That's it!

[oberkeat]

Quite the opposite. People have way more options and thus a much better chance of finding the right person. They don't have to waste much time with people who aren't up to their standards, because someone better is always a click away. It keeps everyone on their toes and pushes them to reject mediocrity. Success gets rewarded, "averageness" gets overlooked. That's far from a "decline," that's survival of the fittest. Evolution. Progress.

 

Anyone who has ever done online dating would tell you it is far from progress, lol. It's a mess. There was a study quoted on these boards that showed that the more choices we have the fewer choices we tend to make. That's exactly what most gals who serial date online are doing with the endless options. They aren't picking anyone, let alone the best of the best. Just moving from date to date, never settling on any guy no matter how good he is. In the end, no one's happy with it. Call it what you like. I'm done with the dating game. Im moving on with my life, alone......

Edited April 5, 2016 by oberkeat

[preraph]

I'm telling you, dogs are a LOT less trouble and ten times as loyal and dependable. Go rescue a nice couple of dogs and at least you won't be lonely for that type of companionship. They are very sympathetic, too. AND when you walk them, women want to stop and pet them. Just sayin. They need you and you need them. Tell your mother "Here are your grandchildren."

[normal person]

Anyone who has ever done online dating would tell you it is far from progress, lol. It's a mess. There was a study quoted on these boards that showed that the more choices we have the fewer choices we tend to make.

 

I online date quite a lot. I've met a few people whose company I thoroughly enjoyed, who I could imagine a future with. I wouldn't have met them otherwise and it could've worked out if some circumstances were a bit different. But the reasons we broke up were never "too many other choices."

 

That's exactly what most gals who serial date online are doing with the endless options. They aren't picking anyone, let alone the best of the best. Just moving from date to date, never settling on any guy no matter how good he is. Call it what you like. I'm done with the dating game. Im moving on with my life, alone......

 

Source?

 

As I posted earlier, more than a third of new marriages start online. So those girls are picking someone. There's no reason to hate the process as a whole just because they aren't picking you.

[William]

Evening,

 

Stopped by to ban and delete our usual hydra and a quick scan impels me to suggest that, while constructive criticism is fine, personal shots are not so folks are on notice to watch it, at least downthread of this notice. You had your fun. Move on.

[MidwestUSA]

Anyone who has ever done online dating would tell you it is far from progress, lol. It's a mess.

 

Have you tried using Facebook? That's how I met my husband.

 

Friended 2/2012.

First date 6/2012.

Engaged 2/2013.

Married 5/2013.

Still happy 4/2016, and I mean, even TODAY, a Monday!

 

 

Bada Bing!

[oberkeat]

Just to clarify something:

 

I believe that it's possible to come to know someone you weren't initially attracted to and, over time, become attracted.

 

IMO this ONLY happens when you get to know that person in an organic kind of way; for example, you see them at school, or work, or they are friends of friends.

 

A good friend of mine ate pizza every day in the same place for years and chatted with the owner all the time. They ended up married. She never would have predicted it, as she didn't view him in "that way" until she got to know him.

 

This CANNOT happen in online dating. You aren't going to grow to be attracted to a person you don't know, who doesn't share any part of your regular life, by forcing yourself to go on dates with them. It's just not going to happen.

 

 

It really doesn't matter. I'm quitting dating. Finished. I'm so done with it.

[ChickiePops]

It really doesn't matter. I'm quitting dating. Finished. I'm so done with it.

 

[Y]ou're right, none of this matters unless you're willing to accept your part in your dating woes, which you don't appear to be.

Edited April 5, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Personalized content redacted and member moderated

[Blanco]

you're right, none of this matters unless you're willing to accept your part in your dating woes, which you don't appear to be.

 

Good point. I'm not sure I've seen the OP take an ounce of responsibility for how his dating life has been over the last several years. Seems like it's all a matter of girls being flakes, life being unfair, other guys being lucky, modern women not wanting certain types of guys, etc. Nowhere in these threads does the OP consider, on his own or through the suggestions of others here, that he plays in role in this pattern of dating futility, unless it's something like him believing he's "too nice."

 

Here's the uncomfortable truth. When it comes to our dating lives, or heck, or day-to-day lives, we all play a bigger role in some of the things that happen to us than we sometimes care to admit.

[lino]

She just wasn't attracted mate, you're making too big a deal out of it.

No doubt she's also talking to (and possibly more) other blokes as we well.

[Els]

It really doesn't matter. I'm quitting dating. Finished. I'm so done with it.

 

Sounds like a good plan to me.

[Toodaloo]

I'm confident that had she gotten to know me, she would have liked me. But she didn't.

 

I am never confident that once someone gets to know me that they will like me because it is not written in stone that thou shalt fancy Toodaloo and want to marry her. I get it. I understand that I am not everyones cup of tea and nor do I want to be... Just a thought here. It is not "law" that people should like you. Some really "nice" people are completely insufferable and damn right dull...

 

As someone else said, she has 10,000 other messages from guys in her dating account, so why bother getting to know me? Why bother getting to know any of us? And that's exactly my point. There is no incentive to actually get to know someone anymore, not with online dating and the myriad options it provides girls these days.

 

So what if she does or doesn't? I am not the most gorgeous woman in the world but I am reasonably good looking, no baggage etc. You know how many messages I have had in my in box in the last week? One. Thats right. One. Some weeks I will get loads but some times (most of the time I get very few) does it mean that I am obligated to date those guys. No.

 

Our instant gratification culture gives women no incentive anymore to actually treat guys as anything more than disposable commodities. It's a shame, and it really means the end of romantic love.

 

What a crock of absolute ****. Your views on the world are really skewed. Take a look around you. There are people getting married every day.

 

You sound like a "nice" guy I went on a date with. On paper he sounded really great and I was looking forward to meeting him. When I did it was awful. He was rude, derogatory, insulting, stupid and had his head shoved so far up his own back side that he didn't notice how painful the date was nor that the elderly couple sat next to us were desperately trying to engage me in conversation because he was being so awful!

 

I could have told him the truth. To be blunt he was so ignorant and arrogant he would not have listened so whats the point?

 

I quote some of the conversation

 

Him "You do know I am challenging you don't you"

Me "Yes, I am fully aware of that and its not working nor is it making for good conversation".

 

So I just said "I would like to say it was lovely to meet him but I had to dash". It was AWFUL. And that guy is probably thinking exactly the same as you OP...

 

He wanted another date. I said no for obvious reasons that he would just not see.

 

I am positive that some of the guys I have been on dates with have felt similar things as I did on that date. Perhaps my look isn't to taste or perhaps I am too boisterous for them. It really doesn't bother me because it has to be a MUTUAL attraction that crosses many aspects not one sided and not just looks etc.

 

But as an aside if your personality is so winning why not use it to your advantage and try asking women out in social situations instead of relying on OLD all the time?

[oberkeat]

 

But as an aside if your personality is so winning why not use it to your advantage and try asking women out in social situations instead of relying on OLD all the time?

 

I work 10 hour days in an office. I don't get any opportunities to meet single women in real life. There are [no] single women around my age in my building. I thought online dating my help with that the problem, but as I said that type of speed dating culture isn't worth anyone's time because of GIGS, etc. Dating is simply a lost cause, and there's no point trying anymore. I quit.

Edited April 5, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Rejected Rosebud]

I'm sure you've made the right choice, and I hope that you find many things that work for you to bring you happiness in your life! Not everybody is meant to be in a relationship. Good luck to you!

[Eighty_nine]

I work 10 hour days in an office. I don't get any opportunities to meet single women in real life. There are [no] single women around my age in my building. I thought online dating my help with that the problem, but as I said that type of speed dating culture isn't worth anyone's time because of GIGS, etc. Dating is simply a lost cause, and there's no point trying anymore. I quit.

 

Do you have no idea that online dating, in general, totally sucks- like for everyone? I met probably 14 people online in the span of a few months; only 3 with which there was any chemistry. And I had some real bad dates in between there. It is SUPPOSED to be hard. You WILL be rejected, possibly even many times. I can tell you one thing, with this attitude you'll end up alone, no doubt.

 

I get really irritated when men talk about how women only want a**holes, etc., how we hate good guys. It's such a load of BS. We don't like whiny men who are bitter toward women, which is exactly how you're sounding at this point. There are some good guys we're not going to be attracted to; there are other guys we may not be attracted to, but when they reject us, it piques our curiosity and we get tangled up with a jerk. Yeah, this happens. Same thing happens to men with women. It's a human condition, not a female-only thing.

Edited April 5, 2016 by lissvarna

[Leigh 87]

The problem with that is the way dating is, and the view of dating you and a lot of gals have these days makes it damn near impossible for most men and women these days to find stable and fulfilling relationships. When my mother asks me why she doesn't have grandkids yet, I tell her that girls are not what they used to be. Dating these days looks more like those speed dating reality shows. The average guy does not have a chance in today's dating environment no matter how many good traits he has. In terms of dating, we are society in decline.

 

My bf is an average guy.

 

My friends bf is an average looking guy to...

 

Neither of us chased after the weathiest or "hottest" man who looked out way...

 

We let chemistry dictate. And low and behold - we fell the hardest for AVERAGE guys. What a shock.

[oberkeat]

i haven't read all 4 pages of this thread but:

 

1. Women are under no obligation to give anyone a chance

2. She actually gave you one - a first date

3. Who knows why women pass up on "really great guys"... Actually I know, they either weren't really great to her or she didn't want a really great guy. "Great" is in they eye of the beholder. Not saying you're not a great guy. I'm just saying you might not be her great guy.

 

I once dated a woman I met on OLD for a month or so. We went out on like 5 dates. She was a competitive figure/fitness model. She had a body and a face that would stop traffic and she wore clothes that showed it off. I remember seeing a waiter walk into a wall on our second date because of her. She also had her act together. Smart. Driven. Career oriented. She just did zero for me chemistry wise. She seemed so... fake. I couldn't even undress her with my eyes the chemistry was so lacking. But I told myself, she's a "great gal". And she probably was. Just not for me. So after giving it a try I wished her well and moved on...

 

To eventually meet my soulmate. Now it is me who walks into walls. Wouldn't have it any other way.

 

Are you sure about that? Study: More than a third of new marriages start online

People are exploring more options. They're using new methods to meet people they might not have otherwise met. They're being exposed to different things. Things are different, yes. But you haven't done anything to prove your claim that relationships are less stable and/or less fulfilling as a result.

 

 

 

Yeah, you're right. Women are not what they used to be. These days, they're going to college in larger numbers than men, having successful careers, getting the most out of their lives, creating art, pushing the frontiers of culture, running for president of the United States, and using every technological resource available to them to find a guy they actually like so they don't have to settle for a nondescript, talentless, Joe Schmoe. They can get a guy they're actually deserving of and matched well to. Things have evolved so much for the better.

 

 

 

And dating a few decades ago it meant that you went to the ice cream social with another person who coincidentally lived on your block, and then you got married a year later as long as you didn't outright hate each other. That sounds awful. Look at all the choice people have now! All sorts of previous limitations are gone. You can arrange to pre-screen and meet people you never would've met otherwise. There's never been a time in history more conducive to finding your perfect match. Thank God we live in an age where we all have the ability to so easily meet other people who are up to our standards.

 

 

 

What's wrong with that? Why would a woman want an average guy when she has immediate direct access to above average guys? Don't you want to meet someone special? Someone worthy of your time? Someone more than "average?" The dating experience has been optimized precisely so you don't have to waste your time with anyone you deem too average for you. You can opt to go directly to the people you want to go out with, the special ones who make your heart jump a little bit. Why would a girl want to go out with an average guy when she has direct immediate access to guys who have ascended to more than average? No one wants anyone average.

 

That's what great about the dating environment today: Success and achievement is very visible and rewarded. If you've worked hard, invested time in school, on your career, your talents, your creativity, your knowledge, and/or you've done something significant with your time, it's very visible and you can be rewarded by easily meeting people with similar achievements, goals, and standards. Someone can easily see your education, job, Google you to see what you've done with your life, see things you've made, awards you've won, check to make sure there's nothing incendiary written about you online, and get in contact if they want! And if they don't think someone is worth their time or up to their standards, they can be filtered out! Someone can cut all the fat and skip directly to the people they do want to go out with. The dating experience has been optimized precisely so you don't have to waste your time with anyone you deem too average for you. You can more easily reap the rewards of all the hard work you've done in your life. What an amazing tool.

 

 

 

Quite the opposite. People have way more options and thus a much better chance of finding the right person. They don't have to waste much time with people who aren't up to their standards, because someone better is always a click away. It keeps everyone on their toes and pushes them to reject mediocrity. Success gets rewarded, "averageness" gets overlooked. That's far from a "decline," that's survival of the fittest. Evolution. Progress.

 

 

 

The change that needs to happen in dating today would benefit women just as much as men.

 

These girls are never going to find any kind of decent relationship with someone if they keep nexting men after four seconds of dating because they don't feel the instant "spark" or "chemistry." Folks seem to be totally ignoring that point.

 

That's what I mean when I talk about the dating scene being as dysfunctional as it is. Dating has become a highly absurd comedy because a lot of young women have unrealistic expectations as to how relationships start and how important an instant spark is. It comes down to people not having the attention span to form a stable relationship these days. It is an instant gratification dating culture that is not conducive to forming a real relationship. Whether or not this woman would have liked me is irrelevant at this point, because the fact is it is impossible for her to know because she didn't give it longer that 10 minutes before she made up her mind. Like most women who do online dating, she made her decision based on the impossible standard of instant chemistry, instant spark, instant butterflies. People have the right to make bad decisions, but the numbers are out there:

 

Online Dating & Relationships | Pew Research Center

 

5% of Americans who are currently married or in a long-term partnership met their partner somewhere online. Among those who have been together for ten years or less, 11% met online.

 

Dating in our culture has gotten so dysfunctional that single adults actually outnumber married adults. It is a dating culture that is only making people more frustrated, disappointed, uncertain, and single. We are at the worst moment in history in terms of finding a compatible mate.

Edited April 5, 2016 by oberkeat

[Gaeta]

I work 10 hour days in an office. I don't get any opportunities to meet single women in real life. There are [no] single women around my age in my building. I thought online dating my help with that the problem, but as I said that type of speed dating culture isn't worth anyone's time because of GIGS, etc. Dating is simply a lost cause, and there's no point trying anymore. I quit.

 

Hon, it's not gonna work till it does.

 

It took me 4 years of online dating to find the man I am currently dating. It's not easy, it's not meant to be but one thing is sure, the quitters don't find. All those bad experiences from online, all those disappointments, make me appreciate my bf even more. Had I met him 4 years ago I don't think I would have given him attention. It's because I spent 4 years looking, 4 years learning about myself, 4 years thinking outside the box, that when I came across him I was able to say 'that's a good man worthy of my time'.

[SoulCat]

because she didn't give it longer that 10 minutes before she made up her mind.

 

According to your initial post she spent 2 hours with you. Not 12 minutes, or 10, or 4 seconds.

Two hours. Plenty of time to decide if someone is worth pursuing. Or not.

 

 

how important an instant spark is[/b]

 

That's a personal and individual preference, some folks like an instant spark, some are more slow burning. It's about compatibility.

 

 

Personally, if there is no attraction - physical, emotional, intellectual - on the first date, it's game over for me. No point dragging it out.

 

 

I met my guy online. We celebrated 3 years together last month.

But like a lot of folks, men and women alike, I had to dig through quite a bit of rubble to find my diamond.

[Blanco]

Where do you live? Because around here, a decently-sized, but not large city, it seems like most girls in my age range 20s-early 30s are either in LTR or craving to be in one. I've been single for a year and while not actively looking for anyone, I've definitely kept my eyes and ears open. What I've noticed in this time is that it is far more common for girls in this age range around here to be paired up than to be single.

 

I don't really think most people in most areas want to be single. Just because you haven't found the girl who wants to date you doesn't mean that most women out there want to be single.

[Blanco]

Also, I want to mention that I don't find it alarming that there are more single adults than married adults. Maybe at one time in my life I would have considered that a bad thing. But I've been witness to too many long-term couples and marriages that were visibly not healthy to automatically think that marriage = success and single = failure.

 

If anything, I think it's a good thing when people take their time and aren't so desperate to settle down that they bunker down with the first decent, OK person they come across. Marriage, in theory is forever. Why would you lower your standards down to considering "acceptable" people for such a major life decision?

[losangelena]

These girls are never going to find any kind of decent relationship with someone if they keep nexting men after four seconds of dating because they don't feel the instant "spark" or "chemistry." Folks seem to be totally ignoring that point.

 

Since bolded text seems to be the only way you understand things:

 

YOU TOTALLY SEEM TO BE IGNORING THE POINT THAT WOMEN ARE NOT THE ONLY ONES GUILTY OF THIS BEHAVIOR. MEN DO IT JUST THE SAME. STOP BLAMING ALL WOMENHOOD FOR YOUR DATING PROBLEMS.

[oberkeat]

Since bolded text seems to be the only way you understand things:

 

YOU TOTALLY SEEM TO BE IGNORING THE POINT THAT WOMEN ARE NOT THE ONLY ONES GUILTY OF THIS BEHAVIOR. MEN DO IT JUST THE SAME. STOP BLAMING ALL WOMENHOOD FOR YOUR DATING PROBLEMS.

 

I never used the words "all womanhood". Some women are actually behaving more reasonably, and are happier for it. Some women are actually giving themselves and the men they date a chance.

 

I mentioned my married friend who met her man via a blind date. She was coming off a bad breakup and had pretty much given up on dating altogether, until her sister talked her into meeting this dude. At first she wasn't crazy about him. He gave her a hug when they met at the restaurant, which she found off-putting. But she gave it more time, and they've been married for years.

 

She's a wonderful person inside and out, and I think he's lucky to have her. I think if more women were like her these days, there would be a lot less frustrated single people of both genders. There would be fewer people quitting dating like me.

Edited April 5, 2016 by oberkeat

[Maxtor]

This is the reason the birth rate and the marriage rate are in decline in this country. Most girls today are simply not giving decent guys a chance anymore.

 

We went to the museum for our first date and looked around at the exhibits, chatting and getting to know eachother. Then we went down to the museum restaurant and had coffee. Then we went to the gift shop. Then we sat on the bench outside and chatted. I played a 1 minute sample on my phone of one my guitar practices since she was curious about my playing and said she wanted to hear it. She said I sounded great. We seemed to have a lot in common, and I felt things loosened up more the longer we were together.

 

Later:

ME: Hey, I had fun today. Let me know if you're still interested, and we'll come up with somethin' for next time.

HER: I really enjoyed talking with you yesterday! I think I'll pass on a second date, though. You seem wonderful, but school is kind of chaotic and I just wasn't feeling it. Best of luck with grad school!

ME: No problem. Good luck with med school. You seem like you've got your stuff together.

 

Look, I didn't feel any sexual sparks, but I didn't think I needed to this early. I wasn't expecting us to run to get our marriage licence either. It was a first meeting for two hours, and I was just trying to get to know her as a person. If I was a wonderful guy and we had fun together, why not meet up again? That's how I view it.

 

My best friend met her husband through a blind date set up by a mutual friend. She said at first she didn't feel any sparks for him, but she gave him and chance and he grew on her. I truly believe 99.9 percent of girls today are not like that. I honestly don't know what women are looking for in this day and age.

 

Count me among those who are calling it quits on the dating game. It's just too dysfunctional these days. I'm out, guys.

I have a simple answer:

 

Before the mobile phones and the internet, you knew 2 or 3 people (its just an example), and because of the low connections people made, eventually people would fall in love (as you mentioned, people start to grew on one another).

 

Today?

 

Everyone is looking for the perfect match, with facebook, tinder, dating apps, the world itself, its just a mess.

[oberkeat]

I have a simple answer:

 

Before the mobile phones and the internet, you knew 2 or 3 people (its just an example), and because of the low connections people made, eventually people would fall in love (as you mentioned, people start to grew on one another).

 

Today?

 

Everyone is looking for the perfect match, with facebook, tinder, dating apps, the world itself, its just a mess.

 

Absolutely. It's so ironic. All this communication technology, dating apps, etc. was supposed to make dating easier. It's done the exact opposite. Dating is worse than ever. It was not that long ago that it was easier for love to blossom. Things have changed for the worst.

[SoulCat]

I mentioned my married friend who met her man via a blind date. She was coming off a bad breakup and had pretty much given up on dating altogether, until her sister talked her into meeting this dude. At first she wasn't crazy about him. He gave her a hug when they met at the restaurant, which she found off-putting. But she gave it more time, and they've been married for years.

 

She's a wonderful person inside and out, and I think he's lucky to have her. I think if more women were like her these days, there would be a lot less frustrated single people of both genders. There would be fewer people quitting dating like me.

 

 

That is only one woman. One single woman's experience.

Lovely that it worked out for them, but it's anecdotal. At best.

 

 

To say people would be less frustrated if only women were more like her is utter nonsense.