Ex OM approached me infront of my teenager.

[Whoknew30]

Exactly and if he is in law enforcement then his superiors need to be made aware of his actions. Sure he might have friends but they are sure as hell not going to burn for him.

 

C

 

I have a ton of family in law enforcement, his superiors can't do anything unless he had the A while on duty. They won't burn for him but they sure as hell defend each other. 7 years ago a lot of them knew who I was. I don't even know if he works in the same department but I know they can only get in trouble for illegal activity & immorality on working hours.

 

Also road, you can't get a RO for stopping someone on the street. I'm pissed off but I'm also logical, he didn't threaten me or follow me...just enough to piss me off.

[Whoknew30]

NC was broken in the park.

 

 

You sent an email, NC broken a second time.

 

 

OM emailed you back, NC broken a third time.

 

 

Only then decide to block the OM after his fishing expedition. Why close the barn door after the cow is gone?

 

I don't count threating as broke NC. NC is purposely looking for the person & seeking them out again. I did no such thing.

[Clay]

If you sent him a No Contact letter once already and he broke that then that is grounds to have law enforcement to look into it. Since he has repeated this and you can demonstrate that in court a Judge can put a Restraining order against him. It starts with you being accountable for your actions. It sounds me to your just coming up with excuses to tell your husband and even try to protect your family.

 

While your against moving and I do understand that you should be fighting like hell defending your ground and your family. Honestly its starting to sound like your just hoping this will blow over until the next time you have contact with him. Who knows maybe in some way your hoping for it. It wouldn't be the first time someone said they did not have a clue why they did it.

 

The weaker your response the more you show the OM what he is doing is acceptable. Maybe he is just starting to test the waters. Maybe hes bored and wants to start things up again. Your lack of action is a answer all in itself.

 

C

[Whoknew30]

If you sent him a No Contact letter once already and he broke that then that is grounds to have law enforcement to look into it. Since he has repeated this and you can demonstrate that in court a Judge can put a Restraining order against him. It starts with you being accountable for your actions. It sounds me to your just coming up with excuses to tell your husband and even try to protect your family.

 

While your against moving and I do understand that you should be fighting like hell defending your ground and your family. Honestly its starting to sound like your just hoping this will blow over until the next time you have contact with him. Who knows maybe in some way your hoping for it. It wouldn't be the first time someone said they did not have a clue why they did it.

 

The weaker your response the more you show the OM what he is doing is acceptable. Maybe he is just starting to test the waters. Maybe hes bored and wants to start things up again. Your lack of action is a answer all in itself.

 

C

 

I'm not a over reactor, nor will I ever be. Attorneys, letters, bosses...it's the 2nd time I've ran into him in 7 years! He walked away when I told him to, maybe he is bored & he did try, that's why I sent him a threating email. I've never done that before, even 7 years ago when it ended. I reblocked him right after he said sorry. I live in a city, if he had stopped at my home somewhere, where I knew he was following me, I'd call his boss & wife myself! Right now, yes I feel it will blow over from his response. If not, I'll do what I need to, I want let anyone push me around out of fear. I just don't think it's fair for my H to have to deal with this when there is no chance in hell I'd ever mess with this guy again. Isn't that part of trust to, knowing your spouse will do the right thing after they've screwed up?

[road]

I have a ton of family in law enforcement, his superiors can't do anything unless he had the A while on duty. They won't burn for him but they sure as hell defend each other. 7 years ago a lot of them knew who I was. I don't even know if he works in the same department but I know they can only get in trouble for illegal activity & immorality on working hours.

 

Also road, you can't get a RO for stopping someone on the street. I'm pissed off but I'm also logical, he didn't threaten me or follow me...just enough to piss me off.

 

 

 

 

You are not a lawyer. Seek a lawyers counsel and get that RO.

[road]

I'm not moving! I'll be damned if I'll uproot my life for anyone else or beyond my wanting to...no way! My H wouldn't be down for that either. This is our home where our family is...no way!

 

 

 

 

Then what's the big deal that NC was broken and why are you afraid your BH is going to find out and why are you afraid to go tell your BH tonight that NC was broken?

 

 

You are in a tizzy that there was contact. I think that it is not that of an important concern for you because you will not do the work to make sure that NC being broken will never happen again.

 

 

You will not tell your BH, you will not tell the OMW, you will not get a RO, you will not move.

 

 

You were selfish when you had your affair and you are selfish now because you will not do the work to insure NC is never broken. It is all about what you want. Never about protecting your BH. You refuse to face the consequences and pay for them by making atonements that NC is never broken. Very selfish.

[Mrs. John Adams]

not that who needs my help....

 

and it is really none of my business

 

but ......

 

First of all....not everybody writes a no contact letter...I don't know if she did or not. Sometimes...when the relationship has been ended...there is no need for a no contact letter.

 

Second...her husband ALSO had an affair...

 

Third....they have been in reconciliation for 7 years.

 

Fourth....SHE did not break no contact. She was walking down the street in her city...the om saw her and made an effort to come and talk to her knowing she was not alone. this is not HER fault.....put the blame where it belongs.

 

Fifth.....not everyone has the liberty or the desire to pick up and move after an affair...or two affairs...remember he had one too. It might be the ideal situation for some....but it may not be practical. They are VERY involved with both sides of their families...who have been told about both affairs.

 

 

NOW...I think she should have come home and told her husband she saw the om and explained exactly what happened. She chose not to do that...

I would not have e mailed the om for any reason.....she chose to do that

 

But this man is not harassing her in any way. There has been no contact...he saw her on a public street. You cannot just go get a restraining order for no reason. There has to be just cause. I don't want him to talk to me...is not just cause.

 

Who will tell her husband and do what she thinks is right. She was venting.....she is angry.

 

While i disagree with e mailing him...he wrote back and apologized and said he will not do it again.

 

When she tells her husband...I have a feeling he will ensure that it doesn't happen one way or the other.

 

Have a great weekend with your family Who.

[66Charger]

The first encounter, although accidental was breaking NC, you should have shut that down then. however this encounter was not breaking NC. The email appeared to be a reaction to a appalling event and i think thats exactly what she should have done. It is ridiculous to suggest the OP is acting dishonorable by this set of circumstances.

 

You are wasting your time trying to get a RO for a accidental encounter.

 

The only question here is about talking to your husband. You both appear to be on your way so why chance tripping over a roach?

 

I really dont see the downside of including your Love, reconciliation partner, the man you fought with and stayed with AND TRUST.....as your closes confidant. I also think you should dispense with that rule about not having to talk about "flirtatious encounters"

Always kill it, before it grows, because this kind of stupid crap can happen.

 

You posted here. Why is this event important enough for you to post, share and debate, but not important enought to talk to the one who matters the most to you?

 

Consider it, when the time is right.

 

Strength and Honor

[Whoknew30]

not that who needs my help....

 

and it is really none of my business

 

but ......

 

First of all....not everybody writes a no contact letter...I don't know if she did or not. Sometimes...when the relationship has been ended...there is no need for a no contact letter.

 

Second...her husband ALSO had an affair...

 

Third....they have been in reconciliation for 7 years.

 

Fourth....SHE did not break no contact. She was walking down the street in her city...the om saw her and made an effort to come and talk to her knowing she was not alone. this is not HER fault.....put the blame where it belongs.

 

Fifth.....not everyone has the liberty or the desire to pick up and move after an affair...or two affairs...remember he had one too. It might be the ideal situation for some....but it may not be practical. They are VERY involved with both sides of their families...who have been told about both affairs.

 

 

NOW...I think she should have come home and told her husband she saw the om and explained exactly what happened. She chose not to do that...

I would not have e mailed the om for any reason.....she chose to do that

 

But this man is not harassing her in any way. There has been no contact...he saw her on a public street. You cannot just go get a restraining order for no reason. There has to be just cause. I don't want him to talk to me...is not just cause.

 

Who will tell her husband and do what she thinks is right. She was venting.....she is angry.

 

While i disagree with e mailing him...he wrote back and apologized and said he will not do it again.

 

When she tells her husband...I have a feeling he will ensure that it doesn't happen one way or the other.

 

Have a great weekend with your family Who.

 

Thanks Mrs. J/A! you & Mr J/A have a good weekend!

[Whoknew30]

The first encounter, although accidental was breaking NC, you should have shut that down then. however this encounter was not breaking NC. The email appeared to be a reaction to a appalling event and i think thats exactly what she should have done. It is ridiculous to suggest the OP is acting dishonorable by this set of circumstances.

 

You are wasting your time trying to get a RO for a accidental encounter.

 

The only question here is about talking to your husband. You both appear to be on your way so why chance tripping over a roach?

 

I really dont see the downside of including your Love, reconciliation partner, the man you fought with and stayed with AND TRUST.....as your closes confidant. I also think you should dispense with that rule about not having to talk about "flirtatious encounters"

Always kill it, before it grows, because this kind of stupid crap can happen.

 

You posted here. Why is this event important enough for you to post, share and debate, but not important enought to talk to the one who matters the most to you?

 

Consider it, when the time is right.

 

Strength and Honor

 

 

I posted bc it was such a odd situation that have never experienced. I was wondering if anyone else had & if they had, how did they handle it.

[whichwayisup]

TELL your husband and let him know that you are pissed off that exMM (he's not OM, OM = single) approached you and your kid on the street.

 

IF there is a next time, tell him to leave you alone and never to approach you again and to just keep on walking, that he's dead to you.

 

So what if your H hates him and they know each other. you hiding this is not a good idea.

[Whoknew30]

TELL your husband and let him know that you are pissed off that exMM (he's not OM, OM = single) approached you and your kid on the street.

 

IF there is a next time, tell him to leave you alone and never to approach you again and to just keep on walking, that he's dead to you.

 

So what if your H hates him and they know each other. you hiding this is not a good idea.

 

When he was my OM, he had a gf when we had A bit he wasn't married...that's what I go by. I don't care what he is now.

 

They don't know each other, they know of each other.

 

I'm planning on it after this weekend.

[Alamo657]

If you read my back story...it's been 6 years since I've seen OM & ran into him for a moment & that was it. I figured I'd never see him again (I live in a city) well I was wrong. Out of nowhere the other day, I was out & about with my teen & saw him walking, he b-lined right to me & my child. I was absolutely flabbergasted. I didn't know what to say (which has NEVER happened) he started to speak to my teenager! My teen thought he was a bit odd (his job makes it to where he can do this & it doesn't seem that weird) & too talkative.

 

Now I don't know what to do, no clue why he did that. I want to tell my H but I'm scared. I have no desire to have anything to do with him (if I did, I would tell my H) & my H has a bad temper & will not think through what he will do, which really scares me due to the ExOM's job.

 

I don't want any problems this many years later & I really just don't know what he's thinking. I did send him a email that stated, what the hell is wrong with you & to leave me alone. He read it & has not responded (I unblocked him just to send). If it wasn't for his job is tell my H in a heartbeat but if he finds out that he was talking to our child, he's gonna explode!

 

Don't know what to do...I honestly thought he was gone for good. When I did see him over the holidays, I gave absolutely not one sign I wanted this again. I'm just in shock.

 

I don't know why you're making such a big deal out of this event, it is as if you have unfulfilled feelings of revenge, or that you feel threatened again in your marriage, not by this man's action, but by the fury and angst this chance encounter that lead to nothing has awoken in you.

 

What will you say to your husband exactly ? "i met the man i cheated on you with 7 years ago by total chance, and he said hello to me and our child in a friendly manner", then we went our own respective ways".

 

I have no idea what your husband raging over this non-event will bring to the stability of your relationship with him, so if i were you i'd just keep quiet, send an email to this guy telling him not to talk to you ever again, then go to sleep and forget about it.

[Whoknew30]

I don't know why you're making such a big deal out of this event, it is as if you have unfulfilled feelings of revenge, or that you feel threatened again in your marriage, not by this man's action, but by the fury and angst this chance encounter that lead to nothing has awoken in you.

 

What will you say to your husband exactly ? "i met the man i cheated on you with 7 years ago by total chance, and he said hello to me and our child in a friendly manner", then we went our own respective ways".

 

I have no idea what your husband raging over this non-event will bring to the stability of your relationship with your husband, so if i were you i'd just keep quiet, send ean email to this guy telling him not to talk to you in the street, then go to sleep and forget about it.

 

Where did you get "revenge" from? Have you read any of what I actually wrote? Yes, I'm pissed he came up & talk to my kid. He had NO RIGHT! It was definitely a crossed boundary. I never want my kids to know who he is.

 

My H just would be pissed he talked to his kid, as most normal people would be I presume, unless one introduces their kids to people they've slept with & IMO , that's not very good parenting.

[road]

TELL your husband and let him know that you are pissed off that exMM (he's not OM, OM = single) approached you and your kid on the street.

 

IF there is a next time, tell him to leave you alone and never to approach you again and to just keep on walking, that he's dead to you.

 

So what if your H hates him and they know each other. you hiding this is not a good idea.

 

 

The affair partner can be married or single.

 

 

The male affair partner is referred to as the OM/otherman.

 

 

The title OM only indicates a the man that is banging a BH's wife. OM can be single or married.

[sandylee1]

The affair partner can be married or single.

 

 

The male affair partner is referred to as the OM/otherman.

 

 

The title OM only indicates a the man that is banging a BH's wife. OM can be single or married.

 

Hi...yes this is true.

 

You usually only say MM or exMM if you (female) were single. Otherwise it's the OM.

 

Have your weekend celebrations and tell your H everything and show him both emails. Hopefully that will be the end of it.

[Whoknew30]

Hi...yes this is true.

 

You usually only say MM or exMM if you (female) were single. Otherwise it's the OM.

 

Have your weekend celebrations and tell your H everything and show him both emails. Hopefully that will be the end of it.

 

Thanks, starts in an hour!

[Furious]

If you read my back story...it's been 6 years since I've seen OM & ran into him for a moment & that was it. I figured I'd never see him again (I live in a city) well I was wrong. Out of nowhere the other day, I was out & about with my teen & saw him walking, he b-lined right to me & my child. I was absolutely flabbergasted. I didn't know what to say (which has NEVER happened) he started to speak to my teenager! My teen thought he was a bit odd (his job makes it to where he can do this & it doesn't seem that weird) & too talkative.

 

Now I don't know what to do, no clue why he did that. I want to tell my H but I'm scared. I have no desire to have anything to do with him (if I did, I would tell my H) & my H has a bad temper & will not think through what he will do, which really scares me due to the ExOM's job.

 

I don't want any problems this many years later & I really just don't know what he's thinking. I did send him a email that stated, what the hell is wrong with you & to leave me alone. He read it & has not responded (I unblocked him just to send). If it wasn't for his job is tell my H in a heartbeat but if he finds out that he was talking to our child, he's gonna explode!

 

Don't know what to do...I honestly thought he was gone for good. When I did see him over the holidays, I gave absolutely not one sign I wanted this again. I'm just in shock.

 

 

In your previous thread you said that you enjoyed bumping into your ex-affair partner and that you'll always care for him.

 

It seems that first encounter, after so many years, facilitated your ex-affair partner into thinking you were on friendly terms and you do share responsibility in giving that impression.

 

Now you're all up in arms about your teenage child being there in a second surprise encounter.

 

You seem angry with your ex-affair partner when only recently you enjoyed bumping into him and will always care for him. The thing is your past actions have consequence and you experienced what can happen when you think you're in control of a situation.

 

I can understand how upset you are about your ex-affair speaking to your child, but you are also responsible for putting your child in a dysfunctional situation.

[Whoknew30]

In your previous thread you said that you enjoyed bumping into your ex-affair partner and that you'll always care for him.

 

It seems that first encounter, after so many years, facilitated your ex-affair partner into thinking you were on friendly terms and you do share responsibility in giving that impression.

 

Now you're all up in arms about your teenage child being there in a second surprise encounter.

 

You seem angry with your ex-affair partner when only recently you enjoyed bumping into him and will always care for him. The thing is your past actions have consequence and you experienced what can happen when you think you're in control of a situation.

 

I can understand how upset you are about your ex-affair speaking to your child, but you are also responsible for putting your child in a dysfunctional situation.

 

 

So anyone i say hi to after 7 years of nothing, thinks we're best friends again? You're assuming how I spoke to him bc I relayed my feelings of not hating him on my thread. I asked him how his life turned out, not lets hangout & be friends. The last words I said that day, I hope your life works out for you. Do you take that as I want to be friends & talk everytime I see you?

[katielee]

talk everytime I see you?

 

From your previous recent encounter, yes. Had you ignored and not exchanged pleasantries, I doubt he would have spoken this time at all...

[Furious]

So anyone i say hi to after 7 years of nothing, thinks we're best friends again? You're assuming how I spoke to him bc I relayed my feelings of not hating him on my thread. I asked him how his life turned out, not lets hangout & be friends. The last words I said that day, I hope your life works out for you. Do you take that as I want to be friends & talk everytime I see you?

 

Your friendly encounter opened up something that you are mainly responsible for in bringing your child into an awkward situation ,and as you say, potential violent reaction from your husband.

 

You lay the blame on your ex-affair partner but you are equally responsible for putting your child in this situation.

 

own it.

[Whoknew30]

From your previous recent encounter, yes. Had you ignored and not exchanged pleasantries, I doubt he would have spoken this time at all...

 

It would have been our first encounter in 7 years & I bet he would have. I think he's definitely wanted to see me & I'm but left me alone bc I told him to but I do think he was always going to approach me during a chance meeting. He loved me & I understand that. Understanding & wanting him my life are two different things though. I was ok with one, I hope everything worked out for you accidental meeting but nothing else & I never gave indication of that.

[Whoknew30]

Your friendly encounter opened up something that you are mainly responsible for in bringing your child into an awkward situation ,and as you say, potential violent reaction from your husband.

 

You lay the blame on your ex-affair partner but you are equally responsible for putting your child in this situation.

 

own it.

 

No, he's responsible for approaching me infront of my child. So I will not own it! It's been 7 years, absolutely not. If I wanted him in my child's life I would have married him, like he wanted. I told him years ago, unless I have intentions of marrying a man, they will not ever be near my kids. Though he did say that he wasn't paying attention my daughter was there until he was infront of us, but he still could have walked right on by, I would have.

Edited January 24, 2016 by Whoknew30
Accidentally pressed post.

[Furious]

No, he's responsible for approaching me infront of my child. So I will not own it! It's been 7 years, absolutely not.

 

You are just as responsible and blaming the OM for being friendly when you were just as friendly to him won't cut it.

 

As long as it was an enjoyable encounter you were good with it, but now that it has crossed a line you are equally responsible for the consequences.

[Whoknew30]

You are just as responsible and blaming the OM for being friendly when you were just as friendly to him won't cut it.

 

As long as it was an enjoyable encounter you were good with it, but now that it has crossed a line you are equally responsible for the consequences.

 

No, I'm not. I don't see it that way. After a chance meeting & bc I don't hate my ExAP (which evidently hits a sore spot with you) doesn't make it ok. His choice to walk in front of my kid is on him.

 

Who said I got so much joy? Assume much?