Narcissistic Abuse

[GypsyGirl966]

The truth resides in first-hand experience, not in the words of psychiatrists.

This. Psychiatrists basically talk to a person for 20-minute intervals prescribing drugs that they don't fully understand how the drug works. Oh, and in only 20 minutes, they are easily, easily manipulated by anyone who has an agenda and access to the internet to research what to say and do.

 

BTW, why would a narcissist go to a psychiatrist at all? Medication cannot / does not fix narcissism.

[truthtripper]

[quote=GypsyGirl966;6591128.......Psychiatrists basically talk to a person for 20-minute intervals prescribing drugs.......

 

BTW, why would a narcissist go to a psychiatrist at all? Medication cannot / does not fix narcissism.

 

 

Yes, that's exactly my point, but I was referring to people who've suffered at the hands of narcissists, not the narcissists themselves.

[truthtripper]

I did this too. I figured it would empower me by trying to "beat" them at their own game. I sucked at the game and felt worse for playing.

".....I'll burn your soul. I'll turn you into me....."-Henry Rollins(Liar)

[truthtripper]

BTW, why would a narcissist go to a psychiatrist at all? Medication cannot / does not fix narcissism.

It really depends on how afflicted a person expressing narcissism is by their mental illness. If it's so disabling to the point where they can't even hold down a job, then an experienced psychiatrist can be of help. For example, my dad was diagnosed with schizophrenia when he was about 24. He was suffering from visual and auditory hallucinations, paranoia that other people were out to get him and delusions of grandeur as well as several other narcissistic traits. He became an extremely offensive person. It can be difficult finding the right psychiatrist. It took about 10 years before my mum found a psychiatrist for my dad called Dr Grounds. He put my dad on mellaril and within a few months my dad was back at work, fully functioning. Some years ago mellaril had to be taken off the market due to side-effect reasons. My dad relapsed during this time. It took about 6 months for the psychiatrist to work out the appropriate medication combination and dosages. He is now on a mix of valpro, seroquel and saphris which are working well for him.

[NewLeaf512]

NPD and BPD are so damaging, I hope as a victim one day I can be fully recovered.

[truthtripper]

NPD and BPD are so damaging, I hope as a victim one day I can be fully recovered.

Recovering involves developing self-awareness and self-protection-not so easy when you've been thrown into the lions den as a child, so to speak.

 

I'm not fond of the term, victim and I don't use it to describe myself. It has a patronizing connotation, like the term, "survivor".

[Heatherknows]

Recovering involves developing self-awareness and self-protection-not so easy when you've been thrown into the lions den as a child, so to speak.

 

 

Exactly. As a little girl I knew there was something very strange about my dad. Of course I had no idea what it was but there was a sick feel in the pit of my stomach that his behavior was off. At this point in my life I don't trust anyone and that's the way it is. It could be worse.

[NewLeaf512]

Recovering involves developing self-awareness and self-protection-not so easy when you've been thrown into the lions den as a child, so to speak.

 

I'm not fond of the term, victim and I don't use it to describe myself. It has a patronizing connotation, like the term, "survivor".

 

What term do you use to describe yourself.

[truthtripper]

What term do you use to describe yourself.

I'm a truth-seeker, not a victim. I'm not in denial about my past, about the abuse I suffered. I don't play "happy families" and I haven't associated with my family for 20 years.

[truthtripper]

Exactly. As a little girl I knew there was something very strange about my dad. Of course I had no idea what it was but there was a sick feel in the pit of my stomach that his behavior was off. At this point in my life I don't trust anyone and that's the way it is. It could be worse.

I find that when I take that step in trusting someone, I always get hurt and I recoil back into my shell. It's so difficult trying to get past that barrier, when we have been betrayed over and over as kids.

[NewLeaf512]

I'm a truth-seeker, not a victim. I'm not in denial about my past, about the abuse I suffered. I don't play "happy families" and I haven't associated with my family for 20 years.

 

Some of the people involved with me are dead. The other I haven't spoken to for 24 years except at my grandmothers funeral, under duress.

 

I was 2 or 3 at the beginning. I was a victim then.

[NewLeaf512]

I have trusted people who have emotionally ripped me apart that even liking myself is almost impossible. I try a little more each day. There's no way I will ever trust again

[truthtripper]

I have trusted people who have emotionally ripped me apart that even liking myself is almost impossible. I try a little more each day. There's no way I will ever trust again

Direct your anger at your abusers, never at yourself.

[Heatherknows]

I find that when I take that step in trusting someone, I always get hurt and I recoil back into my shell. It's so difficult trying to get past that barrier, when we have been betrayed over and over as kids.

 

That's why I keep my circle tight. I have a handful of people that I sort of trust and can depend upon. Because I'm fragile I need people who can love and tolerate me when I'm not doing too well mentally (depressed, anxious, stressed etc.) I'm very lucky since my support group is very kind and loving. I'd like to bring more people into my circle but I haven't had any luck expanding that circle in a long time. New people have come in and out of my life but they aren't important to me. They are either "fine" or dangerous and need to be kept at a distance. I'm learning more about what I can handle and what I can't when it comes to other people. I'm also learning that life is magical and amazing and short.

[Heatherknows]

I have trusted people who have emotionally ripped me apart that even liking myself is almost impossible. I try a little more each day. There's no way I will ever trust again

 

I do understand that way of thinking.

[truthtripper]

That's why I keep my circle tight. I have a handful of people that I sort of trust and can depend upon. Because I'm fragile I need people who can love and tolerate me when I'm not doing too well mentally (depressed, anxious, stressed etc.) I'm very lucky since my support group is very kind and loving. I'd like to bring more people into my circle but I haven't had any luck expanding that circle in a long time. New people have come in and out of my life but they aren't important to me. They are either "fine" or dangerous and need to be kept at a distance. I'm learning more about what I can handle and what I can't when it comes to other people. I'm also learning that life is magical and amazing and short.

It's great that you have that handful of people. The "friends" I have, only want to have fun and can't be there for each other for any other reason. You see, I've known them since my school days. My healing journey has changed me a lot but they haven't changed at all. They can't cope with what I've been through and how it has effected me. Some of them have even told me not to talk about my past or my feelings, that's the psychologist's job. So I have to pay someone to say what I feel. Child abuse is a confronting, challenging and sadly, taboo topic for most people.

[SpiralOut]

I still to this day have trouble trusting people. I experienced so much backstabbing from my own mother. One day she is trying to be friends with me, the next I catch her gossiping about me (NOT in a good way) to other people. She reminds me of one of those teenaged girls, the frenemy type that talk badly about their friends, compete against them, act jealous of them. She even does that with my female childhood friends. She continues to act friendly to them when she runs into them, then when I come over to visit she talks badly about them. It made no difference what anyway says to her. Nothing stops her from acting that way. She also cannot keep a secret to save her life. I don't even want to know how much personal information about me she has blabbed to people.

 

 

I have turned away so many possible friendships with women who I'm sure were good people, because I could not trust their kindness. I worried that it was covering up a secret dislike of me.

Edited October 18, 2015 by SpiralOut

[NewLeaf512]

I still to this day have trouble trusting people. I experienced so much backstabbing from my own mother. One day she is trying to be friends with me, the next I catch her gossiping about me (NOT in a good way) to other people. She reminds me of one of those teenaged girls, the frenemy type that talk badly about their friends, compete against them, act jealous of them. She even does that with my female childhood friends. She continues to act friendly to them when she runs into them, then when I come over to visit she talks badly about them. It made no difference what anyway says to her. Nothing stops her from acting that way. She also cannot keep a secret to save her life. I don't even want to know how much personal information about me she has blabbed to people.

 

 

I have turned away so many possible friendships with women who I'm sure were good people, because I could not trust their kindness. I worried that it was covering up a secret dislike of me.

 

I have been nearly destroyed by this behaviour from a parent. Sending a hug

[truthtripper]

I still to this day have trouble trusting people. I experienced so much backstabbing from my own mother. One day she is trying to be friends with me, the next I catch her gossiping about me (NOT in a good way) to other people. She reminds me of one of those teenaged girls, the frenemy type that talk badly about their friends, compete against them, act jealous of them. She even does that with my female childhood friends. She continues to act friendly to them when she runs into them, then when I come over to visit she talks badly about them. It made no difference what anyway says to her. Nothing stops her from acting that way. She also cannot keep a secret to save her life. I don't even want to know how much personal information about me she has blabbed to people.

 

 

I have turned away so many possible friendships with women who I'm sure were good people, because I could not trust their kindness. I worried that it was covering up a secret dislike of me.

Yes, I can totally relate to this. My mother has always had a terrible need to put me down, hurling out personal information about me with a negative spin to it, especially when she has an audience(other people around). I grew up believing I was a pathetic person, being unworthy of having personal boundaries and that anyone and everyone were entitled to a piece of me. I felt like I was not allowed to have a personal identity of my own, that I belonged to other people to use and abuse me for their own gains.

[SpiralOut]

Yes, I can totally relate to this. My mother has always had a terrible need to put me down, hurling out personal information about me with a negative spin to it, especially when she has an audience(other people around). I grew up believing I was a pathetic person, being unworthy of having personal boundaries and that anyone and everyone were entitled to a piece of me. I felt like I was not allowed to have a personal identity of my own, that I belonged to other people to use and abuse me for their own gains.

 

I felt this way also. Whenever I stood up for myself against my mother, my father would get angry at me. So I learned that standing up for myself is bad, and that I should never ever say anything to upset someone even if they are attacking me. I've had all sorts of "friendships" over the years where the other person took **** out on me and I put up with it because I felt like I "couldn't" tell them to stop it. Often these were people who acted fine while alone with me, but hurled insults as soon as we had an audience. It's as if they knew that I was "too nice" to call them out in front of people. I was more worried about embarrassing them than I was about protecting myself.

 

 

There were a few instances where I would get angry and explode. I remember one of my "friends" found this hilarious and would simply laugh and not apologize. I have cut her out of my life. The last time I heard from her, she was sending me messages on Facebook talking about herself, all of which I ignored.

Edited October 19, 2015 by SpiralOut

[Heatherknows]

I felt this way also. Whenever I stood up for myself against my mother, my father would get angry at me. So I learned that standing up for myself is bad, and that I should never ever say anything to upset someone even if they are attacking me.

 

Parents can do so much damage. I hope you've stared to reparent yourself it is a good way to begin to heal.

[NewLeaf512]

I learned early on how to be a good little people pleasing doormat with no boundaries

[truthtripper]

I felt this way also. Whenever I stood up for myself against my mother, my father would get angry at me. So I learned that standing up for myself is bad, and that I should never ever say anything to upset someone even if they are attacking me. I've had all sorts of "friendships" over the years where the other person took **** out on me and I put up with it because I felt like I "couldn't" tell them to stop it. Often these were people who acted fine while alone with me, but hurled insults as soon as we had an audience. It's as if they knew that I was "too nice" to call them out in front of people. I was more worried about embarrassing them than I was about protecting myself.

 

 

There were a few instances where I would get angry and explode. I remember one of my "friends" found this hilarious and would simply laugh and not apologize. I have cut her out of my life. The last time I heard from her, she was sending me messages on Facebook talking about herself, all of which I ignored.

To this day, I still feel that it's wrong to talk back to someone who's being rude to me, in fear that I might upset them. I have to think twice before realising that I have to protect myself.

 

I have also experienced similar, where when I stand up for myself, people think it's so hilarious, laugh at and mock me. More emotionally balanced people would take the hint and stop bullying.

[turnera]

No one ever abused my DD25, but she has had a LOT of friend problems over the years (long story), so much so that today, she can't tell a friend if they do something to upset her. A boyfriend or us? No problem. But friends? She is scared.to.death to upset a single one of them. Just yesterday, she told me of one friend who suddenly is being cold to her, for no apparent reason; they have to ride to school together, and the girl will just sit there with her mouth closed the whole way. I suggested to DD25 that she just say 'look, it seems like you're upset with me about something, did I do something wrong?' and she can't even do that. Too afraid.

 

She went to therapy for awhile in college and her one issue was a friend who was dissing her, and the therapist wanted her to write the girl a letter, an email even, just saying 'it hurts my feelings when you do ABC.' She never could do it. And she gets mad at me now when I bring it up and suggest it would help her. Mad, because she knows I'm right but she's too scared to do it.

 

So I now think that we accept poor treatment when it's a situation where that person (or group of people) have over history withdrawn or withheld love/affection/respect from you. It's like we NEED that from that person/group and we put ourselves on a...subordinate level to them out of fear of not getting that love etc. Even if it makes no sense or is ridiculous.

[truthtripper]

No one ever abused my DD25, but she has had a LOT of friend problems over the years (long story), so much so that today, she can't tell a friend if they do something to upset her. A boyfriend or us? No problem. But friends? She is scared.to.death to upset a single one of them. Just yesterday, she told me of one friend who suddenly is being cold to her, for no apparent reason; they have to ride to school together, and the girl will just sit there with her mouth closed the whole way. I suggested to DD25 that she just say 'look, it seems like you're upset with me about something, did I do something wrong?' and she can't even do that. Too afraid.

 

She went to therapy for awhile in college and her one issue was a friend who was dissing her, and the therapist wanted her to write the girl a letter, an email even, just saying 'it hurts my feelings when you do ABC.' She never could do it. And she gets mad at me now when I bring it up and suggest it would help her. Mad, because she knows I'm right but she's too scared to do it.

 

So I now think that we accept poor treatment when it's a situation where that person (or group of people) have over history withdrawn or withheld love/affection/respect from you. It's like we NEED that from that person/group and we put ourselves on a...subordinate level to them out of fear of not getting that love etc. Even if it makes no sense or is ridiculous.

We are only attracted(on a subconscious level) to people who express behaviours which are familiar to us, independant of whether they are respectful or not. ie: we are not attracted to what is unfamiliar to us. The types of friends we choose is completely dependant on the types of relationship dynamics which we experienced in our early childhood conditioning between the ages 0-5 years. By the age of 5 our behavioural patterns are securely subconsciously programmed and it therefore takes a lot of self-analysing and hard work to break out of those patterns, as what DD25 needs to do.

 

When life's difficulties take us to therapy, we unavoidably often end up making connections with our early childhood familial experiences. Then we may go into denial about our memories, as they are too painful to face. So we end up going round and round in circles, falling into the same holes ie: keep making friends who hurt us. It's only when we can be strong and face the truth about our pasts that we can begin to move forward and stop making the same mistakes.