OLD Men, (over 40) never married, no kids.....

[PrettyEmily77]

I'm now very dangerously nearing 40 and am in a happy, committed, live-in relationship with a 43yo divorced man with 2 teenagers, and I don't know if it works both ways, but in March last year, I was late 30s, never married and had no kids.

 

I had been in LTRs but I'm not into marriage in general and I don't really have a strong maternal instinct. I never really felt there was anything wrong with me at all nor was I made to feel abnormal by any of my friends or family. I'm fairly well-balanced (mostly), come from a stable, loving, close-knit family, have a great job, have a very active social life; I just didn't want to get married or have kids (still don't, SO is cool with that), and that's about the size of it.

 

Before I met my SO, I dated a little (not OLD though, mostly in my social / professional circle) and didn't really see anything wrong in the guys I'd met other than we weren't compatible. SO also has a couple of 40+ never married / no kids male friends (not that uncommon in our professional field) and I can't see much wrong with them either, other than the fact they are totally dedicated to their work and don't have much time for anything else.

 

So I guess what I'm saying is that preconceived ideas are really unhelpful whichever way you look at things - and that includes evolutionary biology / sociology / Red Pill inanities.

[Emilia]

Very possibly, although perhaps I have read too much evolutionary biology literature because it is now ingrained in me that I tend to look at it in terms of a man who has no children being a genetic failure while a man who raises someone else's kids with none of his own is the ultimate genetic failure. I don't mean that to sound insulting, it is just the only way to put it. I do admire someone who can make a commitment to bring up someone else's children but for me it just reminds me too much of the evolutionary paradigm where the alpha sires the kids so the best genetiic material is propagated and then the female looks for a more suitable partner to actually ensure that the offspring survives. Sadly with the single mothers I have encountered this has played out along those lines which has probably helped to confirm my biases. The single mothers I have met, the fathers have typically been deadbeats, some ending up in prison. I have always been quite responsible, I could have had kids with the woman that I was in a long term relationship with but I wanted to be sure she was the right person and as it was we split up. Others have had kids at the drop of a hat with inappropriate partners for them and so as a result I don't feel we are well suited for each other.

 

Additionally, as I said above, I do want my own children and getting together with a woman who already has kids lessens my prospects of having kids considerably so I would rather just avoid women who have kids entirely.

I don't know about evolutionary biology as such, this sounds more like social conditioning to me.

 

I think - like with most things in interpersonal relationships - what it comes down to is how badly you want relationships and how much you are prepared to tolerate.

 

For me, there are certain things that don't bother me the slightest that bother other women (paying more because I earn more is one example) but I don't like any form of dependency. My ideal partner would be fairly self-contained and not place constant demands on me - including babysitting small children.

 

It really comes down to what you want, how badly you want it and what you can tolerate in order to have it.

[Cherryz]

I dont agree with that.

 

That you divorced and have kids at that age doesnt mean you perfect dating material either.

 

Not everyone jump into things just because they are getting old.

Some people also take their time and dont marry or have kids if they see

its not the rigth situation.

And some people just marry and have kids because they think it should happen because they are getting old.

 

Maybe its a great man to be with if he "clean" ! No baby momma drama.

And all the other dramas and issues that one that is divorced and have kids may have.

You may be missing the chance to meet nice men by thinking like this.

Get to know the person and their story once you see someone that you are into.

Everyone have their reasons and storys.

[trippi1432]

Many married/separated/divorced people also have little or zero relationship skills, that is often why they are "looking" for a new partner in the first place.

It is very possible for people to hide away in a marriage, leaving the other partner to do all the heavy lifting. Just because someone has been married, does not give them a higher degree in how relationships work, far from it.

 

Or, they have been in a marriage with someone who had zero relationship skills and were the ones who did all the heavy lifting.

 

As someone who has been married before, had children, been a single mom I can say at this juncture in my life that I won't ever get married again unless I find the RIGHT ONE. So I do get what others are saying here about why they would stay unmarried for so long. This one experience with this particular guy, he felt that same way but he was either not the one based on what women told him and he hadn't found the right one. (In my experience with this ONE man in this category, I think that is a personal issue on his part.)

 

I guess in the end, we weren't the right ones for each other. How does this make me feel about men in this category? I don't know...I think there has been a lot of honesty here from members on the different stigmas in the dating world, there are no right or wrong opinions.