Gigi2015 Posted February 4, 2016 Share Posted February 4, 2016 I tried, he simply didn't want to hear it. Which was nice to hear from him. That he has 100% trust back for me. I'm glad it's resolved and that your husband is ok... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Whoknew30 Posted February 4, 2016 Author Share Posted February 4, 2016 Hi WhoKnew: I am glad to hear that you told your husband. That is in part why he trusts you. Were he to hear from someone else that saw you two talking, then it would likely upset him. Well, I don't know if you can shop or work in another city. I changed jobs to one in a nearby city to get away from the city where I was likely to run into my ex OW. This was advised by my marriage counselor. If you can't work or shop in another city, you can however totally ignore him when he approaches......no smile, no hello, no eye contact past the initial sighting. You are in control. Ignoring him completely will send him a very strong message, and unless he is a stalker, he will take the hint. The questions are: Do you really want him to take the hint? Are you possibly flattered by his ongoing attention and perhaps eager for those ego strokes. Be honest with yourself. The first time I saw him, I was happy to hear his life worked out. This second time just pissed me off bc it was just a unnecessary move to talk to my kid & I felt we caught up once in almost 7 years, that was more than enough. Honestly, flattered...no. I don't really need any ego strokes, I've never had real self-esteem or insecurity issues to ever yearn for that. When I started A, it was bc my marriage sucked & I genuinely liked this guy. It was never based on sex or a need for attention bc those things have never lacked in my life. I won't ever move bc my family is still here & I LOVE my city, plus I'm stubborn as can be & would never move bc of fear of running into someone. If there is a next (hoping there's not) time, he won't get a word from me & if he tries to talk to me, he's be shut down quickly. I would have this time but I couldn't bc of my child. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gigi2015 Posted February 4, 2016 Share Posted February 4, 2016 (edited) The first time I saw him, I was happy to hear his life worked out. This second time just pissed me off bc it was just a unnecessary move to talk to my kid & I felt we caught up once in almost 7 years, that was more than enough. Honestly, flattered...no. I don't really need any ego strokes, I've never had real self-esteem or insecurity issues to ever yearn for that. When I started A, it was bc my marriage sucked & I genuinely liked this guy. It was never based on sex or a need for attention bc those things have never lacked in my life. I won't ever move bc my family is still here & I LOVE my city, plus I'm stubborn as can be & would never move bc of fear of running into someone. If there is a next (hoping there's not) time, he won't get a word from me & if he tries to talk to me, he's be shut down quickly. I would have this time but I couldn't bc of my child. What you must ask of yourself is significance! Be true to yourself. Was it a mere encounter and he simply was glad you we're happy, ok? He's not intruding in your space....NC for 6 years. He's not stalking you. He merely approached you because perhaps you were significant in his past... Edited February 4, 2016 by Gigi2015 1 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted February 5, 2016 Share Posted February 5, 2016 It just pissed me off to see this man speaking to my daughter so I wanted to see if anyone had bed. in that situation also. This situation hasn't continued in my head. Could the OM feel there is a chance that he is this child's dad? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Whoknew30 Posted February 5, 2016 Author Share Posted February 5, 2016 Could the OM feel there is a chance that he is this child's dad? Lol, not even close! 1st, we never had unprotected sex & 2nd, she was in double digits when we met. Link to post Share on other sites
Feelingsad2 Posted February 10, 2016 Share Posted February 10, 2016 Why not just make a complaint to the police dept? Link to post Share on other sites
Feelingsad2 Posted February 11, 2016 Share Posted February 11, 2016 Guess thats too much for you to do?? Link to post Share on other sites
MuddyFootprints Posted February 11, 2016 Share Posted February 11, 2016 He's LE. It was a vent thread. Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey born raised Posted March 13, 2016 Share Posted March 13, 2016 Have you considered your husband response was not based on trust but despair? "what ever, you want a hall pass just take it, we both know you will fo what you want anyway". Could it be based not on trust but indifference. I asked this question recently and would like to ask you. Why are many WS surprise when a BS reacts with fury when offered a free pass. Why should your husband not think your OM wasn't fishing? Why wouldn't a big part of him not want to know how you shut it down. I can't shake the feeling his response shows a refusal to become emotionally invested. I would have feit very good if I was him if fired off a stinging NC letter telling OM what ever we had was not worth the cost of the marriage. I would state clearly what happened you regret. That the pain of those you love is very real. That him speaking with your daughter was out of bounds. That you first concern will always be your husband and your family and then CC your husband. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Whoknew30 Posted April 8, 2016 Author Share Posted April 8, 2016 Have you considered your husband response was not based on trust but despair? "what ever, you want a hall pass just take it, we both know you will fo what you want anyway". Could it be based not on trust but indifference. I asked this question recently and would like to ask you. Why are many WS surprise when a BS reacts with fury when offered a free pass. Why should your husband not think your OM wasn't fishing? Why wouldn't a big part of him not want to know how you shut it down. I can't shake the feeling his response shows a refusal to become emotionally invested. I would have feit very good if I was him if fired off a stinging NC letter telling OM what ever we had was not worth the cost of the marriage. I would state clearly what happened you regret. That the pain of those you love is very real. That him speaking with your daughter was out of bounds. That you first concern will always be your husband and your family and then CC your husband. It wasn't despair...he told me he trusts me & I him. We're in a completely different place then we were when affairs happened. We went through more in the first 2 years of marriage than some people that have been married for 40 years have & we're both content & at a really good place. Lol he'd NEVER give me a free pass! Ever! If I wanted the Ex OM he made it obvious I could but I don't want that, I guess I never really did or I would have left for him. Caring for someone isn't the same as still wanting them. I did write him an email to tell him never to do that again & it's done. I blocked him & hopefully that's it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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