Ex OM approached me infront of my teenager.

[Whoknew30]

Of course it was overstepping boundaries. The guy's lack of decorum is astonishing. But you should have told your husband about the incident ... so he can give the guy a call and tell him to never address you or your children again. What if...now that the guy has become acquainted with your child...this guy sees your child out with friends and decides to engage with your child? I'm quite frankly astonished you didn't stop your hubby and tell him..."yes but...this is what happened a few days ago..." That is your iI child!! Protect your child.

 

I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt bc he has left me alone & he was apologetic in his email. I believe it's taken care of, if not, we'll take care of it. He truly were to mess with my child, all hell would break loose for him.

[gettingstronger]

Update

 

I sat my H down to talk yesterday morning & decided to tell him. I got maybe a couple minutes into the conversation, when he stopped me (never getting to the he talked to our kid part) , he asked me if I wanted anything to with ExOM & of course I said NO! He then told me to drop it & that he knows we're in a different place than years ago & that he knows he can trust me. He said let the past be the past & he doesn't want to hear anything that is going to take us back to that time & he doesn't even want to hear ExOM ever again, unless he ever truly bothers me & then he'd take care of it, if it ever got to that point.

 

 

 

 

Well, there you go- write it off as two really strange encounters really close together and hope for at least another 6 years before the next one-

[Whoknew30]

Well, there you go- write it off as two really strange encounters really close together and hope for at least another 6 years before the next one-

 

Yes! I say 60 years instead of 6 years but I'm afraid someone will accuse me of still keeping the door open ;')

[Whoknew30]

bingo. you bumped into an ex. that's all. from time to time its bound to happen, yes even in a big city. i find it really odd that it appears no responders have ever had an ex-boy/girl friend.

 

other thoughts:

 

OP - why are YOU dwelling on it? wasting way too much energy on this.

 

RO - seriously? for saying hi? what aggressive action did he take. thanks for wasting the courts time because the OP is too weak to say 'nothing' and keep walking. same goes for the atty.

 

breaking NC - he is not bound by it, NC is your stated intention but clearly OP broke it, therefore it ceases to exist.

 

tell the H - that horse has left the barn. its been a week. telling him now will only open 'why did it take so long'.

 

 

I wasn't scared of him. I didn't want to go off in front of my child, bc then I would have been asked who he was. No, he's not bound to NC but if someone wasn't talking to you for 7 years, I'd think it's pretty much known they're over you & one chance meeting wouldn't bring it back, especially after being told AP is still with their spouse , happy & had another child.

[road]

I think an AP is a little bit different than an ex... maybe a LOT different.

 

 

There is a lot of difference between an ex BF and an ex OM.

[StBreton]

I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt bc he has left me alone & he was apologetic in his email. I believe it's taken care of, if not, we'll take care of it. ****He truly were to mess with my child, all hell would break loose for him.

 

****You mean after the fact?! OP ...you truly have an issue with boundaries. You don't see it but that's on you. I'd tell my husband ...by then again I've never had an affair.

 

There was a woman on here not long ago who wishes she had told her husband about an incident ... She didn't ...and it wound up making for a very bad scenario. Your life. You're asking for feedback ... I flat out think you're making a mistake by not telling your hubby about the incident with your child present.

Edited January 26, 2016 by StBreton

[MuddyFootprints]

If you read my back story...it's been 6 years since I've seen OM & ran into him for a moment & that was it. I figured I'd never see him again (I live in a city) well I was wrong. Out of nowhere the other day, I was out & about with my teen & saw him walking, he b-lined right to me & my child. I was absolutely flabbergasted. I didn't know what to say (which has NEVER happened) he started to speak to my teenager! My teen thought he was a bit odd (his job makes it to where he can do this & it doesn't seem that weird) & too talkative.

 

Now I don't know what to do, no clue why he did that. I want to tell my H but I'm scared. I have no desire to have anything to do with him (if I did, I would tell my H) & my H has a bad temper & will not think through what he will do, which really scares me due to the ExOM's job.

 

I don't want any problems this many years later & I really just don't know what he's thinking. I did send him a email that stated, what the hell is wrong with you & to leave me alone. He read it & has not responded (I unblocked him just to send). If it wasn't for his job is tell my H in a heartbeat but if he finds out that he was talking to our child, he's gonna explode!

 

Don't know what to do...I honestly thought he was gone for good. When I did see him over the holidays, I gave absolutely not one sign I wanted this again. I'm just in shock.

 

I thought you felt threatened. Apparently that was not the case. I'm not sure what you were looking for.

 

I feel as though I've been duped.

[Liam1]

So you saw the OM at Christmas and just a few days ago.

 

 

Why do you go any where the OM can be, that just shows making poor choices.

 

 

I think that you need to tell your BH and to get an RO against the OM at the minimum. Though I see this as only short term fix.

 

 

Best long term solution is to move far away from the OM.

 

I agree. You need to tell your husband about this lest someone else tells him, and he thinks you were hiding something.

 

Also, yes, why do you go anywhere near where he might be. Avoid those places. If he approaches you, ignore him and walk away. There is no law that says you need to talk to someone simply because they talk to you.

 

In addition, you should not have sent him an email. Never engage him in any way

[Gigi2015]

If you read my back story...it's been 6 years since I've seen OM & ran into him for a moment & that was it. I figured I'd never see him again (I live in a city) well I was wrong. Out of nowhere the other day, I was out & about with my teen & saw him walking, he b-lined right to me & my child. I was absolutely flabbergasted. I didn't know what to say (which has NEVER happened) he started to speak to my teenager! My teen thought he was a bit odd (his job makes it to where he can do this & it doesn't seem that weird) & too talkative.

 

Now I don't know what to do, no clue why he did that. I want to tell my H but I'm scared. I have no desire to have anything to do with him (if I did, I would tell my H) & my H has a bad temper & will not think through what he will do, which really scares me due to the ExOM's job.

 

I don't want any problems this many years later & I really just don't know what he's thinking. I did send him a email that stated, what the hell is wrong with you & to leave me alone. He read it & has not responded (I unblocked him just to send). If it wasn't for his job is tell my H in a heartbeat but if he finds out that he was talking to our child, he's gonna explode!

 

Don't know what to do...I honestly thought he was gone for good. When I did see him over the holidays, I gave absolutely not one sign I wanted this again. I'm just in shock.

.

 

I think you're overly dramaticing this whole thing. All he did was approach after 6 years!! Chance encounter. He is not harassing you or begging to resume the relationship. The e-mail wasn't necessary. You're attributing more importance to this than it has. If he's not trying to contact you....leave it to be a chance encounter. If your teen asks say "it was someone I used to know". Don't bother your husband with this drama....this person is not persuing you....

Edited February 3, 2016 by Gigi2015

[Whoknew30]

.

 

I think you're overly dramaticing this whole thing. All he did was approach after 6 years!! Chance encounter. He is not harassing you or begging to resume the relationship. The e-mail wasn't necessary. You're attributing more importance to this than it has. If he's not trying to contact you....leave it to be a chance encounter. If your teen asks say "it was someone I used to know". Don't bother your husband with this drama....this person is not persuing you....

 

He wouldn't have been able to contact me bc I blocked him from everything then & changed my number.

 

The issue was (you must not have kids) I never want her to know who he is & years ago we talked about that. My email was to say not only to never do that again but to make it clear do not approach me in the future...that I want no part of him & if you had read what he wrote back..."I felt like it was fate" that we ran into each other very much says he would have tried.

[Whoknew30]

I agree. You need to tell your husband about this lest someone else tells him, and he thinks you were hiding something.

 

Also, yes, why do you go anywhere near where he might be. Avoid those places. If he approaches you, ignore him and walk away. There is no law that says you need to talk to someone simply because they talk to you.

 

In addition, you should not have sent him an email. Never engage him in any way

 

 

You want me to avoid a whole city? I don't know where he lives or what mall he uses. As for the second time, same thing. There isn't any way I would or could have known (unless in contact with him) where he is.

 

I tried to tell my H & he said he trusts me & didn't want to hear it.

[Whoknew30]

****You mean after the fact?! OP ...you truly have an issue with boundaries. You don't see it but that's on you. I'd tell my husband ...by then again I've never had an affair.

 

There was a woman on here not long ago who wishes she had told her husband about an incident ... She didn't ...and it wound up making for a very bad scenario. Your life. You're asking for feedback ... I flat out think you're making a mistake by not telling your hubby about the incident with your child present.

 

I did try & tell him, if you didn't read. My H & I actually trusts each other now so he was fine with me handling it. He didn't want to hear the whole story.

[Gigi2015]

He wouldn't have been able to contact me bc I blocked him from everything then & changed my number.

 

The issue was (you must not have kids) I never want her to know who he is & years ago we talked about that. My email was to say not only to never do that again but to make it clear do not approach me in the future...that I want no part of him & if you had read what he wrote back..."I felt like it was fate" that we ran into each other very much says he would have tried.

 

Sorry but--yes I have kids. His approach was a chance encounter. You'll probably NEVER meet him again. It was "fate'. Really...give it a rest! He has no more interest in you than you in him.

[Whoknew30]

Sorry but--yes I have kids. His approach was a chance encounter. You'll probably NEVER meet him again. It was "fate'. Really...give it a rest! He has no more interest in you than you in him.

 

Give what a rest? That's exactly what he said!

 

It was one of the same things he said about how we met.

 

Isn't your brother having an affair he can't stop & you were asking for advice? He wouldn't be the only man that has A.

[Whoknew30]

Sorry but--yes I have kids. His approach was a chance encounter. You'll probably NEVER meet him again. It was "fate'. Really...give it a rest! He has no more interest in you than you in him.

 

BTW...he broke up with his gf at the time of our A & actually wanted more...not a MM that was lying to me. He was single when I walked away.

[Gigi2015]

Give what a rest? That's exactly what he said!

 

It was one of the same things he said about how we met.

 

Isn't your brother having an affair he can't stop & you were asking for advice? He wouldn't be the only man that has A.

 

I'm sorry I perhaps came off as dismissive/ trivializing

What I meant when I said to give it a rest: It has your wheels turning for something that has no true impact. he can't avoid an entire city and neither can you. You'll probably never see him again. It took 6 years for this chance encounter to take place. The reason I said to not bother your H with it is because it could trigger him to recall painful memories. I get affairs are common place....including my brother's. I'm glad to have posted a thread. It gave me lots to think about as far as which is the way to best help. I think you were triggered to remember the A...the use word "fate" used seems to have done it.

[Gigi2015]

BTW...he broke up with his gf at the time of our A & actually wanted more...not a MM that was lying to me. He was single when I walked away.

 

Not exactly sure why you're telling me this...a lot changes in 6 years. So he was hung up on you at some point. I think you're giving this too much head space.

[Sub]

He didn't want to hear the whole story.

 

Most likely because he assumed it was exclusively pertaining to you, though. I do think if your H does somehow find out your daughter was involved, it would change things.

[understand50]

Whoknew30,

 

I would not make more than what it is, a chance encounter. Unless he was rude or tried to start up with you, said something to your teenager, I would not put to much thought into it.

 

As for letting your husband know, you let let him know, he did not want the details, as he does trust you. OK, looks like the reconciliation is going well, and in my book, if you bump into your EXAP again, do the same as you did here.

 

I think you are upset, because it brings back triggers for you, and you would rather put this all behind you.

 

Wish you luck...

[afoolto no end]

I agree with Understand50,

 

Just stop thinking about it, get back on track with your marriage, you have wasted enough time again on the adultery part of your life......make sure you check off every possible way of contact and be and continue to be proactive.

 

This has triggered you, scared you, so every time you think of it call your loving husband, do something for him.......keep that as strong as you can.....

and stop thinking of this situation........

[Bryanp]

I think it is essential that your husband knows that the OM met your daughter.

You are doing great but this is a very important piece of information.

[Whoknew30]

Not exactly sure why you're telling me this...a lot changes in 6 years. So he was hung up on you at some point. I think you're giving this too much head space.

 

No, I have given no head space in 7 years, I wrote this bc you said "fate, give it a break" as I was lying to what he wrote. So I was explaining he wasn't some MM that always blew smoke up my butt. It was a explanation of my situation back then.

[Whoknew30]

I agree with Understand50,

 

Just stop thinking about it, get back on track with your marriage, you have wasted enough time again on the adultery part of your life......make sure you check off every possible way of contact and be and continue to be proactive.

 

This has triggered you, scared you, so every time you think of it call your loving husband, do something for him.......keep that as strong as you can.....

and stop thinking of this situation........

 

 

It just pissed me off to see this man speaking to my daughter so I wanted to see if anyone had bed. in that situation also. This situation hasn't continued in my head.

[Whoknew30]

I think it is essential that your husband knows that the OM met your daughter.

You are doing great but this is a very important piece of information.

 

I tried, he simply didn't want to hear it. Which was nice to hear from him. That he has 100% trust back for me.

[Liam1]

You want me to avoid a whole city? I don't know where he lives or what mall he uses. As for the second time, same thing. There isn't any way I would or could have known (unless in contact with him) where he is.

 

I tried to tell my H & he said he trusts me & didn't want to hear it.

 

Hi WhoKnew:

 

I am glad to hear that you told your husband. That is in part why he trusts you. Were he to hear from someone else that saw you two talking, then it would likely upset him.

 

Well, I don't know if you can shop or work in another city.

 

I changed jobs to one in a nearby city to get away from the city where I was likely to run into my ex OW. This was advised by my marriage counselor.

 

If you can't work or shop in another city, you can however totally ignore him when he approaches......no smile, no hello, no eye contact past the initial sighting. You are in control.

 

Ignoring him completely will send him a very strong message, and unless he is a stalker, he will take the hint.

 

The questions are: Do you really want him to take the hint? Are you possibly flattered by his ongoing attention and perhaps eager for those ego strokes.

 

Be honest with yourself.