OLD Men, (over 40) never married, no kids.....

[BluEyeL]

In my opinion the fewer children on either sides, the better chances of success. Children put a lot of pressure on couples.

 

If there are children on both sides, it is even harder. So, in my view, the childless status is actually a plus. And I am a mother.

 

It's not that I wouldn't date a father, I did, but if we are honest, children do bring complications and often this is a big issue in second marriages, leading to divorce in probably a great deal of the cases where divorce happens.

[Miss Peach]

My BF and ex both had no kids but are great with mine. EX and I broke up over a reason that had nothing to do with kids. I think a single parent gets certain things more but as long as you have someone who can put themselves in your shoes it can work IMO. Either he needs to be willing to defer the kid issues to you and/or you need to be on similar pages. The couples that I know who are having trouble with kids can't come to either arrangement.

[Robratory]

In the meantime, I've met a guy in his late 40's IRL. You are correct in perhaps a blind prejudice...I just didn't think a guy at that age would be interested in a woman who has been married and has grown kids.

 

Who else would he be interested in? Forty-year-old virgins? At least your kids are grown, so it's not like a man has to step into the role of Dad. I can't imagine a guy in his 40s or older rejecting a woman because she has grown kids.

[GR4]

Isn't the fact that someone doesn't come with any baggage a good thing?

 

I'd never ever date anyone with kids. Ever.

[Larryville]

Things to consider…

What if dude was living with a woman for seven years who didn’t believe in traditional marriage?

What if he was in a three-year relationship with a woman who cheated on him?

What if he was once ready to propose and she ended up breaking his heart?

What if he spent five years in a dead-end relationship and has had difficulty getting back out there?

What if he made a bunch of bad dating decisions and just hasn’t met “the one”?

Is this dude a victim of circumstance, or is he the common denominator in all of his relationship failures?

While this doesn’t mean you should enter into a relationship with a forty-something bachelor with the expectation of failure however it does indeed mean that he didn’t become a forty-something single dude by making great decisions in love.

The other thing, while some guys might disagree… he has never had to sacrifice anything. Not for a wife or kids, his interests or hobbies mostly just all about him UNLESS one of the above questions explains but either way much bigger risk. (disclaimer single women, single no kids never married I have experienced "relationships" are impossible for them.

 

 

But yes…

Being divorced is a deal breaker to some, and never having been married is a deal breaker to others. Just goes to show, you can't please all of the people, all of the time!!

[Httm]

Isn't the fact that someone doesn't come with any baggage a good thing?

 

I'd never ever date anyone with kids. Ever.

 

Everyone, by 40, has baggage...kids or not.

[xxoo]

You have to take it case by case, but it shouldn't be difficult to screen out the men who are never married at 40 because they are not the marrying kind. The pattern would be quite clear by that age.

[d0nnivain]

There are stereotypes on both sides.

 

I married at 41, having never previously married & not having kids. I'm not emotionally withholding but I was never in a position to have kids even though I had a living in relationship that lasted more than 10 years.

 

Although he's 5 years younger then me, I felt like I found a unicorn when I met DH. he'd never been married either & didn't have kids. He is stoic which many people mistake as emotionally withholding but he's really a big softie (don't tell anyone).

 

I think you have to take each person as an individual. You can't tell much from an OLD profile. If the fact that someone was never previously married is the only thing holding you back, do take a chance & meet the person. You might be pleasantly surprised.

[Snaggletooth]

I guess I fall into this category of men.

 

My twenties were spent in a relationship but no marriage or kids. She cheated, we ended and I spent my thirties single. Mainly because I never met the right woman, so I focused on working, clearing debts, paying off mortgage, taking my sport as far as a I could before I got too old., etc.

 

Early forties I met my partner and fell head over heels. At first sight and all that soppy old b*ll*cks. She came with two young kids. I now spend my spare time playing marbles, watching ninja turtles and having in depth discussions about princesses on unicorns. I'm loving it. All four of us are.

 

The great thing is, because I was never married and with no kids, I was pretty much semi retired, so I don't have to worry about fitting into their lives or creating enough time for everyone. There is no debt, work, 9-5 job, kid, etc, to restrict me. Done my hard graft, earnt money, got out the rat race, and can now focus on them in a way that wouldn't be possible had I debt, an ex wife or kids.

 

Some of us never married/no kid dudes are a damned good catch. So are some single Mums.

[soleilesquire]

Let me preface this by saying I am not speaking of all men/people. I am going off my own limited experience and/or observations as well as those of the people I have spoken with. So with THAT out of the way:

 

I may or may not wonder about a man who is 40+ and never been married. Some people, especially these days, are not interested in marriage.

 

However, yes, I would be taken aback by a man who was in that age range and had never had a dating relationship. Here is why:

 

In my experience, my observation, and the exp/obs of people I have talked with, a man who has reached 40 and has NEVER dated has very little social awareness, tact, interpersonal skill, etc. For example, a person of emotional intelligence attempts to be gracious. A person with very little tact or social skill will attack and/or scold a virtual stranger right out of the gate who steps on their toes, even if it is unintentional. A person over 40 who has never dated likely puts off a "vibe" and blames all of their lack of success on the opposite sex. OR...this is a man who - as they used to say in the 50's and 60's - is very close to his mother and likes to pick out dish patterns lol. (just injecting humor).

 

I do not know anyone with the most basic of social skills and empathy who reaches 40 and NEVER dates. In the case of every person I know - male or female - who reaches middle age with no relationship experience, all one has to do is spend an hour talking with them about anything of significance, and it becomes abundantly clear why.

 

Emotional intelligence and social skills can be learned. Like it or not, our mainstream society DOES have certain mores, and choosing not learn learn them and expecting the opposite sex to just adapt to an outlier is not a very effective dating strategy.

 

I've just made thousands of men with neckbeards and handmade DnD figures very angry

[LookAtThisPOst]

Let me preface this by saying I am not speaking of all men/people. I am going off my own limited experience and/or observations as well as those of the people I have spoken with. So with THAT out of the way:

 

I may or may not wonder about a man who is 40+ and never been married. Some people, especially these days, are not interested in marriage.

 

However, yes, I would be taken aback by a man who was in that age range and had never had a dating relationship. Here is why:

 

In my experience, my observation, and the exp/obs of people I have talked with, a man who has reached 40 and has NEVER dated has very little social awareness, tact, interpersonal skill, etc. For example, a person of emotional intelligence attempts to be gracious. A person with very little tact or social skill will attack and/or scold a virtual stranger right out of the gate who steps on their toes, even if it is unintentional. A person over 40 who has never dated likely puts off a "vibe" and blames all of their lack of success on the opposite sex. OR...this is a man who - as they used to say in the 50's and 60's - is very close to his mother and likes to pick out dish patterns lol. (just injecting humor).

 

I do not know anyone with the most basic of social skills and empathy who reaches 40 and NEVER dates. In the case of every person I know - male or female - who reaches middle age with no relationship experience, all one has to do is spend an hour talking with them about anything of significance, and it becomes abundantly clear why.

 

Emotional intelligence and social skills can be learned. Like it or not, our mainstream society DOES have certain mores, and choosing not learn learn them and expecting the opposite sex to just adapt to an outlier is not a very effective dating strategy.

 

I've just made thousands of men with neckbeards and handmade DnD figures very angry

 

You're just generalizing.

 

I have known people who have been in relationships to be lacking in social graces just as much as as those who haven't been. Hell, I've even heard dude belch loudly right in front of their girlfriends in mixed company and thought it was funny.

 

My response to that guy was, "Were you raised in a barn?" and my thought, "She knows how to pick 'em." lol

 

Even DnD dudes have girlfriends. lol. And yes, even *gasp* married ones!

 

But anyways, it's all moot actually, everyone has their advantages and disadvantages.

[spmh1017]

I'm almost 37 and feel as if Im seen as an old man

[strawberryshortstack]

I've noticed on OLD that there are a lot of men in this category, I've always been a bit apprehensive about dating men like this as I've been married, raised kids...etc., or that they might be fakes/scammers...etc. I typically delete them, not respond or considered them unavailable emotionally.

 

Have any other women met men like this on OLD?

 

 

#1: Over 40 is NOT old.

#2: I'm not male, but I'm 42, have no kids, and have never married - but there is nothing wrong with me. I enjoy my life child-free, and simply haven't met the right guy yet. There are many reasons a man could be over 40 with no children or marriages under his belt - maybe you could try asking them why they are instead of writing them off completely.

[trippi1432]

#1: Over 40 is NOT old.

#2: I'm not male, but I'm 42, have no kids, and have never married - but there is nothing wrong with me. I enjoy my life child-free, and simply haven't met the right guy yet. There are many reasons a man could be over 40 with no children or marriages under his belt - maybe you could try asking them why they are instead of writing them off completely.

 

Yikes!! Okay, OP here....just to set the record straight, I've not written him off. We like each other very much at this point and have discussed/agreed to date exclusively.

 

What I had written off in the dating world (which I've used OLD from time to time to meet men since my divorce years ago) was this category of men in my age range, never married with no children. I've not dated a man that was never married with no children since my last exH but we were in our 20's and is/was quite common at that age.

[Httm]

#1: Over 40 is NOT old.

#2: I'm not male, but I'm 42, have no kids, and have never married - but there is nothing wrong with me. I enjoy my life child-free, and simply haven't met the right guy yet. There are many reasons a man could be over 40 with no children or marriages under his belt - maybe you could try asking them why they are instead of writing them off completely.

 

Old stood for online dating.

[strawberryshortstack]

Old stood for online dating.

 

 

oh...oops! silly me, I should have known that. Can I blame it on lack of coffee today?

[trippi1432]

Let me preface this by saying I am not speaking of all men/people. I am going off my own limited experience and/or observations as well as those of the people I have spoken with. So with THAT out of the way:

 

I may or may not wonder about a man who is 40+ and never been married. Some people, especially these days, are not interested in marriage.

 

However, yes, I would be taken aback by a man who was in that age range and had never had a dating relationship. Here is why:

 

In my experience, my observation, and the exp/obs of people I have talked with, a man who has reached 40 and has NEVER dated has very little social awareness, tact, interpersonal skill, etc. For example, a person of emotional intelligence attempts to be gracious. A person with very little tact or social skill will attack and/or scold a virtual stranger right out of the gate who steps on their toes, even if it is unintentional. A person over 40 who has never dated likely puts off a "vibe" and blames all of their lack of success on the opposite sex. OR...this is a man who - as they used to say in the 50's and 60's - is very close to his mother and likes to pick out dish patterns lol. (just injecting humor).

 

I do not know anyone with the most basic of social skills and empathy who reaches 40 and NEVER dates. In the case of every person I know - male or female - who reaches middle age with no relationship experience, all one has to do is spend an hour talking with them about anything of significance, and it becomes abundantly clear why.

 

Emotional intelligence and social skills can be learned. Like it or not, our mainstream society DOES have certain mores, and choosing not learn learn them and expecting the opposite sex to just adapt to an outlier is not a very effective dating strategy.

 

I've just made thousands of men with neckbeards and handmade DnD figures very angry

 

Just to highlight, I NEVER said he NEVER dated....not sure where that came from, but it's a public forum. He's had LTR's and been engaged and has dated....according to him, he's just not met the right ONE. <--------------- And THAT is where my apprehension comes into play around investing myself.

 

I'm sort of lost on this feedback....what's wrong with DnD??

[trippi1432]

oh...oops! silly me, I should have known that. Can I blame it on lack of coffee today?

 

No problem.

[trippi1432]

Old stood for online dating.

 

Thanks Httm......

[trippi1432]

Things to consider…

What if dude was living with a woman for seven years who didn’t believe in traditional marriage?

What if he was in a three-year relationship with a woman who cheated on him?

What if he was once ready to propose and she ended up breaking his heart?

What if he spent five years in a dead-end relationship and has had difficulty getting back out there?

What if he made a bunch of bad dating decisions and just hasn’t met “the one”?

Is this dude a victim of circumstance, or is he the common denominator in all of his relationship failures?

While this doesn’t mean you should enter into a relationship with a forty-something bachelor with the expectation of failure however it does indeed mean that he didn’t become a forty-something single dude by making great decisions in love.

The other thing, while some guys might disagree… he has never had to sacrifice anything. Not for a wife or kids, his interests or hobbies mostly just all about him UNLESS one of the above questions explains but either way much bigger risk. (disclaimer single women, single no kids never married I have experienced "relationships" are impossible for them.

 

I think this post pretty much sums up the conversations that he and I have both had about our love life.

Edited February 17, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
fixed code

[trippi1432]

Will just shut this down here....guy is still trolling OLD for "amusement purposes"?? Over 40 never been married guy loses girl in one sentence. Shame on those six sided dice.

[trippi1432]

So the guy I've been seeing for the past few months sent me a video to look at: A Man's Guide to Women...entertaining at best. He asked me where I was on the matrix............HA! I'm a Unicorn baby, get over it!!

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vwbKYcBdVyk

 

So I lost my unicorn status the other weekend when I let him know that my feelings were hurt that he stood up our usual Friday night. To set the background, HE asked to be exclusive. He works opposite shifts than me and I accommodate that because I enjoy our time together. It's also not the first time he has cancelled. I had actually taken a vacation day to be with him on a Thursday because he wanted to see me before the weekend.

 

I have been toying with the idea of changing my work from home day so we could have more time together; however, I need to see some changes on his side first. When I told him that my feelings were hurt that he changed our plans he reacted with "that's all it takes to hurt your feelings, you just went up a point on the crazy scale". Hello...........

 

 

So, since then, he's pretty much lost Prince Charming zone and he hasn't cried, so he's not a Lesbian. He has informed me that I am date material but not long term material because I smoke and was not honest 3 months ago (this also happened with an ex-fiancé of his on not being up front over finances because she wanted to marry ASAP). He was informed on the first meeting that I smoke, so to bring it up now and make it an issue is a mute point, he had that chance 3 months ago....his honesty would have been appreciated.

 

Last weekend, I went on a girl's night to a concert, an event I had confirmed to before ever meeting him. He knew about it for a while. He asked me the weekend we almost broke up when we could get together and I told him Friday if that was okay with him. He said it was but on Thursday sent me a text that I wasn't there. I reminded him of our conversation. He said that was fine, we could have Friday night and Saturday morning, and Sunday after my band practice. I asked if I could spend Saturday afternoon with him, he was building chairs (which is also why he cancelled the Friday before as he wanted to start working on these chairs......for me...but there was really no reason to cancel at the last minute).

 

This past Saturday, he finished the second chair....very nice. He didn't like the way they turned out so the next two are going to be for me. In the meantime, he had plans to go out with his buddies from work while I was at this concert. He never heard from them, so instead, he contacted a woman he had previously dated but didn't work out to give these first two chairs to her (as he said she wouldn't take care of them, so the defective ones could be hers). He and her kids went to dinner...etc etc.

 

He lamented to me that he had a pizza stain on his shirt and asked if I could help fix it while he divulged bits and pieces of his night. To the next matrix.....

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yfuNQQaitrE

 

No man ever wants to be on this matrix...I mean it just becomes really complicated. Now, just like the man's matrix, a man can teeter between these matrices, let's be honest....when any man starts to go down this matrix, I emotionally disconnect. Who wouldn't?

 

Now, let's be honest.........between the emotional unavailability matrix and the jerk matrix, this is probably the better explained matrix of what women are looking for.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4cblIKG4XhQ

 

If there was a way to combine the 3 matrices perhaps women could have a complete guide to dating. :o

[Buddhist]

Sorry but my moron-o-meter just hit 'serious BS' levels looking at those video's. I cannot relate to anyone who finds them useful on any level.

[TaraMaiden2]

That's MOOT point, not 'mute' point.

 

And I agree entirely with buddhist on the videos....

[PegNosePete]

Came to this thread expecting to see Neo, Morpheus and Trinity giving dating advice.

 

 

 

Disappointed.