Husband is away on business, and I am lonely.

[RomanticBride]

I'm glad I'm going to therapy tomorrow. I'm going to ask questions and write down the answers verbatim, and repeat them here. Perhaps I AM twisting things to suit myself. My chest feels tight and I'm suddenly nauseous and I'm doing deep breathing exercises but it's not helping me. I have a genuine fear that he's going to leave me. I always have. When I was young, I feared he'd leave me for someone more mentally stable and mature. Now, I fear he will leave me for someone younger.

[CarrieT]

RB, who told you "over and over" that your husband was a pedophile?

 

And do your parents and therapist know this?!?

[BaileyB]

People told me and told me and bloody told me over and over that my beloved boyfriend/fiance/husband is a pedophile. I got nervous after I turned 18 and was now legal, but he married me anyway. I got nervous when I was 21 and was now an official adult in ALL the legal ways, but he took me back after an EA anyway.

 

See this statement demonstrates that YOU KNOW that this is not normal. The fact that you were worried that he would leave you when you got to the age of legal majority is unimaginable!

 

The fact that your parents allowed this and you went willingly into his arms, is beyond disturbing. The fact that you worry that he will leave you in search of someone younger when you age and fine lines appear in your face (which they will...) is also concerning.

 

It seems that you have heard this message from others, yet you persist in creating this fantasy life with a man who my opinion, has taken advantage of you.

 

I'm sorry that you are anxious. Talk to your counsellor. Hopefully she can help you to think about what we have said. We all just want you to be safe, happy, and healthy.

Edited September 6, 2016 by BaileyB

[clia]

RB,

 

I very much get the impression from your posts that you are engaged in some sort of fantasy, innocent, princess, damsel in distress role play that has taken over your life. You seem devoted to this role you have cast yourself in.

 

What do you do all day while your husband is at work? Do you have friends in real life? Do you get out of the house and interact with others in society? Do you watch the news, documentaries, or read non-fiction? Someone mentioned this above, but I wonder if you are too much inside your own head and that is causing you more distress.

[wmacbride]

I'm glad I'm going to therapy tomorrow. I'm going to ask questions and write down the answers verbatim, and repeat them here. Perhaps I AM twisting things to suit myself. My chest feels tight and I'm suddenly nauseous and I'm doing deep breathing exercises but it's not helping me. I have a genuine fear that he's going to leave me. I always have. When I was young, I feared he'd leave me for someone more mentally stable and mature. Now, I fear he will leave me for someone younger.

 

Op,

I don't want to make you upset, and I don't want to add extra stress to your plate. I'm saying these things because you sound so much like my daughter. She also developed severe depression around the age you first did, and when that happened, it was as if he personal development stopped, locking her in at the age she was at that time. This, according to her doctors, is very, very common in young people with mental illness, and can be a huge challenge to overcome.

 

It's taken a lot of work for her to progress to a stage that is close to where she should be for he age, and she is still incredibly vulnerable and trusting. She also has apsergers ad other health conditions, which add even more to her plate. She's fashion model pretty, five foot ten and always attracts male attention, which if she was interested, could easily lead to her getting involved with that small group of men who see no problem with taking advantage of a teenager or young adult who is coping with some serious issues.

 

She's like you in that she practices a lot of escapism, creating a vivid fantasy life, only hers is more "hard edged" and nothing like disney. Like you, she also loves literature and writing, and has been able to use that skill to become a published author of several books that have a loyal fanbase. Her escapist coping strategy has been turned into something that works for her, though like you, there have bee times her fantasy world has bled into her reality.

 

In your case, it very much sounds like your coping mechanism and escape from the things in your life that are hard to face has been to remain childlike and escape into romantic fantasy that keeps you form having to grow up. That is not good for you at all.

 

I would also highly suggest you consider at least having an initial session with a new counselor. there is so much wrong with the tack your current one is taking. First, if you are on antidepressants, you should also be followed by a psychiatrist to ensure dosing is correct and side effects are being addressed. A counselor or therapist who is not also a medical doctor can't do this.

 

Secondly, your counselor sounds like he or she is either totally out of touch or you are only hearing what you want to hear. Any counselor who is okay with a 15 year old girl having romantic interactions with a man in his 20's, who is then okay with her parents flying him in for her 16th birthday, who is fine with them getting married when she's just 18 and who hears the kinds of things the two of your do together and who knows how fragile you are is, well, an absolute dud. TBH, I'm surprised he or she didn't report the situtaion when you were underage. (15) to law enforcement, as depending on what state you live in, grooming like this is a criminal offence.

 

 

I get that right now, your H is comfortable and "safe", but deep down, you know he isn't. Otherwise, there wouldn't be this panic about looking older when you are just 24.

 

The good thing is that with some support from a different counselor or therapist who has your best interests in mind, you can begin to grow up and find out all that the adult world has to offer.

[CarrieT]

I hate to induce a panic attack, but you were worried of wrinkles at the age of 21 or 23, what happens when you WILL get wrinkles in your 30s or 40s?

 

Please address these issues with your therapist...

 

You know you are childlike now. But you must realize that this can't remain stagnant, don't you? Maturity is inevitable and you need to start developing the skill set to handling that which is a fact of life.

[ChickiePops]

Why can I not think things through for myself? Because my relationship is most important to me. I don't want to leave him. I love him. And he loves me. And to be frank, if I love him looking after me, and he loves looking after me, where is the problem at all?

 

And yes, I'm acutely aware that I am childish and childlike. How can I possibly not be when so very many people, friends and strangers alike, have done their best to make me aware?

 

We watched Cinderella tonight, and I got a bit teary when Cinderella's father died, and outright bawled when she had her first dance with the prince. I'd said, "I'm sorry, it's just so beautiful." My husband held me a little closer during those moments, but said nothing. I was trying to sort through my very complex emotions during that scene. Introspection is one of my strongest personal skills, so it wasn't too difficult a task.

 

I was crying because I was saddened that *I* am not Cinderella. I'm not kind enough, I'm not courageous enough, I sometimes swear, I can't dance to save my life, and I definitely don't have a prince who is as soothing and sweet as I watch and read about. I was contemplating saying so aloud, when he got to the scene in which the prince was pushing Cinderella on the swing in the secret garden. He said, "See, Cinderella lets Kit push her on the swing. You should let me." Leave it to him to be the one to point out a discrepancy! I grinned at his realization and told him the next time I went out to my parents' house to swing in their garden (one of the most relaxing and soothing activities I know) I would let him push me, if he promised to be very, very gentle.

 

After we finished the movie, he disrobed and so did I, and we began again our intimate exploration. I did not expect that after only one day of practice, we would finally, after five years, consummate our marriage. It didn't hurt as much as I thought it would. I didn't cry out in pain. I didn't get too tired and nor did he. We didn't climax, but neither of us cared. We went farther than we've ever been able to go before. I was so overwhelmed with the thought of it that when he pulled out, I cried.

 

He told me, once we'd finished, that I looked so much less sickly, so full of life, and so beautiful. I told him that I didn't see sex as a marital necessity until this moment, and that I was greatly anticipating the continuation of our newly blooming sex life. And we're doing it again tomorrow. And the day after, and the day after, for at least thirty days. I'm STILL shaking with a happy emotion I cannot quite describe.

 

I work in the entertainment industry. While I didn't actually work on Cinderella, I've worked on other large scale/budget films so I have a pretty good idea of what that one was like.

 

 

You know what's actually going on? Lily James is uncomfortable and can't eat anything in a dress that's too tight. Richard Madden is off in the corner texting his non-princess girlfriend. The glass slippers are CGI. In fact, much of the set is CGI as well. There's no castle. There's certainly no prince. Cate Blanchett is actually quite lovely and nothing like her character. Lily James is a normal, 21st century woman. She probably has an iPhone. She probably fights with her parents. Look up some of the interviews with her on YouTube..she definitely curses (and it's hilarious).

 

 

If you want to be more courageous then go live your actual life instead of crying about the one you can never have.

[RomanticBride]

I did not have the same therapist when I was 16 as I do now, and my old therapist was very reluctant to approve of my husband. As to who told me over and over, it ranged from friends and friends' parents to church friends of my mother, to strangers on the Internet. They, lime some responders here, thought it was creepy and sick for a 16 year old girl to have a relationship with a 26 year old man.

 

Today, when my mother came to pick me up for school, (she insisted because I accidentally left my handbag at her place and she wanted to rewritten it to me) I said to her, "It's a very good thing I'm seeing Dr. (Therapist) tomorrow. I can't stop worrying. I'm worried about X problem, about Y problem, about my husband leaving me for a woman who doesn't have fine lines..." She smiled and rolled her eyes, and when she realized I wasn't being hyperbolic, she gave me a look that fell somewhere between sternness and concern for my sanity. She asked me why, and I sat down and said, "as long as I've known my Eternal Beloved, purple have accused him of pedophilia or ephebophilia, of being attracted to teenagers. What if, once I'm older, I'm too old for him, and he leaves me?" She continued looking at me like I had completely lost the plot, and said, "Your husband is not a pedophile!"

 

"Then why did he date me?!"

 

"Because he LOVES you! He is COMMITTED to you!!"

 

She asked me numerous times if I'd taken my medicine. Yes, I had. So once again, I (hope I) am making something out of nothing. My mother does want me to become more skilled at cooking, cleaning, and general wifery, and she does expect me to finish my education and find employment afterwards. She believes my dear husband will help me do all of those things, and says his presence in my life has matured me somewhat.

[ChickiePops]

I missed the part where the OP is trying to sell us on a 5 year unconsummated marriage.

 

 

Hahahahahahahaha..well done OP. I'm out.

[RomanticBride]

Well, we had sex and he took my virginity on our wedding night, but it was always short and painful and not pleasant; I was so tight that he couldn't even... "sheath his sword up to the hilt", so to speak, until last night. Therefore I don't count our 10 or so failed attempts as real sex because we would stop, disappointed, midway through. This time, we didn't stop because it was excruciating and terrible. We stopped when we wanted to stop. It didn't feel like an "attempt" at sex, but a completed act for the first time.

Edited September 6, 2016 by RomanticBride

[wmacbride]

I did not have the same therapist when I was 16 as I do now, and my old therapist was very reluctant to approve of my husband. As to who told me over and over, it ranged from friends and friends' parents to church friends of my mother, to strangers on the Internet. They, lime some responders here, thought it was creepy and sick for a 16 year old girl to have a relationship with a 26 year old man.

 

Today, when my mother came to pick me up for school, (she insisted because I accidentally left my handbag at her place and she wanted to rewritten it to me) I said to her, "It's a very good thing I'm seeing Dr. (Therapist) tomorrow. I can't stop worrying. I'm worried about X problem, about Y problem, about my husband leaving me for a woman who doesn't have fine lines..." She smiled and rolled her eyes, and when she realized I wasn't being hyperbolic, she gave me a look that fell somewhere between sternness and concern for my sanity. She asked me why, and I sat down and said, "as long as I've known my Eternal Beloved, purple have accused him of pedophilia or ephebophilia, of being attracted to teenagers. What if, once I'm older, I'm too old for him, and he leaves me?" She continued looking at me like I had completely lost the plot, and said, "Your husband is not a pedophile!"

 

"Then why did he date me?!"

 

"Because he LOVES you! He is COMMITTED to you!!"

 

She asked me numerous times if I'd taken my medicine. Yes, I had. So once again, I (hope I) am making something out of nothing. My mother does want me to become more skilled at cooking, cleaning, and general wifery, and she does expect me to finish my education and find employment afterwards. She believes my dear husband will help me do all of those things, and says his presence in my life has matured me somewhat.

 

On the off chance this is reality and not more fantasy...your mom should be ashamed of herself for not keeping you away from him and not marching your arse to the nearest police station, sitting you down and reporting that a 25 year old man ( or however old he was at that time) was grooming her 15 year old daughter. It's illegal in a lot fo places.

 

I'm also surprised that your counselor at the time didn't report what was going on, as again, in many places, it's illegal for a man in his 20's to be communicating for sexual purposes ( and no, I'm not stupid enough to believe it was all innocent on his part) with a 15 year old girl. As a mandated reporter, he or she should have done so.

 

Anyway, your husband IS attracted to young teenage girls, otherwise, he wouldn't have even started a relationship with you. Now that you are married, he provides you with nothing helpful or useful, and is a-okay with hurting you by keeping you in this child like state, all for his sexual gratification. Face it. If he was attracted to adult women and not young girls, he would have felt ill at the idea of being sexual in any way, shape or form with a 15 year old. He's played you and your family and it taking all of you for a ride. There is a reason a 15 year old can't vote, can't sign most contracts, can't join the army, can't get a driver's license, can't drink alcohol, needs parental consent for health care, etc. it's because 15 year olds are notoriously bad at making judgments.

 

You can stick rose petals all over it, and it still stinks like, well, I'm sure you can guess.

 

( btw, I get that you see telling your story as a literary exercise, but please, recheck what you have previously written and get your story straight)

Edited September 6, 2016 by wmacbride

[RomanticBride]

We weren't sexual until we were married when I was 18. We weren't even openly affectionate until I was 16. He wouldn't so much as emote a kiss or write xoxo in open chat or blogs until I was 16! When I said I love you in a chat room where people could see, all he said was, "thank you"

 

My counselor at the time asked my mom if she approved of it and was monitoring the situation and acting as a chaperone to the relationship. Mom said yes and that was the bloody end of it.

 

I am TIRED of saying that. We kept our relationship not openly romantic until I was 16 and we didn't have sex, or attempts at sex, until we were married when I was 18. And I KNOW I have a dramatic way with words, but I am not making things up. If anything about the relationship were illegal, immigration wouldn't have given him the fiance visa. End. Of. Story.

 

Goodness!!

 

Accuse him of not loving me, of using me as a fetish object, prophecy that he'll leave me for a teenager, fine. You may have ground to stand on there because I cannot read my husband's mind nor can I predict the future. But for the love of peace, DO NOT accuse him of breaking the law! He didn't. We read the laws of our countries with a fine-toothed comb.

Edited September 6, 2016 by RomanticBride

[ChickiePops]

Never mind...

[BettyDraper]

I'm glad I'm going to therapy tomorrow. I'm going to ask questions and write down the answers verbatim, and repeat them here. Perhaps I AM twisting things to suit myself. My chest feels tight and I'm suddenly nauseous and I'm doing deep breathing exercises but it's not helping me. I have a genuine fear that he's going to leave me. I always have. When I was young, I feared he'd leave me for someone more mentally stable and mature. Now, I fear he will leave me for someone younger.

 

Well, that fear makes sense considering his comments about an animated character and how you met.

 

Your enabling therapist is not going to tell you anything that doesn't fit into your idea of what healthy behavior is.

If you're interested in becoming more independent, I suggest you find a new therapist and let her know what your goals are.

[wmacbride]

We weren't sexual until we were married when I was 18. We weren't even openly affectionate until I was 16. He wouldn't so much as emote a kiss or write xoxo in open chat or blogs until I was 16! When I said I love you in a chat room where people could see, all he said was, "thank you"

 

My counselor at the time asked my mom if she approved of it and was monitoring the situation and acting as a chaperone to the relationship. Mom said yes and that was the bloody end of it.

 

I am TIRED of saying that. We kept our relationship not openly romantic until I was 16 and we didn't have sex, or attempts at sex, until we were married when I was 18. And I KNOW I have a dramatic way with words, but I am not making things up. If anything about the relationship were illegal, immigration wouldn't have given him the fiance visa. End. Of. Story.

 

Goodness!!

 

Accuse him of not loving me, of using me as a fetish object, prophecy that he'll leave me for a teenager, fine. You may have ground to stand on there because I cannot read my husband's mind nor can I predict the future. But for the love of peace, DO NOT accuse him of breaking the law! He didn't. We read the laws of our countries with a fine-toothed comb.

 

:rolleyes:

 

Oh for frig sake...the fa that he felt he needed to got through the laws with a fine tooth comb as somehow proving he had honorable intentions is just about the most asinine thing I have ever heard, and I have heard a lot od asinine ideas in my time.

 

The idea that "he wouldn't have gotten a visa if he was doing anything illegal" is utter cr@p. Do you think he actually told them " we'll I want a visa so I can go to meet and marry a girl I have been chatting online with since she was 15" .? or 'her parents purchased a ticket for me to travel, and just HAD to meet this young girl I have been chatting with, but there s nothing sexual about it":rolleyes: They would have laughed him out the door.

 

btw, most men, who are not pedophiles/heberphiles if they had innocent intentions and a 15 year old girl was coming on to them, would tell her gently to go away and not contact him again. Notice how your "eternal beloved" didn't do this? He accepted all your love poems, declarations of devotion, etc. and come to see you, at your parents expense, the day you turned 16?

 

Either the guy is a total moron or he's sexually attracted to young girls, saw an opportunity, and took it.

 

Which is it?

 

Btw, the dramatic flair of your writing is further proof that you have a lot fo growing up to do. this is not a romance novel or some cosplay event, it is real life.

[RomanticBride]

:rolleyes:

 

Oh for frig sake...the fa that he felt he needed to got through the laws with a fine tooth comb as somehow proving he had honorable intentions is just about the most asinine thing I have ever heard, and I have heard a lot od asinine ideas in my time.

 

The idea that "he wouldn't have gotten a visa if he was doing anything illegal" is utter cr@p. Do you think he actually told them " we'll I want a visa so I can go to meet and marry a girl I have been chatting online with since she was 15" .? or 'her parents purchased a ticket for me to travel, and just HAD to meet this young girl I have been chatting with, but there s nothing sexual about it":rolleyes: They would have laughed him out the door.

 

btw, most men, who are not pedophiles/heberphiles if they had innocent intentions and a 15 year old girl was coming on to them, would tell her gently to go away and not contact him again. Notice how your "eternal beloved" didn't do this? He accepted all your love poems, declarations of devotion, etc. and come to see you, at your parents expense, the day you turned 16?

 

Either the guy is a total moron or he's sexually attracted to young girls, saw an opportunity, and took it.

 

Which is it?

 

Btw, the dramatic flair of your writing is further proof that you have a lot fo growing up to do. this is not a romance novel or some cosplay event, it is real life.

 

Yes, that is EXACTLY what he and I wrote on the bloody application!!! Nearly word for word, I am sure!! And actually, it was I who seduced him. At first, he did turn me down and told me to go away. It wasn't until I offered to help him get a plane ticket over here, via my parents' generosity, that he agreed we'd start dating.

 

Unbelievable but true. Word. For. Bloody. Word

Edited September 6, 2016 by RomanticBride

[BettyDraper]

Why can I not think things through for myself? Because my relationship is most important to me. I don't want to leave him. I love him. And he loves me. And to be frank, if I love him looking after me, and he loves looking after me, where is the problem at all?

 

And yes, I'm acutely aware that I am childish and childlike. How can I possibly not be when so very many people, friends and strangers alike, have done their best to make me aware?

 

We watched Cinderella tonight, and I got a bit teary when Cinderella's father died, and outright bawled when she had her first dance with the prince. I'd said, "I'm sorry, it's just so beautiful." My husband held me a little closer during those moments, but said nothing. I was trying to sort through my very complex emotions during that scene. Introspection is one of my strongest personal skills, so it wasn't too difficult a task.

 

I was crying because I was saddened that *I* am not Cinderella. I'm not kind enough, I'm not courageous enough, I sometimes swear, I can't dance to save my life, and I definitely don't have a prince who is as soothing and sweet as I watch and read about. I was contemplating saying so aloud, when he got to the scene in which the prince was pushing Cinderella on the swing in the secret garden. He said, "See, Cinderella lets Kit push her on the swing. You should let me." Leave it to him to be the one to point out a discrepancy! I grinned at his realization and told him the next time I went out to my parents' house to swing in their garden (one of the most relaxing and soothing activities I know) I would let him push me, if he promised to be very, very gentle.

 

After we finished the movie, he disrobed and so did I, and we began again our intimate exploration. I did not expect that after only one day of practice, we would finally, after five years, consummate our marriage. It didn't hurt as much as I thought it would. I didn't cry out in pain. I didn't get too tired and nor did he. We didn't climax, but neither of us cared. We went farther than we've ever been able to go before. I was so overwhelmed with the thought of it that when he pulled out, I cried.

 

He told me, once we'd finished, that I looked so much less sickly, so full of life, and so beautiful. I told him that I didn't see sex as a marital necessity until this moment, and that I was greatly anticipating the continuation of our newly blooming sex life. And we're doing it again tomorrow. And the day after, and the day after, for at least thirty days. I'm STILL shaking with a happy emotion I cannot quite describe.

 

Dear Lord....RB, you're an adult. Children are pushed on swings and your husband's perverse need to treat you like a daughter rather than an adult is shown in in his wish to push you on a swing.

 

I'm guessing that you did not consummate your marriage for one of two reasons: your husband felt guilty about luring a vulnerable woman into marriage so it was hard to have sex or you still saw yourself as a child who is too young for an adult sexual relationship. I'm glad you enjoyed being intimate with your husband last night. Sex is play for grown ups.

 

Since it's obvious that you're going to stay with your husband, why not put on some slow songs and dance with him? We've already talked about letting go of the fantasies in your head but I don't think that will happen unless you get the right help. You stopped seeing the therapist who told you the truth so that shows that you attend therapy to hear what you want instead of what will help you.

[BettyDraper]

Yes, that is EXACTLY what he and I wrote on the bloody application!!! Nearly word for word, I am sure!! And actually, it was I who seduced him. At first, he did turn me down and told me to go away. It wasn't until I offered to help him get a plane ticket over here, via my parents' generosity, that he agreed we'd start dating.

 

Unbelievable but true. Word. For. Bloody. Word

 

Okay....now I'm absolutely certain that you've been fabricating everything in this thread.

 

There is no way that your boyfriend would have been given a Visa in order to take advantage of an underage girl.

 

North American countries do not allow ephebophiles to visit and look for kids.

[RomanticBride]

Dear Lord....RB, you're an adult. Children are pushed on swings and your husband's perverse need to treat you like a daughter rather than an adult is shown in in his wish to push you on a swing.

 

I'm guessing that you did not consummate your marriage for one of two reasons: your husband felt guilty about luring a vulnerable woman into marriage so it was hard to have sex or you still saw yourself as a child who is too young for an adult sexual relationship. I'm glad you enjoyed being intimate with your husband last night. Sex is play for grown ups.

 

Since it's obvious that you're going to stay with your husband, why not put on some slow songs and dance with him? We've already talked about letting go of the fantasies in your head but I don't think that will happen unless you get the right help. You stopped seeing the therapist who told you the truth so that shows that you attend therapy to hear what you want instead of what will help you.

Well, as I said, he couldn't get it in me on our honeymoon or most of our attempts. He'd see me cringe in pain and he would immediately lose his excitement. I went to the doctor a month later and was told I had vaginismus, that the muscles in my lady's flower, just like in my legs, were too tight to move to allow him in. She said the way too fix it was constant sexual practice, but I hated using dillators and he couldn't stand seeing me in pain. So we gave up after mutually deciding sex was to much trouble. Neither of us really have libido to speak of.

 

Until last night. it wasn't about carnality, but about sharing something sacred.

 

As to dancing, we should. We have done before, in preparation for a Halloween party my parents were hosting. Naturally, I went as Ella.

 

Also, for those of you who are hoping I'm still looking for self-betterment, I am. I Googled, "how to be an adult, compiled a list of the main points in several articles, and starred items on the list that I'm not very good at yet. I have spent some time reading about how to do those things. Adulthood, like love, is apparently less what one is, and more what one does. And most of what one does is to reflect upon criticism, set goals and keep them, fold the laundry, never adopt an idea solely because someone suggested it until one thinks it over, know how to compile a budget, be prepared to survive emotionally without another's help, and be financially independent. I've got 'em all but the last two.

[RomanticBride]

Believe what you will. He was given a visa to marry me. We started the prices when I was 17. He's here, and that is how it happened.

 

And actually I stopped attending therapy because for a short while between the ages of 17 and 18, I stopped needing it. My GP diagnose me with depression at eighteen and prescribed the proper medications, but I didn't feel I needed therapy until I was proven wrong when I had an emotional affair and a mental breakdown at age 21.

 

I've been seeing my therapist since I got out of the hospital after my EA.

Edited September 6, 2016 by RomanticBride

[BaileyB]

Yeah, I don't like to be unkind but this whole story is unbelievable.

 

If there is any truth to what you have written, you need to continue to see your therapist. You have some big issues to deal with in your life, and a therapist who tells you what you want to hear is not serving you.

 

You parents should be ashamed of how they have allowed their daughter to be groomed and given to a pedophile. More ashamed of how they continue to enable the relationship and your dependency on your parents and your husband.

 

And your husband, well... Nothing much to be said for a 26 year old man who engaged in an inappropriate relationship with a minor child. I assumed at first that he clearly had a fetish/was a pedophile which is why it is so incredible that you haven't really had a sexual relationship with him. From my perspective, that would be the only reason a 26 year old man would show any interest in a 15 year old girl. If he waited to have sex until you were legal, he hasn't broken any laws. But, if he groomed you from a young age and continues to isolate you and enable your dependence on him... That is abhorrent.

[RomanticBride]

Well, I don't know what to say; I really don't. What I told you happened really is what happened. Maybe, he was just a lonely British man who had had failed relationships elsewhere and who was willing to give me a try after some coaxing. Maybe I taught him that he's lovable.

 

Actually, it really, really irks me that once again some people disbelieve me. You (collectively, not you specifically) disbelieved me in 2009 before he'd even come over, and you disbelieve me now. What more can I say?

Edited September 6, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
anonymity~T

[CarrieT]

RB, it is not that we don't believe you...

 

It is that the entire scenario is "un-believable" in its creepiness.

 

These are the sorts of stories one reads about in tabloids or whatnot. It is not healthy or sane on so many levels but, being inside the situation, you don't see that.

[RomanticBride]

RB, it is not that we don't believe you...

 

It is that the entire scenario is "un-believable" in its creepiness.

 

These are the sorts of stories one reads about in tabloids or whatnot. It is not healthy or sane on so many levels but, being inside the situation, you don't see that.

 

I see. You know, we occasionally go out to parties or bars or restaurants with 20-and-30somethings, and usually the first thing that comes up is EB's accent, then where he's from, then why he's in the States, then how we found each other, then how long we've been married. The whole story is told in just a few sentences. "I'm British. The north of England. This is my wife, RomanticBride. I came here to marry her. Yeah, we met online. Nearly 5 years."

 

Now, surely these partygoers can infer that I'm in my early 20's, as I look my age. Usually one of us mentions I was married at age 18. As a matter of fact, my very first speech of the semester, which I am delivering this Thursday, will be a personal introduction talking about the trials and tribulations and legal hoops my darling and I have had to face, and how it strengthened us. My professor and my entire class of 30-40 people now know that I, at 18, married a 28-year-old. Nobody's ever run screaming into the streets crying for someone to call the police. Nobody in polite society has said an ill thing about us or the relationship since we've been married, or even given us sidelong glances. I really do think you, collectively, are quite possibly overstating the "creepy" factor in all of this, and while I do naturally have a tendency to worry that he may leave me for someone younger, prettier, and/or more mentally stable, I really doubt hearing strangers confirming these worries as valid is helping me keep a level head. Just saying.

[Haydn]

The Trump thread has lost me now.