That's it!

[normal person]

They are the type who think that if you don't feel sparks the moment you shake the guy's hand, NEXT. They have kid in the candy store mentality, fluttering from one guy to the next, never spending any significant time with any of them, and sadly never finding a real relationship. As I said, I'm not the only guy who has observed this phenomenon and taken to these boards to vent about. The deck is stacked again single men in a way that it has never been before.

 

Explain why you think it's stacked against single men. You don't think men have the same attitude? It's a mutual understanding. You go out with someone for an hour. If you like each other, great, do it again. If you don't, you move on to the next. I fail to see how this is a female epidemic.

[d0nnivain]

OLD gives everybody GIGs, men & women, not just women.

 

I never had trouble finding dates IRL; I found OLD to be one rejection after another. It was depressing & disheartening. The only men who wanted to bother with me, were men I did not want to date. I tried giving 2 a change but the results proved to me that OLD wasn't for me.

 

Oberkeat -- just stay off OLD. Interact with people IRL but for right now in the short term do give yourself a break from dating. Do other things to make yourself happy & to find inner peace. Once you get there, the world will open up for you.

[oberkeat]

That's how dating's done these days. It's not gender specific. I go out with girls all the time and then opt not to go out with them again because I don't like them. Plenty of men have the same experience. There's no point in going out with someone a second time if you didn't feel anything the first time. You go out with people and you keep cycling through until you find someone who you want to go out with again who also wants to go out with you again. That's just the most efficient way to do it. Just because women don't like you doesn't mean they've rigged the system in a conspiracy, it just means you aren't up to their standards or they have no attraction to you. They'll just go out with someone better.

 

Do you go out with every single person who expresses interest in you? Do you give them second chances when you have things to do, other obligations, other people you'd rather meet, and a whole life's worth of circumstances that would prevent you from reasonably seeing someone you don't want to see? That's impractical and inefficient. So why is it ok for you not go out with people you have no interest in, but not ok for someone else?

 

 

 

My experience is the opposite. If you don't want to get tossed in the garbage bin, then don't be garbage. It's survival of the fittest, plain and simple.

 

I don't think that's a healthy view of dating at all. It's a completely dysfunctional view of how dating should work. When I tell my married friends about what goes on with online dating, the one and done dates, the multi-dating, they are in disbelief. They say the same thing. "How can she get to know if you're right for her if she only met you once and then never again??" We don't seem to realize how crazy dating has become these days.

[preraph]

While OLD may be an epidemic of stacked decks and other things ending in "ck," it is a plentiful boon for women who love free coffee.

[preraph]

I don't think that's a healthy view of dating at all. It's a completely dysfunctional view of how dating should work. When I tell my married friends about what goes on with online dating, the one and done dates, the multi-dating, they are in disbelief. They say the same thing. "How can she get to know if you're right for her if she only met you once and then never again??" We don't seem to realize how crazy dating has become these days.

 

Well, next time ask them how many girls they only took out once and then dumped before they found the one.

[oberkeat]

Explain why you think it's stacked against single men. You don't think men have the same attitude? It's a mutual understanding. You go out with someone for an hour. If you like each other, great, do it again. If you don't, you move on to the next. I fail to see how this is female epidemic.

 

I have never treated women with the type of disrespect and disregard I've received from women through online dating. That's because the men outnumber the women on these site 3 to 1, and the women have way more options than the men. The average woman is getting constant messages from men on these sites which gives them permission to treat guys any nasty way they want. Why would you bother giving a guy a chance when there are 50 or a 100 more waiting in line? Add that to the fact that it is damn near impossible to meet single women in real life, and you have a dating environment that is extremely hostile to single men. I'm done with it!

Edited April 4, 2016 by oberkeat

[normal person]

I don't think that's a healthy view of dating at all. It's a completely dysfunctional view of how dating should work.

 

What's "healthy" and what "should" work isn't congruent to the evolution and circumstances of society. Fast food isn't healthy at all. But people eat it because it's efficient and cheap. I'm in disbelief that people eat it. Would it be nice if they had the time and money to get something better? Yes. But just because it's not healthy or not ideal by my standards doesn't mean it doesn't exist, or that no one should be able to eat it, or that it's not a profitable business model, or that I don't understand its appeal to other people.

 

Talking about how things "should" work is a pointless exercise. Society doesn't owe anyone anything. It will evolve naturally despite your objections.

 

When I tell my married friends about what goes on with online dating, the one and done dates, the multi-dating, they are in disbelief. They say the same thing. "How can she get to know if you're right for her if she only met you once and then never again??" We don't seem to realize how crazy dating has become these days.

 

Oh, please. I doubt your friends have the exact same irrational, inefficient view as you do. My married friends don't think anything of the sort. When you like someone, you know in minutes or less. You don't need hours. If you do, you're trying to force something that's not there. You're either:

 

1). Attracted to someone and find their personality appealing enough to want to see them again,

2). Attracted to someone and find their personality lackluster or off-putting enough to not want to see them again, or

3). Not attracted to someone and therefore their personality is irrelevant because you won't want to see them again anyways.

 

Is it a low yield exercise? Yes. Is meeting someone you really connect with still relatively difficult? Yes. Do you have to go through a lot of people to meet someone you really like? Yes. Is it worth it when you finally do? Yes.

 

You should only continue to see people who make your heart jump, who you can't stop thinking about for one reason or another. Everything else is not as good as it could be and a waste of time. That's why people move on quickly. They're smart enough to know that when there's no base to substantiate a relationship, then there's no point in wasting time and money to try and find one. The sooner you realize this, the better.

[normal person]

I have never treated women with the type of disrespect and disregard I've received from women through online dating. That's because the men outnumber the women on these site 3 to 1, and the women have way more options than the men.

 

Why do you take it so personally? You don't respond to every message you get, do you? You don't go out with every person who wants to go out with you, do you? Everyone does this. It's a lot easier than answering every message and going out with every single person, don't you think? You'll have to cite a source on the "3 to 1" ratio.

 

The average woman is getting constant messages from men on these sites which gives them permission to treat guys any nasty way they want. Why would you bother giving a guy a chance when there are 50 or a 100 more waiting in line?

 

I live in the most populated city in the country. I went out a gorgeous dentist recently. She's 28 years old. She told me the newspaper wanted to do a fun little dating feature on her where she went out with a few different guys to different places and gave a little blurb about her experiences with the guys and the restaurants. So she's a beautiful, accomplished, marketable, cream of the crop sort of girl that people want to read about. Surely one of the most eligible bachelorettes out there. She told me she gets ~5 messages a day, that's it.

 

And even so, I don't see how being desirable, having options, not responding to every solicitation, and having limited time makes someone a bad person. You seem to think women have done something "wrong" by not responding to your message or not going out with you again. Just because a woman doesn't think you're worth her time doesn't mean she's "nasty." It just means she has standards and better things to do than waste her time with people she has no interest in. If a stranger ignores you, it's not because it's a personal attack, it's because you're not on their radar. You don't seem to understand that.

 

Add that to the fact that it is damn near impossible to meet single women in real life, and you have a dating environment that is extremely hostile to single men. I'm done with it!

 

Try going to a bar and not acting like a creep. You'll be fine.

[d0nnivain]

Add that to the fact that it is damn near impossible to meet single women in real life, and you have a dating environment that is extremely hostile to single men. I'm done with it!

 

You can be done if you like but I think your premise is flawed.

 

What are you doing IRL to meet women. That may be the bigger part of your problem.

 

People are every where. How may strangers do you say hello to in any given day? Start there.

[preraph]

I actually think he may be doing better on OLD and that the entitlement becomes evident once he meets them face to face.

[neowulf]

Dating isn't a job interview.

 

It isn't as simple as "Oh, you meet all the criteria! Congratulations! The job is yours".

 

If someone isn't feeling it, they're not feeling it.

 

The number one mistake people make in all this is taking is so super personally.

 

So she doesn't want to take things further. So what? There's like 12 billion people on earth and roughly 50% of them are women.

 

You had a great afternoon with a fun girl. It's hardly end of the world stuff.

 

Learn a little humility and resilience. You never know if the next girl you take out will be the right on for you.

 

The only way to really fail is to give up.

[neowulf]

I don't think that's a healthy view of dating at all. It's a completely dysfunctional view of how dating should work. When I tell my married friends about what goes on with online dating, the one and done dates, the multi-dating, they are in disbelief. They say the same thing. "How can she get to know if you're right for her if she only met you once and then never again??" We don't seem to realize how crazy dating has become these days.

 

Well, in my experience if the girl is interested, she *wants* to see me again.

 

The ones that aren't.. don't?

 

Look, I get you're frustrated, but you have some very strange ideas about dating and women in general.

 

If women are picking up that vibe during the date, that could be why you're not getting a second date.

 

Nothing constructive comes from throwing your hands up, screaming "It's ALL SO UNFAIR" and walking away.

[Rejected Rosebud]

Giving folks a chance means giving the ones you choose to accept a date with a fair hearing.

A fair hearing was that first date you had. A very brief coffee meeting is also a fair hearing, whether you think so or not.

 

That's not what's most gals are doing in the dating game these days. Gals are dating multiple guys in the same week, nexting them after one brief dinner date, and repeating the process for months, if not years. That's not giving guys a fair hearing.

 

You are really reaching there. Because YOU got rejected, and YOU feel hurt and angry, it does not have anything at all to do with what "most gals" are doing.

 

That's playing games, and wasting time. I'm not the only dude on these boards who observed the same sad phenomenon.

 

If somebody (male or female, makes zero difference) feels like dating around at some phase of their life, that's exactly what they ought to be doing. In that dating around, if they meet someone who really wows them, maybe at that point they feel like making a commitment.

 

Likewise, a man or a woman actively looking for a solid relationship is doing the right thing by not spending time dating a person they KNOW is not right for them. THAT would be wasting time.

 

I know guys say stuff like "every girl should give every decent guy a chance" on this forum all the time (and I can't believe it, but that's a different thread). Maybe you should stop hanging out with those guys and pay attention to the guys who have girlfriends and wives. Regardless of what you might like to tell yourself, those guys are not all a***oles and jerks.

[Rejected Rosebud]

I mean, I don't know if she saw this side of you, but if she sensed your stubbornness and the fact that you have a very high opinion of yourself, even that may have turned her off.

Also the fact that the OP doesn't view women as sentient human beings could be throwing a monkey wrench in there ...

[Rejected Rosebud]

Umm, but are you willing to give fat, poor and/or boring women a chance?

Or women of other races? How about grandmas, paraplegics or single mothers? Or women with a (ahem) "high number"?

[oberkeat]

What's "healthy" and what "should" work isn't congruent to the evolution and circumstances of society. Fast food isn't healthy at all. But people eat it because it's efficient and cheap. I'm in disbelief that people eat it. Would it be nice if they had the time and money to get something better? Yes. But just because it's not healthy or not ideal by my standards doesn't mean it doesn't exist, or that no one should be able to eat it, or that it's not a profitable business model, or that I don't understand its appeal to other people.

 

Talking about how things "should" work is a pointless exercise. Society doesn't owe anyone anything. It will evolve naturally despite your objections.

 

 

 

Oh, please. I doubt your friends have the exact same irrational, inefficient view as you do. My married friends don't think anything of the sort. When you like someone, you know in minutes or less. You don't need hours. If you do, you're trying to force something that's not there. You're either:

 

1). Attracted to someone and find their personality appealing enough to want to see them again,

2). Attracted to someone and find their personality lackluster or off-putting enough to not want to see them again, or

3). Not attracted to someone and therefore their personality is irrelevant because you won't want to see them again anyways.

 

Is it a low yield exercise? Yes. Is meeting someone you really connect with still relatively difficult? Yes. Do you have to go through a lot of people to meet someone you really like? Yes. Is it worth it when you finally do? Yes.

 

You should only continue to see people who make your heart jump, who you can't stop thinking about for one reason or another. Everything else is not as good as it could be and a waste of time. That's why people move on quickly. They're smart enough to know that when there's no base to substantiate a relationship, then there's no point in wasting time and money to try and find one. The sooner you realize this, the better.

 

The problem with that is the way dating is, and the view of dating you and a lot of gals have these days makes it damn near impossible for most men and women these days to find stable and fulfilling relationships. When my mother asks me why she doesn't have grandkids yet, I tell her that girls are not what they used to be. Dating these days looks more like those speed dating reality shows. The average guy does not have a chance in today's dating environment no matter how many good traits he has. In terms of dating, we are society in decline.

[preraph]

Well, there's strong evidence to the contrary. There's literally a baby explosion in the US. If your mom is pressuring you to have grandkids before you even have a long-term relationship, then she doesn't have very good sense anyway, so I wouldn't worry too much about that.

[Rejected Rosebud]

Just to clarify something:

 

I believe that it's possible to come to know someone you weren't initially attracted to and, over time, become attracted.

 

IMO this ONLY happens when you get to know that person in an organic kind of way; for example, you see them at school, or work, or they are friends of friends.

 

A good friend of mine ate pizza every day in the same place for years and chatted with the owner all the time. They ended up married. She never would have predicted it, as she didn't view him in "that way" until she got to know him.

 

This CANNOT happen in online dating. You aren't going to grow to be attracted to a person you don't know, who doesn't share any part of your regular life, by forcing yourself to go on dates with them. It's just not going to happen.

 

OP, if you can't come to accept this, you really need to stop OLD. Whether you stop it or not, if you don't somehow get a different view of women, you are not going to be having a healthy relationship with one.

[ses]

Everyone is different. My current partner and I went on a second date after we both didn't feel the instant, crazy sparks — however, we knew we liked one another and wanted to give it a chance. Now, many months later, the sparks are definitely there and we're very content. Another guy I went on a date a month prior felt no sparks initially and that was good enough for him to ghost me. Desiring chemistry isn't gender-specific, and both men and women have expectations of what they're looking for in a relationship and how they want to feel when they meet someone.

 

The girl you met is OLD because she wants to find someone. Med school probably doesn't allow her a lot of free time and this is her way to easily meet people. She may treat her time differently due to her situation so going out again wasn't worth it to HER. Please don't extrapolate to include all women. I received a lot of interest online but only went out with a few because I wasn't interested in just a free cup of coffee and conversation. I wanted a relationship and filtered guys based on who I would have the best chance of making something work long-term.

[Blanco]

Honestly, I think now is the time to step away from dating and resolve your less-than-pleasant opinions of women "these days." That way, if you do find yourself in another relationship, you won't drive her away with your cynicism toward her "sisters."

[xxoo]

The problem with that is the way dating is, and the view of dating you and a lot of gals have these days makes it damn near impossible for most men and women these days to find stable and fulfilling relationships. When my mother asks me why she doesn't have grandkids yet, I tell her that girls are not what they used to be. Dating these days looks more like those speed dating reality shows. The average guy does not have a chance in today's dating environment no matter how many good traits he has. In terms of dating, we are society in decline.

 

Again, do you not know any couples? Do you not work with men who have girlfriends?

 

I understand that Millennials are marrying later, but I know a lot of them and they are generally coupled up. I don't know what you consider the "average guy", but the average person wants to fall in love, not just meet someone they find tolerable to avoid being single.

[BlueIris]

Quitting is fine. It’s a valid option. It can actually be fun and low-pressure.

 

But if you really do want a partner (which your anger indicates), ask your married friends to fix you up. If they won’t, ask them to give you a blunt critique of what you need to change about yourself.

[SwordofFlame]

I have never treated women with the type of disrespect and disregard I've received from women through online dating. That's because the men outnumber the women on these site 3 to 1, and the women have way more options than the men. The average woman is getting constant messages from men on these sites which gives them permission to treat guys any nasty way they want. Why would you bother giving a guy a chance when there are 50 or a 100 more waiting in line? Add that to the fact that it is damn near impossible to meet single women in real life, and you have a dating environment that is extremely hostile to single men. I'm done with it!

 

Sounds like you're chasing women in the age range that have tons of options. Well as you age, the odds start to go more and more in your favor. Keep telling yourself that when you get frustrated.

[preraph]

I have never treated women with the type of disrespect and disregard I've received from women through online dating. That's because the men outnumber the women on these site 3 to 1, and the women have way more options than the men. The average woman is getting constant messages from men on these sites which gives them permission to treat guys any nasty way they want. Why would you bother giving a guy a chance when there are 50 or a 100 more waiting in line? Add that to the fact that it is damn near impossible to meet single women in real life, and you have a dating environment that is extremely hostile to single men. I'm done with it!

 

Not sure you'd call it options since seems like 90 percent of the men are only looking for quick sex.

[normal person]

The problem with that is the way dating is, and the view of dating you and a lot of gals have these days makes it damn near impossible for most men and women these days to find stable and fulfilling relationships.

 

Are you sure about that? Study: More than a third of new marriages start online

People are exploring more options. They're using new methods to meet people they might not have otherwise met. They're being exposed to different things. Things are different, yes. But you haven't done anything to prove your claim that relationships are less stable and/or less fulfilling as a result.

 

When my mother asks me why she doesn't have grandkids yet, I tell her that girls are not what they used to be.

 

Yeah, you're right. Women are not what they used to be. These days, they're going to college in larger numbers than men, having successful careers, getting the most out of their lives, creating art, pushing the frontiers of culture, running for president of the United States, and using every technological resource available to them to find a guy they actually like so they don't have to settle for a nondescript, talentless, Joe Schmoe. They can get a guy they're actually deserving of and matched well to. Things have evolved so much for the better.

 

Dating these days looks more like those speed dating reality shows.

 

And dating a few decades ago it meant that you went to the ice cream social with another person who coincidentally lived on your block, and then you got married a year later as long as you didn't outright hate each other. That sounds awful. Look at all the choice people have now! All sorts of previous limitations are gone. You can arrange to pre-screen and meet people you never would've met otherwise. There's never been a time in history more conducive to finding your perfect match. Thank God we live in an age where we all have the ability to so easily meet other people who are up to our standards.

 

The average guy does not have a chance in today's dating environment no matter how many good traits he has.

 

What's wrong with that? Why would a woman want an average guy when she has immediate direct access to above average guys? Don't you want to meet someone special? Someone worthy of your time? Someone more than "average?" The dating experience has been optimized precisely so you don't have to waste your time with anyone you deem too average for you. You can opt to go directly to the people you want to go out with, the special ones who make your heart jump a little bit. Why would a girl want to go out with an average guy when she has direct immediate access to guys who have ascended to more than average? No one wants anyone average.

 

That's what great about the dating environment today: Success and achievement is very visible and rewarded. If you've worked hard, invested time in school, on your career, your talents, your creativity, your knowledge, and/or you've done something significant with your time, it's very visible and you can be rewarded by easily meeting people with similar achievements, goals, and standards. Someone can easily see your education, job, Google you to see what you've done with your life, see things you've made, awards you've won, check to make sure there's nothing incendiary written about you online, and get in contact if they want! And if they don't think someone is worth their time or up to their standards, they can be filtered out! Someone can cut all the fat and skip directly to the people they do want to go out with. The dating experience has been optimized precisely so you don't have to waste your time with anyone you deem too average for you. You can more easily reap the rewards of all the hard work you've done in your life. What an amazing tool.

 

In terms of dating, we are society in decline.

 

Quite the opposite. People have way more options and thus a much better chance of finding the right person. They don't have to waste much time with people who aren't up to their standards, because someone better is always a click away. It keeps everyone on their toes and pushes them to reject mediocrity. Success gets rewarded, "averageness" gets overlooked. That's far from a "decline," that's survival of the fittest. Evolution. Progress.