's not about a wish list of qualities you want in a partner - it's about forming a real relationship with a real person. OLD can't help, based on the very nature of the venue, to promote people making fantasy "wish lists" and making judgments about who they want to date based on superficial qualities. You have to expect that women will pass you over all the time - because you are either too short, or you have brown hair, or you don't make enough money, or you don't like to knit... Men do the exact same thing! It is the way it goes with OLD. It's just what it is. You need to accept this for what it is and adapt. and if you can't, get off OLD and meet a woman in the real world where she will have more information on which to decide if you are someone she wants to get to know than your height and what your favorite color is... But than why do people use OLD if it's just for a huge wish list where they hardly give anyone the time of day? Why waste their time if they're looking for some magical person to appear through some app if they're so picky with it? Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted September 23, 2016 Share Posted September 23, 2016 All those filters are just so that the app doesn't have to tell you that you have 535,967 people that match what you are looking for, as well as the 435,690 matches yesterday. What would you do with that? A woman in real life may have many loose filters, as most do not really know what they are looking for, only that once they find it they know. But online those loose filters have to be firmed up, so she has to say she prefers blondes or Christians,or guys who work in the military or >6' tall guys or guys that look like [insert celebrity crush of choice], instead of just speaking to a man IRL and thinking he is great, despite the fact he is 5'6, dark haired, a pacifist and an atheist with a big nose and crooked teeth... Are you hearing what we are saying - preferences are just that - preferences. The filters are meant to narrow the field... It doesn't mean that a woman will only date men who meet specific criteria. That would be so limiting and it totally discounts the fact that people don't know what they want, more often than not, until they meet the person that makes them go... "How you doin" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJ123 Posted September 23, 2016 Author Share Posted September 23, 2016 Are you hearing what we are saying - preferences are just that - preferences. The filters are meant to narrow the field... It doesn't mean that a woman will only date men who meet specific criteria. That would be so limiting and it totally discounts the fact that people don't know what they want, more often than not, until they meet the person that makes them go... "How you doin" I get that, but I'd really prefer to be with someone that doesn't have a preference one way or another about certain things. It's like let's say I signed up on match.com or eharmony, do you really think I'd have a chance with women that state they have a preference for guys that are 5'10"+ if I messaged them? Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted September 23, 2016 Share Posted September 23, 2016 But than why do people use OLD if it's just for a huge wish list where they hardly give anyone the time of day? Why waste their time if they're looking for some magical person to appear through some app if they're so picky with it? This is it - I've got other stuff to do tonight... Women, use OLD because they want to meet someone, just as much as you do. Women are not looking for a magical person. They want to connect with someone, in much the same way that you do. Just because someone doesn't want to meet you doesn't mean they are being unreasonable or looking for something that doesn't exist. It just means, they weren't interested enough in your profile to reach out to you. Moving on... You can't control what someone else chooses. You can only control yourself. You either go around and around in circles blaming others for something that isn't going the way you want in your life... Or you try something different. Do something different! Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted September 23, 2016 Share Posted September 23, 2016 I get that, but I'd really prefer to be with someone that doesn't have a preference one way or another about certain things. It's like let's say I signed up on match.com or eharmony, do you really think I'd have a chance with women that state they have a preference for guys that are 5'10"+ if I messaged them? You keep asking the same question, again and again and again... Please don't sign up for eharmony or match.com. It will only make you miserable. And, if you prefer to be wih someone that doesn't have a preference about certain things... You are going to lead a long and lonely life. Everyone has preferences... You have preferences that you have expressed in this discussion. Relationships are give and take... You give up the beach body for someone who makes you laugh. Or you give up the fact that he doesn't like sports because you both love reading the same books. This is what a relationship is all about! And, until you understand this... You will be hard pressed to find a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJ123 Posted September 23, 2016 Author Share Posted September 23, 2016 This is it - I've got other stuff to do tonight... Women, use OLD because they want to meet someone, just as much as you do. Women are not looking for a magical person. They want to connect with someone, in much the same way that you do. Just because someone doesn't want to meet you doesn't mean they are being unreasonable or looking for something that doesn't exist. It just means, they weren't interested enough in your profile to reach out to you. Moving on... You can't control what someone else chooses. You can only control yourself. You either go around and around in circles blaming others for something that isn't going the way you want in your life... Or you try something different. Do something different! But you just stated in your previous post they use wish lists that aren't real as well as judging others on superficial qualities. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJ123 Posted September 23, 2016 Author Share Posted September 23, 2016 You keep asking the same question, again and again and again... Please don't sign up for eharmony or match.com. It will only make you miserable. And, if you prefer to be wih someone that doesn't have a preference about certain things... You are going to lead a long and lonely life. Everyone has preferences... You have preferences that you have expressed in this discussion. Relationships are give and take... You give up the beach body for someone who makes you laugh. Or you give up the fact that he doesn't like sports because you both love reading the same books. This is what a relationship is all about! And, until you understand this... You will be hard pressed to find a relationship. And I wasn't planning on it. But you're kind of contradicting yourself in terms of saying they're preferences/wishlists yet at the same time they wouldn't give me or others the time of day exactly due to those preferences/wishlists with OLD. So it's kind of weird how what you're saying is I can meet someone that rejected me online yet I'd be good enough in person for them. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted September 23, 2016 Share Posted September 23, 2016 But you just stated in your previous post they use wish lists that aren't real as well as judging others on superficial qualities. I don't know what else to say or how else to explain it. I'm sorry. Good luck with your dating. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted September 23, 2016 Share Posted September 23, 2016 So it's kind of weird how what you're saying is I can meet someone that rejected me online yet I'd be good enough in person for them. Because online, you are a profile. In real life, you are a person. People date people in real life, not online. Get to know a real woman in real life and develop a real relationship. Then you will understand the difference. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted September 23, 2016 Share Posted September 23, 2016 I get that, but I'd really prefer to be with someone that doesn't have a preference one way or another about certain things. It's like let's say I signed up on match.com or eharmony, do you really think I'd have a chance with women that state they have a preference for guys that are 5'10"+ if I messaged them? Thing is some women have set preferences and you have no way of gauging how loose or firm that requirement is on OLD, so no I would not message a woman with a preference for >5'10". You will most likely just annoy her as you are disrespecting her, by ignoring her choices. In the same way if she stated her choice for a professional man and you are a window cleaner, or she wanted a man between 40-50 and you are 25 or 55. BUT that same woman IRL may be swept away by your charm, so it doesn't matter if you are a bit shorter than her wish list or you make your money cleaning windows or you are 35 or 65. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJ123 Posted September 23, 2016 Author Share Posted September 23, 2016 Because online, you are a profile. In real life, you are a person. People date people in real life, not online. Get to know a real woman in real life and develop a real relationship. Then you will understand the difference. It's just weird how the preferences/wishlists are non negotiable online yet in person there's leeway on them that's all. I just don't know, I honestly feel like I'm going to be alone my entire life at this rate. Link to post Share on other sites
SwordofFlame Posted September 23, 2016 Share Posted September 23, 2016 I get that, but I'd really prefer to be with someone that doesn't have a preference one way or another about certain things. It's like let's say I signed up on match.com or eharmony, do you really think I'd have a chance with women that state they have a preference for guys that are 5'10"+ if I messaged them? That is not realistic. For example, if my preference is to date a supermodel. Will that ever happen? Probably not. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJ123 Posted September 23, 2016 Author Share Posted September 23, 2016 Thing is some women have set preferences and you have no way of gauging how loose or firm that requirement is on OLD, so no I would not message a woman with a preference for >5'10". You will most likely just annoy her as you are disrespecting her, by ignoring her choices. In the same way if she stated her choice for a professional man and you are a window cleaner, or she wanted a man between 40-50 and you are 25 or 55. BUT that same woman IRL may be swept away by your charm, so it doesn't matter if you are a bit shorter than her wish list or you make your money cleaning windows or you are 35 or 65. But it's just so weird how it works that way. If they wouldn't care about a guys height or how much he makes offline within reason why not just have a wider set of preferences online as well? All my preferences on OKCupid that I checked off were pretty standard things where I wouldn't want them from someone online or offline like she doesn't smoke often, or doesn't drink often, doesn't have kids, doesn't do drugs. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJ123 Posted September 23, 2016 Author Share Posted September 23, 2016 That is not realistic. For example, if my preference is to date a supermodel. Will that ever happen? Probably not. But that's a lot different compared to a preference that eliminates a huge percentage of people. Link to post Share on other sites
Nightwriter Posted September 23, 2016 Share Posted September 23, 2016 Many women care about a guy's height, but if she met a guy shorter in real life and he is witty, assertive, and is nice, she could be willing to go outside her preference. You can't see any of that on a phone screen or computer screen. OP, I'm curious how tall are you? Link to post Share on other sites
JuneJulySeptember Posted September 23, 2016 Share Posted September 23, 2016 I get that, but I'd really prefer to be with someone that doesn't have a preference one way or another about certain things. It's like let's say I signed up on match.com or eharmony, do you really think I'd have a chance with women that state they have a preference for guys that are 5'10"+ if I messaged them? When I did online dating, I messaged women when I was up to 2" shorter than their preference on their profile. If I was 3" shorter, I wouldn't. I maybe got one response from a woman in that category. I also messaged women who excluded my race at least 30+ times and got zero responses, so I completely stopped doing it. For me, I fall outside of the preferences of about 90-95% of women (who have a preference), so it was kind of necessary. Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted September 23, 2016 Share Posted September 23, 2016 I just don't know, I honestly feel like I'm going to be alone my entire life at this rate. Look, I'm not even quite sure what you want from anyone here at this point. This thread has been going on for a week, has more than 500 replies, and it feels like nothing has been accomplished. No matter what is said or insights are provided, you continue to return to your trusty set of talking points that you started with at the outset of this thread. Quite frankly, you seem like you'd be exhausting to spend time with. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJ123 Posted September 23, 2016 Author Share Posted September 23, 2016 Many women care about a guy's height, but if she met a guy shorter in real life and he is witty, assertive, and is nice, she could be willing to go outside her preference. You can't see any of that on a phone screen or computer screen. OP, I'm curious how tall are you? I'm pretty much 5'6" without shoes & close to 5'7" with. Link to post Share on other sites
JuneJulySeptember Posted September 23, 2016 Share Posted September 23, 2016 That is not realistic. For example, if my preference is to date a supermodel. Will that ever happen? Probably not. That I do not understand. Like everybody wants the 'best and most attractive'. The tallest and most handsome guy. The hottest woman with the best face and a@@. To me, so many women are attractive. Yes, I have a girlfriend. Yes, if I see a supermodel or pornstar, yes I want to have sex with them. So what? If I was a dating a supermodel or pornstar, I'd want to have sex with my girlfriend. To me, they are just even par, like different flavors. Link to post Share on other sites
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