Ex OM approached me infront of my teenager.

[Bryanp]

What is to stop your teenager mentioning this to your husband?

[MuddyFootprints]

What is to stop your teenager mentioning this to your husband?

 

Fear and intimidation.

[jimmyjohn27]

Huh? Maybe I'm not getting the whole cheating thing. The idea someone who engages in an act of betrayal should be afforded every luxury in being contacted, or not, wherever,however and in front of whomever, seems a bit, well, ambitious, no?

[aliveagain]

Tell your husband, you unblocked him and made contact with him against your husbands wishes regardless of your reasons for doing so. Let your response be through a lawyer to his superior at his place of employment. Do not blow it a second time, your husband takes precedence over this POS. This is a big secret you are keeping from your husband, what if your son lets out the information before you tell your husband? Tell him, seek guidance from a lawyer as to how to best deal with this.

[MuddyFootprints]

A good and scary lawyer.

[Whoknew30]

What is to stop your teenager mentioning this to your husband?

 

There isn't anything, no idea who he is.

[dichotomy]

You know best your husband. You don't need him confronting someone in law enforcement for a random walk by talk.

 

While honesty is the best policy, you did nothing wrong here. You did not say much of anything when he walked up to you. I would not have sent the email however. Its not like your ex-om tracked you down, it was a random occurrence and ex-om exploited it or just went with an impulse. Sometimes people in power roles (like law enforcement) feel empowered to cross lines, but again its not like he showed up where you work, or home, or workout.

 

If you tell your husband I would keep it simple "I ran into ex-om the other day on the street, he tied to talk to me casually, and I simply told him never contact me again" You may leave out your son, and the email, but basically your telling the truth and the fundamentals to your husband - which was it was random chance - I did nothing wrong - and told him to leave me alone.

Edited January 22, 2016 by dichotomy

[Whoknew30]

You know best your husband. You don't need him confronting someone in law enforcement for a random walk by talk.

 

While honesty is the best policy, you did nothing wrong here. You did not say much of anything when he walked up to you. I would not have sent the email however. Its not like your ex-om tracked you down, it was a random occurrence and ex-om exploited it or just went with an impulse. Sometimes people in power roles (like law enforcement) feel empowered to cross lines, but again its not like he showed up where you work, or home, or workout.

 

If you tell your husband I would keep it simple "I ran into ex-om the other day on the street, he tied to talk to me casually, and I simply told him never contact me again" You may leave out your son, and the email, but basically your telling the truth and the fundamentals to your husband - which was it was random chance - I did nothing wrong - and told him to leave me alone.

 

 

I agree to a point. It's the using my child to get to me, is why I sent the email. I'm a big girl & can pretty much handle anything but the speaking to my kid threw me for a loop. I would never do that, not on purpose. I'm hoping, that even if he sees us in the future, that he leaves me & any of my family alone. Seeing him once in years, ok but that should have been it. I don't understand some people's logic.

[66Charger]

Talking to your child is alarming, but a few weeks ago you said he was a good guy and you still cared for him and defended your right to talk to him. Your logic that this was ok spawned the second contact. You and your husband seem to be in a good place. Work with your husband on ALL matters. I do not say any of this for the negative, but just to point out that your thought pattern that you can handle some things by yourself, that effect your marriage is flawed.

 

If you are reconciling, then reconcile. Do not lie or keep secrets from your husband. Work together and grow trust. The two of you can give this guy 2 black eyes (not literally). Your email was the first punch. Maybe you should tell your husband to send the second one and let it be done. If you work together on this, you will grow stronger. Your husband will go to bed knowing you will tell him truth and you will sleep knowing your husband will protect you and your marriage.

 

No more lies, no more ommisssions. Make your (and his) second chance last forever.

 

Become one of the few good stories on LS. So much dirt.

 

A prayer for amillionpeices.

Edited January 22, 2016 by 66Charger

[Whoknew30]

Talking to your child is alarming, but a few weeks ago you said he was a good guy and you still cared for him and defended your right to talk to him. Your logic that this was ok spawned the second contact. You and your husband seem to be in a good place. Work with your husband on ALL matters. I do not say any of this for the negative, but just to point out that your thought pattern that you can handle some things by yourself, that effect your marriage is flawed.

 

If you are reconciling, then reconcile. Do not lie or keep secrets from your husband. Work together and grow trust. The two of you can give this guy 2 black eyes (not literally). Your email was the first punch. Maybe you should tell your husband to send the second one and let it be done. If you work together on this, you will grow stronger. Your husband will go to bed knowing you will tell him truth and you will sleep knowing your husband will protect you and your marriage.

 

No more lies, no more ommisssions. Make your (and his) second chance last forever.

 

Become one of the few good stories on LS. So much dirt.

 

A prayer for amillionpeices.

 

He had never done anything like this before. My H trusts me, as I trust him. It will be 7 years since all of this (at the end of this month) we are 100% reconciled. I just thought when you say goodbye & gave closure & years go by that someone would understand...it's over. At the time ExOM left without any problem, so this is just shocking to me.

[aliveagain]

Those that cheat tend to be more entitled, at least in their skewed way of thinking. I think he may be thinking that your history together entitles him to more regardless of the time that has passed. If it were me I would tell my spouse immediately rather then trying to explain why I held onto the information. This is about trust.

[Whoknew30]

Update...he wrote back.

 

He said he's sorry & that he didn't realize I was with my child until he was facing us & he didn't know what to do & panicked. He says he won't bother us again & he doesn't know what he was thinking, that seeing me last month made him miss me & then seeing me again felt it was like a sign.

 

I blocked him again without any response. I don't want to speak to him again. I just want it dead & buried.

[Mrs. John Adams]

I still think you should tell your husband .. I am so afraid he will find out and think the wrong thing.

 

Let me rephrase this who

 

I would tell John

 

Only you know what's best for you...

[Whoknew30]

I still think you should tell your husband .. I am so afraid he will find out and think the wrong thing.

 

Let me rephrase this who

 

I would tell John

 

Only you know what's best for you...

 

I'm still contemplating it, after this week. He'd understand why I wouldn't before we have a huge party going on this weekend. I can't & won't let my family's happiness be dampened by ExOM, they don't deserve it.

[Clay]

I don't think this is going to end well for you. You act like your Husband is a child and he can't think or make his own mind up. You are also choosing to deal with this in a way you want to instead of giving him any say. So you broke NC and now your sitting here deciding once again that you should wait to tell him because his weekend might be ruined. I think once he learns that you broke NC and you lied by omission and intentionally hid this from him hes going to question his marriage to you. He is going to wonder what else you have lied about and hid from him all these years he thought you both have moved on from this.

 

The longer you hide this from him and not treat him with any kind of respect the more hes going to really examine all the time he has invested back in this marriage. Its this kind of thinking that got you into this mess in the first place and here you are doing it all over again.

 

I personally think you should quit making the excuse up for waiting to tell him and get it over with before he learns on his own. I think for me its times like this that make me a firm supporter of divorce.

 

If you were really reconciled you would have told him within minutes of first contact. You would have kept him in the loop every step of the way and let him lead and feel comfortable in what decisions were to be made instead of being selfish and dealing with this on your own.

 

If this comes across as to harsh I am sorry but I hate to see good people get kicked again after they have worked so hard to give the people that kicked them in the first place a second chance.

 

C

[Whoknew30]

I don't think this is going to end well for you. You act like your Husband is a child and he can't think or make his own mind up. You are also choosing to deal with this in a way you want to instead of giving him any say. So you broke NC and now your sitting here deciding once again that you should wait to tell him because his weekend might be ruined. I think once he learns that you broke NC and you lied by omission and intentionally hid this from him hes going to question his marriage to you. He is going to wonder what else you have lied about and hid from him all these years he thought you both have moved on from this.

 

The longer you hide this from him and not treat him with any kind of respect the more hes going to really examine all the time he has invested back in this marriage. Its this kind of thinking that got you into this mess in the first place and here you are doing it all over again.

 

I personally think you should quit making the excuse up for waiting to tell him and get it over with before he learns on his own. I think for me its times like this that make me a firm supporter of divorce.

 

If you were really reconciled you would have told him within minutes of first contact. You would have kept him in the loop every step of the way and let him lead and feel comfortable in what decisions were to be made instead of being selfish and dealing with this on your own.

 

If this comes across as to harsh I am sorry but I hate to see good people get kicked again after they have worked so hard to give the people that kicked them in the first place a second chance.

 

C

 

I don't feel it's harsh...it's your opinion & asked for people's opinions. I've never been in this situation.

 

We don't work like that. I've told him if he ever saw his ExOW I don't want to know. Neither one of us are scared of the other cheating again, bc if one of us did, it'd be over this time. I didn't break NC just to talk, I broke it to threaten & it now looked like it worked (blocked immediately after). If it did come out (my kid saying they met a strange guy) this weekend I'd tell him & I have a witness & the email I sent to confirm I wasn't up to no good. Would he be happy i saw him in the mall last month, no but would he leave me for it, no bc I want nothing to do with ExOM.

 

As for knowing how he would react, I've been with him since I've been a teenager, I know him better than he knows himself. We are also not your typical couple, we don't feel we have to share everything we do or that happens to us. If someone flirts with him, I don't care & if it happens with me, he has said he doesn't want to hear it. We've made a pac that if we ever felt cheating was going to happen again, that's when we'd say what we have to. our way of true R isn't the same as I've read & it's worked for us better than some of the other ways I've read.

 

I might tell him but as of today or this weekend no, I'm not going to. I feel that's allowing ExOM in again & I don't want him effecting my family anymore, so if I do tell it will be after a very nice family party weekend, not a second before.

 

if you wanted a divorce bc your WW ExAP came up to her after 7 years, than you're right. You're not fully reconciled, my H wouldn't divorce me over this.

[Morro72]

I don't believe in coincidences. Running into you once, maybe. The second time, you have to assume he was trying to run into you. Better make sure your H knows.

[Whoknew30]

I don't believe in coincidences. Running into you once, maybe. The second time, you have to assume he was trying to run into you. Better make sure your H knows.

 

I would hope this isn't true.

[Whoknew30]

Now that I'm thinking about it, I'm wondering if fighting with my H is what ExOM wants? He knows my H knows who he is, he knows we're still married & there would be a chance my child would say something. Ready everyone's opinions now has me thinking, he wants a reaction. He did say sorry, he did seem akward but still maybe he did it on purpose to throw a wrench into myself/marriage.

 

Who knows

[Clay]

Clearly you both have a history of cheating that I did not know about. Maybe your right he wont care. I can only speak for myself. I know I would not feel at all safe with my wife if she were to hide this from me.

 

Sorry it just does not sound like you have a healthy marriage.

 

C

[road]

You know best your husband. You don't need him confronting someone in law enforcement for a random walk by talk.

 

While honesty is the best policy, you did nothing wrong here. You did not say much of anything when he walked up to you. I would not have sent the email however. Its not like your ex-om tracked you down, it was a random occurrence and ex-om exploited it or just went with an impulse. Sometimes people in power roles (like law enforcement) feel empowered to cross lines, but again its not like he showed up where you work, or home, or workout.

 

If you tell your husband I would keep it simple "I ran into ex-om the other day on the street, he tied to talk to me casually, and I simply told him never contact me again" You may leave out your son, and the email, but basically your telling the truth and the fundamentals to your husband - which was it was random chance - I did nothing wrong - and told him to leave me alone.

 

 

Not enough action done by the WW. If a NC letter has not been sent on should be sent, however now a lawyer needs to send it and have a RO taken out.

[Clay]

Not enough action done by the WW. If a NC letter has not been sent on should be sent, however now a lawyer needs to send it and have a RO taken out.

 

Exactly and if he is in law enforcement then his superiors need to be made aware of his actions. Sure he might have friends but they are sure as hell not going to burn for him.

 

C

[road]

I agree to a point. It's the using my child to get to me, is why I sent the email. I'm a big girl & can pretty much handle anything but the speaking to my kid threw me for a loop. I would never do that, not on purpose. I'm hoping, that even if he sees us in the future, that he leaves me & any of my family alone. Seeing him once in years, ok but that should have been it. I don't understand some people's logic.

 

 

Breaks in NC, even when unintentional are a consequence when there was an affair. Again it is time for you to put up the for sale sign in front of the house and move far away. To never have to again to break NC and tell your BH that NC was broken.

[Whoknew30]

Breaks in NC, even when unintentional are a consequence when there was an affair. Again it is time for you to put up the for sale sign in front of the house and move far away. To never have to again to break NC and tell your BH that NC was broken.

 

I'm not moving! I'll be damned if I'll uproot my life for anyone else or beyond my wanting to...no way! My H wouldn't be down for that either. This is our home where our family is...no way!

[road]

I don't feel it's harsh...it's your opinion & asked for people's opinions. I've never been in this situation.

 

We don't work like that. I've told him if he ever saw his ExOW I don't want to know. Neither one of us are scared of the other cheating again, bc if one of us did, it'd be over this time. I didn't break NC just to talk, I broke it to threaten & it now looked like it worked (blocked immediately after). If it did come out (my kid saying they met a strange guy) this weekend I'd tell him & I have a witness & the email I sent to confirm I wasn't up to no good. Would he be happy i saw him in the mall last month, no but would he leave me for it, no bc I want nothing to do with ExOM.

 

As for knowing how he would react, I've been with him since I've been a teenager, I know him better than he knows himself. We are also not your typical couple, we don't feel we have to share everything we do or that happens to us. If someone flirts with him, I don't care & if it happens with me, he has said he doesn't want to hear it. We've made a pac that if we ever felt cheating was going to happen again, that's when we'd say what we have to. our way of true R isn't the same as I've read & it's worked for us better than some of the other ways I've read.

 

I might tell him but as of today or this weekend no, I'm not going to. I feel that's allowing ExOM in again & I don't want him effecting my family anymore, so if I do tell it will be after a very nice family party weekend, not a second before.

 

if you wanted a divorce bc your WW ExAP came up to her after 7 years, than you're right. You're not fully reconciled, my H wouldn't divorce me over this.

 

 

NC was broken in the park.

 

 

You sent an email, NC broken a second time.

 

 

OM emailed you back, NC broken a third time.

 

 

Only then decide to block the OM after his fishing expedition. Why close the barn door after the cow is gone?