Thanks everyone, I am done.

[Qboro90]

I.e. : we were matched on tinder and I sent her a message saying "hey, tinder thinks we're a match so should we go ring shopping now or did you want to get coffee first?" Then she replied "thats a first, here's my number..." Lol

 

Just saying, details help

[ZA Dater]

Perhaps it might help if you started posting the actual interaction and conversation details you are having with the women you pursue or are matched with. That will give people a better understanding to what you are doing, what you're saying and in all likelihood will reveal things that you can do differently or word differently in order to be more successfull.

 

I was just a nice guy, for whatever reason what people apparently want I don't have. It was essentially acmoss match anyway all of them were party girls and I think they were looking for someone more fun.

 

Doesn't really matter i have enough projects to keep me busy, the more I think about it the more I an leaning towards just giving this dating thing a miss totally. Sure if I can charm k then I'd have a try but for me objectively I just feel better when I am working on something I can do well at as opposed to something where I am at the total mercy of luck.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Being nice does not generally get a guy a date. Women generally go for a fun guy, or an interesting guy, not so much a nice guy. They have to want to spend time with you. Someone who is interesting and fun will draw women to them. Nice never has the same effect.

 

I'm an older guy at 36, and I am finishing up a degree in college. My first day in one of my classes, each student had to give a quick introductory speech to the class. Before I gave my speech, I knew no one in that room, and I hadn't even spoken to anyone yet. I made the most of that speech. I told jokes, I had the class laughing, and I told an interesting anecdote from my past. I had the attention of the entire class, something difficult to do when everyone has their Iphone on them.

 

Now, I sit in the corner of the class surrounded by about 4 women. I had people tell me they liked my speech. Others were asking my opinion on their speech. Plus, the cute, 20 year old girl sitting next to me walks me out to my car each day at the end of class. That's how you get women interested in you.

 

Well, perhaps he didn't have to give a speech required by a course syllabus. If you hadn't had the class requirement, how else would you have done this?

 

Also, what makes you think that he's not fun or interesting? Sure he said he was a nice guy, but saying that "Well, you need to be more than just a nice guy" and insert whatever you "need to be" is a bit assumptive of the OP.

 

When someone says they are a "nice guy" the person stating this doesn't mean he's just ONLY that. They are just making an example out of their situation and you're just creating fluff posts to create an argument that probably has nothing to do with the OP's character.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Being nice does not generally get a guy a date. Women generally go for a fun guy, or an interesting guy, not so much a nice guy. They have to want to spend time with you. Someone who is interesting and fun will draw women to them. Nice never has the same effect.

 

This is the #1 fallacy of trying to attract women.

 

I can think of several guys I work or went to school with who almost never talk or say hello or smile, but they have girlfriends or wives.

 

I have also gone on dates with women where I do a lot more than them in terms of outdoors activities, urban activities, playing in bands, going to see bands, having degrees, volunteering, etc. They might have kids or just not go out much. And those women passed on me. I'm not bragging or being bitter, I'm just saying that women need to be attracted to you, and being more 'interesting' or having more going on than them doesn't always mean anything. I also went out with a woman where she admitted we had everything in common, and I was funny and great and she still passed on me.

 

Attraction from women is if anything more random and based on your base personality and physical things you cannot change, so just be yourself.

 

And also. If you can't get women now being a nice, genuine, caring man, but you revamp your humor to mimic Steven Colbert and Jimmy Fallon, and travel to Paris a bunch of times, and do Burning Man for four years in a row, and play in a politically left punk rock band, and you get women THEN, then what does that say about love in general? Is THAT what love is really about? And if so, then why do you want it?

Edited October 10, 2015 by JuneJulySeptember

[LookAtThisPOst]

I also went out with a woman where she admitted we had everything in common, and I was funny and great and she still passed on me.

 

After having seen JuneJulySept. posting experiences on here, including THIS one, I would say his dating life pretty much mirrors mine.

 

Many women had felt comfortable round me enough to at least partake in my company, be a great match, etc.

 

I had a couple of women that actually compared me with the men who had attempted to flaunt their wealth and status with them only to be turned off by those kind of men...and gravitate towards me, but I'd get the, "You're a great guy! You're smart, funny, awesome (insert whatever additional attractive adjectives here)....but...for someone else, and not me."

 

It seems that the first part of that sentence, you get your hopes up...but when they give you the ol' "but..." that's where it all goes down hill.

 

I knew of a woman, early 50s, was in the Meetups and apparently had a lot of male friends and also had a tendency to get a long with men real well, but every time they'd tried to take it to a dating realm, she was like, "Sorry, I just don't think of you in that way." She must've rejected 4 or 5 guys in a row that way. She finally just wound staying at home a lot and meeting men, sadly, from the internet and not in Meetup.

 

Don't get me wrong, I HAVE had women in the past that were attracted to me enough to at least DATE me, but that happens like once probably every 5 years.

[JuneJulySeptember]

I knew of a woman, early 50s, was in the Meetups and apparently had a lot of male friends and also had a tendency to get a long with men real well, but every time they'd tried to take it to a dating realm, she was like, "Sorry, I just don't think of you in that way." She must've rejected 4 or 5 guys in a row that way. She finally just wound staying at home a lot and meeting men, sadly, from the internet and not in Meetup.

 

Don't get me wrong, I HAVE had women in the past that were attracted to me enough to at least DATE me, but that happens like once probably every 5 years.

 

It's kind of like that. Which is fine, things are the way things are.

 

But to continuously drill it into guys heads that it is their fault that they are getting passed over is an injustice and to be honest, not very nice. Guys are beating themselves up on top of the rejection they are taking and that is what makes guys bitter.

[LookAtThisPOst]

But to continuously drill it into guys heads that it is their fault that they are getting passed over is an injustice and to be honest, not very nice.

 

Well, if you've noticed, most dating advice is geared towards what men can do and rarely towards what women can do, other than just showing up looking well groomed, to get the member of the opposite sex to garner attention.

[sportygirl89]

Thanks for the advice. Going to remove myself from everything but work. No extra gym I was doing, its all pointless.

 

Just try and live as the looser I clearly am.

 

This is why you are having issues with dating. You need to build up your confidence back up. I've stayed single the last three years to work on myself. It will get better. Got to get through crappy dated before the good one shows up.

[ZA Dater]

Being nice does not generally get a guy a date. Women generally go for a fun guy, or an interesting guy, not so much a nice guy. They have to want to spend time with you. Someone who is interesting and fun will draw women to them. Nice never has the same effect.

 

I'm an older guy at 36, and I am finishing up a degree in college. My first day in one of my classes, each student had to give a quick introductory speech to the class. Before I gave my speech, I knew no one in that room, and I hadn't even spoken to anyone yet. I made the most of that speech. I told jokes, I had the class laughing, and I told an interesting anecdote from my past. I had the attention of the entire class, something difficult to do when everyone has their Iphone on them.

 

Now, I sit in the corner of the class surrounded by about 4 women. I had people tell me they liked my speech. Others were asking my opinion on their speech. Plus, the cute, 20 year old girl sitting next to me walks me out to my car each day at the end of class. That's how you get women interested in you.

 

At the end of the day your post perhaps makes more sense than you think from the perspective that you were given a chance to shine, I have never had any real opportunity with anyone I have liked to just be me, its always events and other people and its tough to win people over in those situations, in fact for its not tough, its impossible.

 

 

Go out this morning with a friend for breakfast and then he tells me he want to show me some clothes, then proceeds to spend an hour charming the shop assistant, afterwards he says to me " see that's how you do it, didn't you enjoy chatting to her" and to be honest I didn't, the conversation was bare and meaningless and I was bored within 5 minutes, the net result being my mind just goes to sleep and just drift into existence, look interested mode.

 

 

There is just this hole in me at the moment, some days its manageable, some days like today it isn't.

 

 

I read here the advice, I read meet people but then I go out and its just more and more of the same, I'd honestly feel so much better if just for once I could have a fair chance with someone I like instead of having to hope, work and hope some more and then finding some random tinder dude gets the nod but I don't ever get one date.

 

 

Just seems to me there are much more meaningful pursuits in life than spending everyday hoping someone likes you, trying to find someone you like then trying to get them to like you. Yes I am bulking up but I know in my heart I am unlikely to ever get the chance I so badly want.

 

 

Unfortunately as much I would like to walk away, I cant.

[ZA Dater]

This is why you are having issues with dating. You need to build up your confidence back up. I've stayed single the last three years to work on myself. It will get better. Got to get through crappy dated before the good one shows up.

 

Easy to say, near impossible to do. The best builder of confidence would to not be rejected over and over and actually have a date with someone I like, that would build confidence.

[ZA Dater]

Perhaps it might help if you started posting the actual interaction and conversation details you are having with the women you pursue or are matched with. That will give people a better understanding to what you are doing, what you're saying and in all likelihood will reveal things that you can do differently or word differently in order to be more successfull.

 

I simply try take an interest in them ask them about themselves, their interests, their work, their hobbies.

 

 

Girl 1: Stunning blond, she seemed quite taken to me, be it because of the events I go to and the often "fancy" social events. She would have been nice in terms of someone to be seen with, she was also writing a book so I asked about that but got no answer. She asked for a pic, I sent one and from there the conversation just went downhill and eventually I sent her a msg and found I was blocked. She was a party girl.

 

 

Girl 2: Same story, except this one was German, nothing particularly interesting about her at all, talked but she never so much as asked me anything about myself. Blocked again.

 

 

 

 

Girl 3 was looking for Casanova, got blocked immediately when I told her I wasn't interested in that sort of relationship and I am not Casanova.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Well, if you've noticed, most dating advice is geared towards what men can do and rarely towards what women can do, other than just showing up looking well groomed, to get the member of the opposite sex to garner attention.

 

I've realized that even if I was a woman who got attention, the dating game still sucks because you have to reject dozens to hundreds of guys who are perfectly kind and genuine guys who could be compatible because you are not attracted to them.

 

I mean, getting rejected is not fun, but if I had to reject 50 women on that basis, I'd pretty much consider quitting dating just the same.

 

But again, life is unfair. You can make it more fair by giving back to somebody who needs help.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

Well, if you've noticed, most dating advice is geared towards what men can do and rarely towards what women can do, other than just showing up looking well groomed, to get the member of the opposite sex to garner attention.

 

That's pretty much it

[Strahatmak]

That's pretty much it

 

That's totally so NOT it.

 

Women need emotional support; though EVERY SINGLE advise is telling women that you'd better suck it all up when men are spending every single evening playing balls, watching sports, playing video games and drinking because, first, they NEED those - wow sounds like women are nuns who do not need anything, and second, men are not good to support women so asking them to do so they will run away - okay only women are required to learn to serve men but no vice versa at all.

Edited October 11, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Strahatmak]

Well, if you've noticed, most dating advice is geared towards what men can do and rarely towards what women can do, other than just showing up looking well groomed, to get the member of the opposite sex to garner attention.

 

Really.

 

Then men are not doing a job at all. I have got plenty of likes on online dating, though no man put some effort to keep the conversation going at all. I look like some crazy woman keeps nagging on them.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

That's totally so NOT it.

 

Women need emotional support; though EVERY SINGLE advise is telling women that, b!!tch, you'd better suck it all up when men are spending every single evening playing balls, watching sports, playing video games and drinking because, first, they NEED those - wow sounds like women are nuns who do not need anything, and second, men are not good to support women so asking them to do so they will run away - okay only women are required to learn to serve men but no vice versa at all.

 

Well the reason why it seems like it is because despite how modern human society has become, men by and large are still expected to make the first move and be the initiators, active pursuers, etc.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Really.

 

Then men are not doing a job at all. I have got plenty of likes on online dating, though no man put some effort to keep the conversation going at all. I look like some crazy woman keeps nagging on them.

 

I'm lucky if I get a response at all, and if I do get a response, they are short with me. Like if I ask, "How long have you been single and living here?" They say, "2 years, 3 years."

 

An intelligent (or maybe an interested person) would answer, "I've lived in this area for 2 years and had been divorced from my husband for 3."

 

I think they are purposely doing that thinking, "If I'm short with them, they'll get tired of my style of conversation and leave me alone, THAT way, I won't have to reject them, lol!"

 

They don't even use complete sentences sometimes. lol. It's like pulling teeth. But most times, I get a "view" but no reply.

[Strahatmak]

Well the reason why it seems like it is because despite how modern human society has become, men by and large are still expected to make the first move and be the initiators, active pursuers, etc.

 

Do you know why? Because when women are initiating, they are judged as needy, clingy, nagging men to do things men don't want to.

 

And initiators usually won. I made initiations when the man didn't need to be pushed to initiate.

 

And despite how modern human society has become, women are expected to be no more then a [sex] partner, or a stand-by hang out for the free time between balls and NFL game night.

Edited October 11, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Strahatmak]

I'm lucky if I get a response at all, and if I do get a response, they are short with me. Like if I ask, "How long have you been single and living here?" They say, "2 years, 3 years."

 

An intelligent (or maybe an interested person) would answer, "I've lived in this area for 2 years and had been divorced from my husband for 3."

 

I think they are purposely doing that thinking, "If I'm short with them, they'll get tired of my style of conversation and leave me alone, THAT way, I won't have to reject them, lol!"

 

They don't even use complete sentences sometimes. lol. It's like pulling teeth. But most times, I get a "view" but no reply.

 

First, I hate dating game. I do know what you mean here.

 

But the short answers? Women got the advises written by MEN saying that do not text more then 10 words, and don't use complete sentence. Men HATE reading long texts and long texts treated as NEEDY, DESPARATE, while complete sentences are boring to men. I'm not saying every woman doing the same because of avoiding being desparate, but that piece of advise is written for a reason, and the reason originates from someone - men. So don't blame me at least... Blame men's double standard.

 

While you got a view but no reply, I got a like but lack of interest shows in the conversation. They just keep liking attractive pictures. That's it. OLD I'm out - I've joined for merely a week.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

Do you know why? Because when women are initiating, they are judged as needy, clingy, nagging men to do things men don't want to.

 

And initiators usually won. I made initiations when the man didn't need to be pushed to initiate.

 

And despite how modern human society has become, women are expected to be no more then a [sex] partner, or a stand-by hang out for the free time between balls and NFL game night.

Sometimes I wonder if I have a defective gene because I don't have the hunter-puruser Instinct in me, that's why I started a thread on it over a month ago it's hard to put into words

[Kinemotive]

Love, well I wouldn't know what that is, I haven't really felt particularly loved at any point so far in my life but if I'd guess what it is, its an intense attraction and joy.

 

Who knows what her new bf is offering but whatever it is, I need to offer more. That's the bottom line.

 

I am astounded that you are still trying to sway this woman. You are quite passionate about her.

 

I can relate to your frustrations with dating. I took a woman on a fantastic date (neither of us could possibly forget). We explored together, but perhaps my expectations were too much as she told me "I just don't feel the same". Because of this, I feel the same as you and dug the same rut as you have (and as I always have). If I can offer any kind of advice, i'd say that you are your own worst enemy. Stop beating yourself up already.

 

"Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you." ~Lao Tzu

Edited October 12, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Qboro90]

I was just a nice guy, for whatever reason what people apparently want I don't have. It was essentially acmoss match anyway all of them were party girls and I think they were looking for someone more fun.

 

Doesn't really matter i have enough projects to keep me busy, the more I think about it the more I an leaning towards just giving this dating thing a miss totally. Sure if I can charm k then I'd have a try but for me objectively I just feel better when I am working on something I can do well at as opposed to something where I am at the total mercy of luck.

 

 

Seems like your outlook and attitude has gotten more positive so that's commendable. Just want you to have a realistic view towards K going forward. Sometimes no matter what you do and how incredible the changes you make are, doesn't mean that the women we want will eventually realize that you're a good fit for one another. Doesn't even mean they'll give you another chance to show them either. So if you cross paths with K or the opportunity arises, obviously make the best of it... But don't consciously act and make the changes you're trying to because you think it will help draw K in.

 

Look at her as someone that's a long shot and if it happens it happens but give yourself the chance to find someone better than K. I guarantee she's out there. It's not a race, don't get fed up if you don't find her this month, or this year. If you end up meeting the love of your life at age 40 and are married for 40 years... That is an incredible achievement

[ZA Dater]

Seems like your outlook and attitude has gotten more positive so that's commendable. Just want you to have a realistic view towards K going forward. Sometimes no matter what you do and how incredible the changes you make are, doesn't mean that the women we want will eventually realize that you're a good fit for one another. Doesn't even mean they'll give you another chance to show them either. So if you cross paths with K or the opportunity arises, obviously make the best of it... But don't consciously act and make the changes you're trying to because you think it will help draw K in.

 

Look at her as someone that's a long shot and if it happens it happens but give yourself the chance to find someone better than K. I guarantee she's out there. It's not a race, don't get fed up if you don't find her this month, or this year. If you end up meeting the love of your life at age 40 and are married for 40 years... That is an incredible achievement

 

 

You know I am really at a point if I am going to make these changes they need to be made for a purpose. I suppose you could call it motivation, other may say its pretty silly at best.

 

 

I am making these changes to see if they make any difference in general, I am sceptical at best but nothing ventured nothing gained. Realistically I know the ship has probably sailed on any chance I had with her, that probably hurts the most, because it was my fault. If I can recover things to a friend zone level I will consider it to be a success.

 

 

There really is nobody of interest at all, nothing on dating sites, I don't have many friends so there are next to no opportunities there. At the office today I did wonder to myself if by some miracle K did actually want to date me how I could ever make it work with my zero level of experience.

 

 

Am seeing her next week so will see how that goes. I'll probably spend the next 6 days over thinking and then just come across totally awkward and uncomfortable, I never seem to have this problem with anyone else but her.

[ZA Dater]

Seems like your outlook and attitude has gotten more positive so that's commendable. Just want you to have a realistic view towards K going forward. Sometimes no matter what you do and how incredible the changes you make are, doesn't mean that the women we want will eventually realize that you're a good fit for one another. Doesn't even mean they'll give you another chance to show them either. So if you cross paths with K or the opportunity arises, obviously make the best of it... But don't consciously act and make the changes you're trying to because you think it will help draw K in.

 

Look at her as someone that's a long shot and if it happens it happens but give yourself the chance to find someone better than K. I guarantee she's out there. It's not a race, don't get fed up if you don't find her this month, or this year. If you end up meeting the love of your life at age 40 and are married for 40 years... That is an incredible achievement

 

As an aside I have never really been able to accomplish anything when it comes to dating so suffice to say I am braced for more of the same disappointment which people say is being negative, I say its being realistic!

[Toodaloo]

I am making these changes to see if they make any difference in general, I am sceptical at best but nothing ventured nothing gained. Realistically I know the ship has probably sailed on any chance I had with her, that probably hurts the most, because it was my fault. If I can recover things to a friend zone level I will consider it to be a success.

 

 

There really is nobody of interest at all, nothing on dating sites, I don't have many friends so there are next to no opportunities there. At the office today I did wonder to myself if by some miracle K did actually want to date me how I could ever make it work with my zero level of experience.

 

 

Am seeing her next week so will see how that goes. I'll probably spend the next 6 days over thinking and then just come across totally awkward and uncomfortable, I never seem to have this problem with anyone else but her.

 

ZA.

 

You are developing an unhealthy obsession with this girl.

 

She doesn't want you. The best thing you can do now is just ignore her. Be polite when needed but leave her well alone. Carry on with your self improvements etc and work on your confidence and self esteem issues.

 

She may well notice you later but do not count on it.

 

AND to make matters worse the longer you are fixated on her, the longer you are walking around failing to notice all the lovely women who may be interested who may be just the one you are looking for.