OLD Men, (over 40) never married, no kids.....

[Satu]

100% nonsense

[SammySammy]

I have a rule concerning song remakes: If you can't do it better, leave it alone.

 

I think that rule applies here.

 

The original Hot/Crazy Matrix was funny and entertaining. These girls woefully miss the mark in the most awkward ways. Not funny or entertaining. Should have left it alone.

[trippi1432]

No one ever gives great dating advice....not even the Oracle.

 

I thought the parody rebuttals were quite funny actually, and not too far off on what both men and women complain about in the dating world. Gold-diggers, crazy people, jerks, emotionally unavailable......etc.

 

Is it moronic nonsense, of course, which is why I told this guy (when he asked me what category I saw myself in) that I fall into the unicorn category (I don't exist). A moronic question deserves a moronic answer.

[xxoo]

Do a matrix of Bad a Dating Choices and Likelihood of Using a Matrix.

[trippi1432]

I have a rule concerning song remakes: If you can't do it better, leave it alone.

 

I think that rule applies here.

 

The original Hot/Crazy Matrix was funny and entertaining. These girls woefully miss the mark in the most awkward ways. Not funny or entertaining. Should have left it alone.

 

Aww, come on, the 3 parodies actually hit on the combination of bad dating choices for women. It was funny.

 

I did like the fact that the man's matrix was pretty simple, hot/crazy. Oh, and there was a disclaimer that any woman could be all over the crazy scale. Gave me a sense of comfort.... :lmao:

[trippi1432]

Background: Met a man on OLD back in January and we have been dating exclusively since February. He was the one who said he wanted to be exclusive and I agreed that I did as well.

 

Last night we were grilling out and sitting in front of a fire at his house. We both had to keep moving our chairs around as it was a bit windy and the smoke would change direction a lot. He had a little more activity than usual on his phone and, at one point, I stood up to get out of the way of the smoke about the same time he opened his phone to his messages. I glanced down and made out that he had gotten a picture. I couldn't really make it out clearly, but I asked "What was that?!". He quickly closed his phone and said "Nothing". I sat down and looked at him and asked "Are you sure it was nothing?". He said, "Ok, it was a boob shot from a girl I went out on a few dates with last year."

 

He then changed the subject. I waited a little bit and asked what he responded to her with. (My eyesight might not be perfect, but a pic on the left side of the screen and a text block on the right side of the screen means there was a response.) He made a remark that I wasn't going to let this go and stated that she was just a sad and lonely person and remembered him from going out last year before she dumped him for someone else that didn't work out, so it was nothing and he didn't respond to her. He said he should block her and I agreed, but also stated that I may not always know my right from my left, but I do read left to right. Again, he changed the subject.

 

He told me this morning that he went back and looked at the conversation and that he did not respond to her boob pic (I couldn't read his response, but knowing him he probably did say something rude to her like why do you want me now nutcase; however, he lied as he did respond).....but in the back of my mind as well, I do feel he kept sweeping things under the rug because he would give me tidbits and then change the subject. At one point he said he didn't want to address it because he was with me and that was more important to him.

 

I would like to believe that, I mean, he's a great guy...but perhaps lacks some self confidence and needs validation. Since he and I have been seeing each other, I've had six men outside of OLD ask me out or inquired on getting a date and I've told them up-front that I am seeing someone. I just don't entertain "options", but maybe I've been doing it wrong? I'm beginning to feel that exclusive to a man means he gets his sex in one place and gets his validation elsewhere??

 

So I do feel I've been getting dating all wrong, even when someone wants to be "exclusive", maybe I shouldn't cut off my options of meeting someone better than who I am being exclusive with. I shouldn't be this loyal, honest and independent woman....I should just be independent and be a tart to any man who comes along just for the attention. Maybe "exclusive" is nothing more than FWB...this woman has learned well how to do FWB......when a Jerk needs validation, you tell him his only validation is he has a d**k and nothing more. When I feel like giving him attention, he will get it........and nothing more. A man who is a FWB is only good for one thing, and they get treated accordingly and aren't worth anything more.

 

So I am at a precipice in my life, I've wasted 15 years of my life with the wrong man and spent six years post-divorce with men who wanted me all to themselves, but weren't totally honest, swept their own actions under the rug. I like this guy I'm seeing, but I think I need more to actually invest myself into a "relationship". I like the relationship I have built with myself more, to know when to walk away from something that isn't good for me. I value my morals and respect for myself, but yeah, I see that men seem to value the tart, attention seeking women more than a good woman.

[phineas]

I can understand you'd be pissed.

He's talking to a chick who sends him boob pics while with you.

As a guy I have rarely had women just send me skin pics out of the blue so they were most likely sent by request.

 

It's funny because the majority of attractive women i've tried to date were like this guy needing validation constantly from other men and men they dated in the past who ended things with them.

 

I'm not the type to tell a woman she can't talk to ex's or other guys but I do make it clear i'm not going to be exclusive with them if they do.

 

If they tell me they will but those guys just looking to sleep with them keep texting and she does nothing to quell it I demote them to FWB and open my options.

[Larryville]

Benefit of the Doubt?

 

Seriously!? I'll keep asking this question Do you people read your own stuff before you post?

 

Someone said earlier....

 

"When someone shows you who they are, believe them".

 

 

He had a little more activity than usual on his phone

 

Ok, it was a boob shot from a girl I went out on a few dates with last year."

however, he lied as he did respond).....but in the back of my mind as well, I do feel he kept sweeping things under the rug

 

I repeat...

 

"When someone shows you who they are, believe them".

[RedPurpleOrange]

^Hehe, that quote is on a roll now.

[trippi1432]

^Hehe, that quote is on a roll now.

 

yeah....it's my own words from previous posts actually. Good job Larryville.

[smudge21]

I would never, ever, contact in any way another girl whilst spending time with someone who I was involved with, or even remotely interested in. It's totally true, interested people act interested. As much as your past has had it's fair share of bad men, do not settle for someone like this just because they seem okay for the most part. You have to value yourself before others will value you. I totally get where you are currently with your thinking - it happens to us guys too you know. Sometimes we all just seem to meet the wrong people and feel like giving up, but just because we have met bad people does not mean they're all bad - unless you can tell us you've dated around 1% of all men in the world. I firmly believe that people tend to just go for certain types, even if those types are bad for them. Taking a step away from dating and looking at yourself may be in order - try to find out why you keep meeting the bad boys. We're not all like that.

[RedPurpleOrange]

yeah....it's my own words from previous posts actually. Good job Larryville.

 

 

Mine too! Great minds, and all that.

[preraph]

I've learned over and over that you can never assume a man is being exclusive. If they haven't had the talk, they aren't or won't be if they get the chance to wander. And even if you tell them you're exclusive, if they don't specifically say they will be too, don't do it. One-way exclusivity is their dream. Keep dating others or at least going out with friends where you might meet someone. Don't way anything, just do it. He'll figure it out sooner or later when you're not available one night.

[trippi1432]

I've learned over and over that you can never assume a man is being exclusive. If they haven't had the talk, they aren't or won't be if they get the chance to wander. And even if you tell them you're exclusive, if they don't specifically say they will be too, don't do it. One-way exclusivity is their dream. Keep dating others or at least going out with friends where you might meet someone. Don't way anything, just do it. He'll figure it out sooner or later when you're not available one night.

 

Read back....there were no assumptions, I don't typically ask a man to be exclusive, I've learned to ask intentions these days and have no qualms in walking away. Men ask ME to be exclusive. Their words, not mine "You're hot, I want you, you are so talented, you are so smart and pretty, you're cute"...word vomit.

 

Actions versus words....believe me, I get that too. But I've known men who go through the same "actions" they would show anyone, it's just their nature. I mean you can love that about them, but it really doesn't mean anything at all does it, they would do it for anyone...and might get a boob pic.

 

Some of it is just to impress and it goes away eventually anyways. Like the forehead kiss....I never knew what that was until I got divorced, but I'm not sure it really means anything other than what some men's magazine told a man to do.

 

Phineas got it right...I'm pissed. I don't see any reason I should be exclusive with someone who gets boob pics. I'm just tired of men wasting my time.

[trippi1432]

I would never, ever, contact in any way another girl whilst spending time with someone who I was involved with, or even remotely interested in. It's totally true, interested people act interested. As much as your past has had it's fair share of bad men, do not settle for someone like this just because they seem okay for the most part. You have to value yourself before others will value you. I totally get where you are currently with your thinking - it happens to us guys too you know. Sometimes we all just seem to meet the wrong people and feel like giving up, but just because we have met bad people does not mean they're all bad - unless you can tell us you've dated around 1% of all men in the world. I firmly believe that people tend to just go for certain types, even if those types are bad for them. Taking a step away from dating and looking at yourself may be in order - try to find out why you keep meeting the bad boys. We're not all like that.

 

I've dated up and I've dated down smudge, I've taken that hard look at myself and given guys a chance. Bad boys aren't my style, I think the problem is I give guys a chance and maybe need to stop doing that if they don't appreciate what they have.

 

Sometimes I think that the right guy I was supposed to meet was banked in those 15 years I gave to the wrong man (not a bad boy....those guys aren't my style).

[Dis]

Oh girl...I really feel for you. I too am traumatized by dating. Its really a shame that you found a guy that you thought was a good one...only to see him recieve a boob pic. Honestly I'd dump his all together. You would never be able to trust him moving forward. I've been in a realtionship where my bf hid his phone and lied blah blah....theres no such thing as a relationship without trust. IMO this guy doesnt deserve to hear one more word from you. What he did was decietful and dishonest. You wouldve never known about that pic if you hadnt seen it...therefor you wouldve never known about who this guy really is. That would be an awful place to be. Consider yourself somewhat lucky to find out pretty early on that hes a douche. Not years down the road.

 

My current bf is actually a good guy and it freaks me out because I'm always expecting the worst from guys so he is a completly different experience for me. I'm realizing not all guys are a*******. Dont get me wrong anything can get screwed up at anytime but there are guys out there that dont do things like this. I'm used to the juice heads, huge egos, hot as h***, players, users, liars and my current bf is nothing like this. He's pretty skinny, has a big nose lol but is handsome, very gentle and sweet. My point is....try dating out of your comfort zone alittle and maybe you'll have different experiences with guys.

 

Dont give up! There is someone out there for you! As far as this guy goes...swipe left!!!

[Arieswoman]

What would you do?

 

Well, it certainly seems his idea of "exclusive" is different to yours

 

And what is it with people sending pictures of parts of their anatomy to others ?!

 

Move on, you dodged a bullet, as they say here......

[TaraMaiden2]

WHat would I do?

I'd ask him point-blank, frankly,

 

"What the hell do you think you're doing?

Because I am human, here, right? Real life. Present. Sitting in front of you.

I mean, I'm with you, she isn't. Unless you'd care to be brutally honest and tell me otherwise, I had the impression we are exclusive.

 

So pardon me for poking you in the chest, metaphorically-speaking, but I think I deserve a little respect.

I'm not trying to dig my claws in you, get all possessive and demanding. I'm not the clingy, bunny-boiler type.

But please don't pi$$ up my leg and tell me it's raining.

Be straight with me.

Am I sharing your time with someone else. or am I the only one in the picture?

Either way is fine, I'm open to knowing, just don't treat me like an idiot, and lie to me.

I don't have 'sucker' scrawled across my forehead, do I?

 

Because if there are other women on the skyline, I don't do sharing.

Because when people 'share' they're all second-best.

And I don't do 'second best' for anyone.

So if you're exchanging suspect texts, photos and pictures with someone else, then I'm out.

If you're not, and they're unwelcome, then make sure they're out.

It's easy.

It's called a text-blocker and you wipe them from your phone.

 

If you'd prefer to not do that - and granted, that IS your choice, I'm not making demands on you - then fine.

I am not insisting.

But I AM asking you to choose.

 

And no, this is not up for discussion.

I've said my peace and made myself clear.

 

Let me know tomorrow.

See you then."

 

and leave.

[ExpatInItaly]

She just randomly sent him a boob pic, with no preamble?

 

I doubt that. Sorry, but this guy isn't as exclusive as you'd like.

[TaraMaiden2]

.....And no, this is not up for discussion.

I've said my peace and made myself clear.

.....

 

Piece!! I meant 'PIECE'...!! Dammit.....! *grumble, grumble*....

[Lois_Griffin]

First of all, any flaming a*sshole whose rude enough to sit and text the entire time I'm visiting is someone I won't waste time with again. FFS, 20 years ago when there were no cell phones, if you were over someone's house they didn't take phone calls and ignore you while you sat there waiting for them to get off the phone. They let their machines pick up or they answered and told the person they'd call back.

 

So this bullcrap with everyone thinking they're so damned important that they have to be in touch with everyone at every single second just makes them look like self-important fools.

 

The fact that this particular fool had gone a step farther and was completely disrespecting you by asking some woman for nude selfies is completely unacceptable.

 

You shouldn't have to 'talk' to him or tell him how disrespectful it was. He's not a 12 year old boy who doesn't know any better. He's just another disrespectful assclown who doesn't give a rat's ass.

 

If you choose to waste more time with this idiot, then you're disrespecting yourself.

[carhill]

What would I do?

 

Well, I did develop a rule after my exW and I split up, noting how things had changed, that dates were technology-free events and if a woman didn't keep the phone zipped in her purse, date over. Simple boundary, easily implemented and I was the guy asking out and paying and not nearly as popular as the OP apparently is. Still, basic boundaries are healthy ones and should be consistent. If the women disagreed, that's OK; minds don't meet and delete.

 

Things are still the same today and the phone's off button is remarkably easy to operate. Battery lasts longer too.

 

I won't delve into the phone's content, like the boob pic, since that's a separate issue and anyone with one's phone number can pretty much send any content they want until blocked. The phone during date part, unless it was a family emergency, nope.

[GemmaUK]

It's possible I might play with this a bit and rescind the exclusivity on the basis of boobie pics and sexy torso pics (gotta be fair here) from others not being within 'exclusive' for me.

If he is choosing that route then there's no reason I shouldn't.

 

I would not be planning to ever see him again but I would be very pleasant about it once he knows we are on an equal footing. )

Can't beat 'em join 'em! He is too disrespectful for anything more than a very brief fling.

[trippi1432]

I think it is pretty much over at this point. I asked him again last night if he "dealt with it", meaning did he block her. He insisted that he never responded to the pic to which I responded that it must have been a group text that she sent it to as there were responses to it. He states that I am calling him a liar and can F off.

 

Here's me F'ing off........nope nope nope nope.....shaking head and walking away.

 

To clear some things up, he isn't typically on his phone the whole time we are together. I'm probably on mine more than him as my kids text me a lot or call. (Granted they are grown, but at least I'm not getting solicited or unsolicited texts or torso shots from men.)

 

The pic may have been unsolicited, I really don't know, but the respectable thing to have done was to tell the woman he didn't appreciate the pic and should have blocked her.

 

I do find it interesting that he would tell me to F off, but not the boob pic woman.....very telling.

[Art_Critic]

As a guy I have rarely had women just send me skin pics out of the blue so they were most likely sent by request.

 

This is where my head was, and as a girl would you send a boob pic to someone your dated a while back ago because you were lonely ? well.. there are enough nutcases out there so the answer may not be what I was going for...

 

Go with your gut, if you are comfortable with the guy and have feelings then maybe store this incident and wait to see if there is another..

 

Keep your eyes open, unless of course he will discuss this without him sweeping it under the rug...