Possibly ghosted after 2 months of dating ?

[Saracena]

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He replied that he was still available to talk. I needed to end things and to know the truth and not to carry this during the week after that, so I asked him to come to my place at a precise hour. He did, and I force myself not to be mad, we chatted a bit and I asked him what was he thinking about us. .

 

 

What puzzles me here is if he were just intent on ghosting, why did he travel 90 minutes to your place in the pouring rain? He could have had the conversation over the phone or (in true ghosting style) declined the offer completely or made some excuse. Sounds to me he was actually pulling back (before) as opposed to ghosting.

[clia]

Hey guys, thank you for all your thoughts. Many good advises here from people who seem to have been out there!!

 

I should have keep you updated before but I had to work this week end.

 

So the dude texted me on Friday pm, telling me his Dad asked him to have diner with him on Friday and, could we postpone Sunday night? I was so mad I nearly never answered. I know he has issues with his dad and that was probably a big deal but, it's not nice to always be the plan B.

 

IMO, you should've told him you already had plans. You are way to accommodating to a guy who has made no effort to see you and cancelled on you at the last minute.

 

On Sunday night (yesterday), I didn't have any news at 6 so I texted him that I was not happy he was ghosting me and that there were better ways to end a relationship (didn't use that word though - we speak french).

 

He replied that he was still available to talk.

 

Honestly, it couldn't be any clearer that he is not interested in dating you. He cancelled on you Friday, rescheduled for Sunday, didn't bother contacting you on Sunday, and then when you initiated contact said he was "available to talk."

 

Basically, I told him that him not being present at all since two weeks made me drift away. That if his ultimate goal was to make me more and more disinterested, it was working.

 

All of this is not consistent with your actions. You've been chasing him. He's listening to this going "Oh, really?" You don't seem at all disinterested. You seem very interested.

 

We agreed he would still come with me to the (previously stated) wedding and that we were still "a thing". He went home after that, which was sort of a relief because I have a huge week ahead of me and that means he would have basically done 1hour 30 minutes of transit in pouring rain just for a 45 minutes talk with me - and that it wasn't just for sex.

 

I was pretty content with that yesterday but today I'm not sure. I don't blame myself because I pushed my limits and did my best but there are still things that I wish I could have asked.... :/

 

So what exactly do you have? When is your next date?

[lillian39530]

What puzzles me here is if he were just intent on ghosting, why did he travel 90 minutes to your place in the pouring rain? He could have had the conversation over the phone or (in true ghosting style) declined the offer completely or made some excuse. Sounds to me he was actually pulling back (before) as opposed to ghosting.

 

I'm very confused too. The door was WIDE open to dump me, and he didn't.

 

I think only time will tell.

[lillian39530]

I'd definitely leave him. Get on a dating site and get over him. My friend was using everyonesdating.com could try there. Hope it works out.

 

Thanks. I'm actually considering going back on a dating websites in a few weeks. Even though we wouldn't be dating anymore I would take a few weeks off the meet market to clear up my thoughts.

[lillian39530]

IMO, you should've told him you already had plans. You are way to accommodating to a guy who has made no effort to see you and cancelled on you at the last minute.

 

 

Honestly, it couldn't be any clearer that he is not interested in dating you. He cancelled on you Friday, rescheduled for Sunday, didn't bother contacting you on Sunday, and then when you initiated contact said he was "available to talk."

 

 

All of this is not consistent with your actions. You've been chasing him. He's listening to this going "Oh, really?" You don't seem at all disinterested. You seem very interested.

 

 

So what exactly do you have? When is your next date?

 

Not until next week. My therapist is coming back from holiday next week and I need to see her before lol. And I already made plans without him anyways for the week end.

[lana-banana]

I'm very confused too. The door was WIDE open to dump me, and he didn't.

 

I think only time will tell.

 

He didn't dump you because in his mind he doesn't need to. He doesn't even think you have a relationship to end. This whole thing isndead, done and ashes, and you're clinging desperately as they run through your fingers. I only know because I've been there. I spent Christ knows how long thinking we had something when in retrospect it was so obvious he never gave a damn.

 

As for why he drove all the way out there? He could have had something to do or other people to see. You'll never know. Ultimately, it doesn't matter. Someone who can't be bothered to go on dates with you doesn't want to date you.

[Leigh 87]

Oh sweetie, you are acting really desperate here... But it happens to the best of us, it really is an art initially in seeking out men who are ACTUALLY INTO US - because when our heart wants to believe sh*t, it just... does. Against common logic that EVERYONE ELSE can see.

 

Look this has happened to me plenty! I can tell you one thing for sure: The dinner with mum/dat excuse is ALWAYS AN EXCUSE. Men who are super into you will POSTPONE dinner or lunch with mummy and daddy. They are GROWN MEN and do not " need" to " have to have dinner on a certain day" with their parents!

 

So make a mental note; dinner with mum or dad = NOT INTO YOU. In 99.999999%. No grown man NEEDS to eat with mum or dad on a certain day - grown men can function just fine without HAVING to see their parents on a particular day!

 

I have had this excuse used on me a few times. The guy was never that into me and stopped pursuing me after the "dinner with dad" excuse.

 

Men who are interested MAKE TIME.

 

Men who are interested DO NOT put off seeing you all weeend unless they really are out of town, or attending to weddings, birthdays or have a parent or sibling in hospital on life support. There are NO other excuses.

 

People who feel big feelings and are super excited and DYING to see you to not have dinner with mum rather than see you. And come onnow, what are the odds of this dude having an ENTIRE WEEKEND packed with SUPER important things that he just CANNOT CANCEL?

 

Anyone close to him dying? Is the wedding ALL WEEKEND and out of town? IS he out of town for business? No? '

 

Well. He just isn't that into you then.

 

Trust me it took me reciting this over and over and over and over again for me to finally get it.

 

Plus all the men who made the mum and dad excuse with me or any woman I have ever known it to happen to- have just not been that into them.

[Leigh 87]

He didn't dump you because in his mind he doesn't need to. He doesn't even think you have a relationship to end. This whole thing isndead, done and ashes, and you're clinging desperately as they run through your fingers. I only know because I've been there. I spent Christ knows how long thinking we had something when in retrospect it was so obvious he never gave a damn.

 

As for why he drove all the way out there? He could have had something to do or other people to see. You'll never know. Ultimately, it doesn't matter. Someone who can't be bothered to go on dates with you doesn't want to date you.

 

 

oh LOL.

 

I have had men spend 1000s on me when all they wanted was easy sex:lmao:

 

It is sad wen grown @ss women assume that just because a man spent time and effort driving to see them, that they MUST be into them.

 

Last guy flew me accross Australia twice to see him. Got my jewellery on my bday mere days after meeting me. Told me he never felt this connection before. LOL and LOL. He never felt much, he just found me really attractive and wanted to shag.

 

Another guy I met overseas spoke of " I will fly you to be with me, money isn;t an issue" when I flew home and he stayed on. Guess what? I never ssaw him again. Despite the fact he made time to msg me daily when he was travelling the world.

 

I would always tell myself " oh, but why did guy a) find time to call me daily, when he is the player type who NEVER initiates or calls women daily (yet he changed his behaviour FOR ME). Or why would guy two find time to msg me DAILY when he travelled the world?

 

The truth is: occasional sex and company with a girl they find hot and enjoy chatting to, to varying degrees LOL, can make men jump through a few hoops and invest time. Men want sex. It means buggar all regarding their depth of feeling or emotional investment!

 

And don't get me started on all the men who told me how "amazing" they felt I was incessently, only to use me to merely pass their time.

 

Men call, text, spend money on and stare adoringly into our eyes - even when they do not have feelings for us, sometimes.

 

All women need to know this.