Ex OM approached me infront of my teenager.

[Furious]

No, I'm not. I don't see it that way. After a chance meeting & bc I don't hate my ExAP (which evidently hits a sore spot with you) doesn't make it ok. His choice to walk in front of my kid is on him.

 

Who said I got so much joy? Assume much?

 

 

Exactly, you cannot control consequence. It's naive to expect others to protect your children from situations, especially someone you had an affair with and had a friendly encounter with recently.

[Whoknew30]

Exactly, you cannot control consequence. It's naive to expect others to protect your children from situations, especially someone who had an affair with and had a friendly encounter with recently.

 

I had my consequence, I faced my crap, head on. My H won't be mad at me bc he knows the whole situation & if you really read all my posts, you would know I've owned up to everything. My H knows I don't hate this man, as I don't expect him to hate his ExOW & if he was standing in a line with her & made small talk, I wouldn't be mad, I know that's over. My H knows I (unlike himself) carry no ill will to his OW. My H is a man's man, so he'll be mad bc he knows no matter what either have us done our kids mutually come first & even if they know we had A we don't our kids to know our AP unless we ended up with them, which didn't happen.

[Furious]

[quote

 

 

My H won't be mad at me bc he knows the whole situation & if you really read all my posts, you would know I've owned up to everything. .

 

 

In your opening post you say you're scared, that you husband has a temper, not all all what you just posted above.

 

 

Come on....you were ok with chatting with the ex-OM but that friendly encounter opened a new consequence and your child was involved.

[road]

So anyone i say hi to after 7 years of nothing, thinks we're best friends again? You're assuming how I spoke to him bc I relayed my feelings of not hating him on my thread. I asked him how his life turned out, not lets hangout & be friends. The last words I said that day, I hope your life works out for you. Do you take that as I want to be friends & talk everytime I see you?

 

 

This is not how a WW conducts herself when she wants NC with the OM. You should not care or want to know how his life turned out. A WW asking is an invite to a conversation with the OM.

 

 

I hope your life works holy barf-orama

 

 

[Whoknew30]

[quote

 

 

My H won't be mad at me bc he knows the whole situation & if you really read all my posts, you would know I've owned up to everything. .

 

 

In your opening post you say you're scared, that you husband has a temper, not all all what you just posted above.

 

 

Come on....you were ok with chatting with the ex-OM but that friendly encounter opened a new consequence and your child was involved.

 

I'm scared my H is going to be arrested for kicking his ass, not scared that I did anything wrong. Sorry but we've been open & I'm not scared about my about my marriage, i know my H hates him & my H knows I don't. We're ok with that. Asking how have you been in 7 years alone, does not give a ok for my kids.

 

You obviously aren't reading what I've wrote in the right context. I never said "scared of my husband" scared for my H, completely two different meanings.

[Furious]

In your opening post you say you're scared, that you husband has a temper, not all all what you just posted above.

 

 

Come on....you were ok with chatting with the ex-OM but that friendly encounter opened a new consequence and your child was involved.

 

I'm scared my H is going to be arrested for kicking his ass, not scared that I did anything wrong. Sorry but we've been open & I'm not scared about my about my marriage, i know my H hates him & my H knows I don't. We're ok with that. Asking how have you been in 7 years alone, does not give a ok for my kids.

 

You obviously aren't reading what I've wrote in the right context. I never said "scared of my husband" scared for my H, completely two different meanings.

 

 

You obviously did not read what I said. I didn't say you were scared of your husband. In your own words you said you were scared, that you husband has a temper.

 

You don't own your own actions and those actions invited this mess you're in. Laying blame on your ex-OM who talked to your child is also on you. You were naive to think that the first friendly encounter with the ex-OM was just fine but it has now opened up a can of worms.

 

I'm not saying you should have been mean to the-OM when you recently bumped into him, but you handled that encounter in a way that gave ex-OM the confidence to approach on the second encounter when you were with your child.

 

Your actions are your actions, you seem to only blame the ex-OM.

[Miss Clavel]

Not enough action done by the WW. If a NC letter has not been sent on should be sent, however now a lawyer needs to send it and have a RO taken out.

 

 

how would she word the request? "please contact my ex (and his boss) and restrain him from speaking to me on the sidewalk of his hometown''.

 

the ex explained that he was startled, and the OP poasted that the ex was acting flustered. the exs exchanged a few sentences and parted.

 

then SHE communicated with her ex and he wrote back.

 

"your honor, i am afraid of this man, he's scary, he TALKED to me on the street and he ANSWERED my email".

[road]

how would she word the request? "please contact my ex (and his boss) and restrain him from speaking to me on the sidewalk of his hometown''.

 

the ex explained that he was startled, and the OP poasted that the ex was acting flustered. the exs exchanged a few sentences and parted.

 

then SHE communicated with her ex and he wrote back.

 

"your honor, i am afraid of this man, he's scary, he TALKED to me on the street and he ANSWERED my email".

 

 

You go to a lawyer. Him being a professional in legal manners will enable him to present justifiable reasons for a RO. Basically she ended the affair. told the OM NC. OM by breaking NC is forcing himself on her. NC means no seeing, no talking, no contact of any kind, no nothin'.

[Buck Turgidson]

You go to a lawyer. Him being a professional in legal manners will enable him to present justifiable reasons for a RO. Basically she ended the affair. told the OM NC. OM by breaking NC is forcing himself on her. NC means no seeing, no talking, no contact of any kind, no nothin'.

 

NC is not a law. Talking to someone on the street once or twice after seven years is not harassment. Judges do not give out restraining orders for being talked to on the street. She would be laughed out of court, and possibly fined for malicious litigation.

 

And good god damn, SIX pages of discussion over a completely harmless two-sentence conversation. Nobody was hurt, nobody was cheated on, nobody was insulted, slighted, or damaged in any way. If the child even ever finds out who this person is, it will only be because OP herself can't keep her mouth shut about him to her.

 

Calm down. Calm down everybody.

[Sub]

NC is not a law. Talking to someone on the street once or twice after seven years is not harassment. Judges do not give out restraining orders for being talked to on the street. She would be laughed out of court, and possibly fined for malicious litigation.

 

And good god damn, SIX pages of discussion over a completely harmless two-sentence conversation. Nobody was hurt, nobody was cheated on, nobody was insulted, slighted, or damaged in any way. If the child even ever finds out who this person is, it will only be because OP herself can't keep her mouth shut about him to her.

 

Calm down. Calm down everybody.

 

I think it's a little more of an issue than that, given the context that fairly recently OP saw this man for the first time in seven years. So after seven years, he sees her once, gets the vibe that she was happy to see him. He even implied in his response email that maybe there was something bigger going on as to why they would see each other a second time after 7 years of nothing.

 

At best, he misread the first encounter and thought that gave him a potential way back in to Who's universe. Still, he's an adult. He should have the smallest bit of self-control to just say nothing to her if he does see her. Not act like he's just any other random person that she's met in her life. Because when does it become an issue, then? A third "chance" encounter? A fourth "harmless" conversation in the span of a couple months after seven years of nothing?

[betrayedandhurting]

Right? It's way out of line & weird...isn't it? He knows my H knows who he is & hates him. I guess (not agreeing with) if he approached me alone & I turned him down but what hell did he think he was doing coming up on me & my teenager? I don't get it Mrs J. He knows my H would tell on him in a heart beat & he's also married. I'm just down founded.

 

I say all of these gently because you seem so well intentioned...

 

Cheaters find themselves cheating because they lack boundaries and show a profound naivety about the true intentions of others. Your ex-OM did this to gauge your reaction. Your reaction in the presence of your teenager while not positive toward him was by your own admission neutral. Your lack of sending him away right then and there was a signal to him that is behavior was not totally unwelcome.

 

Of course then you begin keeping secrets from your husband again. You hide you met him "for your husbands own good" of course. Whatever justifies it to you. You then break the cardinal rule of no contact to tell him off but the lack of your husband responding and your OM's wife being contacted instead sends the OM the message that you still can keep secrets for him and still don't put your husband first. It keeps a bad guy hoping and trying and at some point he of course will try again since you allowed it. Of course your husband could also find out about all of this outside of you telling him and then it's a new betrayal all over again as you beg that it was all well intentioned to "protect him."

 

You know what you need to do. Tell your husband everything. Always. Shut the OM down in any situation he contacts you even in the moment even in front of your son. Make sure his wife knows (coming from your husband) so you give consequences to poor behavior from someone else towards your family.

 

It's what you owe your husband after the pain you have given him.

[beatcuff]

OMG are you serious? I think you're being a total drama queen. Just forget it ever happened!!!

 

bingo. you bumped into an ex. that's all. from time to time its bound to happen, yes even in a big city. i find it really odd that it appears no responders have ever had an ex-boy/girl friend.

 

other thoughts:

 

OP - why are YOU dwelling on it? wasting way too much energy on this.

 

RO - seriously? for saying hi? what aggressive action did he take. thanks for wasting the courts time because the OP is too weak to say 'nothing' and keep walking. same goes for the atty.

 

breaking NC - he is not bound by it, NC is your stated intention but clearly OP broke it, therefore it ceases to exist.

 

tell the H - that horse has left the barn. its been a week. telling him now will only open 'why did it take so long'.

[katielee]

bingo. you bumped into an ex. that's all. from time to time its bound to happen, yes even in a big city. i find it really odd that it appears no responders have ever had an ex-boy/girl friend.

 

 

 

I think an AP is a little bit different than an ex... maybe a LOT different.

[turnera]

If you trust each other now, you must be 100% honest with him. It's not your job to protect your husband from his own actions. It IS your job to prove to him you will forever be 100% honest.

[Clay]

If you trust each other now, you must be 100% honest with him. It's not your job to protect your husband from his own actions. It IS your job to prove to him you will forever be 100% honest.

 

When I made this same statement she said that Her and her husband have a standing agreement that they don't need to know everything. I personally think this is a just a cop out from being responsible and providing a loving and safe environment but that is her choice. I doubt seriously if she did tell her husband he is just going to go straight to jail. Sure he might be pissed but I doubt hes not going to give it some serious thought. Especially with this fact that it has been such a long time with No Contact.

 

I think the longer she waits the more damage she is going to do to her marriage. If I was in his situation I would ask myself if she hates him so bad and she wants to protect our marriage then why would she hide it from me. It almost makes me think she in some way is testing the waters herself as well.

 

In either case it does not really sound like she is in a good marriage if they both cheated and they are both still lieing to each other.

 

C

[Mrs. John Adams]

I have made it very clear to my husband .. If he has secrets I do not presently know about his past... I do not want to know and please do not tell me. It is not a cop out of any kind... I just do not want to know anymore than I already do.

 

It would change nothing for me to know at this point... But I also do not want to have to deal with it.

 

Now... This may be a wrong attitude... But it is mine.

 

I don't know the arrangement who has with her husband... Because it is none of my business. If the two of them are happy and she says they are... Then whatever makes them happy.

 

There are many folks here that don't do things the way I think they should... They say they are happy. My opinion does not matter.

 

I told her in the very first post to tell him. She says she wanted to wait until after Saturday because of a big family gathering. That is now past... I think she will tell him everything now.

[Whoknew30]

I'm scared my H is going to be arrested for kicking his ass, not scared that I did anything wrong. Sorry but we've been open & I'm not scared about my about my marriage, i know my H hates him & my H knows I don't. We're ok with that. Asking how have you been in 7 years alone, does not give a ok for my kids.

 

You obviously aren't reading what I've wrote in the right context. I never said "scared of my husband" scared for my H, completely two different meanings.

 

 

You obviously did not read what I said. I didn't say you were scared of your husband. In your own words you said you were scared, that you husband has a temper.

 

You don't own your own actions and those actions invited this mess you're in. Laying blame on your ex-OM who talked to your child is also on you. You were naive to think that the first friendly encounter with the ex-OM was just fine but it has now opened up a can of worms.

 

I'm not saying you should have been mean to the-OM when you recently bumped into him, but you handled that encounter in a way that gave ex-OM the confidence to approach on the second encounter when you were with your child.

 

Your actions are your actions, you seem to only blame the ex-OM.

 

 

By your logic saying hi to anyone from your past gives them the ok to do what they want. IMO, that's absolutely ridiculous! A hi does NOT give the ok for anything & saying " hi, hope you have a good life" is not close to, I want you back. So no, it wasn't anything I did for anyone I've EVER slept with to think its ok to talk to my children.

[Whoknew30]

NC is not a law. Talking to someone on the street once or twice after seven years is not harassment. Judges do not give out restraining orders for being talked to on the street. She would be laughed out of court, and possibly fined for malicious litigation.

 

And good god damn, SIX pages of discussion over a completely harmless two-sentence conversation. Nobody was hurt, nobody was cheated on, nobody was insulted, slighted, or damaged in any way. If the child even ever finds out who this person is, it will only be because OP herself can't keep her mouth shut about him to her.

 

Calm down. Calm down everybody.

 

It freaked me out he talked to my kid. Maybe you don't understand that bc you don't have kids or you let your kids talk to everyone you've slept. I don't want my kids around my mistakes. So to say I can't keep my mouth shut & would tell my kid, is completely bipolar opposite to what the thread was about.

[Whoknew30]

When I made this same statement she said that Her and her husband have a standing agreement that they don't need to know everything. I personally think this is a just a cop out from being responsible and providing a loving and safe environment but that is her choice. I doubt seriously if she did tell her husband he is just going to go straight to jail. Sure he might be pissed but I doubt hes not going to give it some serious thought. Especially with this fact that it has been such a long time with No Contact.

 

I think the longer she waits the more damage she is going to do to her marriage. If I was in his situation I would ask myself if she hates him so bad and she wants to protect our marriage then why would she hide it from me. It almost makes me think she in some way is testing the waters herself as well.

 

In either case it does not really sound like she is in a good marriage if they both cheated and they are both still lieing to each other.

 

C

 

 

I can see your POV bc you seem not to be "over it" in your situation. You still have trust issues & that's ok bc we're all different. I would think you don't have a good marriage bc you still hold on to the trust issues. H & I have known each other since teens & have been through a lot. We weren't shocked when we found out each other had A (he was more hurt than I) but we knew we were going through bad marriage problems. Now we don't have the past issues we once had. Neither of us wants to live a married life walking on eggshells & always thinking, "'when will happen again". We did it, we worked on it...that part of our life is over & done. I'd want a divorce if we lived like that all these years later.

 

You said "still lying to each other" first you don't know my H, so that's a HUGE assumption & I know he won't see this as a lie, even if upset he'll know why I took a minute to tell him.

[Buck Turgidson]

So to say I can't keep my mouth shut & would tell my kid, is completely bipolar opposite to what the thread was about.

 

I didn't say that, and the thread is a huge sheaf of totally unnecessary drama.

[Whoknew30]

Update

 

I sat my H down to talk yesterday morning & decided to tell him. I got maybe a couple minutes into the conversation, when he stopped me (never getting to the he talked to our kid part) , he asked me if I wanted anything to with ExOM & of course I said NO! He then told me to drop it & that he knows we're in a different place than years ago & that he knows he can trust me. He said let the past be the past & he doesn't want to hear anything that is going to take us back to that time & he doesn't even want to hear ExOM ever again, unless he ever truly bothers me & then he'd take care of it, if it ever got to that point.

[Whoknew30]

I didn't say that, and the thread is a huge sheaf of totally unnecessary drama.

 

No, it's was asking if anyone had experience that before & you did say that. Reread the bottom of your own post.

[Alamo657]

Update

 

I sat my H down to talk yesterday morning & decided to tell him. I got maybe a couple minutes into the conversation, when he stopped me (never getting to the he talked to our kid part) , he asked me if I wanted anything to with ExOM & of course I said NO! He then told me to drop it & that he knows we're in a different place than years ago & that he knows he can trust me. He said let the past be the past & he doesn't want to hear anything that is going to take us back to that time & he doesn't even want to hear ExOM ever again, unless he ever truly bothers me & then he'd take care of it, if it ever got to that point.

 

Well you just spend 7 pages justifying to us strangers how your AP adressing your kid in your presence got to you, so maybe you should tell your husband instead of us ?

[Whoknew30]

Well you just spend 7 pages justifying to us strangers how your AP adressing your kid in your presence got to you, so maybe you should tell your husband instead of us ?

 

Not "got to me" thought it was over stepping boundaries & i answer back what people asked me. Though that's how forums work...figured one that was also on a forum would know that.

[StBreton]

Not "got to me" thought it was over stepping boundaries & i answer back what people asked me. Though that's how forums work...figured one that was also on a forum would know that.

 

Of course it was overstepping boundaries. The guy's lack of decorum is astonishing. But you should have told your husband about the incident ... so he can give the guy a call and tell him to never address you or your children again. What if...now that the guy has become acquainted with your child...this guy sees your child out with friends and decides to engage with your child? I'm quite frankly astonished you didn't stop your hubby and tell him..."yes but...this is what happened a few days ago..." That is your child!! Protect your child.