OLD Men, (over 40) never married, no kids.....

[Art_Critic]

The pic may have been unsolicited, I really don't know, but the respectable thing to have done was to tell the woman he didn't appreciate the pic and should have blocked her.

 

I just read your update, sorry..... but yeah.. good way to look at this.

 

***Hugz***

[Versacehottie]

She just randomly sent him a boob pic, with no preamble?

 

I doubt that. Sorry, but this guy isn't as exclusive as you'd like.

 

Here's what I think about this. Yes it is possible that she "randomly" sent him a pic? Is it likely or the plausible scenario? No. I think statistically if we were to analyze this, they have probably been in flirty communication with EACH OTHER over the last 2-3 days, more likely a matter of hours. So chances are he is not being honest with you. He's not going to admit it so you will just have to make your own decision. It looks like you did when he told you to f off>>>

 

I just want you to feel that your instincts were likely right (more so even) about their contact before the pic. Chances are that pic was unsolicited: not so much, less than 5% IMO. Good luck moving forward

[carhill]

Sometimes mistakes occur or, yep, random. I get unsolicited images from MW's on occasion, nothing naked but sometimes suggestive. I recall, after we split up, my exW mistakenly sent me an image intended for another guy. Heh

 

Still, it's the distraction from the focus of the moment, basically that the small handheld electron spewing device is more valued and important during a time when a human is the defined 'want', at least evidenced by asking a human on a date and going on a date and participating in a date. The shift in focus is little different from arising and going to another table to talk to other people while the date sits there. I remember one date where I walked out of the restaurant while the lady was on her phone. I have no idea if she even noticed

[Jejangles]

I think it is pretty much over at this point. I asked him again last night if he "dealt with it", meaning did he block her. He insisted that he never responded to the pic to which I responded that it must have been a group text that she sent it to as there were responses to it. He states that I am calling him a liar and can F off.

 

Here's me F'ing off........nope nope nope nope.....shaking head and walking away.

 

You dodged a bullet... Any guy who received an unsolicited boob pic then was questioned by a woman he was really interested in would not duck and weave and then tell her to f off. He'd be apologetic, probably clearly show his messages to prove there was nothing sketchy and then immediately block her. Just be happy you saw his true colours now! And good for you for confronting him head on.

 

I know you are exhausted from dating, but trust me, there are good guys out there! I online dated on and off for 5 years or so and met every type of man and was convinced I wouldn't meet a good one. I am now 4 months into dating the best guy I have met (at least so far). They're hard to find, but they are out there. Just stay positive, keep your mind clear and don't let them mess you around! And trust your gut, as you have so far.

[trippi1432]

Thanks everyone, I do feel that my intuition is right on this. What probably ticks me off even more now is that he obviously got the pic earlier in the evening and opened up the phone to look at the text messages between them when he was sitting very close to me. And then later tells me that he doesn't want to deal with it at the moment because he is with me and that's more important?

 

He did say something to the extent that what is it about women who tend to come back when things don't work out with someone they dumped you for? So I do feel he got a little validation from the pic and her being "sad and lonely". I don't know, and probably will never know, what he responded to her with. Maybe in his mind, him not saying "Nice Rack" meant that he didn't respond to the pic itself, but he did respond to her as there was a semi-long text box on his side of the conversation. When I again raised that issue last night, that was when he told me I could F off if I was insisting he is a liar. Real nice.

 

I guess I should be grateful that I am not that "sad and lonely" to send boob pics to old flames, solicited or not.

[Versacehottie]

Here's what I think about this. Yes it is possible that she "randomly" sent him a pic? Is it likely or the plausible scenario? No. I think statistically if we were to analyze this, they have probably been in flirty communication with EACH OTHER over the last 2-3 days, more likely a matter of hours. So chances are he is not being honest with you. He's not going to admit it so you will just have to make your own decision. It looks like you did when he told you to f off>>>

 

I just want you to feel that your instincts were likely right (more so even) about their contact before the pic. Chances are that pic was unsolicited: not so much, less than 5% IMO. Good luck moving forward

 

*Chances are the pic was "solicited"!! mistake****

[trippi1432]

He did state that she messaged him out of the blue and said she remembered him from their dates last year. So not sure if the pic was solicited or not. The right guy would have done what JeJangles wrote above.

 

At any rate, he can have a go at Boobs McGee, I'm out of the picture now.

[Shining One]

OP, you made the right call. The way he handled the situation was very shady. I actually received an unsolicited topless photo from a woman. My girlfriend was in bed next to me (we were both reading on our Kindles) and she saw it. I showed her the text that came with the picture, answered her questions, and then she went back to her book.

[elaine567]

OP, you made the right call. The way he handled the situation was very shady. I actually received an unsolicited topless photo from a woman. My girlfriend was in bed next to me (we were both reading on our Kindles) and she saw it. I showed her the text that came with the picture, answered her questions, and then she went back to her book.

 

That is how anyone should handle that situation, his actions here were shady and they didn't get any better.

[trippi1432]

I agree, that is a good example of maintaining trust in a relationship and showing someone that you value them. At this point, he's not reached out and neither have I.

 

The fact that he didn't do any of that shows me how much he valued me.

Edited May 4, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[trippi1432]

So after going several days not speaking or texting each other, I sent a text. I know, stupid on my part. He blasted me that he was angry with me because I insinuated that he was a liar. I never outright called him a liar, I asked him what his response was. He said HE chose not to respond and that was how he was dealing with it.

 

Okay, this was bad of me, I got suspicious as I know that both of our OLD accounts were deactivated at the end of March and beginning of April, but I could still see his activity with a free account. Granted, he states that these are from opening the promotional emails and he did state a few weeks ago that he gets curious and thinks it's entertaining that he gets these gorgeous women in the emails when he had little to no activity before. I had already warned him of that.

 

At any rate, I got curious and noted that he was active before this happened and his activity picked up even more while he was stone-walling me. So after being blessed out again and having the entire situation turned on me, I texted him the next day and informed him that I knew of his activity and if this was a woman from the dating site, she may have noted that too and thought he was "looking". <---- Me, doing that stupid "benefit of the doubt" thing again. Not only was I blessed out again, but was also told that was it and we were over ( I thought we already were....I guess not until he had the final say).

 

Putting this entire experience together, I see the flags that were there. I'm not saying he is a horrible person, there are some good things about him and I wish him the best.....but I need to be more aware of the red flags and flush them out before agreeing to be exclusive with anyone again.

[Zippy2000]

This thread made me quite irate.

 

I'm a 41 year old man. I've never married and never had kids.

 

I've been in relationships where I have looked after other people's children.

 

How dare you judge us single men who have never married. Who knows maybe you're a scammer!

 

Well done Buddhist for sticking up for some of us men. No wonder we can't get dates due to idiotic prejudices. I'm so mad!

[trippi1432]

Sorry to offend you Zippy, but this thread has nothing to do about keeping or raising other people's children....mine are grown...sheesh.

 

And if I do dare to judge, I stepped out of my element in the dating world as I thought these guys were not ones that would care to date ME!!

 

While that might be you Zippy, and you are different, my experience with this one man and the dating pool I shied away from, makes me irate about your response. And, for that matter, any man (married 100 times to 0) really believes crap about a man matrix is a loser no matter what pool (or sludge pond) he comes from. Guess you didn't read the entire thread and decided to be insulted from the get go huh?

[fands]

That's MOOT point, not 'mute' point.

Most of my points are mute. Now and then I accompany them with an "over there," or perhaps a "that way." But only on special occasions.

 

Some might say the "red flags" raised in this thread are moot, because there are few absolutes in life. And because red flags are actually figurative and not literal. Also, when you think about it, why would anyone hoist a red flag? Hoping for a flying bull seems more than wildly optimistic.

[trippi1432]

In Britain, “Moot” Can Still Mean “Debatable”

In America, “Moot” Means “Pointless”

..........Interesting..........

 

I know that the thread title states OLD; I'm just shocked how many people still do not get acronyms today (no matter what country). OLD = On Line Dating

 

...hence OLD ("On Line Dating Men, (over 40), never married, no kids. I stayed away from this category being a divorced woman with kids because I figured they either didn't want kids or would not want someone my age (over 40) that they can't have kids with. If I insulted men over the age of 40, I guess that would mean that I am insulting myself as well....but perhaps it is a "moot" point. In that regard, if you are insulted over the context without actually reading what my first time experience was and can't offer some constructive criticism, please remain mute.

 

I dipped my toe in the water of this category, luckily it wasn't my heart.

[preraph]

I've noticed on OLD that there are a lot of men in this category, I've always been a bit apprehensive about dating men like this as I've been married, raised kids...etc., or that they might be fakes/scammers...etc. I typically delete them, not respond or considered them unavailable emotionally.

 

Have any other women met men like this on OLD?

 

I would assume a lot of them are married with kids and just trying to hook up. Also, if a guy wants to be married, he will have been by 40.

[trippi1432]

I would assume a lot of them are married with kids and just trying to hook up.[/Quote]

 

I think that is where some of the stigma comes from in this category of men and why women are a bit leery of that group.

 

Also, if a guy wants to be married, he will have been by 40.

 

Perhaps....however, this guy told me he had never found the ONE he wanted to be married to, he had also been told he wasn't the ONE for some of the women he dated, this tended to upset him a lot. He also did not like his parents divorcing and getting remarried.

 

This guy wasn't married and didn't have kids....if he did, he hid them pretty darn well for 4 months. I don't want to judge this category by this one experience, but in-so-far, the way it has been perceived, and now experienced, it's not where I would feel safe to venture again.

[SmartDude]

Actually that is why I put this out there, I do want to hear from both sides, and thank you for your responses. I've just figured that having been married and having kids, men like this wouldn't see me as relationship material to be honest.

 

There is a point to be made there. People who have been married and have kids are actually heavily discriminated against in the dating world. They are not the cream of the crop as far as dating is concerned. Everyone secretly knows this but tries to be polite.

 

People without kids asume that people who DO have kids will eventually end up with another person who has kids as well. So...in the meantime the are good for some fun times and sex.

 

Dont kill me because I am saying this. I don't think its fair and it is quite judgmental but I see it happen a lot.

[BlueIris]

There is a point to be made there. People who have been married and have kids are actually heavily discriminated against in the dating world. They are not the cream of the crop as far as dating is concerned. Everyone secretly knows this but tries to be polite.

 

:laugh: Well, there you go. Maybe it was our common loser status that worked for me!

I was more comfortable with men that I had a lot in common with, and having kids was an important commonality for me. Maybe it was irrational or stupid, but that’s what I liked. You’re not going to please everyone anyway so go with what you like.

[Dark Horse]

I don't care if i'm 40 and not married and have no kids, I might actually be able to live with that.

 

But for the love of Hayzeus, I do not want to be 40 years old and never had a girlfriend and still a virgin and never experienced the love of a woman. Oh god please.

 

Because in my opinion, it's better to have loved and been loved in return than to have never loved at all.

[Lois_Griffin]

When I was in my 40's and doing OLD, I had experience with two guys in their mid-40's who both had never married and never had kids.

 

These were red flags to me but I gave the benefit of the doubt.

 

I started dating one of them exclusively and just a few months in, I found out why he was still single and never married or had kids at 48. He was a raging alcoholic who managed to hide it well from me for the first few months, but eventually I caught on. Dumped his sorry ass.

 

The second guy was the exact stereotype of why women see red flags around a man in his late 40s's whose never been married and no kids. The guy was an emotionally stunted idiot who simply didn't have the ability to engage in a serious long term relationship. While he was saying one thing his actions were clearly showing another. I dumped his ass, too.

 

While I won't say every single guy in his 40's must have something 'wrong' with him, the two that I met REALLY lived up to the stereotype.

[LookAtThisPOst]

When I was in my 40's and doing OLD, I had experience with two guys in their mid-40's who both had never married and never had kids.

 

These were red flags to me but I gave the benefit of the doubt.

 

I started dating one of them exclusively and just a few months in, I found out why he was still single and never married or had kids at 48. He was a raging alcoholic who managed to hide it well from me for the first few months, but eventually I caught on. Dumped his sorry ass.

 

The second guy was the exact stereotype of why women see red flags around a man in his late 40s's whose never been married and no kids. The guy was an emotionally stunted idiot who simply didn't have the ability to engage in a serious long term relationship. While he was saying one thing his actions were clearly showing another. I dumped his ass, too.

 

While I won't say every single guy in his 40's must have something 'wrong' with him, the two that I met REALLY lived up to the stereotype.

 

Well, there are raging booze-heads that have been divorced/emotionally stunted types divorced 1once, twice, or even thrice.

 

No correlation

 

I mean, you would think the older, never married types would be the "lesser of the two evils" because their goods aren't as damaged as a divorce's?"

Edited May 18, 2016 by LookAtThisPOst

[xxoo]

 

I mean, you would think the older, never married types would be the "lesser of the two evils" because their goods aren't as damaged as a divorce's?"

 

I don't see how a failed relationship or marriage makes anyone damaged goods. Experience can lead to wisdom.

 

Whether someone has actually be married is of lesser significance than if they've had long term relationships. A person who has reached 40 and has not had a long term relationship likely doesn't want to, or otherwise is not able.

[trippi1432]

People without kids assume that people who DO have kids will eventually end up with another person who has kids as well. So...in the meantime the are good for some fun times and sex.

 

Dont kill me because I am saying this. I don't think its fair and it is quite judgmental but I see it happen a lot.

 

I think that is probably closer to the truth in the experience that I had. I also think after 3 months, he was restless and ready to move on. Most likely why HIS choice to deal with a boob shot from an old GF was to basically "leave the door open" by ignoring it.

 

When I was in my 40's and doing OLD, I had experience with two guys in their mid-40's who both had never married and never had kids.

 

These were red flags to me but I gave the benefit of the doubt.

 

I started dating one of them exclusively and just a few months in, I found out why he was still single and never married or had kids at 48. He was a raging alcoholic who managed to hide it well from me for the first few months, but eventually I caught on. Dumped his sorry ass.

 

The second guy was the exact stereotype of why women see red flags around a man in his late 40s's whose never been married and no kids. The guy was an emotionally stunted idiot who simply didn't have the ability to engage in a serious long term relationship. While he was saying one thing his actions were clearly showing another. I dumped his ass, too.

 

While I won't say every single guy in his 40's must have something 'wrong' with him, the two that I met REALLY lived up to the stereotype.

 

I could say that in bold above, emotionally stunted could have been an issue here as well. To SmartDude's point, if I was having an issue with one of the kids (grown kids to be exact), he would act interested and then tell me it was none of his business.

 

I think, from this experience, that it is better to date someone who has children or has raised children (and not left a relationship due to the kids). I did date a guy last year who had married, helped raise her kids but never had kids of his own. He seemed to have more compassion and empathy...it wasn't "forced" if that makes any sense.

 

While I dislike stereotypes, I guess in a way we all are one. In my case, divorced women in her 40's who has raised children. Strong, independent female.....I know those definitely have a stigma around them.

[BikerAccnt]

You really can't win with this, as what one person likes, another will not.

 

I've been divorced since 2000, and have no children. So that's 16 years, I feel single, not divorced. Was married a bit over 7 years.

 

I am now back dating, and I list divorced as my status. I've listed single before, but that's led to questions when I've met someone about why I didn't say divorced. How it was being "dishonest."

 

Another woman, asked why I didn't just say single, since that's why I am, and I'd been divorced for a while

 

<shrug> So you just list what you feel more comfortable with.

 

I find that for women in my age group 50+, the divorced label works best, as they would have expeced someone to be married by now. I find that when I am looking, the divorced label seem best also. Maybe because I understand it better, that may be the same perspective the women have. I try not to overthink it too much.